I'll Keep You Safe Tonight
I Don't Deserve This Place
“Hi Frank, I’m Abby and I’ll be your therapist from now on, and I do understand you weren’t here voluntarily so I hope we’ll be able to work through that.”
I look up from the floor that I had been studying, great, I roll my eyes and make a non-commital sound, whatever.
“Okay, so there are some questions I do have to ask you seeing as it’s apart of my job to get this information.”
“Whatever.”
“I’ll take that as a yes,” she says and then continues, “How long have you been depressed?”
“Basically my whole life,” I say trying to not make it sound like it bothers me.
“Have you ever self harmed, if so how long have you been doing or done it?”
“Yes, and um since I was ten.”
“Do you get panic or anxiety attacks and again how often?”
“Depends, on the day.”
“Have you ever been physically abused?”
“Yes.”
“And how long has that gone on?”
“Since I was…” I think back trying to remember, “Three? I think.”
She nods and that’s when I notice she’s typing everything in to her computer.
“Uh do you have to do that?” I ask a bit nervously.
“Yes I’m afraid I do, it’s confidential don’t worry, we won’t tell anyone your information until you okay it. Although if we feel like you are in danger of hurting yourself or others we might have to put you in a hospital until you’re better.”
“A mental hospital!” I yell a bit and stand up, “Fuck this, I’m not fucking crazy!”
“Frank!” Abby says and grabs my arm, “No one said you were crazy, okay?” she says, “I was just telling you so you could know, and besides I give you the option first of if you want to go or not. Now would you please sit down.”
I nod slightly and lower myself slowly back to the couch.
“Good, okay Frank I have a few more questions, is that okay?”
“Fine.”
“Great, do you experience night terrors and yet again how often, sorry these questions are a bit tedious.”
“Yes…” I say slowly, “Every night now.”
“One last question, Have you ever been raped or sexually abused in any way.”
I stiffen up and go completely quiet not even wanting to breathe.
“Do I have to answer?” I ask as quietly as I can.
“You do Frank.”
“Yes.” I whisper out and put my head on my knees, I don’t want to think about it, I don’t want to talk about it. No.
“Okay Frank, I think that’s all for today.” I look up at her, “You seem to be having a rough time and our times up so it’s time for you to go home.”
I nod and get to my feet and walk with Abby to the office window where she hand’s me two cards.
“The first one is if you ever need to talk to me and can’t wait until our next session and the next is when your next appointment is, we’ll be having hour sessions to start out with, alright?” she says smiling at me and I just nod and walk out the door.
Gerard looks up from the book he’s reading and gets out of the chair in the waiting room. I’m still mad at him.
“How’d it go…” Gerard asks cautiously, I guess he’s still trying to figure out if I’m mad at him.
“Horrible and I hate it, I don’t want to go ever again.” I say and don’t look at him, if I look at him I won’t be able to be angry anymore. I’m just one of those kinds of people, it sucks.
I walk out the door to the parking lot and get into the car with Gerard following on my heels.
“Frankie, baby, I’m sorry!” he says starting the car but not getting us out of here.
“I want to go home Gerard.” I say sternly.
“Not until you look at me!” he says just as sternly.
“No, I’m mad at you.”
“But I just wanted to help you, it’s not that I couldn’t deal it’s just that I hated seeing you hurting and there was nothing I could do.” I hear him let out a sob.
Oh god no, crying Gerard, is my motherfucking weakness. I can’t stand to see him sad. I’m still really fucking mad but…Gerard starts to cry really hard.
“I’m sorry I’m so fucking sorry!” he says and I turn to look at him, yep he’s really crying.
“Gerard,” I say and hug him tightly, “I’m sorry it’s my fault, I’ll try therapy, for you okay?”
He sniffles, “Really?”
“Really, Really.” I say and he smiles wiping his eyes.
I love it!. Awesome story.
3/25/14