I sat on the couch of the living room, watching the news.

It was around 5am and Frankie was -obviously- asleep.

After getting home, Frankie had fallen asleep almost immediately.

I couldn't sleep.

I don't know why. I mean, I'm tired. I want to sleep.

And Frankie was okay with sleeping together so that's a plus.

I didn't really think he would want to sleep with me anymore.

I think I'm just nervous.

Things are good right now.

Frankie's happy.

And I'm afraid to ruin it.

I want him to trust me, to let me be with him.

I want him to let me get close enough to heal his broken heart.

I'm getting there, today was good. It's a good start.

I'm just scared of fucking it up.

I'm always the one that does something wrong and ends up damaging the relationship even more.

It's such a broken relationship, we just barely started fixing it.

What if we can't?

What if Frankie's trust in me is so shattered, I can't fix it?

What if we never get to be perfectly happy?

I've put Frankie through a lot, I've fucked up a lot, I've hurt him a lot.

I wouldn't trust myself either.

I wouldn't have put up with half the shit I put Frankie through.

I wouldn't believe in me.

If I were Frankie I would have told myself to fuck off.

I wouldn't give myself another chance, I don't deserve it.

He must still love me a lot to have stayed, to still believe in me, to have given me another chance.

I looked over at the table, I had served myself a glass of brandy but hadn't drank it.

I really shouldn't drink it.

Drinking has only brought me more problems recently.

I mean, if I hadn't gotten drunk that night, I wouldn't have cheated on Frankie, I wouldn't have gotten Jackie pregnant.

But I just really want my negative thoughts to shut the fuck up.

I looked away from the glass, out the large window.

It was dark, but there were many stars out. There was no moon though.

I really want that drink, though.

One drink won't hurt, right?

I decided it really couldn't hurt to take a drink, so I took the glass of brandy and downed it in one gulp.

I set the glass down.

I leaned my head against the couch and sighed.

I'm totally going to fuck this up.

I'm such an idiot I will fuck this up tremendously and end up alone.

Yeah, one drink is so not going to shut my mind up.

But I can't drink anymore.

Drinking's bad.

It'll bring even more problems.

I'll fuck up even more and Frankie will leave me.

Sincerely if I were him I wouldn't have gotten mixed up with myself.

I've only brought him trouble.

Yeah, one drink isn't going to be enough tonight.

I served myself another glass and drank it.

Then I served another and just stared at it.

This isn't good.

I shouldn't drink.

I have to stop, for Frankie.

I held the glass to my lips, I can stop tomorrow, right?

I drank it and served another.

I didn't drink it, but I didn't put id down, just held it while I stared at the T.V.

Not paying attention to whatever it was I was supposed to be watching.

A second later I felt someone sit next to me.

I turned and saw a half asleep Frankie sitting there, rubbing his eyes and yawning.

"Why are you up, Princess?" I asked, I kind of slurred the words at the end. I wasn't drunk -not yet- just a little dizzy.

He blinked at me twice, then looked down at my hand that was holding the glass.

"Are you drunk?" He asked slowly.

"No."

"Why are you even drinking?" He asked quietly.

"Couldn't sleep."

"And getting drunk is the answer?"

"I'm not drunk!" My voice sounded a lot louder than what I had intended to.

He flinched, wrapping his arms around himself and cowering back in to the couch.
"...could you stop drinking? Or at least try?...For me?" He asked quietly, as if he were afraid of speaking.

Probably afraid of the answer.

I didn't want to stop.

I like drinking, getting drunk.

But I look in to his big hope filled eyes and I can't say no.

I can't destroy his hope.

He believes in me.

Believes I'm worth it.

I left the glass on the table.

He smiled softly and leaned over, pressing a soft kiss to my cheek.

"Thanks, 'Rard."

"For what, honey?"

"For wanting to change for me. That means you think I'm worth changing for. Thank you for thinking I'm worth it." His eyes sparkled with hope and love and trust.

"You're worth the world, Princess."

I can't let him down.

I have to change for him.

He deserves someone better, so I'll change for the best.

I'll change for him.

"Let's go to bed, yeah?" Frankie suggested a few minutes later.

I nodded and followed him back to the bedroom.

-----Time Lapse-----

The next day I woke up to an empty bed.

The bathroom door was open so Frankie wasn't there.

He's probably in the kitchen, right?

I kept telling myself that as I quickly pulled on some jeans, shoes and a hoodie and headed for the kitchen.

The kitchen was empty.

I started to panic.

What if he left?

What would I do without him?

I made my way to the living room. He wasn't there, either.

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

Where is he?!

I ran out to the front yard.

He wasn't there.

I ran around the side of the house, to the backyard.

And...there he was.

He was wearing a dirt all over grey hoodie, dirt and grass on his jeans and was watering the rose bushes under the windows.

He looked so beautiful, even smudged in dirt and grass he looked beautiful.

I just stood there and stared.

He had planted the bushes and watered them and it all looked great.

He stood up straight and saw me staring.

He smiled widely, "Good morning, 'Rard."

I snapped out of my trance and ran to him.

I wrapped my arms tightly around him, pulling him as close to me as possible.

He dropped the waterer and hugged back.

"What's wrong?" He asked slowly.

"I thouht you had...left." I whispered.

He pulled away slightly and looked in to my eyes, "I would never leave you, 'Rard...I love you."

I hugged him again, burying my face in the crook of his neck.

"I love you too, Princess." I murmured against his skin.

We stayed like that for a few minutes, I wasn't exactly thrilled about having to let go of him, but
when we did he placed a soft kiss to my lips. That was all the reassurance I needed.

I still had my arm wrapped around his waist, though.

"I found that," He pointed at the roses, "and planted them, I was bored and you didn't seem like you would wake up anytime soon." He muttered that last part.

"Are you calling me lazy?" I asked, with mock indigence.

"No," he said sarcastically as he picked up the waterer and continued watering the bushes, "you just need your beauty sleep, right?"

I laughed, "Yeah, that's it."

"Uh-hu. And I thought I was the girly one." He murmured.

"You are the girly one." I replied.

"No, I'm not! I am very boyish!" He said, indignafied.

He stood with his hands on his hips, trying to look menacing and only succeeding in looking more girly.

"Of course you are, you just have spontaneous girly moments." I said.

"I do not do such things."

"And your submissive."

He looked at me with wide eyes, "I am not at all submissive."

I stuffed my hands in the front of my hoodie, "You kinda are."

He walked up to me, coming up a lot shorter than me and failing at looking dangerous, "I not."

"Okay, well. Imagine this. If we were to have sex, who would bottom?"

He opened his mouth and closed it again. Then he spoke, "Just cause I'm a fertile, doesn't mean I can't be dominant."

"I didn't say you couldn't be dominante. I said you aren't. Maybe you could be, if you tried. But you never have so there's no proof that you are."

He stared at me for a second and then pushed me to the ground.

He fell on top of me, stradling me. He had his hands on my arms, so 'couldn't move'. Lets's face it Frankie's not strong and I could push him off whenever I wanted to.

I just didn't want to.

I was curious to see what he would do.

He leaned down close to my face, "I can be very dominant."

"I'd like to see that." I love messing with him.

He narrowed his eyes and dug his nails in to my arms.

He leaned forward and kissed me hard, shoving his tongue in to my mouth and then biting my lip hard.

He pulled away and licked his lips. I just stared, panting.

I like 'dominant' Frankie. He's cute when he tries to be menacing.

"I can be dominant." He said in a low tone.

I smirked, "Of course you can."

"You're an asshole he said." He wasn't angry, I could see he was trying not to smile.

I pushed him back, so now I was on top. I leaned down and kissed him, soft and slow. He kissed back and we just lied there for a while.

I never wanted this to end.

I wanted to be with Frankie like this for all eternity.

When we pulled away Frankie smiled softly and then whispered, "I love you." He blushed a bit.

I smiled and kissed the tip of his nose, "I love you, too, Frankie."

He pulled me down for a hug, then we flipped over so he was on top again.

He lied his head on my chest and I ran my fingers through his short hair.

Of course I can change, for him.

I'd do anything for him.

He's worth all of it.

Everything I've been through, everything I've had to sacrifice is worth it.

I don't care if the world turns against me, as long as Frankie's is by my side I know we'll make it through.

Notes

So, I feel like I should have said this before but...

THE STORY IS ALMOST OVER!

Carry on. :)

Title from MCRs 'We don't need another song about California'