Pain.

So much pain.

Don’t think about the pain, abut who did this to you, and just ignore it

I flinched as I heard the front door slam shut.

I could feel more tears fall down my bruised cheek.

He left me here.

I cried so hard for so long.

I just laid there and cried.

Why would e do something like this to me?

I’m his mate –I’m sure of it- he’s supposed to love me, not beat the living shit out of me.

I don’t know how long I was laying there but I have to get up now.

I tried to sit up; it hurt so much I started to cry again.

I think rib is cracked or something.

I touched the side of my face and cringed at the pain and then cringed some more when I saw the blood on my hand.

After many failed attempts I managed to stand up and after a fresh wave of tears and blood I made it to the bathroom.

Part of me wishes I had stayed on the floor, that way I wouldn’t see the bruised and bloody mess that was my face.

I cried as I cleaned myself up.

What did I do to deserve this? Nothing.

This isn’t my fault

And last time wasn’t my fault either.

I didn’t do shit. This is not my fault.

I had to stop and cry a couple of times but I finished cleaning all the blood and managed to see all the bruises.

There were so many.

All over me.

My legs, stomach, arms, wrist and face were blooming with the purplish flowers.

I took off my clothes and slipped in to the shower, the warm water feeling like heaven on my broken body.

I don’t deserve this.

It’s not my fault.

Gerard lied to me.

He said he loved me that he would take care of me and would never hurt me.

Gerard lied to me.

I hauled myself out of the shower and changed in to my pajamas trying my best not to hurt myself, tough I failed epically at it.

I slowly made my way to the kitchen in search of some pain killers.

I finally made it to the kitchen and found some kind of pain killers and after taking them I hauled myself to my bedroom.

If I pay attention I can hear my heart breaking.

I was so heartbroken. How could he do this to me?

I’m in so much pain, not only physical pain.
I wonder what he’s doing right now.

Is he thinking of me, like I’m thinking of him?

Can he feel me dying inside?

Can he hear my silent screams?

Does he even care?

Is he crying for me?

No, he’s not.

He doesn’t care for me.

What happened?

He was so caring and nice and lovely and now he hits and tries to rape me, why?

Why did he change?

Was it something I did?

It had to be something I did.

Maybe my bitchiness finally got to him.

He was right; he’s waited way too long for me.

But, he doesn’t have the right to do this to me.

I don’t deserve this.

Mates are supposed to protect each other, should be willing to die for each other.

I would do that for Gerard.

I would take a bullet for him.

But…He’s the standing behind the loaded gun.

We could have been so happy.

It would have been perfect.

We would have been perfect.

Everyone on the street would see us walk hand-in-hand and would be envious of how perfect we are together.



We would have been so perfect.

I need blood. I haven’t had any since this morning and I need to do something to distract myself, sleep will clearly not come tonight.

Once I painfully made it to the living room I regretted it, the moment I entered the room the door slammed open and Gerard stumbled in.

Notes

title from adelles 'rolling in the deep'

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