All That's Left Of Yesterday
If it looks like I'm laughing I'm really just asking to leave
Gerard's P.O.V.
It's been a month since Mikey got out of hospital. He seems to be coping with life a lot better. I like to believe that the experiance was the wake up call he needed and now he's enjoying life. But I can still see the sadness in his eyes sometimes and I can tell when he's been crying. I've been keeping him close to make sure he's okay, make sure he doesn't do anything stupid again. But I think he's at least past that. I think he's getting better.
Mikey's P.O.V.
I'm dieing inside. Gerard's been keeping me close which I don't mind. Frank's been keeping Gerard close, which I do mind. As a result of this I seem to be spending all my time watching the one I love so desperatley, with his boyfriend. At least they've stopped having sex. They don't trust me enough to leave me and thank god they draw a like at doing that in front of me!
I've gotten better at acting happy but that just makes it hurt more. Today we're watching both Paranormal Activity films. Gerard is sat to my right with Frank sat to his right. He has his arm around Frank who has his head on Gerard's sholder. Every time the film gets to night time Frank will pull Gee in tighter. By half way through the second film he's wimpering like some retarded puppy. Gee kisses him on the head which somehom becomes a full on snog! I try to block them out but tears start to leak from my eyes. After 5 minutes - yes, they were making out for that long - my sobs get noticed. Gerard breaks away from Frank and turns to me.
"Aww, is the movie scaring you Mikes?" he asks. I nod unable to tell him the truth as normal and my heart skips a beat as puts an arm around me and pulls me close.
"It's okay Mikey, it's not real." I feel safe and warm as he wipes away my tears. The feeling's rudely interupted by Frank who turns off the TV and suggests we play a game instead. Gerard stands up nodding in agreement leaving me feeling very lonely without his embrace. After 2 hours of Monopoly I finally land on the killer property - Park Lane with a hotel.
"Aww damn," I say as I hand the money over to Frank. "Gee, can I borrow some money?" I smirk making them both laugh, well giggle. Gee has a cute giggle but Frank's is just annoying. I force myself to laugh too before yawning and standing up.
"I think I'm gunna go to bed," I say. Apparently acting like I'm okay is working because Gerard just smiles and nods letting me off on my own for the first time since my little incident.
I get to me room and shut the door, running over to get my razor from the underwear draw where it's hiddin - well I can't risk Gee finding it. A tear rolls down my cheek as I drag it along my inner thigh; deep enough to draw blood but not deep enough to land me in hospital again. I feel emotionally numb. The pain in my leg makes me want to scream but it's worth it to forget the world for even a split second.
I cut myself one last time before grabbing some loo roll to mop up the blood and bandage my leg to make sure I don't loose too much blood. Like I said, I can't do that to Gerard again. I curl up into a ball in my bed, cuddling my teddy and crying myself to sleep.
It's been a month since Mikey got out of hospital. He seems to be coping with life a lot better. I like to believe that the experiance was the wake up call he needed and now he's enjoying life. But I can still see the sadness in his eyes sometimes and I can tell when he's been crying. I've been keeping him close to make sure he's okay, make sure he doesn't do anything stupid again. But I think he's at least past that. I think he's getting better.
Mikey's P.O.V.
I'm dieing inside. Gerard's been keeping me close which I don't mind. Frank's been keeping Gerard close, which I do mind. As a result of this I seem to be spending all my time watching the one I love so desperatley, with his boyfriend. At least they've stopped having sex. They don't trust me enough to leave me and thank god they draw a like at doing that in front of me!
I've gotten better at acting happy but that just makes it hurt more. Today we're watching both Paranormal Activity films. Gerard is sat to my right with Frank sat to his right. He has his arm around Frank who has his head on Gerard's sholder. Every time the film gets to night time Frank will pull Gee in tighter. By half way through the second film he's wimpering like some retarded puppy. Gee kisses him on the head which somehom becomes a full on snog! I try to block them out but tears start to leak from my eyes. After 5 minutes - yes, they were making out for that long - my sobs get noticed. Gerard breaks away from Frank and turns to me.
"Aww, is the movie scaring you Mikes?" he asks. I nod unable to tell him the truth as normal and my heart skips a beat as puts an arm around me and pulls me close.
"It's okay Mikey, it's not real." I feel safe and warm as he wipes away my tears. The feeling's rudely interupted by Frank who turns off the TV and suggests we play a game instead. Gerard stands up nodding in agreement leaving me feeling very lonely without his embrace. After 2 hours of Monopoly I finally land on the killer property - Park Lane with a hotel.
"Aww damn," I say as I hand the money over to Frank. "Gee, can I borrow some money?" I smirk making them both laugh, well giggle. Gee has a cute giggle but Frank's is just annoying. I force myself to laugh too before yawning and standing up.
"I think I'm gunna go to bed," I say. Apparently acting like I'm okay is working because Gerard just smiles and nods letting me off on my own for the first time since my little incident.
I get to me room and shut the door, running over to get my razor from the underwear draw where it's hiddin - well I can't risk Gee finding it. A tear rolls down my cheek as I drag it along my inner thigh; deep enough to draw blood but not deep enough to land me in hospital again. I feel emotionally numb. The pain in my leg makes me want to scream but it's worth it to forget the world for even a split second.
I cut myself one last time before grabbing some loo roll to mop up the blood and bandage my leg to make sure I don't loose too much blood. Like I said, I can't do that to Gerard again. I curl up into a ball in my bed, cuddling my teddy and crying myself to sleep.
11/1/13