All That's Left Of Yesterday
Suddenly I know I'm not sleeping, I'm still here
Mikey's P.O.V.
I can hear voices. They are faint but I can hear them. I can't open my eyes or actually move at all. Is this a dream? I try to think and everything comes back to me. So maybe this is heaven? Hell? Purgatory? I don't have a fucking clue!! I try to concentrate on the voices; who they are and what they are saying.
"It's been a week now," one voice is saying. "I would have thought he'd've woken up by now." My heart skips a beat. It's Gerard! I try to reach out for him, to let him know I am awake but I can't.
"He's okay Gee. He'll wake up when he's ready."
My heart goes from nearly beating through my chest to not beating at all. It's Frank. This time my eyes snap open and my head rolls to the side. I can see Gerard completely rapped in Franks arms, burying his head in Frank's neck as Frank kisses him on his head.
"Gee?" I ask feebly. My voice sounds weak and broken and I feel too weak to hold in my feelings so I let the tears start flowing down my face.
Gerard looks up and then runs over to me. He throws his arms around me, wiping away my tears.
"It's okay Mikey, everything's gunna be okay now." And everything does seem okay for these few seconds. Then Frank walks over, putting an arm around Gerard and smiling at me. I turn away and start crying harder. This is hell, except it's real, I'm still alive. I look at the blood stained bandages. I cut myself so many times but I still didn't die. Still I have to suffer this pain. And still I have these feelings.
"Why Mikey?" Gerard asks breaking down again. Here we go. What am I meant to tell him? I can't tell him how I feel; he will think I'm disgusting. I am disgusting. Why could I not have just died? It would have made everything so much easier. But I can't even get that right.
"Why Mikey?" Gerard says again interrupting my thoughts. "Why would you do this?" Why would you try to kill yourself? 'Ey Mike? How could you be so selfish? How could you do this to me? Tell me that Michael James Way."
If any words could rip through me and burn my heart it was them. All I can say is "sorry." I've hurt Gerard and no matter how much I was hurting I can't hurt him too. I know Gerard doesn't mean to hurt me. If suffer in silence and act like everything's fine is what it takes to make sure Gerard's happy then that's what I'll do. I know this will rip my heart out but I have to do it. For Gee.
I can hear voices. They are faint but I can hear them. I can't open my eyes or actually move at all. Is this a dream? I try to think and everything comes back to me. So maybe this is heaven? Hell? Purgatory? I don't have a fucking clue!! I try to concentrate on the voices; who they are and what they are saying.
"It's been a week now," one voice is saying. "I would have thought he'd've woken up by now." My heart skips a beat. It's Gerard! I try to reach out for him, to let him know I am awake but I can't.
"He's okay Gee. He'll wake up when he's ready."
My heart goes from nearly beating through my chest to not beating at all. It's Frank. This time my eyes snap open and my head rolls to the side. I can see Gerard completely rapped in Franks arms, burying his head in Frank's neck as Frank kisses him on his head.
"Gee?" I ask feebly. My voice sounds weak and broken and I feel too weak to hold in my feelings so I let the tears start flowing down my face.
Gerard looks up and then runs over to me. He throws his arms around me, wiping away my tears.
"It's okay Mikey, everything's gunna be okay now." And everything does seem okay for these few seconds. Then Frank walks over, putting an arm around Gerard and smiling at me. I turn away and start crying harder. This is hell, except it's real, I'm still alive. I look at the blood stained bandages. I cut myself so many times but I still didn't die. Still I have to suffer this pain. And still I have these feelings.
"Why Mikey?" Gerard asks breaking down again. Here we go. What am I meant to tell him? I can't tell him how I feel; he will think I'm disgusting. I am disgusting. Why could I not have just died? It would have made everything so much easier. But I can't even get that right.
"Why Mikey?" Gerard says again interrupting my thoughts. "Why would you do this?" Why would you try to kill yourself? 'Ey Mike? How could you be so selfish? How could you do this to me? Tell me that Michael James Way."
If any words could rip through me and burn my heart it was them. All I can say is "sorry." I've hurt Gerard and no matter how much I was hurting I can't hurt him too. I know Gerard doesn't mean to hurt me. If suffer in silence and act like everything's fine is what it takes to make sure Gerard's happy then that's what I'll do. I know this will rip my heart out but I have to do it. For Gee.
11/1/13