Rock and Roll Ruined My Life
Broken Hearts and Goodbye’s
Rock And Roll Ruined My Life- Chapter 35- Broken Hearts and Goodbye’s
“Juliet Ann Marie Spinnet it is your last week of school and you are not going to be late!” I heard Lindsey call up the stairs to me. I groaned and rolled over in my bed, I searched for my glasses then looked at the clock. It was 7:22.
“I’m up! I’m up!” I called back, changing into my clothes and then walking downstairs to get breakfast. Today I decided on Mini Wheats. I finished eating, then ran back upstairs to brush my teeth, braid my hair, and get my school bag. I walked into the foyer and suddenly remembered that I actually had to go and get Lindsey herself.
“I’m ready to go,” I told her as I entered the living room.
“Oh! Sorry. I’m so used to just cooking for everyone in the morning I totally forgot. Okay I’m coming.”
“ ‘Kay.”
She drove me to school and I got there five minutes early.
“Hey, Julie!”
“Hey, Lauren,” I smiled.
“We haven’t hung out in the longest time! I’m thinking of having another party this weekend if you want to come?”
“That sounds amazing! I just have to check and see if it’s okay with my parents,” I nodded, although I knew it was impossible.
“Alright! So, guess what?”
“What?”
“I saw a certain someone with another certain someone at the bowling alley yesterday…”
“Oh my God! You were there? If I knew I would have stopped to say hello!” I said, my heartbeat picking up pace. If Lauren knew, that means most of our other friends knew by now…
“Who was that guy you were with?” She asked, cutting right to the chase.
“Well,” I felt my face flush, “um-”
“Ohmigosh you’re blushing like crazy! He must be your boyfriend.”
“Yeah,” I nodded, biting my lip.
“I knew it!” she snapped her fingers with a knowing grin. “You two looked way to close to be just friends.”
“Oh, really? That obvious…” I trailed off.
“But in a good way! It looks like you guys have so much fun together,” she grinned. “You should bring him to the party with you this weekend!”
“Oh, I don’t know. He lives kind of far away…”
“Where’s he from?”
“Maryland.”
“That is far! Well, you should see if he can drive up… Maybe he could bring his friends with him?” She wondered out loud. I knew where this was going and I didn’t like it one bit. So I said the one thing that would turn off any girl:
“Omg yeah! That way we can show them and their girlfriends how New Jersey kidsreally party,” I smiled, knowing I got her good. Her face fell the tiniest bit.
“Psch. Yeah. Totally. Listen, I’m gunna run to homeroom, I’ll catch you later, okay?” She patted me on the arm.
“Yeah, catch you later!” I called after her. I turned to keep walking, but bumped into someone.
“I’m sorr-” I was cut short by the smell of cigarettes and a tall body dressed in all black.
“Hello, Julie.”
“Hey, Jimmy. How’s it going?” I replied, trying to side step him. He copied my moves and then proceeded to walk beside me down the hallway.
“Little birdy told me someone has a little boyfriend. Is it true?”
“Yeah. It is.”
“Another guy from Manhattan or?”
“Maryland.”
“Oh, Maryland. I see you go for guys that live in places that start with ‘M’. Interesting…”
“Jimmy, what do you want?” I finally asked, getting uncomfortable with all of this questioning.
“Well, we could be direct about it,” he shrugged, “but I think you would call security on me… Anyways, I was just curious. Isn’t it strange that Kat’s new boyfriend is from Maryland too?”
“If you think that we’re going out with the same guy-”
“Oh, no I never said that. But the subject seems a little touchy,” he pointed at me with a tattooed hand.
We stopped at my locker. I stood in front of it, not daring to open it in front of him.
“Look. It was a very eventful weekend. I’m going to talk to everyone at lunch, I promise. Now, please let me go so I can pack?” I asked.
“Alright. See you,” he winked. I shivered and didn’t start to pack until I was sure he was around the corner.
*Fast-Forward To Lunch*
“Guys, guys,” I said, standing up. The two tables fell quiet. “As most of you know, I live with a band. This year, they happen to be going on tour. And, it’s not that I don’t love you all- ‘cause I do… But… I have to leave Belleville High.” Murmurs and gasps broke out amongst everyone. I looked down and saw Kat, Billie, Juliana, and Tom staring at me in disbelief. Nothing hurt me more than that. I decided it would be best to continue and get it all over with now, like ripping off a band-aid.
“I’m going on tour with them. Not just because I want to, but because they are my family. They’re the only family I have left and I don’t want to lose them. I’ll still live in Belleville; we’re not moving, we’re just going to be away for a long time… I’m gunna be homeschooled… I’m going to do my best to stay in touch with all of you, and I hope that in my short time here, I’ve made an impression on you. Not as some stuck up girl from the city, but someone who’s nice, and friendly… I’m sorry I’m saying this so last minute, but to be honest I didn’t even know I was going until, like, yesterday. Thank you for everything, guys,” I added one last time before turning to sit down.
“When are you leaving?” I heard a familiar voice ask. I looked up and met Tom’s eyes. They showed no emotion.
“Friday.” It came out barely a whisper. I saw his hands clench and Juliana ran a hand through her hair. I sat down and finished eating my lunch. At the garbage can, I thought about whether or not I should go back and sit down with them. On one hand, I had just hit them in the face with my news, so why should I go back? On the other hand, these were my last few days being a normal teen. How I knew I would never go back to living like this was beyond me, but I felt it in my gut. I sighed and trudged back to the table.
“So…” Kat trailed off, trying to get a conversation rolling.
“We’ll talk after school. All of us,” I said, looking directly at Tom.
“Okay. Sounds good to me, you guys in?” Kat asked.
“I’ll drive,” Billie nodded.
“We’ll go to Maeve’s Diner.”
“I love that place!” Juliana smiled.
“Me too,” I smiled solemnly, stealing a glance at Tom. He only raised his eyebrows in reply. I let my shoulders slump in defeat. This was too much to drop on him all at once. Billie, Juliana, and Kat saw this, and they all patted me on the back. I tried to give them an encouraging smile, but we all knew it wasn’t genuine.
“Later,” Billie said, staring off at nothing in particular, “We’ll talk later.”
Fast Forward to Last Bell*
Honk, Honk!
I looked to the left and saw Billie’s car packed with people. I noticed there was only one seat left over as I got closer to the car. It was next to Tom. However, this shouldn’t be a problem because I have a boyfriend. Jack. Jack was mine and I was Jack’s. I prayed my smile would be taken as one of greeting, not one of reminiscing.
“Hey,” I said as I strapped in. The familiar scent of Billie, Juliana, Tom, Cigarettes, and Alcohol filled my nose. I immediately felt at home. My stomach lurched at the thought of not being able to take in the aroma anymore.
“Off to Maeve’s!” Billie announced, turning on the radio and stepping on the gas. As we drove, I pulled out my phone. I should probably call Gerard and Lindsey instead of text them.
“Guys, I’m just gunna call my parents and let them know we’re gunna eat.”
“Okay.”
“We got chu.”
I held back a chuckle as the phone rang.
“Hello who is this?” Someone answered the phone.
“Um, is Gerard or Lindsey there?”
“Oh, hey, Jules,” Gerard’s voice became evident over the line.
“I thought I had the wrong number,” I laughed.
“We have to take precautions,” he chuckled.
“Yeah. Listen, is it okay if I go to Maeve’s again today? Billie, Tom, Juliana, and Kat are with me.”
“Okay. Do you need a ride home?”
“No, I think I’m good,” I said, catching Billie’s eye in the rearview mirror. He offered me a big smile that could only be brought about by him. I put a hand over my mouth to stifle my laughter, and waited for Gerard to finish talking.
“Be back by 6, please?”
“Okay. 6 o’clock it is,” I nodded.
“Bye.”
“Bye.”
*
“Hey, Marcie. Table for 5?” Billie greeted the hostess as we walked into the vintage diner.
“Hiya Billie! Hiya Julie!” She greeted us. I was confused for a second, until I realized that Juliana could be called Julie too. We sat on the other time of the diner this time, at a bigger booth.
“The usual?” She asked them as we sat down.
“Yeah.”
“Mhm!”
“Okay, and what will the rest of you have to drink?”
“Dr. Pepper.”
“Dr. Pepper.”
“Stewart’s Root beer, please,” I finished off the order.
“Okay, coming right up!”
“So, guys…” I trailed off trying to get the conversation rolling. I was the one who called us here, no?
“So, you’re leaving us. How long will you be away?” Kat asked.
“I have no idea. They never told me. All I know is that we’re starting off on the East Coast and then we’re going to the West Coast.”
“Will you be close to New Jersey?”
“Yeah! Actually, we’ll be so close that Gerard and Lindsey said they can probably get you guys passes so we can all hang out on the weekends!”
“Oh my God! That’s amazing!”
“We’ll definitely go!”
“I’d have to check,” Tom said, suddenly interested in what the menu had to offer. I tried not to let it get to me as we ordered our food.
“Kat, since Zack is probably gunna want to hang out you could probably sleep on the tour bus with us. Heck, you could all probably stay on a tour bus with us! Or you could stay in someone’s van…”
“Dude, stop getting me so excited!” Kat squealed.
“I’m sorry, I’m sorry. But it’s the truth!” I grinned.
“Three hamburgers, one chicken Caesar wrap, and one bowl of spaghetti and meatballs,” Marcie announced as she placed our food down in front of us.
“Thanks!” we replied before digging in.
“I’m gunna go to the bathroom,” Kat announced after we ordered dessert.
“I’ll go with you,” Juliana said, standing up.
“I’ll make sure you get there safely,” Billie added, standing up.
‘Way to be obvious, guys,’ I thought to myself. Now it was just me and Tom.
“Tom. Tom look at me,” I pleaded. He looked up, his eyes cold as stone.
“Julie, it’s done. I’m done. You chose Jack over me.” I felt my heart pang with hurt.
“But it doesn’t have to be that way. I still want us to be friends, like we used to be,” I said, reaching out for his hand. He let me take it. I felt his fist relax and I fixed it so that we were palm-to-palm, just like I did with all of my friends when I was talking to them.
“We can’t be friends if you’re doing this to me,” he sighed.
“Doing what?” I asked innocently. I really had no idea what I did.
“Holding my hand and all of this. It’s not working for me.”
“Oh!” I exclaimed, letting go, “I’m sorry. I will try my best not to touch you.” I began to giggle at my statement; hanging out with Jack was giving me a sick sense of humor…
“Thanks, I guess…”
“Tom, please, don’t be jealous. I know it’s hard, because it’s hard for me too…” I confessed, blushing slightly.
“What?” a grin broke out on his face.
“It’s hard for me to not feel the way I do about you. Just because I have a boyfriend doesn’t mean I still don’t see you for the person I fell for.”
“That’s good to know.” His grin became bigger.
“Don’t go thinking that you have some sort of power over me though. It’s not Twilight,” I rolled my eyes at his cockiness.
“Yeah, I get it…”
“Baaaack!” Kat threw herself back into her seat. Juliana and Billie followed, not half as enthusiastic.
“Dude, I’m so tired after eating all of that food. How are you so hyper?” I laughed.
“I have no idea,” she smiled. I shook my head as Marcie brought in our dessert: freshly baked brownies with hot fudge, caramel, and vanilla ice cream on top. By the time we finished eating it was 5:30.
“Guys, I have to get back before I turn into a pumpkin,” I whined.
“Oh shit, I forgot. Sorry Julie,” Billie apologized, pulling out his wallet.
“Billie you are not paying for all of this!” I exclaimed.
“Yeah, I am!”
“No! I won’t let you. Look at the bill it’s like 60 dollars!” I argued, picking up the receipt.
“Hey, I got a job at the 7/11 by the gas station, and I want to pay- my treat.”
“Fine,” I said, sitting back, letting him think I was going along with it.
“Wow, Billie. You must have some real seniority over Jules, because she never letsanyone pay for her!” Kat chimed in, shocked.
“No, no, no. He’s entitled to want to pay, he has a real job now, at the 7/11,” I told her, shrugging indifferently.
“That’s right,” he grinned one of his classic grins and put exact change on the table. It was $53.76. My meal was all together $13.43. I got this.
“Alrighty then, let’s go!” I said, standing up. Everyone followed suit and out we went. Little did they realize that I had ”accidentally” left my hoodie inside. I waited up until the very last second before I got in the car to “remember” and run back inside, where I saw Marcie walking over to our table.
“Hold up, Marcie,” I said, walking over to her with a 10 and three singles.
“This is my part,” I smiled as I pulled out Billie’s 13 dollars.
“I had a feeling you dropped your hoodie on purpose,” she winked that old waitress wink as she walked back to the cash register. I shrugged on the hoodie and ran back outside.
Billie was there right outside the door facing the highway. I climbed in and sat down, it was 5:46.
“Billie, I don’t want you to break the speed limit or anything, but can you just go alittle bit faster?” I held up a pinch in the rear-view mirror. With a nod he stepped on the gas and drove at the pace Chris and Tom usually drove: efficiently, but not quite speedy.
*
“Thank you guys, for everything. I’ll see you tomorrow!” I said leaning over to everyone for one last hug. I saved Billie for last and when I did hug him, I dropped his 13 bucks over his shoulder and climbed out.
“Fuck!” I heard him exclaim as everyone else burst out into laughter.
“Really? Really?!” His voice, much louder with the window open, followed me back to the house.
“Yes!”
“Argh!” He huffed exasperatingly.
“I love you!” I offered, holding up my two hands in a heart over my head.
“Love you too,” he called back, sucking his teeth and rolling his eyes.
“See you guys tomorrow!” I blew a kiss to all of them and then closed my front door.
“I’M HOME!” I yelled as I took off my shoes.
“OKAY!” A reply echoed back from upstairs. I looked at my phone; it was 6:15- not too bad. I went upstairs and began doing my homework; trying not to focus on how badly I would miss having these moments with my friends while I was away.
*Friday*
“Jules, you gotta wake up.” I turned over in my bed so that I was facing the wall.
“Jules, come on. I know you don’t want to miss today.” I groaned and rolled back over to see Gerard kneeling beside my bed.
“What’s today?” I asked, still out of it.
“It’s Friday.”
“What time is it?” I asked, I squinted and saw the window outside was still dark.
“It’s 6:30.”
“Why are you waking me up now?” I whined.
“So that you can have one long last day of school…” I snapped my head straight.
Today was my last day of school. My last day of picking out an outfit for school, my last day of classes, my last day of complaining about teachers, my last day of walking out of lab, my last day of opening my locker, my last day of secretly texting in school, my last day trying to avoid Jimmy, my last day of eating at our humongous lunch table, my last time rushing to homeroom, my last day waiting for the final bell to ring, my last day lugging my book-bag home, my last time carpooling with Billie, Juliana, Kat, and Tom…
Gerard stood up and left without another word. I blinked back tears as I walked over to my closet to choose an outfit. I decided on a Black Parade t-shirt, blue skinny jeans, and converses. I threw them on, then went to the bathroom and washed my face, brushed my teeth, combed my hair back into a pony tail, and went downstairs to eat my last breakfast before going to school.
“I know it’s hard,” Lindsey said, giving me a behind hug as I ate my cereal, “but sometimes you have to sacrifice the thing you love the most in order to create something more beautiful… Just keep your chin up and try to be strong, okay?” She placed a kiss on my forehead and left, not really waiting for a response. The food I ate tasted like cardboard; I had to force myself to eat.
‘Is this what you really want?’ my brain asked.
‘You didn’t think about the good-bye, did you?’
‘Didn’t think it would hurt this much.’
‘But I’ll still get to see them! We are still going to hang out!’ I argued back.
‘True, true. But nonetheless, you won’t ever have a life like this again. All of this normal teenager stuff will go down the drain…’
I shook my head clear of thoughts and looked at the time on the oven. 6:58. I put my bowl in the sink and walked into the foyer to get my jacket and shoes. Lindsey and Gerard were sitting on the couch, watching the news most likely. Once I was ready I stepped into the doorway. No words needed to be spoken; Gerard just stood up and walked outside with me.
*
“I have to come in with you today,” Gerard said, parking the car across the street from the school.
“Why?”
“I have to sign you out officially.”
“Oh. Okay.”
We both got out of the car and walked through the entrance of what was now both of our former schools. When the secretary saw me, she smiled.
“Good morning, Juliet. What can I do for you today?”
“I’m here to sign her transfer papers,” Gerard stepped forward.
“Oh. Leaving so soon?” Laura asked, glancing at me curiously before searching through the important files on her desk.
“We decided this would be easier for all of us,” Gerard explained, leaning over to sign the papers.
“We’ll miss your daughter dearly. She’s such a good girl.”
“Thank you.”
“Honey, you’re going to have to clean out your locker, turn in your text books and lock at the end of the day, okay?” She spoke to me, sympathy evident in her voice.
“Okay,” I nodded.
“Thank you Mr. … Way,” she said, reading his name off the paper as she put it back on her desk.
“No, thank you. I’ll be outside after school, okay?” Gerard began walking out of the office. I followed suit, looking back one last time at Laura before letting the door close.
“Okay.”
“Are all of your bags packed?”
“Yeah. They’re in the corner of my room.”
“Okay. Bye, Jules,” Gerard leaned over to give me a hug.
“Bye.”
I sighed and began walking up the steps to my locker. There were only a few people there when I pushed open the hallway door. I decided it would be best to just start packing my things and leave them in my book-bag until later. It’d be better for me, mentally…
“Julie, you’re here early.” A voice called to me from down the hall. I looked up to see Billie and Juliana walking down the hallway, hand in hand.
“Yeah,” I replied, trying to sound strong but failing- my voice cracked.
“Julie, are you okay?” Juliana asked, rushing over to me. She bent down so that she was my height and Billie did the same once he caught up. I shook my head no.
“Aw, don’t be upset. We’ll still be around when you come back,” she pulled me into a hug and Billie joined in too. I felt tears come to my eyes and I blinked them back again, not wanting to cry before school even started.
“Yeah, we’re not going anywhere,” Billie added.
“I love you guys so much. Thank you both, for everything,” I replied shakily.
“We love you too,” they said in unison. We sat there for a few minutes, talking about Billie’s new job and how Juliana wants to move in with Billie after they graduate in May. Gradually, more people began to fill the hall.
“Better start packing,” I said as the people who had lockers next to me waited impatiently for Billie and Juliana to move out of their way. They both nodded and gave me hugs one last time before walking down to their lockers.
When I went into homeroom, the teacher, Mrs. James, called me up to the front of the classroom. I gulped nervously; did I get in trouble on the last day of school?
“You have to give these forms to all of your teachers,” she handed me a stack of green slips, “this way, they know not to mark you absent anymore.” I sighed in relief.
“Thank you, Mrs. James.”
“No problem…” she trailed off. I waited for one more second to see if she was going to finish her thought, but she didn’t. I walked away awkwardly and put the slips into my binder.
I tried to participate in all of my classes, and raised my hand even if I didn’t know the whole answer. I would most likely never see any of these people again, so what did it matter if I messed up? Before I knew it, it was time for lunch. I went out to my locker and pulled out my wallet. Suddenly, my emotions were too much for me to handle. I put a hand on the frame of my locker and took deep breaths so that I wouldn’t cry.
“Julie, are you okay?” I heard a familiar flamboyant voice ask from down the hallway. Soon the smell of Chris’ cologne filled my senses as he got closer. I looked up from between my bangs and nodded.
“I just have to calm down, that’s all…”
“You look awful. You need to do more than calm down. Maybe you should call your parents and have them take you home?”
“No! I’m not going home!” I exclaimed. He backed up, shocked by my yelling. “Chris, I’m sorry. It’s not you… I’m leaving school for good after today.”
“What? Why?”
“I’m going on tour with my parents.”
“Oh my God. I didn’t know that. Why didn’t you tell me sooner?”
“I’m sorry. I found out on, like, Monday and I just didn’t want to think about it.”
“No, it’s okay. Come here,” he pulled me into a hug. It was then I realized how close to my height he was.
“Thank you for everything, Chris,” I said, squeezing him more.
“No problem, babe,” he smiled. When we let go, there were tears threatening to fall from my eyes.
“Don’t cry!” he said, pulling out a pack of tissues. I took one and dabbed at my eyes. “The last thing you need is for people remembering you with a blotchy face.” I burst out laughing at this, and closed my locker.
“You’re right. Let’s go to lunch,” I said, looping my arm through his.
“Who do you sit with at lunch?” I asked as we walked down the steps.
“Oh, it varies from day to day. I don’t really have a table…”
“You should come and sit with us today! You know Kat and Lauren. And I’m pretty sure our friend Luke is available too,” I finished with a wink.
“Well, if you insist,” he agreed.
“Awesome!” I smiled.
*
“Guys!” I yelled. All two tables turned to face me. I felt Chris tense in shock; I guess he didn’t know we had so many people. “This is Chris, he’s gunna sit with us today.”
“Hi, Chris!” everyone smiled, then went back to eating their lunch.
“You could sit with us here, or you could go sit with Lauren, Luke, and all of them down there,” I said, sitting down next to Juliana.
“I’m gunna go sit over there, if you don’t mind.”
“Okay, bye Chris!”
“Bye, Julie,” he bent over and gave me a backwards hug.
I spent the rest of lunch laughing and talking with Juliana, Billie, Kat, and Tom like I normally did. I didn’t want my going away to ruin this last lunch period with my best friends.
*
For once, last period went by way too fast. I decided to take my time walking out to the car, even though I knew we were in a rush to get upstate. I pulled out my phone, pulled up a blank text message and wrote:
- Hey guys, meet me out front for one last hug? – Juliet
And sent it to Juliana, Kat, Billie, Tom, Chris, Lauren, Stacie, Jimmy, Lizzy, Mike, and a few other people.
I climbed the steps to my locker and when I got there, I began to empty out everything. First, I packed all of my notebooks, and extra loose-leaf and pens. Then I made a pile of all of my textbooks. Finally, I pulled off my mirror and extra shelves and took off my lock.
I went down to the main office, my arms burning from the weight of the textbooks.
“Oh! Let me help you, sweetie!” Laura exclaimed. She took off the first three books. It didn’t help much, but it was an effort.
“Let’s put them over here,” she made a pile on one of the chairs lining the wall and I plopped the rest down and put my lock on top of it.
“Thanks for everything, Ms. Laura,” I waved as I walked toward the main entrance.
“No problem sweetie!” she waved back, a pout on her face. I closed the door and went outside to see everyone waiting for me. I covered my mouth with my hand and gave everyone a hug.
“Bye, Julie.”
“Bye, Lauren. Thanks for everything.”
“Bye, Julie.”
“Bye, Jimmy,” I said giving him a quick hug.
“Bye, Chris.”
“Bye, Stacie.”
“Bye, Mike.”
“Bye Lizzy.”
“Bye, Billie. I’m gunna miss you,” tears began to well up in my eyes.
“I’m gunna miss you too, Jules,” he said, giving me a light kiss on the forehead.
“Bye, Juliana,” I pulled away from Billie and gave her a big hug.
“Bye, Julie. Have fun on tour! We’ll see you soon!”
“Bye, Kat. I’ll miss being in school with you everyday,” I frowned, bending over to give her a hug.
“I’ll miss that too,” she nodded solemnly.
Finally, it was Tom’s turn. I didn’t hesitate to throw my arms around him and pull him as close to me as I could.
“Geez, Julie. I’m gunna miss you,” he whispered in my ear.
“I’m gunna miss you too. Thank you for everything, really. I’m so sorry,” I replied, tears beginning to well up in my eyes.
“It’s alright, don’t cry. We’ll see you soon, don’t worry.”
“Bye, Tom.”
“Bye, Julie.” I gave him a kiss on the cheek before pulling away and crossing the street to Gerard and Lindsey’s car, which seemed to be all packed up. I waved one last time before closing the door and strapping in.
It was then that I broke down and let myself cry. The sobs wretched my body so viciously that I’m pretty sure I shook the whole row of seats. Gerard and Lindsey didn’t try to soothe me, they knew that it was important for me to get it all out.
After about an hour the sobs stopped, and my breathing became somewhat normal. I felt my phone buzz in my pocket, it was probably Jack, but I didn’t feel like answering. Slowly, the sounds of the highway lulled me to sleep, and when I woke up, we were in New York.
Welcome to life in the fast lane.
“Juliet Ann Marie Spinnet it is your last week of school and you are not going to be late!” I heard Lindsey call up the stairs to me. I groaned and rolled over in my bed, I searched for my glasses then looked at the clock. It was 7:22.
“I’m up! I’m up!” I called back, changing into my clothes and then walking downstairs to get breakfast. Today I decided on Mini Wheats. I finished eating, then ran back upstairs to brush my teeth, braid my hair, and get my school bag. I walked into the foyer and suddenly remembered that I actually had to go and get Lindsey herself.
“I’m ready to go,” I told her as I entered the living room.
“Oh! Sorry. I’m so used to just cooking for everyone in the morning I totally forgot. Okay I’m coming.”
“ ‘Kay.”
She drove me to school and I got there five minutes early.
“Hey, Julie!”
“Hey, Lauren,” I smiled.
“We haven’t hung out in the longest time! I’m thinking of having another party this weekend if you want to come?”
“That sounds amazing! I just have to check and see if it’s okay with my parents,” I nodded, although I knew it was impossible.
“Alright! So, guess what?”
“What?”
“I saw a certain someone with another certain someone at the bowling alley yesterday…”
“Oh my God! You were there? If I knew I would have stopped to say hello!” I said, my heartbeat picking up pace. If Lauren knew, that means most of our other friends knew by now…
“Who was that guy you were with?” She asked, cutting right to the chase.
“Well,” I felt my face flush, “um-”
“Ohmigosh you’re blushing like crazy! He must be your boyfriend.”
“Yeah,” I nodded, biting my lip.
“I knew it!” she snapped her fingers with a knowing grin. “You two looked way to close to be just friends.”
“Oh, really? That obvious…” I trailed off.
“But in a good way! It looks like you guys have so much fun together,” she grinned. “You should bring him to the party with you this weekend!”
“Oh, I don’t know. He lives kind of far away…”
“Where’s he from?”
“Maryland.”
“That is far! Well, you should see if he can drive up… Maybe he could bring his friends with him?” She wondered out loud. I knew where this was going and I didn’t like it one bit. So I said the one thing that would turn off any girl:
“Omg yeah! That way we can show them and their girlfriends how New Jersey kidsreally party,” I smiled, knowing I got her good. Her face fell the tiniest bit.
“Psch. Yeah. Totally. Listen, I’m gunna run to homeroom, I’ll catch you later, okay?” She patted me on the arm.
“Yeah, catch you later!” I called after her. I turned to keep walking, but bumped into someone.
“I’m sorr-” I was cut short by the smell of cigarettes and a tall body dressed in all black.
“Hello, Julie.”
“Hey, Jimmy. How’s it going?” I replied, trying to side step him. He copied my moves and then proceeded to walk beside me down the hallway.
“Little birdy told me someone has a little boyfriend. Is it true?”
“Yeah. It is.”
“Another guy from Manhattan or?”
“Maryland.”
“Oh, Maryland. I see you go for guys that live in places that start with ‘M’. Interesting…”
“Jimmy, what do you want?” I finally asked, getting uncomfortable with all of this questioning.
“Well, we could be direct about it,” he shrugged, “but I think you would call security on me… Anyways, I was just curious. Isn’t it strange that Kat’s new boyfriend is from Maryland too?”
“If you think that we’re going out with the same guy-”
“Oh, no I never said that. But the subject seems a little touchy,” he pointed at me with a tattooed hand.
We stopped at my locker. I stood in front of it, not daring to open it in front of him.
“Look. It was a very eventful weekend. I’m going to talk to everyone at lunch, I promise. Now, please let me go so I can pack?” I asked.
“Alright. See you,” he winked. I shivered and didn’t start to pack until I was sure he was around the corner.
*Fast-Forward To Lunch*
“Guys, guys,” I said, standing up. The two tables fell quiet. “As most of you know, I live with a band. This year, they happen to be going on tour. And, it’s not that I don’t love you all- ‘cause I do… But… I have to leave Belleville High.” Murmurs and gasps broke out amongst everyone. I looked down and saw Kat, Billie, Juliana, and Tom staring at me in disbelief. Nothing hurt me more than that. I decided it would be best to continue and get it all over with now, like ripping off a band-aid.
“I’m going on tour with them. Not just because I want to, but because they are my family. They’re the only family I have left and I don’t want to lose them. I’ll still live in Belleville; we’re not moving, we’re just going to be away for a long time… I’m gunna be homeschooled… I’m going to do my best to stay in touch with all of you, and I hope that in my short time here, I’ve made an impression on you. Not as some stuck up girl from the city, but someone who’s nice, and friendly… I’m sorry I’m saying this so last minute, but to be honest I didn’t even know I was going until, like, yesterday. Thank you for everything, guys,” I added one last time before turning to sit down.
“When are you leaving?” I heard a familiar voice ask. I looked up and met Tom’s eyes. They showed no emotion.
“Friday.” It came out barely a whisper. I saw his hands clench and Juliana ran a hand through her hair. I sat down and finished eating my lunch. At the garbage can, I thought about whether or not I should go back and sit down with them. On one hand, I had just hit them in the face with my news, so why should I go back? On the other hand, these were my last few days being a normal teen. How I knew I would never go back to living like this was beyond me, but I felt it in my gut. I sighed and trudged back to the table.
“So…” Kat trailed off, trying to get a conversation rolling.
“We’ll talk after school. All of us,” I said, looking directly at Tom.
“Okay. Sounds good to me, you guys in?” Kat asked.
“I’ll drive,” Billie nodded.
“We’ll go to Maeve’s Diner.”
“I love that place!” Juliana smiled.
“Me too,” I smiled solemnly, stealing a glance at Tom. He only raised his eyebrows in reply. I let my shoulders slump in defeat. This was too much to drop on him all at once. Billie, Juliana, and Kat saw this, and they all patted me on the back. I tried to give them an encouraging smile, but we all knew it wasn’t genuine.
“Later,” Billie said, staring off at nothing in particular, “We’ll talk later.”
Fast Forward to Last Bell*
Honk, Honk!
I looked to the left and saw Billie’s car packed with people. I noticed there was only one seat left over as I got closer to the car. It was next to Tom. However, this shouldn’t be a problem because I have a boyfriend. Jack. Jack was mine and I was Jack’s. I prayed my smile would be taken as one of greeting, not one of reminiscing.
“Hey,” I said as I strapped in. The familiar scent of Billie, Juliana, Tom, Cigarettes, and Alcohol filled my nose. I immediately felt at home. My stomach lurched at the thought of not being able to take in the aroma anymore.
“Off to Maeve’s!” Billie announced, turning on the radio and stepping on the gas. As we drove, I pulled out my phone. I should probably call Gerard and Lindsey instead of text them.
“Guys, I’m just gunna call my parents and let them know we’re gunna eat.”
“Okay.”
“We got chu.”
I held back a chuckle as the phone rang.
“Hello who is this?” Someone answered the phone.
“Um, is Gerard or Lindsey there?”
“Oh, hey, Jules,” Gerard’s voice became evident over the line.
“I thought I had the wrong number,” I laughed.
“We have to take precautions,” he chuckled.
“Yeah. Listen, is it okay if I go to Maeve’s again today? Billie, Tom, Juliana, and Kat are with me.”
“Okay. Do you need a ride home?”
“No, I think I’m good,” I said, catching Billie’s eye in the rearview mirror. He offered me a big smile that could only be brought about by him. I put a hand over my mouth to stifle my laughter, and waited for Gerard to finish talking.
“Be back by 6, please?”
“Okay. 6 o’clock it is,” I nodded.
“Bye.”
“Bye.”
*
“Hey, Marcie. Table for 5?” Billie greeted the hostess as we walked into the vintage diner.
“Hiya Billie! Hiya Julie!” She greeted us. I was confused for a second, until I realized that Juliana could be called Julie too. We sat on the other time of the diner this time, at a bigger booth.
“The usual?” She asked them as we sat down.
“Yeah.”
“Mhm!”
“Okay, and what will the rest of you have to drink?”
“Dr. Pepper.”
“Dr. Pepper.”
“Stewart’s Root beer, please,” I finished off the order.
“Okay, coming right up!”
“So, guys…” I trailed off trying to get the conversation rolling. I was the one who called us here, no?
“So, you’re leaving us. How long will you be away?” Kat asked.
“I have no idea. They never told me. All I know is that we’re starting off on the East Coast and then we’re going to the West Coast.”
“Will you be close to New Jersey?”
“Yeah! Actually, we’ll be so close that Gerard and Lindsey said they can probably get you guys passes so we can all hang out on the weekends!”
“Oh my God! That’s amazing!”
“We’ll definitely go!”
“I’d have to check,” Tom said, suddenly interested in what the menu had to offer. I tried not to let it get to me as we ordered our food.
“Kat, since Zack is probably gunna want to hang out you could probably sleep on the tour bus with us. Heck, you could all probably stay on a tour bus with us! Or you could stay in someone’s van…”
“Dude, stop getting me so excited!” Kat squealed.
“I’m sorry, I’m sorry. But it’s the truth!” I grinned.
“Three hamburgers, one chicken Caesar wrap, and one bowl of spaghetti and meatballs,” Marcie announced as she placed our food down in front of us.
“Thanks!” we replied before digging in.
“I’m gunna go to the bathroom,” Kat announced after we ordered dessert.
“I’ll go with you,” Juliana said, standing up.
“I’ll make sure you get there safely,” Billie added, standing up.
‘Way to be obvious, guys,’ I thought to myself. Now it was just me and Tom.
“Tom. Tom look at me,” I pleaded. He looked up, his eyes cold as stone.
“Julie, it’s done. I’m done. You chose Jack over me.” I felt my heart pang with hurt.
“But it doesn’t have to be that way. I still want us to be friends, like we used to be,” I said, reaching out for his hand. He let me take it. I felt his fist relax and I fixed it so that we were palm-to-palm, just like I did with all of my friends when I was talking to them.
“We can’t be friends if you’re doing this to me,” he sighed.
“Doing what?” I asked innocently. I really had no idea what I did.
“Holding my hand and all of this. It’s not working for me.”
“Oh!” I exclaimed, letting go, “I’m sorry. I will try my best not to touch you.” I began to giggle at my statement; hanging out with Jack was giving me a sick sense of humor…
“Thanks, I guess…”
“Tom, please, don’t be jealous. I know it’s hard, because it’s hard for me too…” I confessed, blushing slightly.
“What?” a grin broke out on his face.
“It’s hard for me to not feel the way I do about you. Just because I have a boyfriend doesn’t mean I still don’t see you for the person I fell for.”
“That’s good to know.” His grin became bigger.
“Don’t go thinking that you have some sort of power over me though. It’s not Twilight,” I rolled my eyes at his cockiness.
“Yeah, I get it…”
“Baaaack!” Kat threw herself back into her seat. Juliana and Billie followed, not half as enthusiastic.
“Dude, I’m so tired after eating all of that food. How are you so hyper?” I laughed.
“I have no idea,” she smiled. I shook my head as Marcie brought in our dessert: freshly baked brownies with hot fudge, caramel, and vanilla ice cream on top. By the time we finished eating it was 5:30.
“Guys, I have to get back before I turn into a pumpkin,” I whined.
“Oh shit, I forgot. Sorry Julie,” Billie apologized, pulling out his wallet.
“Billie you are not paying for all of this!” I exclaimed.
“Yeah, I am!”
“No! I won’t let you. Look at the bill it’s like 60 dollars!” I argued, picking up the receipt.
“Hey, I got a job at the 7/11 by the gas station, and I want to pay- my treat.”
“Fine,” I said, sitting back, letting him think I was going along with it.
“Wow, Billie. You must have some real seniority over Jules, because she never letsanyone pay for her!” Kat chimed in, shocked.
“No, no, no. He’s entitled to want to pay, he has a real job now, at the 7/11,” I told her, shrugging indifferently.
“That’s right,” he grinned one of his classic grins and put exact change on the table. It was $53.76. My meal was all together $13.43. I got this.
“Alrighty then, let’s go!” I said, standing up. Everyone followed suit and out we went. Little did they realize that I had ”accidentally” left my hoodie inside. I waited up until the very last second before I got in the car to “remember” and run back inside, where I saw Marcie walking over to our table.
“Hold up, Marcie,” I said, walking over to her with a 10 and three singles.
“This is my part,” I smiled as I pulled out Billie’s 13 dollars.
“I had a feeling you dropped your hoodie on purpose,” she winked that old waitress wink as she walked back to the cash register. I shrugged on the hoodie and ran back outside.
Billie was there right outside the door facing the highway. I climbed in and sat down, it was 5:46.
“Billie, I don’t want you to break the speed limit or anything, but can you just go alittle bit faster?” I held up a pinch in the rear-view mirror. With a nod he stepped on the gas and drove at the pace Chris and Tom usually drove: efficiently, but not quite speedy.
*
“Thank you guys, for everything. I’ll see you tomorrow!” I said leaning over to everyone for one last hug. I saved Billie for last and when I did hug him, I dropped his 13 bucks over his shoulder and climbed out.
“Fuck!” I heard him exclaim as everyone else burst out into laughter.
“Really? Really?!” His voice, much louder with the window open, followed me back to the house.
“Yes!”
“Argh!” He huffed exasperatingly.
“I love you!” I offered, holding up my two hands in a heart over my head.
“Love you too,” he called back, sucking his teeth and rolling his eyes.
“See you guys tomorrow!” I blew a kiss to all of them and then closed my front door.
“I’M HOME!” I yelled as I took off my shoes.
“OKAY!” A reply echoed back from upstairs. I looked at my phone; it was 6:15- not too bad. I went upstairs and began doing my homework; trying not to focus on how badly I would miss having these moments with my friends while I was away.
*Friday*
“Jules, you gotta wake up.” I turned over in my bed so that I was facing the wall.
“Jules, come on. I know you don’t want to miss today.” I groaned and rolled back over to see Gerard kneeling beside my bed.
“What’s today?” I asked, still out of it.
“It’s Friday.”
“What time is it?” I asked, I squinted and saw the window outside was still dark.
“It’s 6:30.”
“Why are you waking me up now?” I whined.
“So that you can have one long last day of school…” I snapped my head straight.
Today was my last day of school. My last day of picking out an outfit for school, my last day of classes, my last day of complaining about teachers, my last day of walking out of lab, my last day of opening my locker, my last day of secretly texting in school, my last day trying to avoid Jimmy, my last day of eating at our humongous lunch table, my last time rushing to homeroom, my last day waiting for the final bell to ring, my last day lugging my book-bag home, my last time carpooling with Billie, Juliana, Kat, and Tom…
Gerard stood up and left without another word. I blinked back tears as I walked over to my closet to choose an outfit. I decided on a Black Parade t-shirt, blue skinny jeans, and converses. I threw them on, then went to the bathroom and washed my face, brushed my teeth, combed my hair back into a pony tail, and went downstairs to eat my last breakfast before going to school.
“I know it’s hard,” Lindsey said, giving me a behind hug as I ate my cereal, “but sometimes you have to sacrifice the thing you love the most in order to create something more beautiful… Just keep your chin up and try to be strong, okay?” She placed a kiss on my forehead and left, not really waiting for a response. The food I ate tasted like cardboard; I had to force myself to eat.
‘Is this what you really want?’ my brain asked.
‘You didn’t think about the good-bye, did you?’
‘Didn’t think it would hurt this much.’
‘But I’ll still get to see them! We are still going to hang out!’ I argued back.
‘True, true. But nonetheless, you won’t ever have a life like this again. All of this normal teenager stuff will go down the drain…’
I shook my head clear of thoughts and looked at the time on the oven. 6:58. I put my bowl in the sink and walked into the foyer to get my jacket and shoes. Lindsey and Gerard were sitting on the couch, watching the news most likely. Once I was ready I stepped into the doorway. No words needed to be spoken; Gerard just stood up and walked outside with me.
*
“I have to come in with you today,” Gerard said, parking the car across the street from the school.
“Why?”
“I have to sign you out officially.”
“Oh. Okay.”
We both got out of the car and walked through the entrance of what was now both of our former schools. When the secretary saw me, she smiled.
“Good morning, Juliet. What can I do for you today?”
“I’m here to sign her transfer papers,” Gerard stepped forward.
“Oh. Leaving so soon?” Laura asked, glancing at me curiously before searching through the important files on her desk.
“We decided this would be easier for all of us,” Gerard explained, leaning over to sign the papers.
“We’ll miss your daughter dearly. She’s such a good girl.”
“Thank you.”
“Honey, you’re going to have to clean out your locker, turn in your text books and lock at the end of the day, okay?” She spoke to me, sympathy evident in her voice.
“Okay,” I nodded.
“Thank you Mr. … Way,” she said, reading his name off the paper as she put it back on her desk.
“No, thank you. I’ll be outside after school, okay?” Gerard began walking out of the office. I followed suit, looking back one last time at Laura before letting the door close.
“Okay.”
“Are all of your bags packed?”
“Yeah. They’re in the corner of my room.”
“Okay. Bye, Jules,” Gerard leaned over to give me a hug.
“Bye.”
I sighed and began walking up the steps to my locker. There were only a few people there when I pushed open the hallway door. I decided it would be best to just start packing my things and leave them in my book-bag until later. It’d be better for me, mentally…
“Julie, you’re here early.” A voice called to me from down the hall. I looked up to see Billie and Juliana walking down the hallway, hand in hand.
“Yeah,” I replied, trying to sound strong but failing- my voice cracked.
“Julie, are you okay?” Juliana asked, rushing over to me. She bent down so that she was my height and Billie did the same once he caught up. I shook my head no.
“Aw, don’t be upset. We’ll still be around when you come back,” she pulled me into a hug and Billie joined in too. I felt tears come to my eyes and I blinked them back again, not wanting to cry before school even started.
“Yeah, we’re not going anywhere,” Billie added.
“I love you guys so much. Thank you both, for everything,” I replied shakily.
“We love you too,” they said in unison. We sat there for a few minutes, talking about Billie’s new job and how Juliana wants to move in with Billie after they graduate in May. Gradually, more people began to fill the hall.
“Better start packing,” I said as the people who had lockers next to me waited impatiently for Billie and Juliana to move out of their way. They both nodded and gave me hugs one last time before walking down to their lockers.
When I went into homeroom, the teacher, Mrs. James, called me up to the front of the classroom. I gulped nervously; did I get in trouble on the last day of school?
“You have to give these forms to all of your teachers,” she handed me a stack of green slips, “this way, they know not to mark you absent anymore.” I sighed in relief.
“Thank you, Mrs. James.”
“No problem…” she trailed off. I waited for one more second to see if she was going to finish her thought, but she didn’t. I walked away awkwardly and put the slips into my binder.
I tried to participate in all of my classes, and raised my hand even if I didn’t know the whole answer. I would most likely never see any of these people again, so what did it matter if I messed up? Before I knew it, it was time for lunch. I went out to my locker and pulled out my wallet. Suddenly, my emotions were too much for me to handle. I put a hand on the frame of my locker and took deep breaths so that I wouldn’t cry.
“Julie, are you okay?” I heard a familiar flamboyant voice ask from down the hallway. Soon the smell of Chris’ cologne filled my senses as he got closer. I looked up from between my bangs and nodded.
“I just have to calm down, that’s all…”
“You look awful. You need to do more than calm down. Maybe you should call your parents and have them take you home?”
“No! I’m not going home!” I exclaimed. He backed up, shocked by my yelling. “Chris, I’m sorry. It’s not you… I’m leaving school for good after today.”
“What? Why?”
“I’m going on tour with my parents.”
“Oh my God. I didn’t know that. Why didn’t you tell me sooner?”
“I’m sorry. I found out on, like, Monday and I just didn’t want to think about it.”
“No, it’s okay. Come here,” he pulled me into a hug. It was then I realized how close to my height he was.
“Thank you for everything, Chris,” I said, squeezing him more.
“No problem, babe,” he smiled. When we let go, there were tears threatening to fall from my eyes.
“Don’t cry!” he said, pulling out a pack of tissues. I took one and dabbed at my eyes. “The last thing you need is for people remembering you with a blotchy face.” I burst out laughing at this, and closed my locker.
“You’re right. Let’s go to lunch,” I said, looping my arm through his.
“Who do you sit with at lunch?” I asked as we walked down the steps.
“Oh, it varies from day to day. I don’t really have a table…”
“You should come and sit with us today! You know Kat and Lauren. And I’m pretty sure our friend Luke is available too,” I finished with a wink.
“Well, if you insist,” he agreed.
“Awesome!” I smiled.
*
“Guys!” I yelled. All two tables turned to face me. I felt Chris tense in shock; I guess he didn’t know we had so many people. “This is Chris, he’s gunna sit with us today.”
“Hi, Chris!” everyone smiled, then went back to eating their lunch.
“You could sit with us here, or you could go sit with Lauren, Luke, and all of them down there,” I said, sitting down next to Juliana.
“I’m gunna go sit over there, if you don’t mind.”
“Okay, bye Chris!”
“Bye, Julie,” he bent over and gave me a backwards hug.
I spent the rest of lunch laughing and talking with Juliana, Billie, Kat, and Tom like I normally did. I didn’t want my going away to ruin this last lunch period with my best friends.
*
For once, last period went by way too fast. I decided to take my time walking out to the car, even though I knew we were in a rush to get upstate. I pulled out my phone, pulled up a blank text message and wrote:
- Hey guys, meet me out front for one last hug? – Juliet
And sent it to Juliana, Kat, Billie, Tom, Chris, Lauren, Stacie, Jimmy, Lizzy, Mike, and a few other people.
I climbed the steps to my locker and when I got there, I began to empty out everything. First, I packed all of my notebooks, and extra loose-leaf and pens. Then I made a pile of all of my textbooks. Finally, I pulled off my mirror and extra shelves and took off my lock.
I went down to the main office, my arms burning from the weight of the textbooks.
“Oh! Let me help you, sweetie!” Laura exclaimed. She took off the first three books. It didn’t help much, but it was an effort.
“Let’s put them over here,” she made a pile on one of the chairs lining the wall and I plopped the rest down and put my lock on top of it.
“Thanks for everything, Ms. Laura,” I waved as I walked toward the main entrance.
“No problem sweetie!” she waved back, a pout on her face. I closed the door and went outside to see everyone waiting for me. I covered my mouth with my hand and gave everyone a hug.
“Bye, Julie.”
“Bye, Lauren. Thanks for everything.”
“Bye, Julie.”
“Bye, Jimmy,” I said giving him a quick hug.
“Bye, Chris.”
“Bye, Stacie.”
“Bye, Mike.”
“Bye Lizzy.”
“Bye, Billie. I’m gunna miss you,” tears began to well up in my eyes.
“I’m gunna miss you too, Jules,” he said, giving me a light kiss on the forehead.
“Bye, Juliana,” I pulled away from Billie and gave her a big hug.
“Bye, Julie. Have fun on tour! We’ll see you soon!”
“Bye, Kat. I’ll miss being in school with you everyday,” I frowned, bending over to give her a hug.
“I’ll miss that too,” she nodded solemnly.
Finally, it was Tom’s turn. I didn’t hesitate to throw my arms around him and pull him as close to me as I could.
“Geez, Julie. I’m gunna miss you,” he whispered in my ear.
“I’m gunna miss you too. Thank you for everything, really. I’m so sorry,” I replied, tears beginning to well up in my eyes.
“It’s alright, don’t cry. We’ll see you soon, don’t worry.”
“Bye, Tom.”
“Bye, Julie.” I gave him a kiss on the cheek before pulling away and crossing the street to Gerard and Lindsey’s car, which seemed to be all packed up. I waved one last time before closing the door and strapping in.
It was then that I broke down and let myself cry. The sobs wretched my body so viciously that I’m pretty sure I shook the whole row of seats. Gerard and Lindsey didn’t try to soothe me, they knew that it was important for me to get it all out.
After about an hour the sobs stopped, and my breathing became somewhat normal. I felt my phone buzz in my pocket, it was probably Jack, but I didn’t feel like answering. Slowly, the sounds of the highway lulled me to sleep, and when I woke up, we were in New York.
Welcome to life in the fast lane.
.
2/7/15