“Hey, Frank. Just wanted to make sure you were okay.” Charlene's first text read.
“Hey... um, I don't know why you're mad at me, but I swear I didn't know you knew that guy at the party... or had beef with him. Why do you guys not like each other?”
“Hey, Frank. Just text me when you can... I'm sorry about everything. Just let me know what's up, okay?”

Frank ignored all of Charlene's texts. He needed time to himself to think. Time that didn't include Gerard creeping up into his thoughts, though that was hard. He just replayed him being all cuddly with Kyran at the party. He didn't know why it bothered him so bad. Then for Gerard to tell him he was just too selfish to admit that he had feelings for someone? For who? Gerard? Please. Frank didn't have feelings for Gerard. Not that he was willing to admit it to anyone especially himself, at least.

Frank grabbed his phone and called Charlene.

“Hello!?” She answered eagerly into the phone.
Frank sighed and cleared his throat, “Hey, you.”
“Hi, oh my God, I was so scared I like... pissed you off.” she said.
Frank literally shook his head, “No, no, it wasn't you. Don't worry about that, just pretend nothing happened.”
“Okay...” Charlene said hesitantly but took his advice, “What have you been up to, love?”
“Oh, you know. The usual,” Frank said, “Sorry I haven't been in touch. Can I make it up to you?”
“Oh? How so?” her voice turned flirty.
“Let's hang out,” Frank said, “Wanna meet up?”
“Sure, what time and where?” she asked.
“Um, meet me at Coffee Connections and we'll go from there... in like a half hour or so?”
“That would be awesome, I'll see you then.” Charlene said, “Oh, and Frank?”
“Yeah?” Frank asked.
“I missed you.”
Frank bit his lip and thought about his response, “Missed you too.”

Frank quickly got ready and walked to the coffee house which was near his house. When he got there, Charlene was just approaching the shop as well. She had a maroon beanie on and her makeup done tastefully. She smiled and waved at him. Frank smiled back and waved, walking towards her and meeting her half way. He strategically placed his arms around her body and lifted her as he hugged her. She giggled and hugged him tightly.

“It's nice to see you,” Frank said and planted her on the ground.

At that moment he decided he was going to fake it 'till he made it. He was going to convince himself he could do this. He would learn to get over what happened. He would force himself to forget about it.

Charlene smiled bashfully and adjusted her beanie before nodding.

“Do you want some tea or coffee?” Frank said, shoving his hands in his jacket and nodding towards the door of the shop.
“Sure,” Charlene shrugged and followed Frank inside.

She ordered tea, and Frank ordered his coffee. He paid for both without question, catching Charlene off guard at his chivalry.

“Let's go for a walk,” Frank said grabbing their drinks and handing the tea to her.
“Okay, sure,” Charlene said and followed. “Where to?”
“Wherever we end up,” Frank said and smiled.

Charlene was overly conscience of Frank's relaxed appearance. He'd always been seemingly uptight or at the very least guarded, and he seemed very different today. They made small talk and gradually walked down the street. Frank noted the different colored leaves on the ground from the fall weather.

“I love fall,” Frank said, “I love how the leaves change from vibrant and slowly die, but as they're dying they're still beautiful.”

Frank stopped and looked at a tree that had half it's leaves left, the other half empty and only branches were left.

“And then the trees are left bare and naked but then they suddenly look like a whole new tree,” Charlene agreed, “I love that about the fall.”

Frank looked at Charlene and nodded, agreeing with what she had said. She was looking at the tree and sipped on her warm tea. Frank realized at that moment how pretty she really was, and that she was capable of carrying on a conversation more than he had given her credit for.

Her gaze left the tree and met eyes with Frank who was still staring at her, her smiling at him in return.

“Sorry if that sounds weird,” Charlene back tracked.
“Not at all, I really respect what you just said,” Frank said and subtly smiled.

They looked at each other and Frank stepped closer to Charlene, her heart starting to flutter. She smiled and looked down shyly.

“I don't know if I've ever really told you this, but you really are beautiful.” Frank said.
Charlene's face brightened but she stayed calm, “Thank you.”

Frank grabbed Charlene's hand and pulled her closer to him. He moved in without hesitation and he started bringing his face closer to hers. Her lips relaxed from her smile and met Frank half way, letting him kiss her. Frank closed his eyes and forced himself to not starting thinking of things that would fester in his brain later on, specifically keeping his mind off of the last person he had kissed.

---

Frank grabbed his house key and walked down to the cafe down the street. He walked in and the warm scent of coffee filled his nose. It soothed him for a little while from the vicious cycle that was repeating for days in his mind. He walked up to the counter and tried to order his coffee.

“$3.19, please.” The cashier asked.
“Fuck,” Frank mumbled, “I uh, forgot my wallet.”
“Here, put it on this.” someone said and handed the barista a credit card.

Frank turned around and saw Gerard standing behind him. His long hair covered most of his face, and he had leather coat on. His scarf was hanging loose around his neck, and his trusty messenger bag slung over his body.

“Here you go, sir, thank you!” the woman said and gave him his coffee.

Gerard took the card back and started to walk out the door, not saying a word to Frank or even looking in his direction.

“Fuck, why the hell does he have to be here?” Frank whispered to himself, “Wait... um Gerard?”
Gerard stopped and turned around towards Frank, but he didn't even realize he had said anything until it was too late.
“Please.” Frank mustered out, not knowing exactly where that even came from.

Gerard walked past him, making eye contact, and sat in a corner chair that was secluded from the rest of the coffee shop. Frank followed his lead and sat in the chair furthest away from him.

“What's up?” Gerard asked quietly and drank his coffee.
“You didn't have to do that.” Frank said solemnly.
“Do what?” Gerard asked.
“Buy my coffee...”
He shrugged, “I didn't want you to look stupid. You're good at that.”

Frank swallowed a hard ball of guilt that was suddenly choking him. He glanced down at his fingers and started picking at the dry skin around them. He attempted to clear his throat, taking a deep breath in before exhaling and attaching his lips around his cup.

"So, uh.. How've you been?" Gerard awkwardly asked instantly aware of his harsh words before.
Frank's thoughts ran in a million different directions debating how he should answer such a loaded question.

Does he tell him the truth? The depressing fact that he's been miserable and depleted, roaming the streets alone at night, freezing ritually, just to feel that he still alive? Just to feel something at all?

"Fine," he settled for, "What about you?"

Gerard, unbeknownst to Frank, battled the same thoughts. Ambien induced comas or insomnia filled nights, one extreme or the other. That was his "normal" for the past few weeks. This particular day, Gerard was sleepless for nearly 3 nights, just napping for 30 minutes or so in order to somewhat function throughout his day. He'd awaken before even slipping into the REM stage of sleep, therefore not even really getting much rest at all. His eyes had bags that were just darkening nightly, worsening every time his body refused to sleep. He looked fucking horrible. Sleep deprived and drug induced wasn't necessarily flattering.

Frank saw the signs of it. It was beyond noticeable that Gerard hadn't been sleeping, the circles being the first hint, but Frank could tell in other ways. He was no longer eccentric or joyful. He was now monotonous and dull, his hair was a mess, and his clothes were wrinkled. He'd essentially given up, just as Frank had himself.

Gerard forced a smile, though, clearly fake, "I've been good, too."

Frank nodded, not really knowing what to say.

"Well, you didn't really have to do this." Frank finally said, pointing to his coffee.
"Don't worry about it," Gerard retorted emotionless.
"I'll pay you back..."
"Don't worry about it," Gerard repeated and took a sip of his own.
"Can we talk?" Frank asked.
"I thought we were talking," Gerard answered sarcastically.

Frank's heart skipped a beat, feeling pitiful and pathetic until the feelings turned to rage.

“What the fuck, Gerard. Seriously, what the actual fuck.” Frank said slamming down his coffee.

Gerard was unfazed by his antics.

“How do you not know what you did wrong?” Frank suddenly snapped, “You ruined everything. EVERYTHING.”
“Frank, what do you think happened?” Gerard asked calmly.
“Um you fucking took me on this amazing... date, and you.. well, um-” Frank started to scream, but soon gained composure as he looked around, “You know.. did that...”
Gerard nodded, “I'm well aware of what I did, and if that's the problem then I'm SORRY, Frank. I thought it was mutual, I thought you were consenting.”
“It's not that.” Frank said quieter this time, “I mean.. it was, I was...”
Gerard sighed, “Then what's your problem? You haven't talked to me since then.”
“Your brother told me.” Frank said.
“Told you what?” Gerard asked, confused.
“He told me everything.”
Gerard looked around confused before making eye contact with Frank, “Then what's the problem? Why'd you stop talking to me?”
“Are you fucking serious?” Frank said and stood up to walk away.

Gerard quickly grabbed his hand and pulled him back.

“Sit, talk to me.” He said, “Please.”
“There's nothing to say other then you're a fucking dick.” Frank said and pouted in his seat.
“Frank, what did my brother say to you?”
Frank sighed, “He told me you were seeing some guy.”
“And?” Gerard said.
“And... yeah, that you were with him. Like with him, with him.”
Gerard smirked a little, “And did he say a name?”
“No,” Frank pouted.
“Frankie....”

Frank's heart stopped at the nickname.

“...He was referring to you.” Gerard finished.
“What?” Frank croaked.
“Frank, I liked you. So, so much. Mikey knew that but he was trying not to break my trust by telling you. He thought by hinting at it you'd understand, but it went horribly wrong apparently. I was seeing you. There was no one else.”
“What about Kyran, then?” Frank said, his stomach flipping in a horrible way. He felt like he was about to vomit.
“Frank, you didn't return my phone calls or texts messages for weeks. WEEKS. How the fuck am I supposed to feel?”

Frank sat there without saying anything. He just looked down at Gerard's feet, unable to make eye contact.

“Frank, I remember every single thing that happened the last time I saw you.. or, I mean, before the party. That night. I wouldn't take anything back, I just wish you felt the same way.”
“Gerard, I don't know how to fucking feel right now. I'm not... you know, I don't...”
“I know, you're not gay. But let's face it, you were kinda gay that night.” Gerard said and smiled at his attempt at humor.
Frank kind of laughed too, actually, finding it kind of funny, “Fuck you.”
“I could make a horrible play on words, Frank, but I don't know if that would make you stop talking to me for another couple of months again,” Gerard said playfully.
Frank's face scrunched up, “Who said I'm talking to you again?”
“You're talking to me right now,” Gerard said stubbornly.
“I still can ignore you.” Frank said, half serious- half jokingly.
“Please don't,” Gerard said, his face losing all sense of joking. “I miss you.”
“You have Kyran.” Frank retorted.
Gerard looked at him like he was on drugs, “Well, then you have Charlene.”
“How would you even know if I was interested in Charlene or not?” Frank said quickly.
“Bingo.”
“You seemed pretty fucking into him at the party.” Frank said.
“For someone who doesn't have any ounce of a fuck towards me you sure seem to be kind of jealous, Frankie.” Gerard said sarcastically.
“I never said I don't give a fuck about you.” Frank said quietly, “You just stopped caring.”
“That's what I'm saying, Frank! I've always cared, I still do.”
“Why?”
“Because, if it's not obvious by now, Frank, I like you. I like you a lot. I wouldn't have been putting so much of my god damn energy into you if I didn't.” Gerard sighed, completely exhausted at this point.

Frank just blinked but refused to open his mouth. He was afraid of what would come out next.

“I'm not asking you to just switch over to the other team sort of speak. I'm not even asking you to be with me. All I'm asking is for you to not hate me, for us to talk again, for us to be friends again.” Gerard said sadly, “I just fucking miss you.”
“I never hated you,” Frank said, “It was just a misunderstanding.”
“So now you know,” Gerard said, “I was never interested in anyone other than you. It's been you the whole time. But, when you ignored me I just tried to move on with my life, until the party that night. I haven't talked to Kyran since because he didn't want to deal with the drama.”
“I'm sorry,” Frank said. “I didn't mean to ruin things between the two of you.”
Gerard grabbed Frank's chin and made him make eye contact, “Frank, there was nothing real between us. It was purely.... it doesn't matter. I don't care, I don't want him. I want you.”
Frank's stomach flipped and he was sure he was about to throw up. He moved Gerard's hand away from his face and sat back in his chair, “W-want me? You want me?”
Gerard nodded but didn't say a word.
“I don't know what to say to you.” Frank said, “I don't know how to do this.”
“Do what?” Gerard asked.
“This. Be with you, a guy.” Frank said, “I've never done this before.”
“Frank, why are you so afraid to acknowledge what you're feeling?” Gerard asked slowly.
Frank shrugged.
“Seriously, you block out 90% of your emotions. If you just stopped thinking about everything so much, you'd be able to enjoy yourself once in a while.” Gerard said and put his hand on Frank's knee, “Even if it's not with me, even if you never speak to me again, just let yourself feel. Feel your sadness, feel your happiness. You're so numb, and it's really sad.”
“I wasn't always like this, I used to be normal,” Frank explained his voice cracking.
“There's nothing wrong with you,” Gerard said, “You're just scared.”
“I don't know how not to be anymore.” Frank said, “I finally felt somewhat normal before, and then all hell broke lose like always.”
“What are you talking about?” Gerard asked.
“You made me happy. Even though I was confused as fuck, I was getting somewhat happy again. And then I fucked it up because I'm too stupid to pick up when someone is hinting something at me, and now look what happened. I lost your friendship.”
“It'll take a lot more then this to lose my companionship, Frank. If you want me to be here, I'll be here. If you want me to leave, that's up to you, too.”
“Stay.” Frank said, “Don't go again.”
“I'm here as long as you want me to be,” Gerard said and pulled Frank in for a hug.

Frank squeezed Gerard. He missed his familiar scent of coffee and shampoo. He missed the fullness of his body that his arms were capable of holding onto and really squeezing. Most of all, he missed the feeling of things might just be okay. Gerard gave him that feeling.

Frank nuzzled his face into the crook of Gerard's neck, which oblivious to Frank, gave Gerard chills all the way down his back.

“Thank you,” Gerard said. “And I'm sorry.”
“I'm sorry, too.” Frank said as his phone started ringing.

Frank initially ignored it until Gerard suggested he answered it.

“Hello?” Frank answered.
“Hey, you.” Charlene's voice said back to him.