Frank sat in his desk staring at the clock anticipating the class to be over. He watched as the little hand move, and he convinced himself he could hear the ticking from all the way in the back of the class. He had a substitute teacher who had no desire to be teaching anymore, so in result he practically let the class do whatever they pleased. Frank glanced down at his hand and started drawing on the skin of his palm.

Finally the bell rang and Frank was able to leave school. He went to his locker to get his belongings before turning down the hall. As he started walking, he was abruptly ran into. Frank turned around quickly, ready to unleash a displeased comment towards the inconsiderate person until he realized who it was.

“Mikey?” Frank asked surprised.
“I'm sorry... Oh? Frank?” Mikey said, picking up his glasses that had fallen on the floor during the collision. “I'm really sorry, man. This asshole who likes to pull my chain all the time pushed me, I didn't mean to.”
Frank blinked as he was caught off guard, “Seriously? People are so stupid, I swear. It's okay.”
Mikey smiled, “What are you doing after school?”
Frank shrugged, “I don't know. I have Geometry homework but I have no real intention on doing it any time soon.”
Mikey laughed, “I hate Math. I'm heading to the music store now, do you wanna come?”
Frank thought about it for a second and shrugged, “ I have nothing better to do.”

Frank hadn't seen Mikey in a couple of weeks. He hadn't really seen Gerard either since the aquarium. It wasn't on purpose, Gerard had just been busy with college. His art class wasn't under construction anymore, so he was no longer going to Frank's art class. The two boys texted each other every day, but hadn't had enough time to meet up.

Frank had mixed emotions about what happened at the aquarium. There was no denying that Frank was more then willing when it happened. At the time, in the heat of the moment, he wanted nothing more then for Gerard to do what he did. Afterward though, Frank felt almost guilty of what occurred. He felt confused about where his feeling stood. He was capable of being intimate like that with a guy, though he's not gay. He'd never been attracted to a guy, ever, and yet it came so easily for him that night.

Frank and Gerard never really talked about what happened. The only comment Gerard had made to Frank when he dropped him off was that he “had a great time.” Frank complied and told him he felt the same way. He was confused why it was so great for Gerard, though. Frank hadn't touched Gerard one time. He was completely selfish that night, and yet Gerard still thanked him for his company. The whole thing was so berserk for Frank.

“It's within walking distance,” Mikey said.
“Cool, I'm down.” Frank replied.

The two boys walked out of the school and down the street. Lots of people were walking along the path since school had just been let out. They talked about music, movies, and hobbies that one another had. Frank realized that Mikey was a lot like his brother with his taste in music and hobbies. He explained to him that he plays bass, and he needs new strings for his guitar, hence why he was going to the music store. Frank quickly found out that Mikey was very charismatic and comedic. By the time they got to the music store, Frank had laughed more in 5 minutes then he had the whole couple of months he'd been in Jersey.

They boys walked into the music store and a couple of other students from school were in there. Frank recognized a couple of them, but didn't know them personally. Frank watched as Mikey walked up to one of the guys in there, one he'd never seen before.

“Ray! Hey! I haven't seen you in forever, how's everything?” Mikey asked.

The guy turned around and Frank noticed his face. He had a flat nose, big lips, and even bigger hair. It wasn't quite a fro, but it was large and curly. He smiled instantly as he saw Mikey.
“Mikes!” Ray said and hugged Mikey with one arm, “I'm great, what about you? How's your brother?”
“I'm doing really well, and so is Gee, actually.” Mikey said and smiled.
Ray laughed, “Has he found anyone new?”
“I think he's been seeing someone, but I don't know anything about him or who it is.” Mikey shrugged, “Someone from school, I think.”
Ray returned the smile, “Good to hear that. Tell him I say hello. I hate to cut this short, but my girl is waiting for me outside. I have a new number, I'll give it to you so we can text each other. Maybe we can meet up like we used to.”
“That would be awesome,” Mikey said as he pulled his phone out to receive the number.

They exchanged numbers and said their goodbyes.

“Oh shit, I'm so rude.” Mikey said, “I'm sorry, I didn't introduce you to my friend.”
“It's okay,” Frank said and smiled. He hadn't really noticed himself.
“That was Ray, we used to play video games together. We go to different schools now, though.”

Frank nodded in acknowledgment, though his mind was elsewhere. Someone from school, played in his mind. It could have easily been Frank, though he wouldn't consider them to be in any type of commitment. They rarely even referred to each other as friends. A pit in Frank's stomach started eating away at him. It had only been a week or two since him and Gerard spent time together, how could he have already found someone else? Not that Frank wanted to be with Gerard like that. He wasn't gay, so he wouldn't allow himself to be jealous. No, not jealous, just curious. At least that's what he convinced himself.

“So, um, do you have a girlfriend or anything?” Mikey said cutting into Frank's thoughts.
“Hm?” Frank said caught off guard, “A girl- girlfriend? No.”
Mikey nodded, “Ahh, I see.”
“What about you?” Frank said as he absentmindedly looked a CD from one of the shelves.
Mikey sheepishly smiled, “Yeah... I mean, almost. Kind of.”
“Almost kind of?” Frank said and laughed.
“You know, we're practically dating but I'm waiting for a good time to ask her.”
Frank nodded, “I see. And your brother?”
“Oh, Gerard? Yeah, no girls aren't his thing.” Mikey said and laughed. “But um, I don't know. I think he's been hanging out with a guy. It's hard to tell between his regular friends and like... guys he's interested in though, you know?”
Frank shrugged, “That's good. Do you know his name?”
Mikey shook his head, “Nope.”

After leaving the music store and saying goodbye to Mikey, Frank walked around for a while. He stopped walking when he found his way to an abandoned skate park. It was dark, now, and he couldn't help but to feel really numb inside.

“Suck it the fuck up, Frank,” he thought to himself. “What the fuck did you really except from this?”

Frank worked on his homework and then made his way home. He called his cousin and told her everything.

“Frankie, do you think you're this upset because you actually have feelings for him?” she asked.
“Aurora, I'm not gay.”
She sighed over the phone, “Did I just fucking call you gay? Listen, I'm not saying you're gay, I'm asking if you have feelings for him.”
“If I had feelings for a dude, that would make me gay, Aurora.” Frank said as he became more and more irritated.
“No, that just means you met someone who you have chemistry with. Let's just pretend Gerard was a girl, would you date her?”
“No.” Frank answered quickly.
“Why?” Aurora asked.
“She's with some guy from school.” he said, his voice cracking.
“If she was single?” she asked her cousin.
Frank paused for a moment. He didn't say anything because he understood where she was coming from, “Okay, okay. I've had my epiphany.”
“Frank, don't let what little happiness you found slip away from you, okay?” Aurora said, “Call me whenever you need to. I love you.”
“Love you too,” Frank said and hung up his phone.

- - -

For the next three weeks Frank ignored all contact from Gerard. Every text message was deleted, every call was rejected. The more he did it the more unhappy and guilty he became. Frank figured that if he cut himself off now, then he wouldn't be hurt anymore. He chose to completely ignore any, and all type, of emotion he had; good or bad. He'd distanced himself from pretty much everyone, including himself. He no longer knew the person he was. He felt like he was slipping back into the depression he'd been in only a few months ago, the depression he had tried so brutally to climb his way out of.

Gerard was just as confused as Frank. His brother told him he had hung out with Frank, and since that day he hadn't heard anything from him. He didn't feel like he had done anything wrong. Mikey even hinted to Frank that Gerard was interested in being something more with him. Mikey was trying to make it clear to Frank that Gerard wanted to take it to the next step, but fear that his brother would be mad for blatantly saying it, he had tip toed around the subject.
Soon it became a total of a month and two weeks since Gerard and Frank had shared a night together. What happened that night will always be burned into Gerard's mind. He soon started blaming himself for pushing Frank too quickly. He blamed Frank's absence on something he had done. Once Frank started to ignore Gerard, he finally got the hint. Gerard slipped into his old routine of self medicating. He went out and got alcohol before slithering into his room by himself, and drinking until he nearly blacked out. He'd reread the text messages he had exchanged with Frank previously and over analyzed everything he said, trying to find what triggered Frank to drop him like a bad habit. He numbed his pain with alcohol for a couple of nights before Mikey intervened. “Not again,” he'd tell his brother, “You're not fucking doing this to yourself again.”

Gerard had so desperately wished something would have happened with him and Frank. He opened himself up to someone and had someone open up to him. He had such a good gut feeling and then it backfired on him. For that, he would never forgive himself. His thoughts constantly ate away at him. He no longer could sleep at night and his insomnia kicked in with full force. After Mikey took away every drop of alcohol in Gerard's personal stash he tried new things to keep his mind off of his current situation. Every night Gerard would try to draw until he was tired, but was finding that the morning came quicker each day. Shortly after he resorted to his old best friend Ambien and slept the pain away.

For the next couple of weeks it was nothing but routine. Gerard either stayed up all night, peeled himself off the bed to go to school, come home, draw for a while, and then go try to sleep in his bed, or he over slept and went to school half the day late; only getting up to repeat the same sequence.

Things weren't that much better off for Frank. He woke up, went to school, occasionally walked around finding quiet places to clear his head, and then went home. He fell deeper and deeper into a depression until one day. Frank continued his repetitive behaviors for a while. He just let his mind fall deeper and deeper into the darkness; the abyss of unwanted thoughts.

Until one day something changed.