Dr. Hollis announces her arrival. In front of everyone, she shows the girl like a prize won on a game show, displaying the choppy, short, black hair and small sloped nose. I’m not paying attention to Hollis’ voice. The only thing I notice about this girl is her eyes. You could tell at one point she had strikingly beautiful eyes. Now, they have dulled down to a pale and lifeless gray. Her eyes were as vacant as the sea.(that’s a song lyric from the title song. It’s my favorite Smashing Pumpkins’ song) She never made complete eye contact with anyone. She would look up, then straight back down, if she saw anyone looking at her. Everyone was looking at her. She was like a new addition to the city zoo. Everyone had to see.

“You may take a seat.” Dr. Hollis offers, though you can tell it’s an order.

Wringing her hands, Dead Eyes mechanically makes her way to the only seat open, which happens to be next to me. Lindsey ditched me for another patient. It’s not the first time that she’s gone off with Finn. I shouldn’t have been surprised when they sat down with Jack. I’m not the only one with a new fascination.

I didn’t catch her name and I’m pretty sure if I ask her she won’t answer. She has a staring contest going on with the floor. Before I notice I have been staring at her, her vacant eyes turn to me. I lost myself in them. They are so dead that it hurts me to look at them. You can see all the things she went through to get those eyes. These eyes weren’t a prize. They were the consequences of her overactive mind.

The empty eyes examine me, and then promptly fall back into the staring contest. She mumbles something, I can’t tell what. I hum, hoping she repeats herself. My noise causes her to jump. She quickly looks at me and her perfectly, shaped eyebrows furrow. Her eyes hold no expression or recognition. “Name’s Katy.” She whispers as soundless as possible while still getting it out.

I nod gently, as though to not scare her away. I don’t want to scare away the precious, little bunny she is. The empty eyes tell me she’s been through enough to break her and I don’t want to be the one to make it worse. “Gerard.” I murmur just as quiet. She looks at me with that one broken expression she has. She urges a small, meaningless smile to appear on her face. Her smile doesn’t send that sparkle to her eyes that I’m so used to seeing in Frank’s.

I’m afraid to ask her about why she’s here, but the want to know is burning away the part of my brain that deals with manners. I blurt out, “Why are you here? Are you like me?” Fuck my beautiful brain. It sure doesn’t have propriety.

“What are you like?” She challenges, very little emotion showing this. She seems unfazed by my bluntness, although those eyes show a miniscule amount of feeling, I wouldn’t know.

“I might be like a schizophrenic.” I admit, embarrassedly. I hate that I’m embarrassed by this.

“Of course you’re ashamed, it’s terrible.” Fuck! I thought he was gone.

“I can tell. Your pupils dilated when you saw the hallucination.” She mumbles, her chapped lips moving the minimal amount.

“Are you just like me?”

“I might be.” The small insignificant smile is back. I want those eyes to show just…something.

*

She hasn’t left me. I don’t mind Katy’s company. She only scans the place with her abandoned eyes, blank face continuing to make its presence. I haven’t gotten a genuine emotion yet.

She came with me to my room, well, as close to my room without getting in trouble. Female patients aren’t allowed in male patients’’ rooms and vice versa. But, I’m gay so it wouldn’t matter anyway. I just didn’t want to risk it because Billy, an orderly, was walking by. I had gotten my sketchbook while in my room and we headed to the cafeteria for lunch.

I need to draw her vacant eyes. They are beautiful in their own broken way, just like my mind. Until I saw her eyes, I hadn’t understood what he meant. I wonder if she’s just as protective as I was when I first got her. If she is, it’ll get her nowhere, just like me.

Throughout the day, I have been finding new similarities with Katy and me. It should be scary, but I like it. She hides her disorder. You can tell she’s perfected the blank look with years of trial and error. I have been trying to be less transparent, but it so goddamn hard when the hallucinations are so goddamn evil.

As we sit, I study her dead eyes and she studies the patients. I haven’t been able to eat all day and, by the looks of it, she hasn’t eaten a full meal in months. My lack of appetite might be the whole new patient thing (not that she’s repulsive), I’ve always hated when new ones arrive. They never leave. They end up like me, stuck in here for the rest of their miserable life. I don’t care what you say; this place is creepy and depressing. I swear to god that I have gotten even more depressed by looking at the grungy and gross carpet, scraped and scratched walls, and deflated and destroyed furniture.

The only thing that’s made this place brighter is Dr. Iero, strutting around in those tight, little waistcoats. I only come to the realization of my strong attachment to him when he comes nervously shuffling into the cafeteria. When he first came through that doorway, I had a small smile planted on my face. That smile grew larger and larger as he came closer and closer.

Katy’s eyes may be dead, but they always catch everything that’s going on. As soon as the small twitch of a smile was coming on my face, she followed my line of vision. Her eyes don’t change, but she gives me her best knowing smile. Before he comes into earshot she whispers, “You like him,” It was a statement. There was no way that the tone could be mistaken as questioning. If I didn’t know before, just by that statement, she could’ve convinced me I had an infatuation with him.

I must learn how to be more mysterious and unexpressive. I show every fucking thing in these eyes. I understand why Katy has developed the blank eyes. She doesn’t want to make her thoughts and feelings obvious.

I continue to grin(and drool) at Dr. Iero as he comes closer. Ray drags his feet to go sulk in the corner to get away from Frank, still mumbling about me being a fag. Katy continues to watch me and my obvious feelings(and hallucinations). Frank stops at our table and eyes Katy up. “You must be the new patient Katy.” He says, trying to put on a convincing smile. “It’s nice to meet you. I’m Gerard’s doctor. Dr. Iero,” He offers his skinny hand out. Her dainty fingers wrap around his in a small shake, her eyes a blank canvas, waiting to be painted to show the artist’s emotions.

“You already know I’m Katy.” Her voice is always just barely above a whisper, which is the only reason I haven’t gotten annoyed with her yet.

Frank scans the room, his hazel orbs landing on my open sketchbook with Katy’s vacant, half-done eyes. His smile is wiped away completely.

“Can I see your sketchbook yet?” He asks. Katy just looks, but I go into deep thought. Do I trust him enough to give him insight to my mind? I’m not a talker or a poet. I don’t have a way with words. I need to show him my mind, not tell him about.

I tell myself that the way to give back to him is to give him my mind. I want to show him that I appreciate all that he’s done for me. I guess I’ll show him my feelings and my mind. I will show him all the details that came from my mind and were transferred onto the paper.

I hum, pretending to think because that whole thought process was gone, once I made up my mind. I like dramatic pauses. “Yes,” I smirk at him, he only grins in response. “But…” His face falters. I hold up my index finger, as if to quiet him. “At our session. I must finish sketching Katy’s eyes.” She looks at me, mouth slightly open. I’m guessing she didn’t know I was drawing them. “They’re so beautiful,” I gush, then add “Like my mind.”

“I’ve earned the right?” Dr. Iero asks disbelievingly. I nod eagerly in response. He has a stupid, sloppy grin on his face. Katy Just watches us converse, calculating with those ominous eyes.

“I have decided to give you my mind.” I proudly state, sitting up straighter and putting on a serious face, but the grin is still there. Now, both of us are smiling like idiots.

Katy gently inserts a studious “How?”

“I’m not a poet, I’m an artist. My art comes from my mind, what I feel, think, and want. That’s what you,” I point to Frank, “want and the only way I can give that to you is by giving you my mind in a tangible form.” I run out of breath, so I take a huge breath. “Now let me finish sketching her empty eyes and then I will come right to you.” I say hurriedly, returning to my abandoned sketch.

“Can I stay with you?” He sits down next to me before I can answer. He knows I would have said yes. Anyone in this hell knows I would have said yes.

*

As soon as I was done drawing Katy’s eyes, Frank took me by the hand and dragged me into his office almost before I could get my sketchbook. I hate to admit that I was a little turned on by his show of dominance. After the perverted thoughts were shaken from my head, I registered Dr. Iero pushing me into my chair, placing both hands on either arm of the chair and leaning in my face. So close. I shiver.

“You gonna show me?” He must have gotten so excited that he forgot proper pronunciation and manners. I am definitely not complaining about his close proximity. It’s just that I might do something stupid, like kiss him. I don’t think he’d very much like that. Or he might. I don’t know what’s going through his head. But, I do know he blushes when he realizes how close our faces are.

“Yes,” I whisper into his face. He scrambles back and I scramble to get my sketchbook into proper viewing position. I hand it over and nervously chew on my thumbnail. I hate that nervous habit, but I always find myself doing it in awkward situations.

“Wow,” He breathes out. “This is amazing.” He continues to delicately turn pages with the pad of his fingertips on the top right corner of the page. “I was right.” He states smugly and looks straight at me.

“about what?” I ask lightly.

“Your mind is beautiful.” I’m finding a reoccurring theme here. He still hasn’t proven to me that my mind is as fascinating and beautiful as he makes it out to be.
He continues to analyze the meaning in each and every one of my five years’ worth of sketches and doodles. I begin to look around his office because I can’t stand watching the little faces he makes. He gasps, causing me to jump forward and find what he found.

Shit.

Why do awkward things always happen to me?

He ghosts his fingers over the coal contours of his body. He found the sketch I did of him on his first day. He stares at it with glistening eyes. That one piece of chocolate hair that curls around his eye has fallen back down in front of it.

“Your mind is beautiful.” He murmurs softly, meeting my gaze with his shimmering, hazel irises. His plump, heart lips form a slight pout. I blurt out the statement that always goes through my head every time he says that.

“You’re beautiful.”

Notes

Sorry this is later than expected. This week was crazy. My family is so dysfunctional.
So in a few chapters this will get depressing, but then sexy. This story is a little bipolar.
This chapter we have intros for Katy and a little of Finn(or Finnley)
You guys are fucking AWESOME! Love you all!