You'll Invest Yourself in Me

You know that feeling that everything around you is a dream, like if you touch something your whole world will just shatter and fall away into the black nothingness that is sleep. I’m getting that now. I feel Dr. Iero help me up, but I’m too busy trying to get of the dreamlike trance to respond. He leads me into his office and I move mechanically with him. I’m afraid to respond any other way, in case he’ll just disappear into the black abyss. Dr. Hollis passes us and gives me a teasing wiggle of her fingers, waving goodbye. I feel Dr. Iero’s hand on my lower arm tighten as he gives Dr. Hollis a warning glare.

Dr. Iero glides his hand down to my lower back and gives me a feeble push towards a chair. I fall into the plush chair. The room is spinning like water down a drain as my eyes try to follow him to his desk. He plops down into his oversized wheely chair. He looks tiny compared to the gigantic computer chair, making my world seem more dreamlike and unreal.

He hums while looking around, as if searching for how to start this confusing topic. “What’s your favorite book?” His words tie a flimsy string around my mind and start to pull me back to reality, but that string snaps with a sharp pop, once I realize it was a question. I stare at him blankly, he sighs dejectedly. “You shouldn’t have heard any of that.”

“Why?” My voice is level and monotone, which doesn’t really sound like me. This one word holds a lot of possible answers.

He shoots out of his chair and starts pacing the office in circles. I tuck my legs under me to get a better position, so I can watch him. I get the chills when he walks behind me. He gets so close. “We want you to get better. I don’t want you to think you can take advantage of me.” I blush furiously. Can he read my perverted thoughts? “But, I also don’t want you to think you are sick and need special attention.”

“Why me?” Such a small amount of words, yet such big answers. I can never create bigger questions, but these tiny, miniscule questions have such a great impact on the amount knowledge I earn.

“You are such a brilliant mind. You could have an amazing future ahead of you.” Frank sounds so miserable, yet so hopeful. “Everyone in this building wants you out, of course, in a good way.”

“Why you?”

He sighs exaggeratedly. “I have been studying your file for years now.” I don’t know how I’m supposed to respond. “You intrigue me. I have been building up my knowledge about you. I want to be the one to save you.” He looks down at his feet, resuming his pacing. I count his steps. “And, I hate to say this, but it seems I’m the only one who won’t give up.”

“Please, don’t give up.” I mumble. I don’t even think he can hear me.

Softly, He says, “I can’t.” He could. Of course, he can give up. He could just stop and walk away. He could get better patients and more money.

“Why?”

“I have invested so much time in finding and building escape routes. I want to stay with you and get you through this.” He takes in a hard breath. “I haven’t given up because I absolutely can’t and have no desire to. I’m also afraid that I’ll hate myself for leaving you like everyone else did. They left you, I won’t.” I’m rendered speechless. My mouth falls open slightly, forming a small pout, and my eyes are huge and glistening. He stops his strides and looks at me, determined. He makes straight eye contact and emphasizes all his words. “You are a beautiful mind, Gerard” My name sounds like an angel’s coming from his mouth. I mumble a phrase of gratitude, not meeting his intense gaze anymore. “I just want to save you from the unpleasant parts of it.”

“Please, save me” My voice comes out shaky and broken, not what I wanted.

“I will.” He states firmly. “I will stay with you to the end.” He gives me a comforting smile. “Are you going to dinner? They’re still serving it and you haven’t eaten since breakfast.” He grabs my wrist softly and pulls me out of the springy, old chair.

We walk down the hallway. This time it’s him that stays just a little too close for a doctor-patient relationship. I am not complaining. Sometimes, I can feel his hand ghost over my lower back, causing pleasant shudders and shivers. I like him close. He has this aura of safety and assurance. Ray tends to stay away from that kind of thing.

Frank close means Ray far. I can still see him, glaring from the corner, but he stays away from Frank. Ray can feel the same sensation of safety I do. Frank’s aura pushes Ray away. The closer I get to Frank the further away I get from Ray.

I grab our food and head towards the usual table. I gently put the cracked trays of food and juice down. I miss soda. I slip onto the bench. Frank -Dr. Iero comes back from the Doctor’s Lounge with another cup of coffee. He is trying to kill me. I watch as he elegantly slides onto the bench and fixes his white coat –that covers his gorgeous waistcoat- so it doesn’t get wrinkles. He looks up from his coffee and gives me a devious look with a matching smirk.

“I already gave you some today. No more.” The funny thing is, I wasn’t even staring at the coffee, but it’s a good cover for staring at his angelic face and sinfully nice body. He is doing so much for me and I don’t know what I can give back. He seems fascinated with my mind, I could give him that. But how?

“Alrighty.” I chirp. His speech has gotten me into a good mood, which is weird. No doctor has ever done that.

“There’s a new patient coming in tomorrow.” Good mood is gone. I hate when new patients come in. It makes me sad. They never leave one they’re here.

“Oh…” I frown and look at my untouched, mushy mac-n-cheese. “Yours?” I look up with wide, nonthreatening eyes. My voice is the epitome of nonchalance.

“No, silly,” He giggles. His giggles kill me. “I thought we already established that I’m not changing. I will always be only your doctor.” He smiles and takes in a mouthful of cheesy goodness. I crack a small, worthless smile. The thought of me having him all to myself causes happy confusion. He’s all mine. It makes warm feelings throughout my body, making me want to squeeze him in a hug and hold him forever. But, why do I need all of his attention? I am definitely not complaining, just confused.

“I don’t understand!” I whine and whimper at the end to improve my point. He giggles again at my childish behavior.

“I will say this once an never again.” He warns jokingly. “You have a beautiful mind and I want to save you –and only you- from its episodes.” He loses his joking manner.

“What makes my mind beautiful?”

“The way you think is perfect. You are so intelligent and I don’t want you to rot away in here because of the small weakness with it.” He is pushing me to believe every word he states.

“How do you know about me?” I ask suspiciously.

He blushes madly and chokes on a noodle. “I… um… knew you from school.” Oh, god. I hated high school. Wait! He went to school with me. I would have noticed a hot thing like him. Of course, it would have been when I was younger. So I might not have known about my sexuality yet. Although, I’m pretty sure I would have found out sooner if I saw him. “I heard some things from the neighbors about how you had gone crazy. I decided, since I was already majoring in psychology, that I would study you.” Then he grumbles, “I hate when people say gone crazy.” He sighs and looks deep into my eyes, dead set on telling me something important.

I feel someone slide onto the bench next to me. Frank’s eyes follow the new arrival, telling me it’s not Ray. I look over and my gaze meets the perpetually red-rimmed eyes of Jack, making me forget my previous conversation with Dr. Iero. His lips were set in a confused grimace and his eyes were looking wild and searching.

“Have you figured out my message?” He asks urgently, eyes wondering to behind me, most likely searching for shadows. I wonder what messages his mind can come up with. Does he have a beautiful mind, like me?

My gaze shifts to Dr. Iero, he looks calmer than he did the last time Jack was here. I’m pretty sure Jack’s message was about this, but I don’t know if I should encourage his messages. I nod my head slowly, making sure I don’t seem too enthusiastic. Although, I actually am pretty fucking ecstatic that he isn’t that crazy.

He grins widely and gives me a somewhat side-hug. I shiver not from pleasure but the creeps that just emanate off of him. I look up at Dr. Iero, begging him to save me from the dreaded arm that is wrapped heavily around my shoulders. Yeah, I’m starting, in the least bit, to enjoy his company, but that doesn’t mean I want him touching me. Frank clears his throat, rubbing the side of his face tiredly. Jack looks to him and is distracted by something Dr. Iero said. I was too busy slowly inching away from Jack’s touch and discreetly moving to Frank’s side of the table. I look up from the table to see Frank smirking at me, eyes sparkling, while he still slowly talks to Jack. I get situated(maybe a little too close to Dr. Iero) and look back to Jack.

“Have you gotten any new messages?” I ask sincerely curious. I can feel a slight annoyed glare from Frank. I don’t think I’m supposed to encourage Jack’s crazy encounters with his shadows or I cut him off midsentence.

Jack’s disturbing eyes light up and he grins dreamily. “They are such beautiful things. They can teach you such great lessons.” He has, on many occasions and to many people, tried so hard to describe the indescribably wondrous beings he calls his shadows. I never understood why he called them shadows, he’s chattered excitedly about how colorful and inspiring his little creatures are. On one of the scarce occasions he has talked to me, he told me that ‘creatures’ was even too harsh of a word for his flamboyant, little beings. “Just today, they said ‘Welcome new minds with open arms and eyes.’.” He sighs, still in the dreamy state. I can’t help that I have found a new fascination with him and his mysterious beings.

My mind examines his words for any reference to my life. Finding no relation, I sigh dejectedly. “Do you know who that message is for?”

“I thought you would know.” Jack replies immediately, possessing the same sadness as me. “They never told me.” He frowns lightly and his eyes lower to the floor in disappointment.

“Oh…” I haven’t any idea on what I could say to make him happier.

Dr. Iero chimes in with the news from before. “There is a new patient coming in tomorrow.” I stare at him in awe. I hear Jack’s gasped squeal, but I continue to gape at Frank.

“I knew you were right.” Jack whispers to -what I guess is- his shadows.

Maybe these people aren’t so crazy.

Notes

I put this up as soon as I had a hotel room with wifi. I just couldn't keep you guys waiting. Love ya!

*Since Katy Hullett has asked to be in this, I will let others too. I already decided what Katy(You will help Gerard A LOT) will be.
If you want to be in this, send me a message that includes name, what you want to be(i.e. doctor, patient(what disorder too), or hallucination), and small description. Psssst… Katy, I'm introducing your character in the next chapter, so I need yo info. (<--that rhymed, usually I don’t use the word yo.(unless I'm insulting/threatening them in mah ghetto voice))

I'm absolutely loving all the feedback I'm getting. You guys even want to be in this! You can't see me, but I'm like hugging myself and wishing I could hug all you. (Which is saying something cause I am not a hugger.) Bye Guys!