I see the tangled, auburn mess of tangles bouncing my way and I knew then that the calm morning I was having was over. I start to squirm in my seat, hoping that Ray isn’t heading my way. As he walks, he straightens his uniform and fixes all the buttons. The uniform has lost its noble olive-green hue and has taken a pale green. It’s a shame, the olive-green complimented Ray’s hair so well.

What the hell am I saying?

I swivel around to gaze at Dr. Iero again. Not so long ago, he left me to go get a cup of coffee from some kind of doctor lounge room or something. He all but skipped back, adoring eyes never leaving the beautiful, Styrofoam cup. I kind of stared at him with wide eyes and pouted lips until he reluctantly and secretly let me have a few sips(or gulps). That first taste of coffee was like getting cold water on a hot fucking day. I moaned with each drop, sliding down my throat and creating a warm feeling in my body. I squeezed my eyes shut and slowly handed the cup back.

I can’t look at Ray, so I stare at Dr. Iero, cherishing another cup of coffee. I’ll let him drink that one. I watch as he squeezes his eyes shut to enjoy the bittersweet flavor the black liquid leaves in its wake. The look of pleasure on his face is both hard to look at and hard to look away from. The weight of the bench shifts and Dr. Iero doesn’t seem fazed by the new presence. It’s Ray. Don’t look.

Dr. Iero puts the empty cup down and looks at me. He blows a breath out. “Hey, Gerard, I’m sorry to cut this breakfast early, but I gotta go to a meeting.” He states, looking for any signs of protest. I’m screaming at my body to tell him to stay and keep Ray away, but fuck, I can’t move my muscles. Ray is sneering at me.

”Don’t move, I need to talk to you.” Ray barks. Fuck, he’s angry.

Dr. Iero gets up and stumbles over to the trashcan to throw away the cup that held my drugs. He smiles sadly at me one last time as he turns away, back to the offices for him. My eyes linger on him for as long as I can see him. Once he’s gone, Ray clamps a heavy hand on my shoulder, roughly turning me around. His angry, scrunched up face comes into view, I’m missing Dr. Iero’s beautiful face. Ray’s eyes have added flecks of orange to the usually calm gold, causing his eyes to look like pit of fire.

”What the hell do you think you’re doing?” Ray asks, although I don’t think he’s expecting an answer, his mouth gets ready to spit an insult. ”You’re such a traitor! Are you trying to get rid of me?!” I want to laugh at that question, because yes, I am trying to get rid of him, but the rage on his face causes me to freeze. ”You’re such a whore, flirting with the first man that actually talks to you.” That last insult physically forces me off the bench, flinging me towards where Dr. Iero was last seen.

I run with aching eyes until I see his office door. I try the handle, but it’s locked and the lights are out. I push myself away from the door. My back crashes with the wall and my knees buckle, bringing me down to the floor. I scan the hallway for any sign of Dr. Iero. My eyes flutter up, catching a plaque next to the door I’ve never noticed before. I stare at with a stunned expression, knees to chest and chin resting on them. It has his full name engraved on it. I never even thought about his first name. I never paid attention to other doctors’ names. I never really cared enough to wonder about theirs, but he’s different. He’s more important, he’s going to save me. I want to know everything about my knight in shining armor. I just had to start with silly, little information like his first name.

His name is Frank. I let out a mumbled “Frank,” It feels right rolling off my tongue and sliding out into the abandoned hallway, but I don’t want to allow myself to call him Frank in my head and then actually say it out loud. He looks like a Frank. How do you decide if someone looks like what their name sounds like? Is it actually their looks or is it their personality? Is it a mixture of both? This sets me off to think about if I look like a Gerard, if I have the certain qualities a Gerard would possess.

I move on to think about what else could be considered important information about Frank, still staring stunned at the plaque. I wonder what his childhood was like. I want to know every-fucking-thing about him. I want to know the good and the bad.

Even if the bad can be pretty damn scary.

*

In the middle of my desperate attempt to make up a fake life for Frank, a confused ‘Gerard?’ is flung out through the air by the perfect lips of Dr. Iero. I flinch at the sudden(but very beautiful) noise, but don’t take my tired eyes off of the plaque. It must have been hours that I’ve been sitting here, my butt hurts from the hard floor. The carpet is dirty and old. My hands run across it, feeling for any spot that hasn’t been stamped down from years of rushing doctors and patients.

I feel Frank’s presence beside me, his warmth spreading to my folded body. He swoops down elegantly next to me. He puts his chin on my shoulder, lips close to my ear. “Is there a reason you’re staring at my door?” I offer a jerky nod and whip my head around to look at Dr. Iero. He jumps back, surprised at my sudden movement. Our faces were so close –too close- for his liking. I snap my head back forward, slightly saddened by his distance He continues to burn a hole in my flesh with his snooping eyes. I haven’t decided what the real reason is. Yeah, I did this to get away from Ray, but I could have left hours ago. It might be dinnertime, for all I know. He doesn’t know that I’m actually staring at his fitting name on the golden plaque. “Pssst…” His hot breath hits my face. “Hey, are you going to tell me about the wonder that is my door?”

My throat is dry from disuse. “Your name,” I croak distractedly, how have I never seen that shiny plaque?

“Yes, Iero. You know that already.” He sighs; he was expecting something stranger like I see dead people or some shit. Actually, I don’t know if Ray is dead or not. Great, I might really see dead people.

“Frank.”

“What?” He has a huge grin on his face. I can’t look at that contagious smile.

“No,” He knows how to get on my nerves. “Your name is Frank.”

After that’s out, he gets up and walks over to brush his fingers on the plaque. He starts to present it like a prize on a game show. “You like it? I just got it today.” Thank God. I thought I lost my observant quality. I used to notice every detail of everyone. Hopefully, I still do. He starts bouncing on his heels childishly. “It’s still all shiny!”

“Yes,” I breathe out, fucking relieved. “It is.” I haven’t lost the skill of understanding and interpreting tiny details. I wish I could throw a party.

“Is that really all you were doing, admiring my new oversized nametag?” He asks, finally coming back to serious doctor. I nod my head fervently. I can’t let him find out that I was creating a fake life for him(that may have included me). “For how long?” I shrug.

“What time is it?” I ask. Maybe I can defend myself and tell him I was only here for ten minutes.

“Five-ish” He replies nonchalantly. Fuck! All fucking day! I’ve been here for just over nine hours. At least I missed group session.

I swallow the lump that was forming in my throat. “Were we going to skip today’s session?” I try to pull of the same nonchalance that he did, but you can hear the urgency in my voice.

“I’m sorry, Gerard, but I had to go to the meeting. It took longer than I thought.” He looks away from me, at the floor, to be specific. He’s hiding something. “You should go to dinner, I have to talk with Dr. Hollis.”

As soon as it’s said, she appears and says “Shall we?” and puts her hand on Dr. Iero’s shoulder while he unlocks the door and they walk in. I stand there, switching between glaring at Dr. Hollis heatedly and gazing at Dr. Iero longingly.

*

I didn’t take Dr. Iero’s advice, I stayed right there. Well, not exactly. I sank back down to my previous folded state. Their voices have been muffled by the door, but I could tell the words were getting heated and voices were being raised. Until recently, I had been getting bits and pieces of their conversation or, now, argument. There had been a few muffled ‘Gerard’s and some other random words. One was savior.

“- can’t take other patients!” Dr. Iero yells.

“You aren’t helping Gerard.” Dr. Hollis struggles to keep her voice down, causing her words to sound strangled and choppy. “Obviously, you aren’t his savior.”

“He needs me. He cooperates with me. I am saving him.” He sounds desperate. I want to hug him. helping me. He is. “Just because I haven’t yet, doesn’t mean I’m not in the process.”

“Maybe he should start the process with someone else.” Dr. Hollis states coldly.

“No! I came here only for him and I am going to stay here until I save him.” Dr. Iero urges her to listen to his point. I mentally force her to. I crawl closer to the door and quietly press my ear against the door.

“You can take other patients instead of him.” She has regained her calm mask.

“I came here for Gerard and only Gerard.” Dr. Iero’s voice is strained with rage and distress. “He is my only patient for a reason. I need to focus on saving him.” My eyes widen and I project myself away from the door like it’s on fire. I curl up even more than I had before. How am I his only patient? I can’t be his only. I tune out of their argument. Jack was fucking right. That’s just weird, unless he wasn’t actually talking about this. Any way, his message can apply to this. Maybe these people aren’t so crazy.

Again, I am awakened from my thoughts by a strained and confused sound of Dr. Iero’s voice. “Gerard?”

Notes

Alright, you might hate me after this note. There's good news and bad news
1. I'm going away for a little over two weeks and I don't know how much I'll update there.
2. I planned out the major events of this, so it at least has a direction!
3. The destination might be depressing (I haven't decided yet.)

Sorry guys! I gave you one last update before I leave.