“They’re your new meds, Gerard.” My eyes find his honey hazels.

”That’s right, Gee. You’re still crazy in his eyes.” Ray snaps. The force of his voice causes his auburn curls to fumble and knot around themselves.

“What do these do?” I ask quietly, dreading the answer. “Will they change me?” His hand places itself on my neck, his thumb smoothly running over the protruding spine.

“Nothing will change that bea-“

”Ugly.”

“mind of yours.” Dr. Iero’s lips make their path right after his thumb. “They’ll save you. I wish I could do it on my own.” The sweet breath floats down my neck like furry little bugs. ”C’mon take one.”

“I don’t want to.”

He takes the translucent orange bottle with our names on it. His thumb pushes the lid off with a loud pop. He tilts the bottle to let only one capsule fall into his other open palm. He closes the bottle and places it on his desk gently. The bottle still ends up falling.

”Don’t fall for it.”

Dr. Iero picks the pill up with his thumb and forefinger, gently placing it on his tongue. His hand wraps around the back of my neck, pulling my lips to his plush pout. My lips connect with his and almost instantly my mouth is invaded by his tongue and the devil pill. “Swallow.” He murmurs against my lips. I want to do as he says, but my mouth feels like a dessert. I can’t let this foreign object into my body and blood stream. Who knows what it will do to me?

His lips don’t leave mine. I don’t want to complain, but this horrid taste won’t leave my mouth. No matter how sweet Dr. Iero is, his taste won’t overpower the pill’s. Dr. Iero’s hand tightens and he makes an annoyed noise in the back of his throat. He almost unwillingly moves away from me.

“Gerard, please.” He urges. “I could make this harder for you.”

My hands fumble to cover my mouth, pushing my lips against my teeth. My tongue works against the pill, pushing it away from my throat. I hear, “Goddammit, I really thought it would work.” from Frank’s sweet lips as he returns from the bathroom with a cup of water. I shake my head repeatedly. To him, I must look like a defiant child throwing a temper tantrum. Essentially, that’s what I am.

He hands me the cup of water. My shaky hands wrap around it and slowly move it up to my lips. I slip my lips onto the edge of the glass. I feel Dr. Iero’s eyes on me the whole time. I squeeze my eyes shut to hide from his. The water pours down my throat, washing the pill with it.

”You are useless.” I flinch. I can feel the wall of the capsule dissolve in my stomach, releasing the real, powdered medicine into my body.

“I love you. You know that, right?” Frank’s small frame slips onto my lap, knees folded and arms wrapped around my neck. One hand roams to cup my cheek, a thumb rubbing against my cheekbone, his intense hazel eyes penetrating my murky greens. “You know I would never hurt you, right?” I nod gently into his smooth palm, closing my eyes and reveling in the warmth of his colorful hands. The warmth distracts me from the chemicals rushing through me, changing me. I told myself that I would Frank change me, but I don’t know if he’s molding me beautiful.

---

“So, what did you do today?” Dr. Hollis asks, dull blues wide and wondering. The interns have made an appearance today, so I can’t sit next to Katy because Dr. Casablancas is sitting next to me. Rachelle sits cross-legged in front of him with her scarred fist nestled under her chin. Her vibrant green eyes glare at him. I don’t think she likes him.

”Of course I don’t like him! He’s trying to be like Frank.” She snaps. I roll my eyes at her.

“Don’t roll your eyes at me, Gerard.” Dr. Hollis’ tired voice warns. Rachelle gives me a mischievous smile.

“I took new pills.” I mumble. All the doctors in the room look at me with disbelief. Rachelle gives me a worried glance, then jabs a pale thumb at Dr. Casablancas questioningly. My head falls into my hands.

“Do these new pills make you extra angst-y?” Dr. Hollis asks, holding back a laugh.

”No, that is just Gerard’s natural diva showing.” Finnley announces to the group. I sink lower in my seat.

“I’m leaving.” I dully put out into the laughter-filled air.

“You can’t leave yet. Dr. Casablancas hasn’t had a session with you.”

”Leave!”

I slide off my chair. I push it back in order to be able to escape the group circle, ignoring the annoyed calls of my name. I make my way to my room. I just want to sleep.

*

“Gerard, you haven’t eaten in days.” Frank scoots closer to me, practically spooning me. I grip the top of my ratty blanket closer to my chin.

“They’re back.” I croak, voice dry and broken from days of disuse. “I don’t want them. I want you.” Only Frank has permission to occupy my mind like this.

”I’m hurt!” Rachelle forces out from atop my headboard, like my bruised and scarred guardian angel. Ray lounges in the plush chair in the corner, pouting and glaring.

“I know, baby.” Frank states, nipping at my ear. “Sugar, I took you off of your other pills for a while. It’s gonna take some time before your beautiful mind can have peace again.” His hand rubs up and down my back, sending pleasant shivers throughout. “Will you eat?”

“I don’t want to move. They’ll follow me.” I moan, clutching the blanket over my head. I wonder how long it will take for me to run out of air or if it’s possible to suffocate and die under here. The longer I stay under, the harder it is to breathe the used air. The black mass continues to suffocate my sight and breath as open my eyes and seal my lips.

I’m bathed in cool, clean air. With an automatic breath, my plans of suffocating are killed, unlike me. Frank’s hovering above me with a concerned countenance. My glistening greens meet his worried eyes. He murmurs lovingly, pushing back my ruffled hair, “Don’t do that to yourself.”

“Why?”

“I love you.” He states incredulously. “And I brought you food.” How long was I holding myself under that blanket? If I had those few more moments of strained freedom, could I have successfully suffocated?

”We all know you can’t do anything successfully.” Those would not be the first words on my failed attempts at suicide he has said to me over the past five days.

“I’m not hungry.”

“Gerard,” He says sharply yet affectionately. “You haven’t eaten in days.”

”Good, I hope you die of starvation.” That would be Ray again. ”It sure ain’t gonna be by your own hand.”

I sit up straight. The blanket slides off my shoulders and form a pile of shredded sheets around my hips. My face is in close proximity to his, noses brushing momentarily. “I can feel these stupid pills disintegrating in my stomach as we speak. I’m not adding a goddamn thing to it.”

“Why? It might help.” His innocent eyes don’t understand.

“I don’t know how it will react.” My hand clamps onto his wrist. He drops whatever was in that hand, sending purple pools to the ground. Goddammit, I wanted that juice. “They might kill my mind.”

“You’re making me worry.” His hand moves to push back my matted, messy hair, then both of his colored hands bury themselves in my messy, matted mop. I regard him with vacant eyes. Those fucking innocent hazels never waver.

“If I eat this shit, will you stay with me?” I ask, trying to sound less desperate than I actually am and my hands gripping the hem of his waistcoat.

“Of course, baby.” He affirms, kissing my creased forehead, then my protruding pout. “I don’t want you harming yourself again.” As soon as those words leave his lips, his eyes widen with urgency and regret. I physically recoil from his embrace. His arms fall away from my waist with remorseful submission.

“How many times do I have to tell you? It wasn’t me!” I screech angrily, throwing my arms up, narrowly missing Frank’s gorgeous face. I push myself off of the distressed mattress. I grab the tray of food Frank sat on the end table. I situate myself on the gross chair near the closet. His sadly determined, hazel orbs follow my moves, maneuvering in sync with my body.

“Do you want me to stay?” He blurts out, slight urgency remaining in his eyes.

“You can stay,” I muse, stuffing burnt French fries into my mouth. I didn’t know how hungry I was until I smelled the grotesque grease covering the healthy hospital food. “Only if you want to.”
Frank shifts on the bed awkwardly. These are the moments that I regret being this crazy patient in an asylum. Why can’t our relationship be normal? Why can’t this be between two normal people who met through a normal circumstance? Why can’t I be normal?

”That would be because you’re crazy.” Ray sussed from his corner. Rachelle swiftly harms him physically with a quick hit.

The orange-tinted liquid drips at a slow pace, reminding me of my draining sanity. The grease slides off of the pizza into a pretty pile.

“Of course I want to stay. I wouldn’t leave you for anything.”

”He might for a pair a tits. I’m tellin’ ya I’d leave you for those.” His words worm their way into a perfect moment and eat away at its allure to create a cyanide center.

I look at Frank through the dripping poison of the elevated pizza. “You want me to eat this?”

He cracks a haltingly handsome half-smile. “It’s not my first choice either, Gerard, but I would like you to eat that.” I feel myself become nauseous at the thought of putting this thing in my body. I don’t know how all this will react with the pills that are dissolving in my blood.

I excuse myself to the bathroom, which is really just a closet-sized room with a toilet and sink in my room. Not every room has one, but all the patients in my wing do. This advantage enables me to examine my pale complexion and black-ringed eyes. My finger runs along the edge of the sink, then up to glass. The corner of the mirror pricks the pad of my finger. I examine the wound closely, watching crimson liquid bubble out. I can’t see anything wrong with my blood, but I can feel it. The way the medicine moves slowly, the process of my thoughts changing, the food reacting in my stomach.

“What the hell do you think you’re doing?” Frank’s concerned words break my medical examination. I look at him with the eyes of a scolded child, so small and misunderstood. The scarlet syrup continues to roll down my hand in a distracting manner. Frank grabs a wash cloth and carefully dabs at the prick.(Did that come out wrong?) My eyes continue to gaze at his determined face, his tongue slightly protruding from his pink, plush lips. He catches my gaze and begs, “Please, stop doing these things. I hate seeing you hurt.”

“I’m sorry.” I choke out, eyes stinging with reprimanded tears. His unharmed finger wipes away the tears that are forcing their way out. “Will you stay?” I ask with a watery laugh. It sounds pitiful and desperate, but he should be used to that already.

“All day,”

Notes

Have no fear, WINTER BREAK IS HERE! Hopefully there will be lots of updates. Maybe even a new story? Wait, lets slow down alex and finish this one. I love you all for putting up with my procrastination.

Since you guys already hate me for taking so long, I might as well add a rant about(drum roll please) Skittles.
Alright! let's start with a little background info on me. I LOVE GREEN APPLE! (green apple shampoo, body wash, lotion, chapstick, candles, lollipops, jolly ranchers, gum, ect.) BUT I CANNOT STAND THOSE GODDAMN GREEN APPLE FUCKERS -I mean skittles. They don't even taste close to green apple. Can you imagine how disappointed I was? (I may have cried a little) Skittles were the only lime flavored thing i could stand. I hope they change it back.

WHAT'S WITH THESE FUCKING ADS?! I DID NOT AGREE TO THIS.

You all have beautiful minds.
-Alex:)