Six Years Prior

“What do you mean he’s not getting better?!” His mother screamed at the psychiatrist. “Just give him more pills! Do the one thing you’re supposed to do.”

Gerard stared at the linoleum floor, wishing his mother would stop drugging up his mind. That’s all they want. They want him to turn into a zombie, a mere mindless clone of himself. He doesn’t want that, but do they ever really care about what he wants.

“Mother,” He started with a meager mumble. “I don’t want more.”

“Gerard, you need them.” She bites. “You’re not normal.”

“What is normal?!” He murmurs harshly. He rises from his seat, the chair legs scraping and squealing against the old tile. He leaves the office room, passing his kid brother in the lobby. The little, brown-headed child dutifully follows after his big brother, three paces behind.

“Gee, are we done now?” The smaller asks lightly. Gerard has a hard time keeping his pissed façade with the little wimp acting so cute.

“I am, Mikes, I am.” Gerard replies. “Don’t think mom is.” He grumbles, kicking the nonexistent rocks of the parking lot. He wanders aimlessly with his fists balled in his Radiohead hoodie pocket, Mikey mimicking behind.

*

“Geeeeeeeee!” Mikey screeches. “They left.” Gerard creeps down the steps with his arms stretched out in front of him, hands hanging limp. He moans and groans. His eyes rubbed red and vacant.

“Brainzzzzz.” Gerard grunts.

“Gee, stop.” Mikey says uninterestedly, feigning calm. Gerard grunts in response. “I’m over zombies.” He singsongs. “I like vampires now.” Mikey bats Gerard’s arms away from him as Gerard tries to encase him. Swiftly, Gerard swings his arm around Mikey’s neck, petting the soft skin with his fingernails.

“Such a pretty, pale neck.” Gerard drawls in deep accent. Mikey squirms in his grasp. “Vhat guhd bluhd coold come from zhis.”

“Gee, just stop.” Mikey whines with wide eyes.

“I vunt to suck your bluhd!” Gerard cackles. He bites Mikey’s neck.

“Ew!” Mikey squeals and rips himself from Gerard’s grip. “That was gross, Gerard.”

“Oooh, Mikey’s serious now. Not calling me Gee. I’m hurt.” Gerard holds his chest, right over his heart. “There are pains in my chest. In my heart.” Gerard simpers. Mikey squints his eyes at Gerard. He’s too happy, too lively. His eyes are too bright. They don’t possess the usual emptiness.

“Gee, did you take your meds?” It was more of a quiet command than a question. His voice was saddened and pitiful.

“Mikes, please. Let’s just watch some movies before they get back.” Gerard has those pains in his chest for real. He doesn’t want to burden Mikey with his problems. Mikey doesn’t need to hear about the true zombie Gerard will turn into on those pills. “I’ll be fine.”

“I missed you.” Mikey murmurs, not wanting to be heard. Gerard turns away from Mikey with a pained grimace. Gerard missed himself too.

*

The bottles hit the bathroom counter, some rolling onto the floor, others filling the sink. The bottles pop open when they hit the floor, rolling around spilling out their contents. They create a rainbow of orbs on the dirty, white tile.

A fist tightly wraps around the translucent, orange bottle. The bottle makes a pop when the lid is flicked off with a shaky thumb.

“Gee, please open up!” The smaller boy knocks against the chipped, white door, tears streaming down his pallid cheeks. His nose is running and red.

“No,” Gerard replies coldly. “You’re probably helping them.” The smaller squeezes his eyes shut, fists clenching the hem of his shirt.

“Who?” Mikey knows, but he needs to hear it.

“The vampires. They’re coming for my heart.” Gerard replies, staring into the bottle of over a hundred medium-sized, colorless pills.

“I’ll never let them hurt you,” Mikey promises firmly. There’s a rustling from inside the bathroom. The door opens, lighting Mikey with a strip of yellow.

“Ray said that too.” Gerard passes by Mikey, prescription bottle wrapped in a tight fist. The older boy rushes down the nearby stairs, the smaller following behind.

“Gee,” They scrawny boy whimpers. “You’re fine.” Gerard scrambles around in the kitchen drawers. His hands search for something so sinister. A knife is pulled out. The blade gleams in the harsh light of the fancy kitchen with all stainless steel, innovative appliances. Yeah, that coffee maker over there keeps this boy alive.

Gerard holds the sharp edge to his neck with one hand and clutches the pills in the other. “I need to, Mikes. They’re gonna get my heart.” The desperation in the soft voice causes both of their hearts to ache. Mikey creeps closer with his hands reaching out slightly, wishing to hold his distraught brother. “St-stay away.” Gerard warns. Mikey disregards the cracked voice. “No, no, no.” A quiet chant erupts. His hair sways as he shakes his head.

Gerard pushes the small boy against the counter, forcing the blunt edge against the boy’s neck. Mikey’s eyes widen and a whimper emits from his throat. “What are you doing?” Mikey gulps and whimpers when the blade pushes deeper with the movement.

The quiet, broken voice breaks Gerard out of his stupor, causing his hand to loosen around the knife. The knife falls slowly, slicing the boy on the way to the floor. The boy screeches as blood pours from the wound. His hands grip the cut, soaking in the warm scarlet. His wet eyes meet his brother’s with a look of sheer terror. “Why?” He croaks as he weakens and falls to the floor. His already pallid skin grows paler.

"I needed to." He murmurs. Gerard folds to the floor with his brother. He crawls away from the broken boy to the corner. His hands fumble to open the pill bottle again. He spills the pills onto the floor, patting them down to create an even sea of white pebbles. He picks one up with his forefinger and thumb, rolling it between them and watching it crumble with vacant eyes. He grips the broken pieces and powder with one hand while he pops the other pills into his mouth one by one until he feels faint.

He lays his heavy head on the floor, glittering eyes watching his brother, adding more pills to the ones already in his stomach. His vision blurs with the effects of the pills and tears. His eyes begin to feel heavy and fall closed on their own. There’s a pounding heaviness in his head along with a terrible dizziness.

As his eyes close for the last time, he sees the small rise and fall of his baby brother’s chest.

Notes

I wrote this when I was sad. But, y'know, when am I not?
I'm sorry this took so long, but my laptop was acting weird and I was really busy with projects. These teachers hate the students. Four projects in one week? Really?!

I think I'm done with the flashbacks for a while. They're really painful(?) to write.

You all have beautiful minds.
-Alex:)
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