He was such a small little thing and his broken appearance didn’t help. His wide, chocolate eyes are dazzling, but you can tell he’s witnessed things uglier than most. That’s how most of us get in here, witnessing something we shouldn’t have to. I’ve never seen his eyes –or him- before, although he said he’s been here for two months. I was probably too enraptured by Frank’s breathy voice and beauty.

The first time I saw him was when he found me wandering outside in the cold, dark night. He introduced himself as Ryan and then pulled me by my elbow into the warmth of the building. He saw the look on my distressed face through the frosted window and knew I was thinking too much… and that Ray was bothering me. I don’t really know how he knew about the Ray thing. It was probably Katy. They have been spending too much time together. I didn’t even know about him and she’s already best fucking friends with him. I feel so oblivious. I used to be so observant.

“There’s definitely something different about him.” Lindsey whispers not-so-quietly to Finn. I don’t know if she’s referencing the goofy smile that will randomly take over my face or the worried countenance that is there the rest of the time.

“His eyes have a slight sparkle to them.” Finn replies thoughtfully, tapping her chin with an index finger. Then, she quietly adds, “They are quite beautiful, a nice green.”

Katy looks at me knowingly. She’s changed too. Her eyes have become hazel with just noticeable gray flecks instead of the predominantly gray she had when she arrived here. She has shown emotion! I got her to smile and laugh and grin and, fuck, I even got her to sing. I can’t take the credit for that though; it goes to Ryan. Even though she did those things with me, he was the one that helped her, now she has to help him.

I can see her discreetly inch her hand closer to Ryan’s. His brown hair falls into his face as a messy fringe, covering the blush that takes over his face when he grasps her hand lightly. Her plump lips morph into a small smile as she plays with his fingers and lightly ghosts her fingers over his knuckles. I wish I could do that with Frank and show it to the world like them. Fuck, I don’t even know if he’ll still talk to me after what I did to him.

I don’t know how I’m going to explain myself to him at our session. I want to confess my strong feelings to him, but those words won’t come out. He needs to hear them, but more importantly I need to hear them to prove to myself those words are true.

*

I burst into his room, ready to explain myself to him. He isn’t at his desk and looks quite shocked in the doorway of his room. He’s holding a dusty, tattered box that looks like a board game.

“Hello, Gerard,” He chirps in his breathy voice. I stare at him as he maneuvers to his desk. He puts the box down, opening it to reveal a scrabble board. I look at him with questioning eyes, receiving a smirk and a gesture to sit, goddamnit in return. “I thought we’d do something different today.”

Why isn’t he mad at me? He has the right to be. He should be screaming and yelling or just giving me the silent treatment, but instead he looks happy. He walks over to the door and locks it.

“I don’t want anyone interrupting our game.” He states. He walks to his desk and sets up the game. He hands me seven letters, making sure to brush his fingers across my hand. I check my letters. They’re pretty decent.

“How is this going to help?” I ask quietly, eyeing him when he goes to organize his letters on the little wooden stand.

“I want to know what’s on your beautiful mind.” He states. “There are multiple different words you can spell with those letters and I want to see what your mind comes up with.” He elaborates when I give him a confused glance.

His nimble fingers start the game off with ‘under’. While I use his ‘e’ to spell ‘mother’, he grabs more letters to replenish his seven. He adds ‘stand’ to his previous word. I stare at him, not because he cheated but because the message makes me feel so happy. I’m still apprehensive because I want to know how he is analyzing my mind.

“Look, Gerard, I know you think I hate you, but I don’t. I still love you, and if you can’t say it back, it’s alright.” He says quietly, still keeping eye contact.

“It’s not alright. I need to say it because I feel it. I feel something for you –something so strong, but it won’t come out.” I ramble, running my fingers through my knotty hair. He walks over to me and kneels in front of me. He looks up through his chocolate lashes that frame those hazel eyes.

“Gerard, I understand. You can’t say it and you have a reason for that. I know you feel something for me. I can see it in your eyes. I could wait for your response forever if I have to.” He states, pulling my hand away from ruthlessly tugging on my black locks. He kisses my knuckles.

“Why?” I sob quite guilty. “Why can’t I say it? I want to scream it from the top of this fucking building, yet it won’t come out to the person it means the most to.”

“Baby, honey, everyone you loved left you. Your mother, the one who’s supposed to love you the most, left you once she found out you were different than other teenage boys. Your mind is telling you that once you say it to me, I’ll leave.” He says sadly, “But, I won’t, and I don’t know how to prove that to you.”

“You don’t need to. I know you won’t leave me.” I whisper uncertainly, grasping for his hand. I need to touch him to express how much I need him. I need to intertwine our fingers to show him how much I believe him.

“And I know that you love me.” He says brightly and presses a hard kiss to my lips. I love him. Now say it. He knows it, I know it and even Katy knows it. Why can’t it roll effortlessly off my tongue like his name does? Why can’t it be that easy?

“I’m crazy for you.” I reply, squeezing my eyes shut and waiting for his response to my terrible pun. It doesn’t feel right. It isn’t enough, but it’s all I can give to him now.

I can hear the smirk in his words. “Y’know, that works too.” He lifts my head up, revealing a toothy grin, and places a passionate kiss to my lips. “I love you too.” He says breathlessly when he pulls away from me. I pull him closer, and his small stature falls into my lap. My hands lithely fall down to grip his hips and his clasp around the back of my neck, his fingers play with the black locks. He gazes at me with those hazel eyes, wide and loving. His kiss swollen lips hang open slightly, forming a small smirk. He presses his lips to mine heatedly, lips moving furiously with want.

He grinds his hips down onto mine and I release a throaty moan, breaking our heated kiss. His nose nudges mine, signaling me to move my head to the side. I comply and he attaches his pink pout to my neck, nibbling and licking sensually and still grinding down on me. My hands run up and down his sides, restlessly searching for a spot that makes him moan. One hand grips his hip and thumbs over the hipbone, the other rests in his hair, tugging slightly. He sits back on my lap and smiles at me, panting and leaning into the hand on his face. “Do you wanna go to the bedroom?” He asks, his voice the essence of seduction.

“Yeah. I want you.” I reply breathily. With one last grind from his hips, he pushes off of me. He grabs my hand, pulling me off the seat and into his room. I follow very close to him, sometimes kissing or sucking on his neck.

He gently pushes me down onto the bed. I scoot up until my head reaches the plush, Frank-scented pillows. He seductively crawls towards me and settles himself between my legs. His hands roam up and down my thighs, pulling them closer to him. Our lips find each other’s again, his tongue begging for entrance and dominance. He chants the same phrase a couple times, “I love you,” I moan against his lips in reply to the statement and his constant rutting against me.

I don’t know if he’s expecting a reply or not, but I think he knows subconsciously it won’t come. I wish it would. “I wanna show you.” I whisper against his lips, fingers playing with the buttons of his waistcoat. He pulls back to lovingly gaze into my eyes, smiling seductively. I break the eye contact, saying, “I wanna… y’know?” I shrug awkwardly, eyes still not meeting his. He attacks my neck in reply, nodding lightly to show he understands.

“Are you sure?” He murmurs, earning a definite nod from me. “I love you.” He swiftly pulls my ratty t-shirt off, connecting his lips to my collarbone once it’s out of the way. He grinds his hips down, showing me he’s just as hard as I am. My fingers fumble with the buttons again.

“I love these waistcoats.” I moan as his smiling lips travel downwards, his fingers slipping under the waistband of my pants and my hands sliding under the waistcoat. His fingers curl under the waistband and pull my sweatpants off and on the floor. I gasp as the cold air nips at the newly exposed skin. The skin is soon warmed up when his body comes back to cover it. He captures my lips in a heated kiss as I busy myself with unbuttoning his shirt and pushing it off his shoulders. I break the kiss to suck on the “Hope” tattoo on his chest. My hands busy themselves with pealing his tight pants off.

“You should get on your knees,” Frank murmurs, getting up to rummage through his drawers. He saunters back with a bottle of lube. He watches as I turn over and get on my hands and knees. His hands ghost over my back when he gets back on the bed. He shifts my hands from on the pillows to the headboard, making my back arch and kissing my shoulder. “I wanna be able to run my hands all over your beautiful body.” His sensual words make me grip the dark wood of the bed harder. He slicks his fingers up with the lube. He mouths at my shoulder blades as he slides the first finger in. I emit a slight groan from the pain. He moves it a couple times before adding another. He spreads and curls his fingers inside to earn a reaction from me and with his other hand he gently strokes my deflating erection. His lips remain kissing my back and shoulders as he thrusts his fingers deeper, searching for that spot that’ll make me shutter and moan.

I moan loudly and tighten my grip on the headboard, “I want you.” His fingers leave and I whimper with want for him. His sweaty palm is on my hip, fingers curling to rub my hipbone, and the other guides his cock. He enters me slowly, soothing my slight pain with feather light kisses. Once he’s fully in, he waits for me to adjust. If I had known how much this hurts, I would have been gentler with him the first time.

Once my sexual frustration is too high and I feel ready, I murmur, “Please, move.” He complies almost immediately, thrusting in and out at a slow pace. The pain dissipates almost instantly when I hear his breathy moans. Soon, I’m using my tight grip on the headboard as leverage to meet his thrusts, causing him to thrust faster. His hands roam over my stomach and hips, pulling and pushing my hips to him. I moan lowly and tighten when he hits my prostate. “Frankie, right there,” I push my hips back against his thrusts. “Harder,” I pant. He thrusts in harder and deeper, releasing moans from both of our kiss swollen lips. One of his hands slides around my sweaty body to pump my leaking cock, earning a throaty “Frank,” from me.

My sweaty palms slide on the wood as Frank pulls my face towards his for a sloppy kiss. With a hard thrust, he hits that spot again and my hand flies of the headboard and onto the wall, leaving a handprint. My head falls down to rest on my shoulder.

“C-close,” I mumble. Suddenly, I’m flipped over onto my back and Frank forces a sloppy kiss on my lips.

“I wanna see you.” He murmurs against my collarbone, nipping and licking at it. His thrust continue at a fast pace. I move my hips with his. “So so beautiful.” He mumbles. I can feel myself getting closer and I can tell by his quickening thrusts and strokes that he is too. I run my fingers through his chocolate tufts and let my hands roam down his chest. With a final cry, I cum over his hand and my stomach. He follows me, emitting a deep moan against my throat. He kisses my neck as he pulls out and rolls off of me, pulling my sweaty body closer to his. I lay on my side with my hand splayed out on his chest, smiling dopily.

There’s a furious knock on his office door accompanied by a distressed “Dr. Iero!”. Dr. Hollis is knocking harshly again. Frank jumps out of bed and pulls on my sweatpants and a t-shirt quickly.

“Hide.” He whispers to me, pecking my lips lightly. I scurry off the bed and search for my boxers and a place to hide. He opens the door and Dr. Hollis rushes in.

“What took you so long?” She asks harshly.

“What do you need?” I hear Frank ask politely, ignoring her previous question.

“Gerard’s parents are coming in soon and I want them to think he’s normal.” Dr. Hollis replies. I have to cover my mouth to muffle the terrible noise that wants to escape my mouth.

Notes

I AM SO SORRY!
You can ask my friends. I would not stop worrying about finishing this chapter and "How am I supposed to end it, goddammit?" Finally, I decided I had to write smut for my lovelies.
It won't be that long again. I just had to get used to work for school and I used all my creative writing skillz to write a Cinderella story based on Hungarian culture. (yeah I don't know how I did that one)
Almost 100 subscribers! I love you guys!

You all have beautiful minds.
-Alex:)
A list of all the people included that aren't in My Chemical Romance:
Julian Casablancas(The Strokes)
Ryan Ross(Panic! at the Disco)
Billy Corgan(The Smashing Pumpkins)(he's that orderly dude that's always yelling at Gerard)
Jack White(The White Stripes)