Pansy
And The Ability To Shut My Eyes At Night
....and Mission....
Mission...
A too familair face, and a too familair nickname. I remember his last letter to me, I still had it.
Pansy,
let's not fool ourselves friends. the end of the world is here.
when all the white noise runs dry and the alcohol gets turned down to a dull hum ...all we may have is each other's shitty company.
(i will wait for you.)
though our lips have not touched, we breathe the same air
and as our molecules collide you shall know this to be true.
for if you don't ...well then maybe i've been wasting my time.
these things we say, are not just things we say...they are our lies and our truth. our love and our hate.
and though my tongue may be sharp at times, in my heart i believe in us.
let me decompose in this embrace and be reborn as a fond memory for the dust to settle on and enjoy.
-settle down-
the moments we've shared together, real or imagined, are just a preamble.
i look forward to floating, lost, in our vastness.
sediment-ally yours,
frnk.
Those final words memorized by my tired mind. Frank was something special. He was a good pen pal, and became my friend and when I met him 12 years ago, I was still on anti-depressents and booze. I've been sober for awhile now, and I was sober when I met him, but I had gotten much much skinnier since then, not to mention I died my hair a brown and all the tips curled up because it was so short. It went well with my tan and eyeliner, so I doubt he even recgonized me, but I recongized him. He was at least 21 when I met him, he was now at the least 29, he looked no fucking different, at all. It was scary shit. That is probably why I could recgonize him.
Now, he sat infront of me, in the damn flesh and I had no idea what the fuck to say. He just sat there, waiting for a reply I was not ready to fucking create. So I did what I did best, I became a dumbass. "I, uhm, I-" "Gee-bear! Heyy, ooh! Yes. Thank you! I told you to get laid and you delivered. Anyway, bring the sexy-man to the car and let's go, I have my fuck buddy waiting in the car. Hurry!" Mikey giggled, practically skipping across the dance floor failing to notice that he humiliated me. The bastard.
"Oh" Frank began to laugh "Oh-breath-my-breath-god-breath. That was your brother? So he sent you in with a agenda yeah? Good thing I think you are good looking and I just got off my shift. Let's go sexy" He smiled and winked. I felt my heart jump as he linked his arm in with mine and yanked me out of my seat. "Frank wait!" I said peeling my arm from his and threw my hand over my mouth cringing at my mistake. Frank swirled around faster than lightning. "What did you just say?" He whispered. I slammed my eyes shut as tight as possible and tried to keep tears from exploading from my eyes. "What the hell did you just call me? How do you know my name?!" He said gradually getting louder. "I-I-I got to go. I'm sorry." I said swiviling my body and sprinting to the door. I would love to say that I ignored Franks pleas for me to come back, or that they were drowned out my the horrible music, but I would be lying.
God was I tired of lying.
"Gerard were is your fuck buddie?" Mikey called from the backseat for the 12 seconds he pried his lips from the cute guy with him. "He was tired and wanted to go home" I lied. Gripping the steering wheel and backing out of the club's parking lot trying to get home as fast as possible. Luckily, the club wasn't 80 hours away and we were home in 20 minutes. By this time, Mikey had peeled off his hat, glasses, shoes, socks, and the other guys pants. I unlocked the door and just told them not to fuck in the car, or in the parking lot of our apartment. I sat in my room and cried.
I cried when Mikey came in the house.
I turned on The Cure, and I cried through their sex, and I cried though Mikey's hangover the next morning.
I had ran out of tears by the time Mikey knocked on my door, and I needed coffee.
I opened the door awear that I was puffy eyed and red streaked. I didn't smile, because I wasn't going to lie anymore, when I saw the cup of Starbucks in Mikey's hand. He asked what's wrong, and I just didn't feel the courage, or streangth to talk, so I handed him my song book and said two words, "The truth" and I hoped by the time he finished reading, he may understand the lies that cluttered my head.
"Cubicels"
It's the tearing sound of love notes
Drowning out these gray stained windows
And the view outside is sterile
And I'm only two cubes down
I'd photocopy all the things that we could be
If you took the time to notice me
But you can't now
I don't blame you
And it's not your fault that no one ever does
But you don't work here anymore
It's just a vacant three by four
And they might fill your place
A temporary stand in for your face
This happens all the time
And I can't help but think I'll die alone
So I'll spend my time with strangers
A condition and it's terminal
In this water cooler romance
And it's coming to a close
We could be in the park and dancing by a tree
Kicking over blades we see
Or a dark beach
With a black view
And pin-pricks in the velvet catch our fall
"Shut Up And Play"
Well I was there/here? on the day
They sold the cause for the queen,
And when the lights (all) went out
We watched our lives on the screen.
I hate the ending myself,
But it started with an alright/okay scene
-You're just a song with nothing to say
About a life long wait for a hospital stay
And if you think that I'm wrong,
This never meant nothing to ya
"House of Wolves"
Well, I know a thing about contrition,
Because I got enough to spare/care
And I'll be granting your permission,
'Cause you haven't got a prayer.
Well I said hey, hey hallelujah,
I'm gonna come on sing the praise.
And let the spirit come on through ya,
We got innocence for days!
Well, I think I'm gonna burn in hell,
Everybody burn the house right down.
And say,
What I wanna say
Tell me I'm an angel,
Take this to my grave.
Tell me I'm a bad man,
Kick me like a stray.
Tell me I'm an angel,
Take this to my grave.
- --You better run like the devil,
'Cause they're never gonna leave you alone!
You better hide up in the alley,
'Cause they're never gonna find you a home!
And as the blood runs down the walls,
You see me creepin' up these halls.
I've been a bad motherfucker
Tell your sister I'm another
Go! Go! Go!
"Mama"
Mama we all go to Hell
Mama we all go to Hell
I write you this letter
wishing you well
but mother
we all go to Hell
- ---
"Jetset (Gonna kill you kid?) (The/A Jetset Life?)" I'm just the worst kind.
Of guy to argue.
With what you might find.
And for the last night I lie.
Could I lie with you?
Alright, give up, get down
It's just the hardest part of living.
Alright, she wants
It all to come down this time.
Lost in the prescription
she's got something else in mind (something else in mind).
Check into the Hotel Bella Muerte.
It gives the weak flight.
It gives the blind sight.
Until the cops come.
Or by the last light.
And for the last night I lie.
Could I lie next to you?
Alright, give up, get down
It's just the hardest part of living.
Alright, she wants
It all to come down this time.
Alright, give up, get down
It's just the hardest part of living.
Alright, she wants
It all to come down this time.
Pull the plug.
But I'd like to learn your name.
And holding on.
Well I hope you do the same.
Aw sugar.
Slip into the tragedy you've spun this chamber dry.
Alright, give up, get down
It's just the hardest part of living.
Alright, she wants
It all to come down this time.
Alright, give up, get down
It's just the hardest part of living.
Alright, she wants
It all to come down this time.
Pull the plug.
But I'd like to learn your name.
And holding on.
Well I hope you do the same.
Aw sugar.
I read his words of agony and felt the sorrow he felt, inject my heart. Gerard had been going deeper off the deep end and I hadn't noticed. The truth held more pain and depression that I could have guessed. And as far as I knew, Gerard was still clean, but what is the point of being clean and broken. Obviously he is in pain from many things but the common subject, looked to be the broken fragments of a relationship and guilt of being a bad person. Tears stained my face for Gee. My poor Gee. There was only one question, who had left such an impact on Gerard? There were a few letters from Gerard and I's old school, only the last few it seemed. So, stood one question-
Who was Mission Impossible?
Mission...
A too familair face, and a too familair nickname. I remember his last letter to me, I still had it.
Pansy,
let's not fool ourselves friends. the end of the world is here.
when all the white noise runs dry and the alcohol gets turned down to a dull hum ...all we may have is each other's shitty company.
(i will wait for you.)
though our lips have not touched, we breathe the same air
and as our molecules collide you shall know this to be true.
for if you don't ...well then maybe i've been wasting my time.
these things we say, are not just things we say...they are our lies and our truth. our love and our hate.
and though my tongue may be sharp at times, in my heart i believe in us.
let me decompose in this embrace and be reborn as a fond memory for the dust to settle on and enjoy.
-settle down-
the moments we've shared together, real or imagined, are just a preamble.
i look forward to floating, lost, in our vastness.
sediment-ally yours,
frnk.
Those final words memorized by my tired mind. Frank was something special. He was a good pen pal, and became my friend and when I met him 12 years ago, I was still on anti-depressents and booze. I've been sober for awhile now, and I was sober when I met him, but I had gotten much much skinnier since then, not to mention I died my hair a brown and all the tips curled up because it was so short. It went well with my tan and eyeliner, so I doubt he even recgonized me, but I recongized him. He was at least 21 when I met him, he was now at the least 29, he looked no fucking different, at all. It was scary shit. That is probably why I could recgonize him.
Now, he sat infront of me, in the damn flesh and I had no idea what the fuck to say. He just sat there, waiting for a reply I was not ready to fucking create. So I did what I did best, I became a dumbass. "I, uhm, I-" "Gee-bear! Heyy, ooh! Yes. Thank you! I told you to get laid and you delivered. Anyway, bring the sexy-man to the car and let's go, I have my fuck buddy waiting in the car. Hurry!" Mikey giggled, practically skipping across the dance floor failing to notice that he humiliated me. The bastard.
"Oh" Frank began to laugh "Oh-breath-my-breath-god-breath. That was your brother? So he sent you in with a agenda yeah? Good thing I think you are good looking and I just got off my shift. Let's go sexy" He smiled and winked. I felt my heart jump as he linked his arm in with mine and yanked me out of my seat. "Frank wait!" I said peeling my arm from his and threw my hand over my mouth cringing at my mistake. Frank swirled around faster than lightning. "What did you just say?" He whispered. I slammed my eyes shut as tight as possible and tried to keep tears from exploading from my eyes. "What the hell did you just call me? How do you know my name?!" He said gradually getting louder. "I-I-I got to go. I'm sorry." I said swiviling my body and sprinting to the door. I would love to say that I ignored Franks pleas for me to come back, or that they were drowned out my the horrible music, but I would be lying.
God was I tired of lying.
"Gerard were is your fuck buddie?" Mikey called from the backseat for the 12 seconds he pried his lips from the cute guy with him. "He was tired and wanted to go home" I lied. Gripping the steering wheel and backing out of the club's parking lot trying to get home as fast as possible. Luckily, the club wasn't 80 hours away and we were home in 20 minutes. By this time, Mikey had peeled off his hat, glasses, shoes, socks, and the other guys pants. I unlocked the door and just told them not to fuck in the car, or in the parking lot of our apartment. I sat in my room and cried.
I cried when Mikey came in the house.
I turned on The Cure, and I cried through their sex, and I cried though Mikey's hangover the next morning.
I had ran out of tears by the time Mikey knocked on my door, and I needed coffee.
I opened the door awear that I was puffy eyed and red streaked. I didn't smile, because I wasn't going to lie anymore, when I saw the cup of Starbucks in Mikey's hand. He asked what's wrong, and I just didn't feel the courage, or streangth to talk, so I handed him my song book and said two words, "The truth" and I hoped by the time he finished reading, he may understand the lies that cluttered my head.
Mikey's P.O.V.
"Cubicels"
It's the tearing sound of love notes
Drowning out these gray stained windows
And the view outside is sterile
And I'm only two cubes down
I'd photocopy all the things that we could be
If you took the time to notice me
But you can't now
I don't blame you
And it's not your fault that no one ever does
But you don't work here anymore
It's just a vacant three by four
And they might fill your place
A temporary stand in for your face
This happens all the time
And I can't help but think I'll die alone
So I'll spend my time with strangers
A condition and it's terminal
In this water cooler romance
And it's coming to a close
We could be in the park and dancing by a tree
Kicking over blades we see
Or a dark beach
With a black view
And pin-pricks in the velvet catch our fall
"Shut Up And Play"
Well I was there/here? on the day
They sold the cause for the queen,
And when the lights (all) went out
We watched our lives on the screen.
I hate the ending myself,
But it started with an alright/okay scene
-You're just a song with nothing to say
About a life long wait for a hospital stay
And if you think that I'm wrong,
This never meant nothing to ya
"House of Wolves"
Well, I know a thing about contrition,
Because I got enough to spare/care
And I'll be granting your permission,
'Cause you haven't got a prayer.
Well I said hey, hey hallelujah,
I'm gonna come on sing the praise.
And let the spirit come on through ya,
We got innocence for days!
Well, I think I'm gonna burn in hell,
Everybody burn the house right down.
And say,
What I wanna say
Tell me I'm an angel,
Take this to my grave.
Tell me I'm a bad man,
Kick me like a stray.
Tell me I'm an angel,
Take this to my grave.
- --You better run like the devil,
'Cause they're never gonna leave you alone!
You better hide up in the alley,
'Cause they're never gonna find you a home!
And as the blood runs down the walls,
You see me creepin' up these halls.
I've been a bad motherfucker
Tell your sister I'm another
Go! Go! Go!
"Mama"
Mama we all go to Hell
Mama we all go to Hell
I write you this letter
wishing you well
but mother
we all go to Hell
- ---
"Jetset (Gonna kill you kid?) (The/A Jetset Life?)" I'm just the worst kind.
Of guy to argue.
With what you might find.
And for the last night I lie.
Could I lie with you?
Alright, give up, get down
It's just the hardest part of living.
Alright, she wants
It all to come down this time.
Lost in the prescription
she's got something else in mind (something else in mind).
Check into the Hotel Bella Muerte.
It gives the weak flight.
It gives the blind sight.
Until the cops come.
Or by the last light.
And for the last night I lie.
Could I lie next to you?
Alright, give up, get down
It's just the hardest part of living.
Alright, she wants
It all to come down this time.
Alright, give up, get down
It's just the hardest part of living.
Alright, she wants
It all to come down this time.
Pull the plug.
But I'd like to learn your name.
And holding on.
Well I hope you do the same.
Aw sugar.
Slip into the tragedy you've spun this chamber dry.
Alright, give up, get down
It's just the hardest part of living.
Alright, she wants
It all to come down this time.
Alright, give up, get down
It's just the hardest part of living.
Alright, she wants
It all to come down this time.
Pull the plug.
But I'd like to learn your name.
And holding on.
Well I hope you do the same.
Aw sugar.
I read his words of agony and felt the sorrow he felt, inject my heart. Gerard had been going deeper off the deep end and I hadn't noticed. The truth held more pain and depression that I could have guessed. And as far as I knew, Gerard was still clean, but what is the point of being clean and broken. Obviously he is in pain from many things but the common subject, looked to be the broken fragments of a relationship and guilt of being a bad person. Tears stained my face for Gee. My poor Gee. There was only one question, who had left such an impact on Gerard? There were a few letters from Gerard and I's old school, only the last few it seemed. So, stood one question-
Who was Mission Impossible?
@Mikey'sUnicorn
@Parajoy
@jacquimarie
Hey ya'll I got locked out of my account, but fyi I plan to re-write and polish P.S. Don't Write and Pansy on my new account!
8/18/15