A Chance Encounter
Chapter 16
Jamia sort of starts keeping her distance from me. I don’t notice it at first, but it becomes obvious real fast. I mean, I can kind of understand. She did have an embarrassing moment with me, but still. It’s really awkward living in the same house with her. She won't look at me at the dinner table, she won’t walk to school with me, and she won’t let me in her room. That’s what really ticks me off cuz Pansy’s still in there.
And when I told my mom about it all she said was that Jamia needs her space right now. I mean what the fuck? It’s like everyone thinks I broke her heart or something. I hear her friends whispering about it sometimes. About how I’m nothing but an emo fag who shouldn’t have toyed with her. I never toyed with her! I really thought I liked her…It’s not my fault it turned out bad.
It is now fourteen days from my birthday. I’m just sitting on the couch hating life. What else is there to do? Mom outlawed going to Mikey’s house on school nights anymore, and anything that could entertain me is in Jamia’s room. Yupp, stewing in misery is all I have.
“Hey, Frank?” Jamia’s small voice calls from her room.”
I look over, surprised, “Yeah Mia?”
“Can you come here?”
I shrug and walk into her room. It’s really cramped in here. Wonder why I didn’t notice that before. Jamia is sat on the bed, staring at her hands. She looks really shy and vulnerable. I want to hug her.
She looks up, “Can you kiss me again?”
I blush, “Um, what?”
“Well…I was thinking that maybe nothing was really wrong that day…Maybe we were just expecting something different. So…Can we try again?”
I don’t really need much more of an invitation than that. I cross over the small space quickly and press my lips to hers. They’re so soft and warm. I want to feel something. I really do. But it’s just the same emptiness as before. I guess what I want doesn’t matter then.
Jamia surprises me further then by licking my bottom lip. I gasp, and she takes full advantage of the situation. She forces her tongue into my mouth, twisting it with mine. With no warning she flips us over and climbs on top of me. I should be enjoying this. I should be tangling my hands in her hair and pulling her close. But I’m not.
All I can think is that this is so wrong. I don’t want this. Maybe I’ve never wanted this. Why don’t I want this? Does it matter? That fact is I don’t. Oh, god her hand is moving to my crotch. What do I do? I can’t let that happen!
I shove her off me and she looks up with hurt in her eyes, “Why?”
“I just…It doesn’t feel right. I’m sorry.”
She looks down again, “It’s okay. I just wanted you to be the right one so bad…But tell me, do you like someone else?”
“Huh? No, not…Not unless you count Mikey’s delusions.”
She looks interested at that, “What are Mikey’s delusions?”
I sigh. Why did she have to ask that? There’s no way out. So I tell her everything. I start with the time at the mall and end with his plans for my birthday. For some reason, I don’t leave out any detail. I want her to know this side of me that I’m really ashamed of. She cringes when I get to the coffee shop scene, but I assure her that she wasn’t at fault.
“Um, Frank? I don’t think those are delusions,” she says when I finish.
“What?” No, please, no.
“Frank, whatever Mikey thinks you feel for this guy…I think it’s real.”
“Whyyy? Everybody hates me!” Overdramatic, yes. Don’t judge me.
“Think about it. You hate to see him sad, you said you think of him as attractive sometimes, and you’ve dreamt about him. I don’t call that forced confusion. I call that a crush….If not love.”
And cue giant mind blowing epiphany. Suddenly I see everything in a different light. Instead of forcing everything out with denial, I’m letting it all in. And it’s scary shit, all of these things that I actually feel. For Gerard. I feel things for Gerard. When did that happen?! Well, at the beginning, duh. But why have I been hiding from it? There was no point!
“Oh, Jamia, I’m a dumb ass.”
She snorts, “You can say that again.”
I hit my head back on the wall, “I’m a dumb ass! What do I do?!”
“You have to tell him.”
Tell him? No, I can’t do that. He’ll think I’m stupid. He’ll say I waited too long. He won’t find me attractive anymore. No. telling him is out of the question.
“You’re about to say no, but I won’t let you do that. I don’t care if I have to tell him, he needs to know.”
I sigh, “All right. But let me wait until the right time, okay?”
She smiles, “All right. Now get out of my room.”
…
“Frank, honey, I’ve noticed it’s getting closer to your birthday and you haven’t said what you want to do yet.”
I look up at my mom. I have no idea how she’s gonna take this, “I’m spending it with Gerard and Mikey.”
“Oh. So I’m expecting company?”
I bite my lip, “No, actually we’re going trick-or-treating, and then we’re having cake at their house.”
She gets her stern mother’s face on, “Frank, I’ve told you about getting all that sugar in your system. There’s a reason I make you choose.”
I put on my best beggar’s face. It’s probably not as effective as when I was little, but… “Please, Mom? They really wanna give me a good birthday. I promise I won’t eat too much candy.”
She holds up a little longer before sighing, “All right. How can I say no to you?” she ruffles her hair before walking back into the kitchen.
“Did you just say you’re trick-or-treating on your birthday?” Jamia shows up out of nowhere, causing me to jump.
“Sheesh! Yes, that’s what people normally do on Halloween.”
She squeals, “Oh! I wanna come! Can I come, Frankie, please? You’d be a bad big brother if you said no.”
Wait. So a couple of days ago she wanted to be with me so much she looked like she was about to cry…And now I’m her big brother? She is so complicated, “I’m not your brother and this is my party with my friends. I’m not bringing you.”
She looks angry, “But. I. Want. To. Come.”
“Oh, grow up! You’re not a baby, so this isn’t gonna work. Besides, having you there would just make Gerard jealous.”
Her eyes light up, “Exactly why I need to be there. It’ll give you incentive to confess to him.”
“No. don’t you have your own friends to go with?”
“They said they’re too old…”
“Well then go by yourself.” She’s really getting annoying.
“Linda! Frank won’t let me trick-or-treat with him!”
Oh, crap. Why is she going to Mom?! Well, duh, Mom gives her anything she wants. I think it has to do with the fact that she always wanted a girl…
“Frank, just let her go! She’s still adjusting to a new place. Be nice.”
Still adjusting, my ass! It’s been almost a month! She has friends, and can navigate the neighborhood by herself. But Mom’s word is law, and after I convinced her about the cake and candy there’s no way she’ll budge. I glare at Jamia, who’s looking very smug, when another realization dawns on me.
I have to tell Gerard I’m bringing her.
Fuuuuuuuuck.
And when I told my mom about it all she said was that Jamia needs her space right now. I mean what the fuck? It’s like everyone thinks I broke her heart or something. I hear her friends whispering about it sometimes. About how I’m nothing but an emo fag who shouldn’t have toyed with her. I never toyed with her! I really thought I liked her…It’s not my fault it turned out bad.
It is now fourteen days from my birthday. I’m just sitting on the couch hating life. What else is there to do? Mom outlawed going to Mikey’s house on school nights anymore, and anything that could entertain me is in Jamia’s room. Yupp, stewing in misery is all I have.
“Hey, Frank?” Jamia’s small voice calls from her room.”
I look over, surprised, “Yeah Mia?”
“Can you come here?”
I shrug and walk into her room. It’s really cramped in here. Wonder why I didn’t notice that before. Jamia is sat on the bed, staring at her hands. She looks really shy and vulnerable. I want to hug her.
She looks up, “Can you kiss me again?”
I blush, “Um, what?”
“Well…I was thinking that maybe nothing was really wrong that day…Maybe we were just expecting something different. So…Can we try again?”
I don’t really need much more of an invitation than that. I cross over the small space quickly and press my lips to hers. They’re so soft and warm. I want to feel something. I really do. But it’s just the same emptiness as before. I guess what I want doesn’t matter then.
Jamia surprises me further then by licking my bottom lip. I gasp, and she takes full advantage of the situation. She forces her tongue into my mouth, twisting it with mine. With no warning she flips us over and climbs on top of me. I should be enjoying this. I should be tangling my hands in her hair and pulling her close. But I’m not.
All I can think is that this is so wrong. I don’t want this. Maybe I’ve never wanted this. Why don’t I want this? Does it matter? That fact is I don’t. Oh, god her hand is moving to my crotch. What do I do? I can’t let that happen!
I shove her off me and she looks up with hurt in her eyes, “Why?”
“I just…It doesn’t feel right. I’m sorry.”
She looks down again, “It’s okay. I just wanted you to be the right one so bad…But tell me, do you like someone else?”
“Huh? No, not…Not unless you count Mikey’s delusions.”
She looks interested at that, “What are Mikey’s delusions?”
I sigh. Why did she have to ask that? There’s no way out. So I tell her everything. I start with the time at the mall and end with his plans for my birthday. For some reason, I don’t leave out any detail. I want her to know this side of me that I’m really ashamed of. She cringes when I get to the coffee shop scene, but I assure her that she wasn’t at fault.
“Um, Frank? I don’t think those are delusions,” she says when I finish.
“What?” No, please, no.
“Frank, whatever Mikey thinks you feel for this guy…I think it’s real.”
“Whyyy? Everybody hates me!” Overdramatic, yes. Don’t judge me.
“Think about it. You hate to see him sad, you said you think of him as attractive sometimes, and you’ve dreamt about him. I don’t call that forced confusion. I call that a crush….If not love.”
And cue giant mind blowing epiphany. Suddenly I see everything in a different light. Instead of forcing everything out with denial, I’m letting it all in. And it’s scary shit, all of these things that I actually feel. For Gerard. I feel things for Gerard. When did that happen?! Well, at the beginning, duh. But why have I been hiding from it? There was no point!
“Oh, Jamia, I’m a dumb ass.”
She snorts, “You can say that again.”
I hit my head back on the wall, “I’m a dumb ass! What do I do?!”
“You have to tell him.”
Tell him? No, I can’t do that. He’ll think I’m stupid. He’ll say I waited too long. He won’t find me attractive anymore. No. telling him is out of the question.
“You’re about to say no, but I won’t let you do that. I don’t care if I have to tell him, he needs to know.”
I sigh, “All right. But let me wait until the right time, okay?”
She smiles, “All right. Now get out of my room.”
…
“Frank, honey, I’ve noticed it’s getting closer to your birthday and you haven’t said what you want to do yet.”
I look up at my mom. I have no idea how she’s gonna take this, “I’m spending it with Gerard and Mikey.”
“Oh. So I’m expecting company?”
I bite my lip, “No, actually we’re going trick-or-treating, and then we’re having cake at their house.”
She gets her stern mother’s face on, “Frank, I’ve told you about getting all that sugar in your system. There’s a reason I make you choose.”
I put on my best beggar’s face. It’s probably not as effective as when I was little, but… “Please, Mom? They really wanna give me a good birthday. I promise I won’t eat too much candy.”
She holds up a little longer before sighing, “All right. How can I say no to you?” she ruffles her hair before walking back into the kitchen.
“Did you just say you’re trick-or-treating on your birthday?” Jamia shows up out of nowhere, causing me to jump.
“Sheesh! Yes, that’s what people normally do on Halloween.”
She squeals, “Oh! I wanna come! Can I come, Frankie, please? You’d be a bad big brother if you said no.”
Wait. So a couple of days ago she wanted to be with me so much she looked like she was about to cry…And now I’m her big brother? She is so complicated, “I’m not your brother and this is my party with my friends. I’m not bringing you.”
She looks angry, “But. I. Want. To. Come.”
“Oh, grow up! You’re not a baby, so this isn’t gonna work. Besides, having you there would just make Gerard jealous.”
Her eyes light up, “Exactly why I need to be there. It’ll give you incentive to confess to him.”
“No. don’t you have your own friends to go with?”
“They said they’re too old…”
“Well then go by yourself.” She’s really getting annoying.
“Linda! Frank won’t let me trick-or-treat with him!”
Oh, crap. Why is she going to Mom?! Well, duh, Mom gives her anything she wants. I think it has to do with the fact that she always wanted a girl…
“Frank, just let her go! She’s still adjusting to a new place. Be nice.”
Still adjusting, my ass! It’s been almost a month! She has friends, and can navigate the neighborhood by herself. But Mom’s word is law, and after I convinced her about the cake and candy there’s no way she’ll budge. I glare at Jamia, who’s looking very smug, when another realization dawns on me.
I have to tell Gerard I’m bringing her.
Fuuuuuuuuck.
8/11/13