Irmarie P.O.V. (Back in the morning.)
I sighed as I heard the door closed in the morning. That was a sign that Gerard already left to school.
I laid back down and looked at my ceiling. I should visit Ma. After all, she can hear us from a coma, right?
I sighed laid on my side.
I felt completely lost without my mother and father.
As I laid, I remembered all the nice things they did for us.
When I was five, the twins were nine, and Robin was eleven, Mom and Dad had taken us to Disney World as all of our Christmas present.
I remember being so excited that I was hyper on my excitement!
I laughed at the memories of me being hyper on the way there. God I must had been a really hyper five-year-old that no one likes.
I remember my Mom holding my hand as I quietly asked Bell from Beauty and the Beast to sign my little autograph book that they sell there.
*"C-can you sign this pwez." I quietly said while my Mom held my hand.
"Sure little princess! What's your name?" Bell asked.
"M-my name is Irmarie." I said holding Mom's hand for comfort.
"And how do you spell such a beautiful name?" Bell asked.*
My Mom was going to tell her how to spell it, but I butt-in.
*"Mommy, can I tell her how to spell it. I think I can do it." I looked up to my Superwoman.
"Okay, Irmarie. You tell her." Mom gave me a smile I always love.
I smiled and felt confident.
"It's I-R-M-A-R-I-E. Irmarie." I smiled.
Bell signed it and handed it back to me.
"Don't let your shyness get in the way of you succeeding in life." Bell said to me.*
I didn't know what she meant since I was five.
*"I'm so proud of you, Irmarie!" Mom hugged me when we left the line.*
I felt the love from my Mom. The love I really needed right now.
I sadly smiled at the memory. I really wish I could find some comfort now that Gerard can't be here in the moment.
Gerard. Gerard. Gerard.
I am relying on him now. He's my happiness. And, one of the reasons why I haven't harmed myself.
But I knew I shouldn't rely on a person too much. Well, I just didn't want to.
To be honest, I am a weak person. I mean, that's a reason why I even had harm myself during my dark days.
I shook the thought away. I don't want to bring myself to that rock bottom again. I hated it. I hated how I felt like I was useless.
In order to save what's left of my sanity, I got up and grabbed a box that's under my bed.
In side the box was my little emergency kit. My emergency kit is basically heavy metal, metal, hard rock, any type of rock that can make me feel better, and other things that kept my sanity.
I grabbed one of Flyleaf's self-title album and played it on my CD player that was next to my bed. I went straight to hearing I'm So Sick.
I sighed and laid back down. From there and until the album was finish I was crying my eyes out. I wiped my tears away and grabbed
Black Veil Brides' We Stitch These Wounds.
I sang the lyrics, but didn't scream as much. If I did scream, I screamed into my pillow.
Music has always made me feel better for some reason. Pretty sure it does for most people.
I played Suicide Silence, We Came As Romans, Blessthefall, Pierce The Veil, Halestorm, and Icon For Hire.
I stopped playing my music for a moment.
The reason why was because my family knew to not barge in while I was playing my emergency kit. I would pause the music for a while and then they would talk to me.there.
I heard footsteps come to my door. There was a soft knock.
I knew that knock was from Coco.
"Come in." I sighed.
"Feel any better?" She asked as she opened the door.
"Sort of. But, not really." I said.
Coco sighed. She closed the door behind her and sat down on the bed.
"I've seen you've been using it again." Coco said. "And I'm very proud of you."
I looked at her. She had on a small smile.
"Yeah. Trying to keep my sanity." I mumbled.
She nodded.
"He's been helping you a lot." Coco said.
"Yeah. He's also back in school. I can't keep him here with me. Gerard spend all of his Spring Break on me!" I said.
"You know what. Gerard really loves you. He loves you so much that he gave up his Spring Break for you." Coco said.
"Now my life right now sounds like a fucking chick flicks." I muttered.
"There's always going to be those moments, Bubba." Coco smiled.
"Ugh! You know I hate it when you call be Bubba!" I said.
When I was three, the Triplets and Robin started calling me Buddie. Well, two but I don't remember me being two .So, I would try to say 'Buddie' but I ended up saying Bubba, and these little fuckers started laughing at me. It became the family's inside joke.
"Sorry Buddie." Coco said.
"It's fine." I mumbled.
Coco took a deep breath in.
"The funeral is this Saturday." She said.
Oh, yeah. You need the funeral when someone dies.
I sighed.
"What do you want me to do?" I asked.
"We've all been pitching in on helping and we just need about a thousand dollars left." Coco said.
"Where are you going with this?" I asked.
Coco looked away from me. I saw what she was looking at.
"I'm sorry, but no. Not her." I said looking at my guitar.
"Not the one that Grandma Helena gave you and not the one Mom and Dad got you. I'm talking about Blue." Coco said.
I name my guitars. Blue is my electric guitar I bought a year ago. Took my a long time to earn the money to buy it.
I felt my heart drop when Coco,said that. Blue was... blue! Well, sky blue, but I called her Blue.
"I'm sorry, Bubba." Coco said.
"It's for Dad. I'm okay with it." I said.
Coco sighed. "How much do you think it cost?" She asked.
"Enough to get you a thousand dollars. Just tell them that it wasn't played a lot. I'll clean the guitar." I said.
I knew Coco knew that all my guitars meant something to me, even if it wasn't used a lot. But I gave up Blue for my Dad.
I walked to Blue and gently grabbed her.
Coco had already left back to the living room with Star.
I grabbed the cloth I use to clean my guitars.
Well, I think I'm the only one who cleans there guitar... I just clean the body because of the finger prints.
I headed to the living room with my guitar. I handed Blue to Coco and headed back to my room.
I laid in bed again. My stomach made dying whale noises.
"Goddammit." I muttered.
Oh look, I'm hungry. (Sarcasm.)
I closed my eyes and hope that sleep will come since I didn't sleep at all last night.
My thoughts went to my Dad now. I still couldn't believe he was gone.
Yeah, I know we all die one day and your parents are the first ones to die before you and all, but, he wasn't ready to go. It still wasn't his time along with fifteen other people.
I silently sobbed to myself again.
Nobody should have died in that accident. Nobody. I don't even how the accident happen.
I quickly wiped away my tears, again.
I looked at my emergency kit.
Another thing I have in there was cards/notes from my family.
All those cards/notes had positive messages and happy memories that they wrote.
I played Bring Me The Horizon and grabbed my first positive note. Amy had wrote this one.
Dear Irmarie,
Remember when we went to New York when you were a freshman for New Years Eve? If you don't, that's okay.
Well, we were at Time Square with your brothers. We had lost Rocky in the crowd of people and Mom and Dad went to go look for him.
You laughed at Vinny when he slipped on ice/water when we walked to Mom and Dad.
I swear your face turned red, and not because it was cold as Antarctica.
You laughed so hard that you fell to the ground. We all laughed along with you. We kept getting weird stares from people around us. Bet they thought we were crazy.
Anyways, we were now doing the.count down for New Years Day.
There was a girl next to you. She was about your age.
Well, when we all screamed "HAPPY NEW YEARS DAY," she grabbed you and kissed you.
You were so in shock and you were blushing so hard. We laughed because I freaking swear you looked like a tomato.
I don't know if this memory will bring you some laughter to you... but if it does, just know to stay strong. Even in very tough times.
Love, Amy
I laughed. Haven't laughed in a while.
I sighed and put the note away. I felt better. Well, like fifteen percent better.
I yawn and laid back down. My eyes felt heavy. Finally the lonely girl can finally sleep.
I slept until I felt something shake me awake.
"Huh? Can a girl get some sleep here." I muttered and turned to my other side.
"Irmarie, it's six already." I heard Robin say.
"Fuck off." I muttered.
"Is she awake?" I heard Amy ask.
"She said to fuck off." Robin said.
"Language, child." I heard Vinny say.
Okay, how many people are in my room!?
"Let me try." I heard Spike said.
Oh, hell no.
But before I knew it, I felt something cold and wet on me. I jumped until I sat up.
"What the fuck!" I said.
"You guys have cruel ways of waking each other up." Gerard said.
I started shaking because of how cold I was.
"Can you guys tell my why you woke me up?" I asked as I tried to warm myself up.
"We're going to visit, Ma." Rocky said.
"Well, you should of said that first." I said getting off my bed.
"We didn't say that first?" Star asked.
"I thought Robin was supposed to say that?" Coco asked.
"Shit..." Robin muttered.
"Thank you morons and idiot. Now get out of my room because someone got me soaking wet!" I said and pushed them out of my room.
"Wait! Who's the idiot?" Gerard asked.
"You, idiot." I smiled and closed the door.
I quickly changed out of my wet clothes and into dry ones. We then headed to the hospital. On the way there, I was scared. Scared that I might have like a little breakdown again, but, I had to see Mom.
When we were in the hospital, my brothers and Coco, Star, and Amy went in, I stayed outside at the little park they had.
"You know you have to visit her," Gerard said and sat next to me since I was sitting on the bench.
"I know. I seem like a bitch right now." I muttered.
"No you don't. Tell me why you don't want to go there?" Gerard asked.
I rest my head on his shoulder and sighed. "I don't want to have that breakdown again." I said.
Gerard wrapped his arms around my waist, which made me laugh a little bit since it tickled.
"You're so ticklish it's so cute." He said.
"I am not!" I smiled and blushed.
"Are too." Gerard smiled.
"Am not!" I said.
"Oh God, we sound like little kids!" Gerard laughed.
"You're still my idiot." I said.
"Come on," he kissed my check, "let's go see her." Gerard said.
We walked to her room, once there, I took a deep breath and Gerard opened the door.
All I need is a miracle. Just one big Miracle, I thought to myself.
Sadly, there was no miracle. Mom was still in her coma. I sighed and sat on the bed. I never thought this would happen. And I hope this won't happen to someone else. I hope no one has to go what I'm going through. Never.