Shadows You Left Behind.

I clutched the coffee mug in the palm of my hands, warming my face in the steam rising upwards from the delicious substance.
I looked up and around the room, the coffee seemed to be the only warm thing in it. People bustled in and around, queuing up and impatiently tapping their fingertips onto the tabletops, waiting for phone calls or texts varying from important to unimportant, and all of this was happening in one room.

“Frank?” I had become oblivious to the reason I was even here it seemed.
“Yeah?” I asked Holly. Her eyes widened, probably surprised I'd actually regained consciousness so quickly from my waking slumber. After she had grabbed my attention, she looked a little pale for a second, before blurting out four words that I was very surprised to hear.
“Do you like me?” She asked, my mind nearly had a seizure because of the massive change in situations in my head. I decided to bluff this one out, I was all innocent apparently.
“Of course I like you!” I said, in the friendliest tone I could muster. Her face lit up in a smile, she curled her fingers around her sleeve cuff and rested her elbows on the table, leaning closer. “No, but do you really like me?”
Fuck, this was going too fast. “Urm... yeah...” I said, so quickly that I accidentally lied, hoping to escape. It was like my brain had gone onto emergency autopilot, that was what I was supposed to say. She grinned, leant forward and kissed me on the lips. She actually kissed me. On the lips.
I was too flabbergasted to say anything, this had turned from a friendly coffee to what seemed like some kind of cheesy movie. And I didn't want to be in it. The oldest trick in the book had to do, cliché or not. I pretended to look at my watch. Like that ever works.
“Shit, I just remembered an essay I have to do, I'm so sorry. I'll see you tomorrow, yeah?”
“I can't wait!” She nodded, smiling at me.
“Me neither.” I said back.
I kept fucking lying. I could wait. This is a nightmare.
My brain was in some kinda purgatory as I walked home, I don't love this girl, I can't love this girl, and she thinks that she loves me. I feel like a complete asshole. I always vowed to treat girls nicely, that's how I was brought up. Don't play with their emotions, be nice, be kind and be loyal.
To actually love them? That was meant to be an obvious yes, and I don’t love Holly.
Sure, I should love her, she's bubbly, smart, pretty, an all round good person, but I don't, and I can't change my mind on that, especially since right now she feels like an obstacle.
I mean, technically we aren’t dating, right? Or are we? I actually don't have a clue, and I hate that. At least she didn't ask me out. But she kissed me, doesn't that mean more? I always thought it did, and since this was my 'first kiss' it ought to count for something. And quite frankly, I felt pretty angry that it had been taken already.
I want to talk to Gerard. I can't talk to him because I don't have his number, but I want to.
I also want to be alone. I can do that.
The woods. I will go to the woods.

The bark felt rougher today without my skeleton gloves that I always take when I plan to go to the woods for a long period of time, since I didn't know I was going to be upset, I didn’t bring them.
I tried to climb the tree, failing a few times. I finally managed to pull myself up, scraping a little patch on my stomach Trying not to wince with the pain; I was finally up. I climbed a little higher, which was nowhere near as difficult since I was already in the tree. I found my comfy spot; a branch curved a little bit like a chair. I'd been sitting here since I was about ten. Some things never change. It's always good to come back here, the woods are constant, they never change unless someone changes them. I'd never do such a thing, I love it here too much, so here it still stands.

I got out my iPod and picked a track, it reminded me of shitty memories, I turned it off.
Instead, I took out my headphones, leant against the tree, and looked around. I was just below bird height, I could watch them all at a close, but safe distance, and it's grear doing so. I took in the atmosphere; it was misty. The kind of mist you can rest on the tip of your tongue. Cold, but almost like a menthol tasting cold, soothing and refreshing. I closed my eyes, breathing in through my nose. I was alive. I never knew air could taste this good.

I sat there for at least half an hour, before noticing a shape moving swiftly in the corner of my eye, when I saw what it was, I nearly fell off the branch.
“What the fuck?!” I exclaimed, grabbing onto the sides of the tree. He turned round.
“Oh my god!” He shouted, almost falling himself. “Hi?”
“Gerard? Why are you in a tree!?” I exclaimed, completely baffled as to how he got here, and why he was here. “I could ask you the same question!” He replied, steadying himself and sitting on a firm branch.
“I come here when I'm sad.” I told him, he gave me a sympathetic look. “Are you okay?” I nodded. “Yes, I'm fine now. Now explain what he hell you're doing in a tree.” I grinned, he let out a giggle. “I like trees, and I live right there.” I looked to where he was pointing. In the near distance, you could faintly see a house through the fog, I had known it was there, but hadn't twigged it was the house that Gerard lived in. “Oh.” I said, now clearly being able to see a way you could climb out the window and right into a tree, which was just two trees away from the one we were sat in now.

“Why were you sad?” He asked, moving slowly over to where I was at, gripping onto a branch for balance, before sitting himself down on one that was awkwardly close to mine.
“Because of Holly.” His brows furrowed.
“What did Holly do?” I looked at him, he looked genuinely concerned.
“She kissed me.” He looked quite taken aback.
“Isn't that what you wanted?” He asked, I swear he moved a little bit closer, maybe in some attempt to comfort me.
“No. She doesn't interest me. She's nice enough, but I don't love her. I think she thinks that I do love her, and I can't do that to someone, Gerard. It's cruel.”
He shook his head. “You can't force yourself to love, you can't control love. It just happens, wrong or right, unrequited or mutual. I should know.”
I looked up at him. “How should you know?” He was so cryptic, the conversation was one of those meaningful ones. You crave the answers before they come, and you lap up every word. “Because it's happening to me.”
And with that, he patted me on the shoulder, and climbed down to the ground, without even a wave.

Notes

Hope you like the chapter! Comment what you think. :)
XOXOg
03/01/2014/