Frank's Point of View

Great, just fucking great. I resisted kissing Gerard this morning, but he went and kissed me at the show in front of everyone. What made things worse was the fact that after we shared that amazing kiss, which was something that I couldn't deny, I wanted to jump his bones right there, and I managed to lose my grip on reality for a few minutes when I went into the changing room with him. That, of course, resulted in me pushing him against the already closed-door, and kissing him quite heatedly.

For a moment, I forgot everything and everyone except for Gerard and myself, we were the only two in the entire universe. Then I remembered Jamia, my fiancé, the love of my life, so what else could I do but get mad at myself for what I was doing, and actually push myself away from Gerard just so I could storm out of the room towards the back exit of the arena, stopping when I saw an empty staircase.

"Frank? Frankie, please I need to talk to you," I heard Gerard's pleading voice echo through the hallway leading over to the staircase I was hiding in. I had my head in my hands as I cried to myself over how much I had betrayed Jamia.

I looked up briefly to see Gerard walking in my direction, his eyes locked on mine while a relieved look graced his beautiful face. "I'm so sorry Frankie, I didn't mean for things to get so out of hand," he spoke in a quiet voice as he sat beside me on one of the steps, trying to wrap his arm around my shoulder, but I cowered away from him, too scared that I might lose my grip again. "That kiss on stage was meant only for show." If that was supposed to be comforting, it sure as hell wasn't working, that just made me feel like an idiot for wanting more.

"It doesn't matter if it was meant for show or not, I still pursued another kiss from you afterward, and I'm going to be getting married soon. Kissing your best friend isn't something that you should do when you're marrying a wonderfully sweet woman. Fuck," I announced, letting a choked sob out from my chest at the realization of what I'd done. Despite my distance from Gerard that I had purposefully made, he went over my boundary line by wrapping his arm around my shoulder while he laid a gentle kiss to the top of my head.

"I know that you're feeling guilty for your actions, and that's understandable... you're just confused is all, maybe even a little curious, which happens to the best of us, you don't need to worry, everything is going to be fine, you'll see. Jamia's going to join us for the rest of the tour next Friday, right?" he asked in a warm tone. I nodded my head at him, and his smile grew wider. "When she gets on the bus everything will be okay, I promise," he swore before he placed a comforting peck on my forehead.

"Okay," I mumbled as I shut my eyes at the feeling of his lips on my skin, and wrapped my arms around his waist, instantly feeling safe and secure.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

That same evening I was laying in my bunk, entirely unable to sleep. My head was reeling with thoughts, fully aware that what Gerard had said was true. I was very confused but I was also very curious. I knew that I had feelings for him, I've always been somewhat attracted to other men. Gerard was different though, any of the other men that I found even remotely handsome didn't even compare to him. His smile, his laugh, everything about him was just so damn enticing. If it weren't for Jamia I would probably drop everything just to be with him. I've known her for so long, she's one of my dearest friends. I love her entirely.

I tossed and turned in bed, fiddling with my lip ring as I thought. This was all too much. 'I need a cigarette,' I thought to myself before pulling on a pair of sweatpants and a red shirt. I reached for my cigarettes and a lighter, hoisting myself out of my bunk quietly in case any of the others were asleep. I made my way out of the tour bus and leaned against the side of it with a deep sigh. Why did I have to go and make things worse for myself by kissing him almost immediately after he had? Was I just that stupid? I continued to have an inner battle with myself while lighting my cigarette, inhaling the nicotine slowly.

"Everything alright Frankie?" I heard Gerard ask as he appeared through the door of the tour bus, the pet name he'd given me making my heart skip a beat.

I shook my head vigorously, swallowing down my nerves as I answered, "Yeah, it's all good."

He furrowed his eyebrows at me and tsk'd me knowingly. Of course he'd be able to see through my façade. He sauntered off the bus to stand beside me and light his own cigarette. "You trying to make sense of all this?" He asked, glancing over at me with a concerned glint in his hazel-green eyes. They looked so gorgeous under the light of the moon, so piercing and just unbelievably extraordinary. I felt my heart pulling me closer to him but I refused to listen, determined to simply stand beside him at this point.

I nodded my head, not daring to speak if anything revealing spat itself out. He turned away to think for a moment, taking a long drag from his cancer stick. "I mean, I know how you feel. Or at least I think I do. I have feelings for you too, if that wasn't obvious enough. I also know that you're with Jamia though so I have tried desperately not to let my emotions and my fondness get in the way. I failed today though, very miserably so. I want you to know that I'm not going to try that ever again. I want you to be able to figure things out with Jamia before we even try anything and to do so I really need to keep myself in check," he said breathlessly, looking me dead in the eye so I knew that he really meant business.

"Okay Gee, I am perfectly fine with that." I gave him a warm smile and hugged him from the side to show him that we were okay, that this was exactly what I wanted as well. I'm sure that talking to Jamia about all of this was going to be hard, but we weren't a pair that kept secrets from each other. I wasn't sure how she would react, hopefully not in such a way that hurt the two of us.

Notes

Frank's so conflicted, it hurts my heart. x(
Anyways, enjoy. :3

xoxx ~Frankie Boy.