Fortuitous Casualty

One month later.

I'm basically a housewife. That's what I tell Gerard when he gets home from work, trying to make a joke out of it. He just frowns and tells me that I am not a housewife, and those two words would never be enough to explain how divine I am. He says that now. Divine.
Everything is perfect. It's just what Gee wants, just what I’m supposed to want. But more questions keep coming up, more things being hidden then I know how to even ask about. I feel more like his child then his boyfriend.
I do my work though. College. I did perfectly fine in most classes, better then fine really. After I had got my GED i could pretty much do whatever I wanted. Money wasn't an issue. I decided to do two years undecided and then take classes for a profession. I had spent my life sleeping, basically, and I didnt even know what I wanted anymore, let alone a profession.
Gerard works eight hour shifts, from five in the morning to two in the afternoon. Sometimes he goes later at night to get stuff done, but not often. Sometimes he takes me with him and I say hi to all my old nurses and sit in his office, reading.
One night after we come home I kick my shoe off and it flies under the bed, and in search of it I find two things; a tub full of pictures, and a safe. I stare at it, feeling odd about finding something I wasn't supposed to. The house was so simple and the furniture was so few that I hadn't thought to look anymore for anything. The house seemed very impersonal.
I open the pictures quietly, finding it filled to the very brink of the box. The first one I see is of Gerard and a brown haired doctor, tall with green eyes, and very good looking. They were in scrubs, grinning at the camera. The next one if of them again; this time in front of Gerard’s house. Our house. They smiled at the camera, hands linked. My mouth is dry.
All of the pictures were them, some with other people, most of them not, though. I find other things too, necklaces, a small stuffed bear, letters. I find a goodbye letter form Gerard, one he must have never sent. The letter was all about me, and how even if I was a coma, there was still a chance I’d wake up, one he wanted he take. I cry softly as I read.
I hold the pictures to my chest and weep, rocking back and forth. I took away seven years of his life. Seven years, he could have been with a taller, sexier, buffer Good Doctor looking guy.
He comes in the room minutes later and my weeps are silenced, instead questions begin to appear. He stares at me from the door way for a minute, and how calmly silent he is scares me. Sometimes he scares me in general.
“Gerard.” I croak, looking at him.
“What are you doing?” He takes a couple steps toward me and stops when he looks back at my face, finding it scared.
“Don't be scared of me.” He says softly, sitting down criss cross.
“I need answers.” I say, my voice thick with emotion. He nods and looks at the pictures still clutched to my chest.
“I'll tell you everything.” He sighs, relaxing. “Everything was normal until i started working at the hospital. I was an intern, first, and that's where I met him. Jake. I would stay at the hospital, in your room, and he noticed. He started doing little things, checking up on me when I was doing my work, bringing me coffee. He was an attending at the hospital, so he taught me things. And then I started looking into houses for us, and money was a big issue.” He sighs and bites his lip, looking as if he were thinking hard. “He was a really good guy. He noticed my issues, and tried to help me money wise, but I wouldn't let him. I was trying to buy a house for another man for fucks sake. He didn't care though. Eventually we become really good friends. And then the whole incident with your dad happened, your false alarm. I gave up hope for a minute after that. And I let him take me on a date. Things went well, and we started dating. Two months into our relationship he started trusting me at work with things like the passcodes to medicine and the like. He asked me to get him medicine every once in awhile, but never told me for what patient, but I didn't even think to ask. This went on for about two more months.” He inhales, hard, setting his shoulders back. “And then I stayed at his apartment one night. That night he told me he’d been stealing all that medicine. For me.” He explains, looking in the eyes.
“For what?” I question, shaking my head a little, uncomprehending.
“To sell. He told me to sell it all online, and I thought about.” He sighs again. “I did it. Took the bag without any more questions. I liked him, but I loved you, and I wanted our house. So I sold them. Made tons of money off of it, they were all medicine that were opiates and xanax and adderall, things people were going crazy for. And then I got into real drug dealing.”
“Gerard- what the fiuck are you talking about?” I curse, widening my eyes.
“People heard of me, starting knowing that I sold drugs. So other dealers came to me and offered a deal. To continue getting pills and start selling with them. Except for I would sell their stuff too, and make twice the profit. I sold all kinds of things, LSD, cocaine. And soon I started making my way up the ranks, tripled my profit, and kept growing.” He pauses to look at me, and shrugs a little. “People started getting angry though. Told me if I didn't get out of the game I’d get hurt. I didn't care, at first, like who gave a fuck if I was hurt, right? I kept making money, kept getting wealthier. By the time I made a about five million bucks, they threatened me about you. Said they would shoot you in your hospital bed if I didn't stop. So I made a choice. I stole one last bag full of pills, sold it, and bought our house. I invested the rest, made clean money, and kept doing that. The last threat I got was couple months after. And then it completely stopped.”
I breathe for a moment, processing.
“Okay.” i sy, nodding. He raises his eyebrows.
“Okay?” He repeats, looking at me.
“Yeah. Okay.” I shrug and out the pictures back, taking one last glance at Jake. “But what happened to him?”
“He left. After I bought our house. After I sold the drugs, I got distant, and ended it. He just...up and left.” Gerard says, staring at me.
“Okay.” I nod some more. “One last thing.”
“Yeah?”
“What's in that safe?”

***

“You don't need to know about that safe!” He yells again, crossing the room to me.
“I can't live in a house full of secrets, Gerard! We cannot have secrets!” I yell back, shaking my head.
“Yes, we can! If you ever need to know what is in that safe, you will! But right now, you don't!”
“I'm not your child! You do not decide what I need to know!” The words come out menacing, and I’m shocked they sound so daring. He looks at me, grits his teeth, and walks over to me.
I immediately shrink back, taking a step back only to find the bed there. I ready my hands to block myself and he looks hurt.
“Frank, I would never hurt you.” He says sadly. I put my hands down and stare.
“I know...I know, sorry, habits I guess.” I say guiltily. He stares at me, and then gets down on one knee and pulls out the safe form under the bed.
He clicks in a number and opens it, patting next to him. I sit, waiting for him to speak. When he doesn't, I reach inside and pull out a black duffle bag. At first i’m scared its drugs, but then I open it and find something much different.
There's money, lots of money. I’d guess about fifty grand. I find two passports, each one with our pictures but different names. I find a gun, and keys, with an address.
“That's our getaway stuff. In case anything bad happens, The keys are to a car, the address is where the car is at.” He explains, watching my face. “That's my last secret.”“Okay.” I say, putting the stuff back inside the duffle bag. I put it all back in the safe, lock it, and slide it back under the bed. I get up and relax, sitting on the bed.
“Wanna order take out?” I ask, watching as he stands and looks at me.
“What?” He asks, his face almost hilariously confused.
“What?” I ask,sitting up.
“I just told you dark shit, very dark shit, and your, what, normal? Okay with it?” He questions, still staring.
“Yeah. I am.” I say simply, laying back down. “Indian or thai?” I ask him, picking up the phone.
“Thai.” He responds, grabbing a bottle of wine from out closet. He sits on the bed next to me and opens it as I dial the number.
“The Bonnie to my Clyde.” He states, taking a sip. He passes it to me and I take a sip, before kissing his cheek.
“Your Bonnie. You get to wear the heels.” I respond, putting the phone to my ear. He laughs and nods, intertwining his fingers with mine.
“Only for you, my love.”

***

“I understand why God died.” Gerard says, his hand on my thigh. We were out by the pool, sitting on the pool couch, my legs in his lap.
“Well, it was Jesus.” I respond, looking at him for him to continue.
“Depends on which bible. Anway, I understand.”
“Oh?” I said, pressing for continue.
“Ponder it.” He responds, massaging my thigh. I guess God- or jesus, died to protect us, really, from our sins. He created something, and not to watch it burn. He died because he loved us more than he loved himself.
“Are you saying your my God?” I ask, genuine. He laughs, shaking his head.
“No, I’m just saying, if I were God I’d protect you at all costs.” He flicks a peaice of red, wet hair out of his eye and turns his head to smile at me.
“You already have.” I shrug, looking back at him. “I guess your my God.”
“We have serious issues.” He says with raised eyebrows, making me laugh. He laughs too, before we both quiet down and sit in silence, enjoying the hot sun.
“There were some days where I'd come out here and sit just like this, imagining days just like these.” He says quietly, in a dreamily tone. He draws patterns on my leg with his fingertips, and I reach up to kiss him, our lips moving in sync, gliding together.
“It still amazes me sometimes that you love me as much as I've always loved you.” I sigh against his lips peacefully
“Do you think about it?” Gerard asks me, puzzling me.
“Think about what?’ I ask, furrowing my eyebrows.
“The crash.” He says simply, looking back at me. We’ve talked about the crash, it wasn't like it was something we avoided, but he’d never asked a question like that before. I shrug.
“I mean, yeah. It might be a distant memory for you, but to me that was literally two months ago. Being in that comma didn't feel like I aged, just wasted time. When I woke up I replayed it in my head, trying to piece together the whole picture. When we were in the car, flipping, it felt so slow, I kept waiting for it to end, but the situation felt fast. It came out of nowhere. I keep trying to think back to what I did wrong, how I could have avoided it, and I just don't know, It seemed so fast that I didn't even know what I could have done. I was so shocked that it had happened that I looked over at you and smiled, trying to make you see that I was okay, trying to keep you calm, because I could see in your eyes you were scared. Not for you though, for me. And then I just blacked out.” He doesn't interrupt me when I speak, just nods and stares intamelty at me, caringly.
“I was staring at you like that because you’d hit your head. It was bleeding. I thought when you were smiling that you were dying. I was so scared.” He tells me, planting his hand firmly on my thigh.
“I remember hitting my head. It didn't hurt though. There was just a loud cracking nose.” With the memory, other ones springed up, other ones I’d suppressed; memories I couldn't bear. The image of our car right side up, severely damaged, Gerard staring across from me, one arm bent at an awkward angle with blood gushing through open gashes on his hand and wrist.There was a hole in the wind shield, like Gerard tried to reach out to steady himself when we were flipping and we jolted and sent his hand flying through the window. There was blood on his shirt that gushed from his mouth, more a flow then a trickle, turning the entire front of his gray hoodie dark crimson red.
“I don't really like thinking about it.” I shake the memories away and scoot in closer to him, deperte for more skin contact. Once I decide it wasn't enough I sit up and wrap my legs around his hips and lay my head in the crook of his neck.
“Its okay. I don't either.” He says, wrapping his damp arms around my waist. I smile into his neck, enjoying the feel of my head on his neck immensely.
“Your so fuckin’ cute.” He says, his arms tightening around me.
“Mmm. I love you.” I respond lazily, my arms becoming more firm around his neck.
“I love you too, my baby boy.” He tells me, making me smile.
“Baby boy? I like that.” I say, smiling up at him.
“I knew you would.” He smiles back, his wet hair draping around his face, framing it perfectly. The red was still vibrant, but now there were black roots that seemed to shoot out, contrasting the red nicely.
“You wanna go take a nap?” He asks, running a hand through my pool water wet hair, sensing my calm tiredness. I nod into his shoulder and he grips my thighs, picking me up gently as he stands. I wrap my legs and arms tighter around him as he walks steadily up the stairs and into the house, slipping into the already open back door. He sets me down gently and takes my hand, leading me upstairs to the bedroom. As soon as we reach our room we strip and both get into boxers, before crawling into our cool bed. The coolness of the bed makes me miss the hot sun, and I curl up against gerard, wanting to feel the same heat I previously had. He curls his body around me so that my head is pressed to chest and my legs are wrapped around his hips, pressing him to me. His arms go safely around me, securing me to him, and I find the warmth I was searching for.
“I could lie like this forever.” I sign into him peacefully.
“We could if we wanted too.” He chuckles softly, running his hands through my hair again, kneading his hair carefully through my wet strains.
“We could.” I agree, my voice now softer with the threat of sleep. Gerard tells the alexa to play music and Asleep by the Smiths immediately comes on, lulling me further into sleep.
“Sleep my baby boy.” Gerard whispers against me, kissing my forehead. I reach up to kiss him and our lips gently meet, moving softly together. I lie my head back on his chest and let myself be pulled into darkness.
*

When I wake I realise the bed is cold- too cold for Gerard to be in it. I hear a quiet voice talking fastly, close by. I open my eyes slowly, looking for his figure, and i'm immediately met with the sight of him sitting in the edge of his side of the bed, talking into his phone.
“How did this happen? I don't understand.” He asks quietly, his voice faintly emotional. He quiets, listening to the other end of the phone, running his hands through his hair manically.
“It doesn't make sense.” He quiets down again, listening, and then lets out a frustrated sigh. “Yes, I can be there, I just need an hour. Thank. Bye.” He hangs up and he turns and for the first time I see he’s been crying. Hi eyes are red and puffy, slightly purple even, and the white of his eyes are red, contrasting the hazel beautifully. I shut my eyes, scared, and know when he lets out a sniffle he didn't see me. I feel him lean down and press his lips carefully to my forehead, and lie down next to me.
“Frankie,” He whispers, his voice now thick with emotional. He clears his throat and whisper my name again, but now his tone is calm, neutral. I open my eyes triedly, sliding them open to look at him.
“We need to go Frankie, to a hospital. I need you to trust me. And please don't be angry, You can be angry with me later, when we have everything figured out. Okay?” He states, carefully, staring at me. I decide right then, I wasn't going to be angry. I look back at his puffy eyes and think, whatever it is it has to be worse for him then me, and he needed my support instead of my anger. Nut I knew this was a secret, another one he hadn't told me, and that he lied to me about having no more secrets.
But I know he wouldn't just do that kinda thing, he had to have a good reason.
“Okay. I’ll be ready in ten minutes.” I say, and get up, no longer feeling tired at all. The clock said it was three in the morning, and despite the time, I feel energetic, anxious really. I grab black jeans, socks, a long sleeve blue t-shirt and change quickly as Gerard still sits on the bed, staring. He snaps out of it and goes to our closet, grabbing a gray suit with a vibrant blue dress shirt and a black tie. I go get our hair gel from the bathroom, and when I come back he’s already tying his tie hastily. I out just enough gel to make my hair look styled, and hand it to Gerard. He puts the gel in and pushes his hair back, now looking like he was going to a business meeting. I stare and bite my lip, waiting for him to say something. He doesn't.
Instead I come up behind his and slide my arms around his waist, pressing my body to his. I sigh against his and he intertwined his fingers with mine, breathing deeply. We hold each other for a minute, calming ourselves, and then break apart at the same time, readying ourselves again. I grab my black vans and tie them quickly, before heading downstairs to make coffee. Gerard is already down there, purring black coffee in a to go cup. I know it's mine because I drink my coffee black and Gerard likes a little cremer. He hands it to me and I give him a quiet thank you, before opening the fridge and grabbing two muffins. Mine was blue berry, Gerard’s was nuts, our favorites.
“You should let me drive.” I said as he pours cremer into his coffee, watching him. He grabs his keys and look at them, thinking.
“We need to get there fast, you don't know where we're going, and you’ve only had a total of ten months driving.” He says, looking at the clock. He heads towards the door and I dhurg, letting him do his thing. I thought I would drive in case he was too nervous, but I guess he was something completely different.
I follow him outside and down the steps, getting in the car on the passenger's side. We buckle in synch and he starts up the car, driving as soon as the engine roars to life. He drives so fast I’m afraid we might get a ticket, but it is three in the morning, so no one was really around to see. He drives a couple blocks and gets on the freeway, speeding down it at about 70 miles per hour. I sit calmly, checking my phone every once in awhile. The freeway is empty, allowing us to go faster. I figure it's going to be a long ride so I sit back and rest my head on the door, my eyes watching the road.
“Come over here.” Gerard says simply, putting up the middle consul. I quickly unbuckle and scoot over, buckling the middle seat and slipping under his arm. I lean back and rest my head on his arm, shutting eyes. I feel him quickly kiss my cheek and continue to drive, and I smile a little bit. Even in situations like these, we were okay.
I never do fall asleep. I just listen to Gerard breathe, and try not to think about the worst possible scenarios as to what's going on. I just snuggle up to Gerard and enjoy his presence- I was kind’ve afraid that once I learnt was was going on I wouldn't want to- so I take the time to do it now. After about forty minutes the car slows and I can tell were in a parking lot. I sit up and look at where we are. Memorial Gray Hospital care. When we left the house I thought maybe we were going to our hospital, but when we got on the freeway I knew we weren’t. It's weird being at another hospital, I don't ever remember having to go to another hospital in my life.
We get out and walk hastily to the front doors and immediately to the nurses desk. Gerard murmurs something to her- I don't just muc, just the last name Way and the end of a sentence “- his room?”
She gives him a room number and he thanks her, walking to the elevators quickly. We immediately get on, seeing as no one else was visiting at four in the morning, and ride i to the fifth floor. He leads us us of the elevator and down the hall to the room humber 543, and knocks. He holds my hand tightly afterward, scaredly almost.
A doctor answers the door and looks at us calmly.
“Is he family?” The doctor asks Gerard, referring to me.
‘He’s my husband.” Gerard answers, his voice hard. “What is going on?”
The doctor sighs, looking at something in the room and back at Gerard. He steps out the room and closes the door, looking at Gerard.
“We don't know. He just… woke up about two hours ago and remembered everything. We don't have an explanation.” The doctor pauses and sighs, looking sadly at Gerard. “Except,”
“Except? Expect what?” Gerard presses him, staring intently.
“There's a medical term for this, but I’m going to break it down. Sometimes when patients are dying, thay have a moment of clarity, and a rush of energy. That explains why he woke up at two in the morning, and everything else-”
“He’s not dying. He has amnesia.” Gerard dismisses, shaking is head.
‘Yes, well, were running tests right now. Seeing if there's anything wrong. We won't know for a while. If this is what I think it is he could die in twenty to sixty hours.Right now I suggest you go talk him him and reunite until we know more.” The doctor says, pointing to the door. Gerard takes a take forward, but I just stand there, staring.
“What?” Gerard tnrs and asks me, his hand still intertwined in ine.
“Gerard, who are you guys talking about?” I ask, my eyes wide. He shuts his eyes and breathes, before opening them again.
“Will you just come see?” He asks, gently tugging my hand.
“No, please.” I beg, tugging his hand gently back.
“I need you to understand that I did not lie to you. I told he was dead because I felt like the real him was dead. I don't know this version of him. I mean the version of him before he regained his memory.” Gerard explains, dancing around a name. I swallow and nod, waiting for him to say more. He just steps forward, and this time I go with him, trusting him.
And once we get inside, I deice I don't know what i trust anymore.

Notes