Until I lived my life

Gerard’s POV
I was sat in bed with Frank fast asleep beside me looking for a place for everyone to move too.
“So I think I’ve found us a perfect place.” I said as I poked Frank’s back since it was the middle of the night.
“Go to sleep please.” Frank mumbled.
I couldn’t sleep as I was having one of those nights where sleep wasn’t being my friend.
“Baby please look at this place.” I said as I patted Frank’s arm and he sighed loudly as he rolled over and opened his eyes but quickly closed them since the laptop was bright for him.
“Gee, as much as I love going house hunting with you but it’s like 2 in the morning and I need sleep and so do you so shut that thing down and go to sleep.” Frank said sleepily as he moved closer to me.
“I can’t sleep, anyway I’ll go to the sitting room so you can sleep.” I said and Frank just nodded which made me smile as I quietly got out of bed and I lent over and kissed the top of Frank’s head and I went downstairs.
I walked into the sitting room and I jumped when I saw Finley watching tv.
“Problems sleeping?” I asked and Finley jumped and looked at me and smiled as I walked round the sofa and that Emery was asleep on the sofa.
“Sleeping on the sofa watching tv is the norm for us two. We would hide in our room when mum and dickhead was around and when they went out to get their drugs we watched tv. When they came back we hid in our room until they passed out and went downstairs again. We took it in turns to listen out for them.” Finley said as she looked at Emery and messed with her hair.
“Well you don’t have to worry about that. I know Tallie isn’t exactly welcoming and isn’t enjoying the whole sharing the bedroom side of things but she’ll come round, also me and your dad have been house hunting as well so soon you won’t have to sleep in the same room as my stubborn bitchy daughter.” I said and a Finley chuckled softly.
“She hasn’t been that bad.” Finley said quietly.
Finley looked at me and smiled.
“Why you up? Surely having 5 of us around you feet is tiring.” Finley said and I chuckled softly.
“Insomnia is a bitch and I have no idea how your dad feels about it but I love having a house full of kids.” I said and Finley smiled.
“So what you looking at then?” Finley asked as she carefully moved and sat next to me and she Let into my side.
“I’m trying to get your dad to see how perfect this place will be for us.” I said and Finley chuckled.
“But I guess he’s a man who loves his beauty sleep.” Finley said and I chuckled as I looked at her.
“He sure does.” I said quietly and I looked at Finley who was losing her battle of sleep which made me smile.
“Go to sleep sweetie, you don’t have to worry anymore.” I whispered and I moved so Finley could lie down and I moved to my office and stayed there for the night.
I was in the kitchen making myself a coffee when I heard someone walk into the kitchen and I looked and saw Frank in his pants.
“Did you really stay up all night?” Frank asked sleepily.
“Yeah, think your daughters have a case of insomnia but I think you may have to talk to them.” I said and I looked at Frank.
“It’s way to early to talk about the kids and their mid life crisis all I want is for you to come to bed with me so I can have my morning cuddles since I couldn’t cuddle you last night.” Frank said and I chuckled.
“I’ll come back to bed and give you cuddles.” I said and Frank smiled as he moved and lent into my side.
Frank reaches for a mug and put it beside mine and I looked at him.
“This that a hint for coffee?” I asked and Frank nodded as he moved.
“Bring it up when your finished, thanks babe.” Frank said as he walked off and I watched him as I smiled as I knew Frank was going to be asleep when I get back upstairs but I did want cuddles and I also didn’t want to be dealing with a pissed off Frank.
I got upstairs and walked into mine and Frank’s room and smiled when I saw that Mason was sat on the bed talking to Frank.
“Hey Gerard.” Mason said as I walked round the bed and handed Frank his coffee and I put mine on my bedside table as I climbed into bed.
“Hey Mase.” I said and Mason smiled.
“You know you can talk to Gee like he is another parent Mase. You don’t have to be shy about anything.” Frank said and Mason nodded as he looked between me and Frank and he smiled.
“Why did you guys know you was into guys?” Mason asked as he looked down and messed with the covers.
Frank looked at me and I looked at him.
“I was your age when I found out.” I said and Mason looked at Frank.
“I was about 13 when I found out.” Frank said and we looked at him.
“But you was with mum for 8 years.” Mason said confused slightly.
“Well your mother was my hide away. She slept with others and I slept with guys. Win win.” Frank said and I just rolled my eyes.
“Do you regret that me, Em and Fin being born?” Mason asked quietly and I looked at Frank pushed his coffee in my chest and me moved and pulled Mason into a hug.
“I regret nothing about you kids. You guys are the best thing that has ever happened to me and I will never want to live my life without you guys in it.” Frank said and Mason nodded as Frank kissed the side of his head.
“Now Get off my bed so I can have my morning cuddle before the rest of you gob shites get up and ruin the peace.” Frank said and Mason chuckled as he looked at Frank and he smiled which Frank returned.
“I’ll see you in half an hour.” Mason said and Frank nodded and Mason walked out the room.
“Now I can have you too myself for half an hour.” Frank said as he moved and sat on my lap and I rested my hand on his hips.
“Well we can make the most of that.” I said as I rolled us over so Frank was under me as he giggled.
“You know there are really young ears in this house now.” Tallie said as she made everyone coffee which was shock for both me and Frank.
“Well we have said just cover your ears.” Frank said as he walked past me and went outside for a cigarette.
“That’s not the case Frankiepoo, because these ears are virgin ears.” Tallie said and everyone but Frank’s kids laughed.
“Your ears aren’t virgin ears, more along the line of slut ears.” Frank said from the door and Tallie rolled her eyes.
“You guys need to turn the volume down because I do not want to hear you two at it. It’s way too bloody early to hear anything.” Ewan said.
I didn’t say anything but Frank walked back into the kitchen where he slap my ass and I looked at him and Frank gave me this cheeky smile which made me chuckle as I shook my head.
“Anyway, with you lot around need the bloody stress relief.” Frank said as he turned round and lent against the side and sipped his coffee.
I just shook my head as I walked over to the island and sat down and just listened to everyone’s conversations.
“You okay? You’re awfully quiet this morning.” Frank said as he stood between my legs and I smiled at him.
“I’m just tired.” I said quietly and Frank smiled as he kissed me.
“Why don’t you go upstairs and get some sleep?” Frank said softly and I shook my head as I looked down.
“I wouldn’t sleep anyway. Also we have loads to do and get these 5 to school.” I said and Frank nodded as he kissed my cheek and I watched him walk off while I went and made myself another coffee and got dressed.
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“I’ll just leave you two to look around without me and discuss what you think between yourselves.” This man said who was showing us around this house.
“Thanks.” I said and I looked at Frank as we went upstairs to look around.
“So what do you think?” I asked and Frank smiled at me.
“It’s perfect. The twins can share a room, Tallie can have her own room back and the boys can have their own room and then we can have the 3rd all to ourselves and we don’t even have to hear them.” Frank said and I chuckled.
“And they don’t even have to moan about the bathroom.” Frank said and I smiled as I felt like I’ve done something right.
“Think this place this exactly what we are looking for and it just keeps on giving those little surprises and it massive Gee, I mean we may never see the kids again.” Frank said and I chuckled as I stood behind him and pulled him close to me.
“So do you want the house?” I asked quietly and Frank turned round and looked at me shocked.
“Do we have the money for this place?” Frank asked quietly and I lent forward and kissed him.
“We never have to worry about the money, there’s always plenty of it.” I whispered as I kissed Frank again which he returned.
“So what do you think?” I asked and Frank walked away and looked round and then he looked at me.
“It’s perfect for us Gee.” Frank said quietly and I smiled.
“We should get this place.” Frank said and that was the answer I was hoping for.
Frank smiled as he walked off to carry on looking round the place.
“I can’t believe we actually brought that house.” Frank said as he sat next to me on the sofa and cuddled into my side as we enjoyed the last half an hour of peace before the kids got home.
“Well we did and now I think we have our perfect home and we are also going to have happy kids as they all get their own room and even their own bathroom if they want to use it.” I said as I kissed the side of his head.
“And I can’t believe we have a whole suite for us, I mean that is insane.” Frank said and I chuckled as I guess Frank has never been in a house that big.
“The down side to this is that Tallie will be wanting parties there.” Frank said and I chuckled softly.
“Even though she’s a popular girl and is very outgoing and enjoys her parties she has enough respect of everyone in the house not to throw parties.” I said and Frank looked at me and smiled which I returned.
“But we’re going to have someone come in and clean because I’m not cleaning that fucking place.” Frank said and I chuckled as I lent over and kissed him and I pushed back on the sofa which made Frank laugh.
“Put me down we have the kids coming home in less than 20 minutes.” Frank said as he kissed me.
“Well we better hurry up then.” I said as I worked on taking Frank’s clothes off.
When the kids came home me and Frank was just in our jeans and Emery walked in the kitchen holding both our T-shirt’s.
“You guys are bloody disgusting.” Emery said and I looked at Frank who shrugged his shoulders.
“Well we can get rid of that sofa anyway as soon we’ll be at the new place.” Frank said and Emery frowned at us.
“I’m confused.” Ewan said as he walked in the kitchen.
“Okay so we went looking at this house today and we believe that it’s perfect for us so we have got a new house.” I said and Tallie but her arm over Ewan shoulder as Mason and Finley came out.
“You mean we’re finally getting out of The this place?” Tallie asked and I nodded.
“Yeah, I mean you have to keep the house tidy as we’re going to sell this place as there’s no point in us having it anymore especially with the new place.” I said and Tallie smiled as she and Ewan walked off and Finley looked at Emery and Mason unsure about this.
“You guys are going to love it okay. I promise you that everything is going to be okay now.” Frank said and he looked at the time and groaned.
“I have to go to the club.” Frank said as he walked over to me and kissed my cheek and he smiled at the kids as he walked out the room.
“He doesn’t seem to care that much about us.” Emery said to Finley and in a way that really hurt me.
“Hey, your father will go above and beyond to make sure your guys are happy and that you are loved. Yes I admit he may not be spending that much time with you but he is trying his hardest to make sure you guys have a stable loving home and from where I’m standing he is trying his hardest to give you guys that.” I said and Emery looked down.
“You just have to understand from our shoes though, we had a shit childhood and dad wasn’t around and then he comes back into our lives and hopes we’re going to be okay with it.” Emery said and Mason pulled Emery to him in a harsh way.
“Stop being so up tight with what happened in the past, yes he has fucked up Em but he is here for us now and he got us out of that hell hole. Wether you like it or not dad is here for us and you need to let go of the past and let dad be the person we wished he was because he is the dad we always wanted but you just need to cut him slack.” Mason said and I couldn’t help but smile because to Mason was literally a mini Frank only he was a little bit taller than Frank.
“Okay have you finished your bitching session about your dad. The only thing you need to know is that your dad is a amazing man and he is willing to prove to everyone that he can take care of this family.” I said and Emery just nodded and walked off with Finley and Mason walked behind her.
“And I thought Tallie was bad.” I muttered to myself as I went outside for some space.
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“I’m just saying maybe you just need to spend a bit of time with the girls.” I said as I watched Frank get dressed.
“You think I’m not trying, Christ I try and ask them if they want me to take them shopping and they just blank me.” Frank said as he looked down.
“They’re just unsure.” I said and Frank looked at me and sighed so I sat up and caught hold of his hand and pulled him onto the bed.
“Then what Emery said to you the other day, just makes me feel like I’m failing them, just like when they was little.” Frank said quietly and I kissed his cheek.
“You aren’t failing them.” I said quietly and Frank shook his head.
“Yeah I am Gee. What sort of fucking parent am I?” Frank said as he sniffed.
“You guys are just getting used to each other, I think Emery is just insecure as I don’t think things have been rosey at home and she is just worried for herself, Finley and Mason. Think you may just have to spend some time with just her.” I said and Frank sighed quietly.
“Their good kids babe. Think you just have to break the ice a little with them.” I said and Frank looked at me and I kissed him which Frank returned.
“They will love you like how I love you soon, it’s just going to take time.” I whispered and Frank smiled as he stood up and looked at me.
“We have packing to do.” Frank said and I groaned and I rolled onto my back which made Frank chuckle as he walked over and jumped on me.
“I hate packing.” I said and Frank chuckled as he sat on me and kissed me.
“Well just think, the sooner we pack the sooner we’ll move into the new house and the sooner we can make it all ours and we’ll have happy kids and happy us.” Frank said and I smiled at him.
“Help me.” Frank said as he got off me and we went over to the wardrobe and started to take things out and put them in the suitcases.
“You know the sooner we get our own wardrobe the better, because you have too many clothes.” Frank said and I chuckled as I got out of bed and pulled some shorts on and I helped with the packing.
“The kids are going to know something is up.” Frank said as we waited for the kids to finish and we was going to take them to the new house.
“That’s true but at the same time they could think it is nothing.” I said as I looked at Frank who raised a eyebrow at me.
“Those 5 have brains and they would be bloody dangerous if they all use their heads.” Frank said and I chuckled as I rested my hand on his knee and gave it a squeeze which made Frank smile as he put his hand on top of mine.
“This will work babe, I know that Tallie will love the house think the others will like it as well.” I said and Frank nodded as he looked down.
“Baby what’s the matter? You’ve been off since we’ve brought the house.” I said and Frank looked at me and smiled.
“It’s just that everything is so perfect, not even a year ago I was on the streets selling myself to eat. Now I have my children and we have this amazing house and I have money which I have no idea what to use it for other than buying food for everyone. I mean how did this happen to me?” Frank said and I smiled at him as I lent forward and kissed him which Frank returned.
“Well Everything is so perfect because that is what this each babe, it’s perfect. I think the same that a year ago I wouldn’t find another person that makes me so happy and I love a lot but I have found him and I would never have this any other way.” I said and Frank smiled at me.
“Love you Baby.” I said quietly as I saw the kids head over to us.
“Love you too.” Frank said quietly as my car door opened.
“Why are you here?” Mason asked.
“Because we want to show you the new house.” I said and Mason frowned as everyone else walked over.
“But you haven’t even been looking, and what you said the other day was a load of shite.” Tallie said and I looked at her as a warning.
“Well Get in and we’ll show you.” I said and everyone got in and I looked at Frank who smiled at me and I took us too the new house.
We got out the car and I met Frank at the front of the car and I pulled him to my side as we watched the kids walk towards the house.
“You must be joking this is the new house.” Emery said as they all turned round and looked at me and Frank.
“Nope, not joking at all.” I said and Emery didn’t looked convinced.
“Go and look inside and see what you think.” I said and they all went inside and I looked at Frank who smiled at me.
I put my arm over his shoulder and we walked inside.
“So who’s room is this one then?” Tallie asked as she walked out the master bedroom.
“Fuck off bitch that our room.” Frank said and Tallie pouted at us.
“This place is huge.” I heard Ewan say from upstairs.
“Finley and Emery share a room so battle out between yourselves.” I said and that made Tallie run upstairs which made me and Frank chuckle.
“I believe we have made a choice here.” I said as I kissed Frank’s cheek which made Frank smile as he walked off and he headed outside and I was now starting to worry about him as he has never been this quiet but I decided to wait until we got home so we could talk in private.
When we got home the Ewan and Finley went on the Xbox while Mason and Emery was talking about something and Tallie went out with some of her friends.
“Baby can we talk please.” I said softly as I joined him outside for a cigarette.
“I’m fine Gee.” Frank said quietly but I knew there was something wrong.
“No your okay.” I said and Frank sighed as he looked down and I caught hold of his hand which made Frank look at me.
“What if I fuck all this up Gee?” Frank asked quietly and I pulled him into a hug which Frank returned.
“You aren’t going to fuck this all up baby.” I said and Frank looked at me as he stepped back.
“How do you know Gee? Everything good in my life I fuck it all up. I have 3 beautiful children Gee and I fucked it all up with them. I have the most prefect life now but I’m worried I’m gonna fuck it all up and I’ll end up back to how I was and I don’t want that.” Frank said as I looked up and saw Tallie coming out so I shook my head to her hoping she’ll take the hint to give me and Frank space and she did and she went inside and made sure nobody else came outside.
“Well I have my fair share of fuck ups and what we have going now isn’t a fuck up and I believe what we have isn’t going to end up with us splitting up if anything we are going to get stronger. Yes you fucked up with your children but now you have a second chance to get to know those amazing humans that you created, I know you can do that because Tallie and Ewan love and respect you and give it time with the others they will be the same. You will have this perfect life with me and the kids because I’m never going to give up on you and You are my other half.” I said and Frank looked at me and smiled as he hugged me which I returned.
“Hey dad do you think...” Emery said as she came outside.
I let Frank go and he turned round and looked at Emery.
“What’s the matter Baby?” Frank asked and Emery walked over and stood next to Frank.
“I’m stuck on this and Fin or Tallie won’t help me and the boys are too busy playing on the Xbox to help so I was hoping you might help.” Emery said and Frank nodded.
“I’ll give it a go but I won’t promise I’ll be any good.” Frank said and Emery smiled as she went inside and Frank looked at me and I smiled at him as he went inside and helped Emery with her homework.
I was sat in bed with Frank cuddled into my side and he was fast asleep when the door opened and I looked up and saw Emery standing by the door.
“Alright kid?” I asked and Emery walked over and sat on the bed and she looked at Frank and smiled as she looked down.
“Zara always painted this picture of dad as him being this horrible person and that if we ever got into contact with him he would always choose drugs over us.” Emery said as she looked at Frank.
“But he’s nothing like the picture what Zara planted in our heads. I know Mason loves him and so does Fin. Don’t get me wrong I do as well but what if this is all a big act and then me day he doesn’t give a shit anymore. We have grown up with so much false hope and disappointed, I don’t think we can cope with anymore of disappointment.” Emery said and I looked at Frank who moved so he wasn’t cuddled into my side anymore but he was still touching my arm.
“I brought your dad into my home after he almost stole from my bar. My kids have seen me in relationships which I have never wanted to experience again and my kids always got guys out of my life. Your dad was the first person they didn’t chase away. He took Tallie and Ewan under his wing and we all know Tallie isn’t the easiest to get on with, he is a amazing person you just need to let go of the past and ignore what you Mum has said about him. If it makes you feel any better, he is waiting for the day he fails you lot. He is worried that he is going to fail so badly that everyone will walk out his life and he’ll be back on the streets. He hasn’t had it easy, to this day there are things he hasn’t told me about the streets and I would never push him to tell me. You need to stop thinking that he is going to fail you and just get to know the man I love. I promise you he is worth everything.” I said and Emery smiled as she looked at Frank and I did the same.
“I don’t want to fuck us up.” Emery said and I chuckled softly as I looked at her.
“You won’t, tell you something. A good way to get in his good books and that is to make him a coffee in the morning.” I said and Frank sighed loudly next to me and I looked at him as I started to mess with his hair.
“Is that a top tip?” Emery asked and I smiled.
“It’s a good way to build any broken bridges.” I said and Emery nodded as she stood up and walked out the room and I sighed quietly as I put the tv on and got myself comfy as I looked at Frank and watched him sleep until I fell asleep as well.

Notes