Want You Bad.

There’s this thing with Frank and Gee.
First of all, there’s Gee. My brother, who’s always been there for me, who’s known me all my life and knows almost every detail about me.
And then, there’s Frank. I mean I like him, that’s out of question. I love having him in the band. Yet he’s kind of in my way.
Just thinking about what he has with Gerard. All those intimations, touches.
Kisses.
Things that’ll always be a taboo for me, in fact, forever. Not just on stage but in general.
Because the only thing that Gee doesn’t know about me, is that I want him in a way that is so… wrong. So forbidden.
I am jealous. So damn jealous that Frank was lucky enough to be born in another family.
Of course, Gerard doesn’t have an influence on that, but… it’s just so damn unfair. That Frank could have what he doesn’t want, but what I want and never can.
That he could sleep with Gerard Way.
And that the both of them tease the fans whenever we have a concert and give them what they want from them, even if it’s just that they get close to each other, doesn’t really help.
I always try not to let it show and to concentrate on the bass in my hands instead, but after all these years I’m still not used to him, how he moves, his voice.
It’s just impossible to ignore all of that. Sometimes I have to bite my tongue for an entire concert just so I keep a straight face and make sure no one notices my expression.
And then there’s the moaning in Destroya. Sometimes it seriously feels like he’s teasing me on purpose, but I’m never mad at him about that.
I just close my eyes, allow myself to imagine for a couple of seconds that I’m the one who just made him moan.
X x x
After the concert, there’s the usual hugs backstage. Everyone’s talking muddled up about how the show went and the adrenaline still pumps through our veins.
“You were damn good, Gee,” I say, but it gets lost in everyone else’s voices and then we’re already back in our locker rooms, take a quick shower and get dressed and meet at the tour bus. And the entire time, I’m thinking about him.
Just like always, there’re fans waiting at the bus who want pictures and autographs. Some of them have tears in their eyes and look so damn happy just standing in front of us, even if we seem so unattainable to them.
But having the one person you want so bad around you all the time, knowing that they’re unattainable…
I can’t really be happy about that.
On the way back to the hotel, he’s sitting in silent with his head against the cool glass. His eyes are closed and there’s a smile on his lips.
I’m watching him the entire trip and shake his shoulder softly when the bus comes to a stop at the hotel.
He startles and looks at me with big eyes.
“Hey, have you been sleeping?”
I have to grin when he slowly nods and looks around, only now realising where he is.
Finally, he’s looking me right in the eyes, my hand still gently on his shoulder, and if I would just lean forward, just a few inches and kiss him, then…
Well, then what?
I could find out. It would be so easy.
The way he’s looking at me, like he’s waiting for me to do it. If it was someone else, I wouldn’t hesitate and just do it, but there is always, always, always this one thought.
The very thought of him being my brother, goddamnit. It’s also that very thought that makes me lean back again.
“Come on big brother, you can go to bed soon.”
I hate calling him that but I still say it, maybe to remind myself who he is to me.
We walk inside together, get our keys and take the elevator to the eleventh floor.
He looks kind of… different. Different than I know him. Totally in thoughts, or maybe he’s tired? Usually he’s wide awake after concerts…
“Oh, Gee,” I giggle as the doors slide open and he just remains where he stands. I decide to take his hand and pull him with me and don’t let go until we’re standing by his door.
“Goodnight, Mikey,” he says quietly, and quickly squeezes my hand.
“Goodnight.”
I watch as he opens his door and smiles at me and then closes the door behind him. As soon as he’s out of sight, I can’t help but sigh quietly.
That was… oh, hell if I know.
His smile has somehow burned itself inside my eyelids. I even see it right in front of me as I’m lying in bed and staring into the darkness.
I see Gerard’s face, his body and the way he moves right in front of me. And I enjoy it, even if I know that I shouldn’t.
Gee looks so, so… perfect.
I’m getting warm. Really warm.
When I re-open my eyes, I notice the bulge that’s already forming inside of my boxers and as if on autopilot, my hand wanders over my upper body and then down.
I think about the way he looked at me in the bus or just now at his door, I think about the way he moved during the show so... So damn hot...
Slowly, I let my hand slip under my boxers. I start to slowly stroke my erection up and down and get faster as I go.
I think, as I always do, about Gee.
I can’t help the semi loud moan that escapes my lungs. Fuck, I hope Gerard didn’t hear that on the other side of the wall.
Mhh, Gerard…
I reach the brink of my orgasm faster than I thought.
X x x
The first thing I do when I wake up the next morning is grabbing my towel and heading for the showers.
When I come back, the towel around my waist, Gerard is sitting on my bed.
He looks so damn hot in his skinnies and with that red, slightly messed up, hair.
My own thoughts make me blush. Christ Mikey! He’s your brother! What you’re thinking- that’s not okay. I shake my head.
“What’s up, Gee?” I ask him.

Notes