All I Want Is Nothing

Gerard's POV* (This fic will include triggering content, such as- Alcoholism, Depression, Anxiety, Self-harm and brief mentions of eating disorders)

School starts in a week. Isn't that great? I hate school, But then again I haven't met anyone who enjoys it. I'm Gerard, By the way. Encase you were wondering. You probably weren't but... Now you know. Anyway, I'm 18 and am about to finally start my last year of school. If I had it my way I would have dropped out, but my parents wouldn't allow it. So here we are...

"Gerard! Let us go, You need to get things for school!" My mother's voice called from down the hall. I sighed to myself, Looking at my reflection, Ugly greasy black hair, Ugly dead eyes, Ugly body, Ugly face...

"Come on, I don't have all day!" She shouted with more anger.

I rolled my eyes, Goodenough I suppose. I threw on a sweater and made my way out of my room, down into the living room where my mother stood impatiently tapping her foot. "It's about time." She scowled. "Sorry" I mumble avoiding eye contact. She just sighed and walked out of the house, I trailed quietly behind her and into the car where Mikey was already waiting.

I don't know why I couldn't have just gone on my own time... Instead of going with them. I'm old enough and have a license. But no sense in arguing with her. Would literally get me nowhere.

-

"Wow, It took you that long and you still look the same?" Mikey commented once we got into the car. I rolled my eyes at him "I was getting dressed" I mumbled "Ah." I just shook my head at him... Not wanting to engage much in conversation. The rest of the car ride was silent. An awkward silence. No music, No one talked.

"Mom, Can I just do the shopping by myself?" I asked She sighed heavily from beside me "No Gerard." she said sharply "We need to make this quick, It's your cousins birthday today and we have to be there by Three, It's Two now." I groaned and rolled my eyes as we got out of the car and headed to Target. The moment we were in, Mikey ran to the school stuff, He was excited to start grade nine, I had no clue why... High school is fucking hell, I just pray he has an easier time than I had.

I may be in grade 12, But that probably won't stop people from harassing me. Being pushed into lockers, Smacked around, Beat on, Called a faggot, even though that is not true... I couldn't be gay. I wasn't gay. But Its okay, Its fine, I'm used to it,... Oh? You weren't asking if I was okay? Well... "Gerard!" My mothers' voice snapped me out of my thoughts "Yes mom" I asked in a bored tone, she squinted her eyes at me "Hurry up. You don't need 'the perfect notebook' just grab the composition one and let's go" She snapped "Fine." I snapped back, angerly grabbing one of the black marbled books and throwing it in the cart, moving onto binders and pencil crayons. Pens and highlighters. Grumpily tossing them into the cart whereas Mikey happily placed all the supplies in with a huge grin on his face.

-

Finally heading back into the car I sighed out of relief. I hate stores with my family. It was always so awkward. I mean I was an adult. I could Shop myself... But god forbid right? They just love to embarrass me.

"Gerard. Wipe that look off your face, It's your little cousins birthday, Just for one day of your life, try and be happy. It's bad enough you didn't shower" My mother commented, quite rudely I might add "Okay." I mumbled, Putting on a slightly less annoyed face. Which pleased my mother so, that's all that matters I guess. Because god forbid my happiness is important.

I shook my head and looked out the window, Holding the Target brand barbie that mother decided to buy for my little cousin, Alexis. I knew for a fact she wouldn't like it, but she would be too nice to say so... My mother just doesn't know her own family.
Pulling up to the house, It wasn't hard to tell there was a party today, Balloons scattered around outside and the fact that the banner said 'party here'

I rolled my eyes at the sight.

"Ah, Donna, Mikey, Gerard! How are you! Wheres Donald at?" My aunt (By marriage) smiled at us "Its great to see you, Were good, How are you? Don's at work right now, he can't make it" My mother returned the smile, Aunt Marie brought her into a hug and that's when I tuned them out. Not wanting to hear their overly fake voices as they talked about how great their lives are.

"Gerard! Gerard!" I heard a small voice call, I looked over to my left to see Zoie, Alexis' sister standing there "Hi Zoie" I smiled down at her "Come play!" She squealed pulling me up from my spot on the couch. I chuckled slightly as she dragged me out to the back where all the other kids were. I may not have been liked by my aunts and uncles, But the kids adored me.

"Daward!!!!" Alexis yelled She was the younger of the two, Zoie was older than her by 2 years. Making her Three. "Hey Lex" I smiled, picking her up as she ran at me "I free now!" she admitted excitedly "Ou, you're getting so big, Lex!" I gasped to which she giggled.

"Okay, Cake and presents time!" Their mom called, Alexis wriggled out of my arms and ran inside the rest of the kids following suit. I trailed slowly behind them, a small smile on my face. Due to the kids, not the adults...

"Happy birthday to you, Happy birthday to you.
Happy birthday, to Alexis, Happy birthday to you"

There was a huge smile on Alexis' face as she blew out her candles. Everyone clapped.
I cant remember the last time I had a party... Or a cake. My family didn't pay much attention to Mikey or myself... Only getting us the bare minimum... If that.

I saw Mikey frowning as well and I wrapped an arm around him "Don't worry, I'll get you a cake this year Mikey" I whispered quietly, He looked over at me and smiled "Thank you, Gee"

-

Once we got home, I retreated back to my room, Not at all looking forward to next week, But for now I'll just think about the cake I'm going to getb Mikey for his birthday.

Notes

Issa new one, It will get better, I suck at openings and endings.