Fantastic Bastards in Monroeville (Frerard)

Two months later

I want to take back every bad thing I have said about Monroeville. White Oaks makes Monroeville look like a Hawaiian vacation. I fucking hate this place and I wish that I simply could have been taken back to Monroeville. I can literally go on for hours talking about how much I hate this damn place.
The first thing I hate about White Oaks is the fact that they don’t allow you to wear your clothes. They make you wear these white scrubs instead that are way too itchy. You apparently have to earn your right to wear your clothes, but I don’t know how you have to go about doing that. Another thing I hate about this place is that you’re not allowed to be in your room as much as you want. You have to stay out of your room when you wake up. It’s not like in Monroeville, where you can spend the whole day in your room if you wanted to. They literally force you to stay out, and that’s bullshit. You also have to share showers with everyone else here. We don’t have showers in our bathrooms in our bedrooms. The only things in the bedroom bathrooms are a toilet and a sink. Do the people that work here not know how disgusting it is to have to share showers with god knows how many other people in this godforsaken place?
I could honestly go on and on about the things I hate at White Oaks, but I can’t. The attendees here expect me to get outta my room, as much as I don’t want to. I stood in the bathroom, staring at my ugly, fat reflection in the mirror. I swear I’ve gained weight. I let myself go too much. I also hate how I have a black eye and a few bruises on my face from Frank beating me up, even though I deserved them. I just hate myself period. Without Frank, I am nothing. The one person that completes me is gone…
“Gerard, you gotta come out,” said Trevor, the attendee waiting outside my bedroom. I sighed deeply and walked outta the bathroom and out of the door of my room. Fuck the attendees that work here. Fuck them all to hell. Trevor smiled a smile that I swear is as fake as a famous female celebrity’s tits. “Thank you, Gerard,”
Yeah, sure...you’re welcome, fuckface.
I walked down the hall and turned the corner to the cafeteria, where I grabbed a tray to fill it up with food I won’t eat. As much as I don’t wanna eat, you have to get yourself a tray, otherwise the people that work here will come find you and make you get one. If you keep refusing, you get the tube. A fellow patient already warned me about that, so I took his advice with a grain of salt. Maybe I’ll eat a few bites of food. I need to put something in it to shut up my growling stomach. Today for breakfast it’s a cheese omelette, hash browns, and bacon. The bacon I’m staying away from for sure; too fattening. Maybe I’ll eat a little bit of the hash browns. I’m not so sure about the eggs here. The ones at Monroeville were awful, so I can only imagine how bad they are here. After getting my food, I sat down at a table and stared down at it. Before I could grab my fork, I felt someone grab a handful of my hair and slam my face down into my food. With food particles in my hair, I turned to look who did it--it was Kyle, a patient that’s bullied me since I first got here. He smiled a shit-eating grin.
“Faggot,” he sneered. Already losing my patience, I stood up and lunged myself towards Kyle, swinging my fist at him as I grabbed a fistful of his shirt.
“I’ll fucking kill you!” I growled. “I’ll rip your fucking balls off and wear them as badges of honor!”
“Hey!” yelled Mitch, one of the attendees that rushed over to me and Kyle, separating me from Kyle as another attendee pulled him away. “Take it easy, guys,”
“Fuck you!” I yelled at Kyle, Mitch dragging me to the far end of the room. I gave Kyle the finger.
“Relax, Gerard,” Mitch said firmly. I just shook my head and walked outta the cafeteria, pulling the particles of food outta my hair. Now I really don’t feel like eating. I don’t care if I get the tube at this point. I walked into the day room and sat down on one of the couches and mindlessly stared at the tv, not at all caring what’s on. It’s some game show. It cut to a commercial break, advertising some brand of beer. I really wish I could drink one right now. In fact, I wish I could drink myself into a coma. I’m stuck in a stricter psychiatric hospital without Frank, the boy that lights up my whole world. Getting drunk would be great right now, if I had the ability to do so…
An advertisement for Kingwood Psychiatric Hospital came on, going on about all the supposed good things about it, like how it’s the top hospital in the nation and other gloating stuff. Okay. Cool. What’s next?
Wait a minute...Kingwood...that’s where Ray is at!
That’s what I should do! I should call Ray. I still have the number that Nick gave me. Talking to Ray won’t accomplish much for me, but at least it’ll make time go by, plus I do genuinely wanna see how Ray’s doing. I really hope he’s gotten better…
Wait...what if Frank’s there? What if Frank got transferred to Kingwood? It doesn’t hurt to ask. Maybe, if Frank is there, I can talk to him. I can tell him sorry for breaking his heart. I can also tell him that I love and miss him. I need to tell him all this. I quickly got up to my feet and snuck into my bedroom, finding the piece of paper with Kingwood’s number on it in a pile of papers I was given when I was sent here. I rushed over to one of the phones near the nurse’s station. I dialed the number and put the phone to my ear, hearing the phone’s ringing.
“Come on, pick up the phone!” I whispered to myself, growing anxious with each ring. Finally, I heard a click, indicating someone picked up the phone.
“Hello?” a distinct male voice spoke.
“Ray? Is that you?” I asked desperately.
“No, this is Kellin. You’re looking for Ray?” the voice questioned.
“Yes, Kellin. Can you put Ray on?”
“Hold on,”
Silence. I shook where I stood, anxiously waiting for Kellin to fetch Ray for me. I genuinely hope Ray is okay. I also hope that Frank is at Kingwood. Oh please, let him be there! I soon heard someone pick up the phone and I felt my heart race.
“Hello?” Ray said.
“Ray, it’s me, Gerard,” I replied.
“Gerard? What’s up?” Ray asked, sounding genuinely happy to hear from me.
“A lot. I’m not in Monroeville anymore. I’m in a place called White Oaks,”
“Really? How did you get the number for here?”
“Nick Matthews gave it to me. Not sure if you know him. He was at Kingwood for a while,”
“No, I don’t know him. I heard about what you and Frank did. I’m assuming that’s why you’re at this new place, right?”
“Yeah, actually…,” I said, gulping as my lips came upon what to ask Ray. I feel so nervous asking him, but I gotta get it over with. If he’s there, I need to talk to him. I miss him dearly. “Ray, is Frank there?”
Ray didn’t reply. I was met with silence, and it was killing me…
Please say yes. I need to tell him a lot. Please, please be there…
“Umm...he was here,” Ray finally replied, sounding on edge.
Was? What does he mean was? Frank was at Kingwood and was taken somewhere else? It doesn’t make sense!
“What do you mean was, Ray?” I asked, feeling my chest constrict.
“Gerard...you’re not gonna like this…,” Ray sighed. “Are you sure you want me to tell you the truth?”
“Yes! Tell me!” I nearly yelled, making the heads of some patients turn as they passed by me. “Tell me the truth!”
“Okay…,” Ray sighed again. “Well, you see...Frank was at Kingwood for a while...but not anymore…,”
“Why not?” I barked, my hand holding the phone shaking uncontrollably.
“He...he’s dead. He overdosed on his pills. He would spit out the pills the nurses would give him and hide them til he had enough to overdose on,”
I felt my heart explode. Frank was dead? No. This can’t be true. Ray’s lying! Frank can’t be dead! I need to apologize to him. I need to tell him that I love him. This can’t be happening.
“You’re lying!” I shouted into the phone. “Tell me where Frank is!”
“He’s dead, Gerard! Why the hell would I lie to you? I’m sorry, Gerard. He’s gone,” Ray said defensively. It was at that moment that I nearly dropped the phone out of my hand. Ray was right. He wouldn’t lie to me about Frank being fucking dead. Why would he? I felt my head go numb, becoming dizzy. I could barely stand on my two feet. Frank’s gone. The boy that made my life worth living is now gone forever. This hurt worse than losing Lindsey. I had no reason to live anymore…
“Gerard?” Ray said, still sounding on edge. “Gerard, are you okay?”
“I gotta go…,” I replied shakily, putting the phone back in it’s cradle. I felt myself collapse to the floor, crumbling to pieces. I put my shaking hands over my eyes, immediately feeling the sting of tears come to them as I wept uncontrollably. I screamed into my hands, not at all caring if anyone hears me.
Oh my god...oh my fucking god….Frank’s gone! He’s dead! This can’t be happening to me!
“No!” I screamed at the top of my lungs, the piercing sound echoing throughout the whole vicinity. A bunch of attendees came rushing towards me, wondering what the hell was happening now in this fucking shithole.
“Gerard, are you okay?” one of them asked. I gave them all the dirtiest look I could pull off.
“No! He’s...he’s dead!” I hissed, my voice choked back by tears.
“Who?” the attendee questioned. “Who’s dead?”
I didn’t respond. I just got up to my feet and rushed to my room. I don’t care if the attendees tell me to stay out of it. I’m fucking staying in here. I just wanna disappear. I landed on my bed and cried my eyes out into my pillow, screaming until my throat grew hoarse. I never thought I could scream and shake so much. I looked down at my arms that are laced with scars. I realized at that moment that I need to do something--something destructive towards myself. If I couldn’t save Frank, how could I save myself anyway? I need to let out this rage. I need to show the world how broken I am without Frank. The one thing that made me feel complete is gone forever. Cutting my arms isn’t gonna cut it for me. I need to destroy myself...but how? I need it to be fast. I can’t wait too long and do what Frank did to end his life. There’s gotta be a way…
Wait. The rooftop. I can jump from the rooftop. But how was I gonna get up there? I know where the door to the stairs are, but it’s usually locked. Maybe, with some luck, I can get up there. I got up and rushed out of my room, down the hall, and around the corner to the door leading to the stairs…
Yes! It’s unlocked!
The biggest smile I’ve ever had came onto my face as I opened up the door. To whoever left it unlocked...thank you so much. Dumbass.
“Gerard! Get back here!” Mitch yelled, rushing over to me. I jolted up the stairs and made it to the top, getting up there in seconds flat as a hoard of attendees ran after me. The rays of the sun hit my face when I opened the door to the rooftop. I can barely remember the last time I’ve been outside. It doesn’t matter now. It’ll be my last time outside. I ran to the edge of the building, looking down. It’s one hell of a fall--ten stories to be exact. Now all I have to do is jump…
Hold on, Frank. I’m coming for you.
“Gerard!” Mitch hollered, worry in his voice. “Gerard, get back here now! Step away from the edge!”
“No!” I yelled, the tears still choking back my voice. “He’s gone! I just...I’ve lost every reason to live!”
“Gerard...don’t do this,” Mitch said, stepping forward. “Suicide is a permanent solution to temporary problems. Life is not worth throwing away,”
Suicide is a permanent solution to temporary problems? What kind of shit is that? Frank being dead is permanent. Nothing can bring him back. He’s gone. I’ve lost my will to live because of that. I looked down. It really is a long drop. What if I don’t succeed? What if I’m still alive after this? Then my life would really be unworthy of living. I’d be a broken mess…
No. It’s a big enough drop. It should kill me, especially if I can get myself to land headfirst. Still, it is a big drop...a really, really big one…
“Gerard,”
Who was that?
“Gerard, look at me,”
I turned over to find...him, staring at me. He didn’t look happy at all. If anything, he looked scared for his life. He doesn’t realize how happy I was to see him.
“Frankie…baby…,” I stuttered. “Where were you? I missed you so much…,”
“Don’t jump, Gerard...just please, don’t do it!” Frank shouted, tears running from his eyes.
“But...but why, Frank? I miss you. I want to be with you. You’re gone forever,”
“Because...because I love you! I love you, Gerard!”
At that moment, I felt my heart’s broken pieces come back together. My eyes grew wide, chills running down my spine. I suddenly found a reason to live. Frank wouldn’t want me to off myself. He would want me to keep going, despite how much goes wrong. If I killed myself, I would be doing a disservice to the one person I love. I had to keep going. I stepped off the edge, walking over to Frank and gave him the biggest hug I could ever give someone, his arms wrapping around my body. That’s when I let it all out, sobbing loudly into his shoulder.
“It’s okay, Gee…,” Frank whispered. “I’m here, Gee. It’s alright,”
“I love you too, Frank!” I screamed. I don’t want him to leave. I wanna stay with him until the end of time.
“Come on, Gerard. Let’s get you outta here,” Mitch said, stepping towards me.
“No,” I growled, glaring at Mitch. Frank frowned at me.
“Gerard...go with him. I’ll always be here,” he said.
“Are you...are you sure?” I asked.
“Yes, Gee. I promise,” Frank smiled.
“Okay…,” I said, smiling back. That’s when Frank grabbed my face and planted a kiss right on my lips. I smiled, and he smiled back.
“See you later, Gee,” he said.
“You too, Frank,” I said, walking over to Mitch. I waved goodbye at Frank, and he waved back as I walked with Mitch and the other attendees back inside.
I’ll always love you, Frank Iero.

Notes