Life on the Murder Scene

We arrive in California the next morning. The sound of water boiling and liquid hitting something solid wakes me up. There aren’t enough bunks for everyone so I opted to take the couch. It’s not half bad. I get to spread out a little more than the guys do. The cushions are pretty comfortable and the smell isn’t nearly as bad in the front of the bus as it is in the bunk area. The only downside is the complete lack of privacy. There’s very much of that on the bus anyway, but at the least the bunks have curtains that can be pulled across them. Groaning I sit up, rubbing my eyes with the back of my hands.

“Shit sorry Makayla, I didn’t mean to wake you up,” it's Frank. He’s wearing Batman PJ pants that I’m pretty sure belong to Gerard. His hair is sticking up in various places, forming a kind of dark mane around his head. Sleep clings to the guitarist’s eyes as he pulls my coffee mug out of the cabinet, filling it up. Frank hands it to me before picking up my feet and sitting down. He lets my legs fall across his lap.

“You’re fine. I should’ve been getting up anyway,” I respond before taking a sip of coffee. The dark brown liquid is hot and I instantly spit it back into the cup. It’s too late though; my tongue is already burnt.

Frank smirks at me, “You’re supposed to blow on it first.”

“Is that what you tell all the girls?” I respond raising an eyebrow at him.

“You’re disgusting. Do your brothers know how gross you are?”

I nod, grabbing hold of Frank’s free hand, tracing over the letters he has tattooed over his knuckles. He lets out a quiet hum, rubbing his thumb over my palm. Together we sit in silence, lost in our own world. Things are so much simpler in my little head world. When you’re in your own head nothing can hurt you.

From the far end of the bus, I can hear shifting around as other members of the band begin to wake up. The first to come into view is Ray Toro. He yawns, running his hand through his hair. Opening cabinets, he eventually finds the cereal. He opens the box, grabbing a handful out and shoving it into his mouth before retreating back to his bunk. He doesn’t ever say very much, as least not when I’m around. I have a feeling he doesn’t like me very much.

“I’m gonna try and find a grocery store today and get some more food stuff, maybe some fruit,” I say absentmindedly. We’ve been living off of coffee, Nutri-Grain bars, candy, and performer tent food since we left Jersey. Sure it’s not been that long, but if I see another pizza I’m going to vomit. I begin to make a mental grocery list as Gerard walks from his bunk to the main area of the bus. “Don’t forget to take your pills, Gee.”

He stares at me for a minute as I point to his orange plastic bottle sitting on the counter by his hip. Ignoring me, he reaches into the ice chest and grabs out a beer. “We’re running low on these you should pick some up when you go out.”

My brother grabs Frank’s coffee mug, taking a swallow before handing it back. Gerard sits on the other couch across from us. I turn back to my coffee unable to look at him. He’s still filthy from yesterday’s show, makeup smeared over his face. My brother’s eyes are bloodshot and watery, his lips chapped. “Please take your pills.”

“Sure thing,” he reaches over and fishes two of the little white pills out of the bottle. Drunken eyes look right at me as Gerard places them on his tongue. Shutting his mouth he swallows before showing me his empty tongue. “My tooth really hurts.”

“Did you bring a toothbrush?” I question as Mikey begins fixing himself a cup of coffee.

“I’ve been using my finger,” Gerard responds before shoving his finger into his mouth, imitating a brushing motion.

Groaning, I let my head fall onto Frank’s shoulder. What the hell? My hair falls forward covering my face. “I’ll pick you up a toothbrush at the store.”

Gerard burps in response.

“I think we’re here for two days,” Ray says, returning his cereal box to the cabinet above the microwave. He flips on the sink and runs some water into a cup. Searching around for a minute he finds the tea bags and plops one into the cup before shoving it into the microwave. Ray doesn’t drink coffee. I actually think he’s probably the healthiest out of all of us here. He even tries to go on a run every day.

“Yeah,” I answer pointing the schedule taped to the side of the mini-fridge. “I was talking to a few roadies last night and they told me on days when we’re in a town for more than a day they always have a big party.”

“I’m assuming you’re going,” Frank answers moving my legs out of the way so that he can stand up.

“I’m sure we’re all going,” I respond confused as to what put him in a mood this morning. He seemed totally fine when it was just the two of us.

Frank turns, looking as if he wants to say more, but a knock on the bus door stops him. Gerard gets up off the couch, pushing the door open.

“Guys, Bert came to visit us!”

The lead singer of The Used follows my brother up the stairs. “Hello, My Chemical Romance…My Chemical Romance’s permanent groupie.”

I flip him off before gathering up my blankets and walking towards the bunks. I’m in no mood to deal with Bert or his snide comments this early in the morning. There isn’t enough coffee in the world. As I shove my sleeping stuff into Mikey’s bunk Frank watches me.

“You’re being a bummer,” I announce as I pull clothes out of a duffle bag. Frank slides into his bunk and shuts the curtain across it so that I have a sense of privacy. There is also a curtain that shuts off the couch area from the sleeping area; I pull that shut.

“I just...I guess I miss how quiet it was when it was just you and me. We should take a walk once you’re dressed,” Frank responds as I pull an Anthrax shirt, Mikey’s, over my head. I pick up the jeans I discarded last night, pulling them on before slipping on a pair of flip-flops.

“Since when do you go on walks?” I joke, pulling my hair up into a ponytail.

“This bus makes me claustrophobic.”

I nod, momentarily forgetting that Frank can’t see me. “I get that.”

Once dressed I slide open Frank’s curtain, squatting down so that I’m at eye level with him. His hazel green eyes stare back at me, unblinking. Leaning forward I place a kiss on his forehead before pulling his beanie over his eyes and heading towards the front of the bus.

“I’m gonna go for a walk,” I announce to no one before walking off the bus.

The early morning sun assaults my eyes. I cover them quickly, wishing I had grabbed some sunglasses from the bus. Heat radiates off the asphalt, creating beads of sweat along my forehead. Used to the mild New Jersey, I didn't pack enough shorts and tank tops to combat the heat the rest of the country experiences. Blinking a few times, I’m eventually able to look at the area that surrounds me. It’s another big empty field. The set up crew is already rolling out fencing and setting up merch tents. I bet they’ve been up for at least two hours.

Hands cover my eyes, causing the world to go dark for a second. Frank’s lips brush past my ear, “Mikey’s coming with us.”

“I thought you wanted it to be just us,” I answer before spinning around so that I’m facing the guitarist. He’s two inches taller than me, pretty much at perfect eye level. I’m standing close enough that our lips are almost touching. Frank runs his tongue along his, something he does when he’s nervous.

"You must have heard what you wanted because I never said that," Frank answers with a wink.

"Or maybe you just couldn't find a good enough reason as to why my brother couldn't come along?" I challenge, taking a half step forward.

Frank stumbles backward, his fingers working on an invisible itch on his neck that always seems to appear when he's nervous. “Are you gonna watch us play today?”

“Maybe." I shrug. "Maybe there will be another band that I like better that’s playing at the same time as you.”

"You wouldn't."

"I can, and if you keep up with this sassy attitude, I will." I joke, giving the guitarist a wink.

Frank’s cheeks turn bright red. "The only one being sassy here is you."

Grinning, I lean forward, my lips brushing against Frank's ear. "Sure about that?"

“You guys ready?” Mikey asks causing me to jump away from Frank. The two of us have always had a certain amount of sexual tension, but it’s better if we keep it between us. Frank's been a good friend and I'd hate to lose him if something went wrong. Plus, I don’t want to cause any issues within the band. My brothers are crazy protective and would make a big deal out of the littlest things. Besides, teasing Frank is a lot more fun than giving into the temptation.

“Sure,” I respond with a chuckle before heading towards where one of the stages is being set up. Mikey and Frank follow on either side of me. Frank links his pinky finger with mine. Right now, these two are my rock. Mikey understands my concerns and is here for me when I need to get heavy emotions out. Frank is always there to make me smile.

“Here,” Mikey finally says as we continue to walk around, “you forgot to take these this morning.”

He dumps a few pills into my free hand. I look down at them. I didn’t forget to take them this morning, I purposely didn’t. About two months ago, I was diagnosed with anxiety. The pills are supposed to help. Not only do they take care of it; they basically take care of any kind of coherent thought I could possibly have. I was told that would stop once I started taking them consistently enough for my body to get used to them. I'm not entirely convinced that will happen. “They make me foggy.”

“They’ll stop doing that if you take them like you’re supposed to,” my older brother responds.

“You keep telling me that, but I just don’t believe you.”

Frank laughs before reaching over and taking the pills out of my hand, "I wanna show you a magic trick."

Rolling my eyes, I stop walking, crossing my arms over my chest. For the past few months, Frank has been doing dumb shit and calling it magic. Shit like saying he'll make all the donuts disappear and then shoving them all in his mouth. In his defense, it always does get me to smile. "Are you finally going to make yourself disappear?"

"Haha," Frank responds, sticking his tongue out at me. "Can you just play along?"

I put on a large smile, batting my eyelashes, "Like, oh my God, I totally wanna see you your magic trick, Frank. You're like the best magician ever."

Mikey snickers as Frank takes the pills from my hand, holding them between his fingers. “I'm gonna make these disappear, okay? Stick your tongue out.”

I frown at him. The donut jokes and the random pranks are funny, but I'm not taking the pills. They make me groggy and useless. I need to get stuff done today.

“Just do it.”

Sighing, I stick my tongue out at the guitarist. He drops the pills onto my tongue. Having no other choice I swallow them, sticking my tongue out at him.

A wide smile spreads across Frank's face, "Tah dah."

My older brother shakes his head, grinning at Frank and I. "He's an even bigger dork than I thought."

"You've been in a band with him for how long, and you're just realizing that?" I jest as the three of us begin walking again.

My brother shrugs, not having an answer. Since yesterday, Mikey has been very reserved. I make a mental note to talk to him about it later. This tour is wearing on everyone. Gerard might e a lost cause, but I'll be damned if he brings everyone else down.

“What stage do you play today?”

“No idea,” Mikey answers. “We have that meeting in like an hour. On my way out Bert said that they have a hotel for tonight so if we wanted to shower we could.”

“Fuck yes,” I respond with a laugh. None of us have showered since we left New Jersey. The bus has very quickly started to smell. Being able to do laundry will be nice too. The garbage bags don’t really hold in the sweat smell as well as I’d been hoping. I might hate what Bert is doing to my brother, but I won't turn down a real bed and a shower.

Mikey and Frank laugh at me. They’ve been on tours before and are used to roughing it. Having always been at home, I’ve never experienced anything quite like this.

“You still feel in a funk Frank?” I question glancing at the guitarist. He keeps his eyes forward, once again linking his pinkie with mine.

“Naw, I’m feeling better now. Thanks for going on a walk with me guys.”

My older brother nods, “I was losing my mind on that bus dude. And that fucking smell. It wasn't that bad when we were on tour with Green Day. I fucking hate small spaces."

“And large spaces, and grocery shopping,” I respond with a laugh. My older brother is a little weird. I’ve just kind of come to accept that. My entire family, myself included, is a little weird. I wouldn’t want them to be any other way. It's what makes us unique.

“Grocery shopping?” Frank asks, casting a sideways glance at my brother. He’s got one of his eyebrows raised. I can tell he’s trying not to laugh.

“There are too many choices and I never actually know what I want and the fucking check out people judge you. It’s always crowded. I can’t stand grocery shopping,” Mikey elaborates.

Frank stops, breaking out into a fit of laughter. He doubles over, arms wrapped around himself. Mikey frowns at the guitarist. He doesn’t like being made fun of. “Fuck you dude.”

I laugh at the both of them, enjoying the joking around. As we turn around and head back towards the bus my heart sinks. The carefree feeling of this walk was amazing. Who knows what is waiting for us all back at the bus.

Notes