Killing Me Softly

Leaning my head against the window, I watched the trees fly by in a blur. Sometimes I would even focus on a specific one and it seemed like we were going slower than we were. The music blasting in my ears was a distraction from the reality of the situation. I was leaving my hometown for a new one.

It’s not like I don’t want to move. After everything that’s happened, moving far away was the best option. I would be in a place where I didn’t stand out. Where I didn’t know anyone, and they didn’t know me. If you had told me three years ago that I wanted to move schools to just be a shadow, I would’ve laughed in your face. Now it was actually happening, and I smiled at the idea.

The sun was setting in the distance, creating an orange hue in the sky as if it was on fire. Even though it was a harsh color, it calmed my beating heart. A sunset was the symbol of the end of an era. When the sun rose the next morning, everything would start over.

The blurry trees slowly dissolved into buildings. At an intersection, a sign loomed. The sign that hit harder the reality of my situation. Welcome to the Cherry Blossom Capitol of America, Belleville, est. 1797. I nearly snickered at it. Cherry blossom capitol my ass. New Jersey was grimy as hell. I lived here my whole life, so I knew some small town wasn’t going to change my idea of it.

My inner monologue was interrupted by a tap on my shoulder. I pull out an earbud, looking over at my father, who had been the one poking me. “Here we are!” He smiled. “Excited?”

I was happy for the move and to be in a new place, but I wouldn’t say I was excited. “Eh,” was my only reply.

He sighed, “Ilse, come one, new town, new people! It has to bubble some excitement. I thought you were glad to get away from our old town?”

“I am,” I assured him. “But I’m not exactly jumping out of my seat at the idea of meeting new people.”

I could see the frown pull down his face as we pulled into a driveway. I finally got to see where we would be living from now on. It wasn’t anything special from the outside. It had only one story and what seemed like a basement. Dad stopped the car, looking at his watch, “The movers should be here at any moment. Let’s get what we have here inside.”

I nod, getting out of the warm car into the brisk air. It wasn’t too bad, but it did cause goosebumps to rise on my bare arms. My eyes wandered around the neighborhood as I followed Dad to the trunk of the car. It seemed like a nice place. Empty, a little uneventful, but that was perfect for me.

We each pulled a suitcase out of the trunk which had some basics in it. As we walked up towards the front door, a moving truck pulls into the driveway behind our car. “There they are,” Dad says, throwing the keys at me. “Go ahead and pick out a room. I’ll be in there in a minute.”

I do as he says, unlocking the front door with ease. I got the new house smell I’ve only heard described in movies. This wasn’t a brand-new house by any means, but it was new to me. My steps echoed through the empty rooms as I tried to find a bedroom for myself. I found myself in a room that was too big, but it was a decent size. There were a closet and a dresser already in the corner. There was a window on the far end, allowing me to look out into my backyard. Smiling softly, I set my suitcase down on the carpeted floor. “Ilse!” I hear my name called.

I huff, walking out of my new room to my father, who had a box in his hands. He set the box on the floor, reaching into his pocket. “I want you to do me a favor,” he insists, pulling his wallet from his pocket. “I need you to walk down to the store a few blocks down to pick up some groceries.”

I deadpan, “Dad, we just got here! I don’t even know where it is. Plus, I feel kinda gross from being in the car for so long.”

He rolled his eyes, “Go take a shower and I’ll text you the directions. Deal?”

“Fine,” I groan, knowing he would find a way to dance around my arguments.

He hands me his wallet as I walk back to the room I had chosen. Opening the suitcase, I pick out a long-sleeved gray shirt, black leggings, my leather jacket, and undergarments. Grabbing a towel, I rush to the bathroom, so I could take a quick shower. I was shocked by the size of the bathroom. It was about the same size of my bedroom.

I step into the bathtub, the warmth and steam calming me. I hear a thump outside of the room, making me glad that I had locked the door. It was a little strange that I was showering while the movers were in the house, but I never said I was normal.

I scrub the grime from my body, lathering my hair with shampoo then conditioner. Once I was finished, I walk out of the bathtub, grabbing the towel I had hung up beside it. After drying my body and my hair, I get dressed, ready to go to the store. Grabbing my phone, I see the text message from my father telling me where the store was.

I left the house after putting on some shoes and throwing my hair up in a ponytail. My feet pounded on the concrete sidewalk as I looked at my phone to find the directions. It didn’t seem too far away, which I was glad for. My phone went off, signaling another text from my father. It was a list of what he wanted me to get, as well as a money limit for me to get some snacks that I wanted.

Once I reach the store, I start my search for the groceries, and then the snacks. It took maybe twenty minutes for me to find everything since this was my first time entering the store. Once in the long checkout line, I sigh. This was going to take longer than expected, especially since two people had full carts and there were no other lines open. “Son of a bitch, this is going to take forever,” someone behind me groans.

Looking over my shoulder, I see a shorter boy with shaggy hair and tattoos. I was impressed and intrigued by the art on his skin, as he didn’t look that much older than me. “Hey,” he smiled at me when he saw me look at him.

I return a bashful grin, “Hi.”

“Are you new around here?” He asks. “I’ve never seen you before.”

I nod, “Yeah, I just arrived today.”

“Nice,” he holds out a hand. “I’m Frank!”

“Ilse,” I take his hand, shaking it.

After he released my hand, I nearly slapped myself in the face. I moved here to escape having to know people, and here I was, willingly introducing myself to a random person in a grocery store. “Ilse?” He questioned, “That’s different. I like it. How do you spell it?”

“Um,” I look away, reminding myself of my resolve. I was such a weak human being. “I-L-S-E. It’s German.”

“Kind of reminds me of my last name,” he continues to talk. “It’s Iero. I mean, it’s not German or anything, but it’s a bitch for anyone to spell or even say correctly. How hard is it to say eye-ee-ro? Does that happen to you a lot?”

I hummed in agreement as he kept rambling. Woah this guy was a talker. After what seemed like forever, I get to the front and I’m paying for my things. “See you later!” He called out as I was leaving.

“Yeah!” No.

He seemed nice, but he didn’t know about my condition. People’s attitudes always shift when they find out about it. I was able to find my way back to the house fairly easily. At this point, the movers were gone and there were furniture and boxes all over the place. I looked from the mess to my father, who did the same. “Tomorrow?”

“Tomorrow.”

Notes