Longing

Frank’s POV

I opened my eyes only to shut them as quickas they opened due to the bright light and it made me groan loudly as I rolled over pulling the covers over my head and that’s when I opened my eyes again.
It was then when my hearing came back to me and I could hear someone chuckle and I slowly moved the covers from my head where Patrick was sat in a chair and I looked over and saw Gerard was still asleep.
“Hey kid, how you feeling?” Patrick said and I just groaned loudly.
“Where the fuck am I?” I said as I looked at Patrick.
“You’re at the hospital. You’ve been out of it for 2 days.” Patrick said and I looked at Gerard who was still sound asleep which surprised me.
“Gee hasn’t left your side. Me and Mikes tried to get him to go home but he refused like the stubborn bastard he is.” Patrick said and I smiled slightly.
“Do you remember what happened?” Patrick asked and I shook my head as I looked away from Gerard.
“You overdosed on heroin and self harmed.” I heard Gerard say sleepily as he stood up and stretched and his back cracking with his bones clicking back into place after being asleep.
“I don’t even remember.” I said quietly.
“Pat I could do with a coffee and I’m sure Frank would love one as well.” Gerard said seriously which made me want to hide away as there was something about Gerard which made him feel like a parent but at the same time a friend.
Patrick just got up and walked out the room without even asking a question.
Gerard walked over and he sat on the end of the bed which made me move and sit up but I refused to look at him.

“I thought you was dead Frank.” Gerard said and I could feel the hurt and anger coming off him.
“Maybe I wanted to be dead.” I said quietly and I braved it and looked at Gerard who looked hurt at what I said.
“Why? You are still young, you still have your life ahead of you. Why would you want to end it when your life is only just beginning.” Gerard said and I sighed and looked down again.
“Let’s just say life hasn’t been easy and I highly doubt it will get any better so what’s the point of being alive if that is what my life is going to be. Then I don’t want my life to be like that.” I said.
“But killing yourself now is not the answer, yes you life might be hard now but it might not be like this in a years time, you’ll never know if you kill yourself now.” Gerard said and I looked at him.
“Why the fuck do you even care? I’m just some fucking kid you found on the street and now you are trying to tell me that my life is worth living when you have no fucking clue what I have been through for the last 18 years off my life!” I said loudly and Gerard just frowned at me.
“So you want me to walk out of your life? Do you really want me to do that?” Gerard challenged as he got off the bed.
“I really couldn’t give a shit right now.” I said and I rolled onto my side so my back was too Gerard.
I heard Gerard walk off somewhere and it for some strange reason made tears roll down my cheek and I rolled over Quickly to see the back of Gerard at the door.
“Don’t Go please don’t leave me.” I sobbed loudly as I quickly got myself out of bed and ran over to Gerard and caught hold of his hand.
Gerard turned round and looked at me.
“Don’t go.” I sobbed and Gerard smiled sadly at me and he pulled me into a hug which I returned and I cried into Gerard’s chest.
“I’m not going anywhere okay.” Gerard said softly as I felt his hand run up and down my back.
“People say that and they leave. They always leave me.” I sobbed and Gerard gently pushed me away and he made me look at him.
“I’m not like everyone else. I’m here to support you and help you through anything you need help with.” Gerard said and I smiled and sniffed loudly.
“Do you want to talk about anything?” Gerard asked and I shrugged my shoulders and I went back over to the bed and got back into bed where Gerard walked over and sat on the end of the bed.
“Actually yeah I do want to talk but at the same time I don’t know if I can trust you. You and Patrick seem really close and you can’t tell anyone what I say.” I said and Gerard smiled and he put his hand on my leg which made me look at him.
“You can trust me.” Gerard said and I smiled slightly and sighed as I looked down.

“I actually don’t know my parents.” I said and looked back up at Gerard to see if he was going to say anything but he wasn’t so I carried on.
“My birth parents was killed in a car accident when I was a baby.” I said quietly.
“I stayed with my nan until I was 4 and she passed and that’s when I first got into the system.” I said and I saw Gerard frowned which made me smile.
“I was put into care and waited for someone to foster me.” I said as I looked down again.
“I don’t want to talk about what happened because I can’t cope with it right now. But when I was 16 I ran away and spent most of that time on the streets but I found someone who took me in for a year but they took a really strong drug which killed them and that’s how I ended back up on the streets and that’s how you found me.” I said and I looked back up at Gerard.
“I’m sorry that happened to you.” Gerard said and I smiled slightly.
“So you have no family then?” Gerard asked and I shook my head.
“Nope, no family.” I said.
“If you want me and the guys back at the house will be your family.” Gerard said and I smiled at him.
“I possibly can’t do that, I mean I’m trouble and I like my heroin, it’s literally the love of my life right now.” I said as I looked down and messed with my hands.
“Yeah you can be part of our family. I mean Mikes is my family but the rest of the guys are also family to me. I was with someone who had a lot more problems than what you did.” Gerard said and I looked at him.
“Trust me he was one crazy bastard but we all coped with him and we’ll be able to help you get better. That’s if you want to get better.” Gerard said and I wanted to know more about this person but I didn’t know wether to push the subject further or not so I kept my mouth shut.
“If we can cope with a paranoid schizophrenic who had the worst temper going and probably wouldn’t think twice on stabbing you then I think we can cope with you.” Gerard said and I looked at him shocked.
“Yeah if you caught Jack on a bad day he definitely let you know about it but towards the end he managed to get a grip of himself and he was the most loving, kindest person going.” Gerard said and he looked down.
“If I Stay, are you sure you are going to let me stay and help me? I’ve been let down so many times I can’t afford to get my hopes up and nothing happens.” I said and Gerard chuckled.
“Well nobody has tried to kill you yet so I think you’re welcomed into the family.” Gerard and I looked at him and frowned.
“You’ll find out soon enough but first you need to focus on getting better.” Gerard said and Patrick came through the door.

“Fucking people need to look where they walk. Split someone’s coffee down myself so I had to get more coffee for everyone.” Patrick said and Gerard stood up and walked over to Patrick and got hold of his coffee.
“You got cigarettes on you?” Gerard asked and Patrick nodded and he walked over to me and handed me my coffee which I took and Patrick began to pat round his body and when he found what he was looked for he handed it to Gerard.
“You seriously expect me to know how to roll a cigarette?” Gerard said sarcastically.
“Yeah.” Patrick said.
“Roll for me please Patrick.” Gerard whined and Patrick shook his head.
“Nope.” Patrick said.
“Come here and I’ll show you how to roll. But I do roll backwards so you might have to bare that in mind.” I said and Gerard walked over.
“He’s meant to learn how to do that. He needs to learn he’s not always gods gift.” Patrick said and Gerard looked at him.
By the time Patrick and Gerard had finished their staring match I had rolled us all a cigarette.
“Hey blondie.” I said to get Patrick’s attention and threw the cigarette at Patrick which he caught just about and I put one in my mouth and Gerard looked at me.
“Where’s mine?” Gerard asked.
“Up his ass.” Patrick said and I looked at him.
“Do I need to ask you too bend over so I can look?” Gerard asked.
“That’s no way to ask for sex Gerard.” Patrick said.
“Oh I’ve been asked in worst ways, also I think Gee is more of a gentleman.” I said and handed Gerard his cigarette.
“You think, I believe Jack said different.” Patrick said and Gerard’s mood shifted.
“Enough Patrick.” Gerard growled.
“Come on Gee have a laugh.” Patrick said and Gerard stood up and that was when Patrick stopped and he looked down.
“I said enough.” Gerard said seriously and Patrick nodded and Gerard turned round and smiled at me.
“Joining us for a cigarette?” Gerard asked and I nodded and got out of bed and looked down and saw I only had the hospital gown on.
“Does anyone have a hoodie I can borrow?” I asked and Gerard pulled his hoodie off which made his top rise up and he had some scars on his stomach but I didn’t look for look long as Patrick was watching me.
“Here you go.” Gerard said and I smiled and put the hoodie on.
“Thanks.” I said and I followed Gerard and Patrick out side and smoked our cigarettes.

Notes

Am I the only person who rolls cigarettes backwards because rolling cigarettes forwards is to mains