Early Sunsets Over Monroeville

I woke up as a nervous wreck. I wasn't exactly confused as to where I was, I knew I was in a car on my way to a new town. Again. But I didn't know exactly where I was, what time it was, or how much longer this drive was going to last. I'm prone to panic attack when I don't know details like that and my father isn't exactly the best person to be around when I have one. See, thoughts like that only serve to heighten my anxiety.

I tried to focus on anything to try and distract myself from my rising anxiety. A string of lights lined the horizon, signifying we were approaching a town. The thought that there were other people around and we weren't completely in the middle of nowhere calmed me slightly. I knew if I could figure out where we were I could get a hold on my anxiety so I started groping around my seat for my phone.

My stubby fingers closed around the cheap piece of plastic that barely served it's purpose. I clicked the button and squinted against the sudden burst of bright light. Four fifty-nine in the morning. Had I really slept that long? Normally I'm lucky if I get three hours of sleep, and here I've got nearly seven hours. I'm seven hours away from where I fell asleep, so where am I?

"Dad?" I asked somewhat shakily. I snuck a glance at him but his eyes never left the road. I'm not sure if he heard me. Normally I wouldn't be trying to start a conversation, but I had to know where we were.

"Dad?" I repeated. God, this is stupid. He's obviously ignoring me intentionally. I need to stop talking before it lands me in trouble.

"Yes?" He sighed. I wasn't really entirely expecting him to respond. I paused, having to spend a moment regaining my thoughts that seemed to escape me the second he spoke.

"Where are we? I mean, I..." I trailed off, not really sure where I was going with that.

"About five minutes out. Those lights up there are it." He sounded slightly annoyed, but I'd have been more scared if he hadn't sounded annoyed.

We fell into a silence. I wish I could say something about it, it was a comfortable silence, an awkward silence, but I have no idea what it was. An annoyed silence? A silence that was born from an unwanted conversation? A silence that never really should've existed because Mom shouldn't be dead, because I should be dead?

I reached back down for my phone absentmindedly. Placing the earbuds in my ears and hitting play on Nirvana wasn't from any kind of actual desire to listen to music. Whenever I find myself in a situation I'm uncomfortable in, my first instinct is always to escape. However, when I'm in a confined place that I can't escape from, like a car, my next move is usually to block out everything around me with music. I do enjoy music, but it's more of a coping mechanism then anything.

I kept clicking the volume button until it wouldn't go any higher. My thoughts kept threatning to drown out the sound of Kurt Cobain, but my music could only get so loud. At some point I would have to face reality. I knew I couldn't keep ignoring and distracting myself from my problems, but that wasn't something I wanted to face. Everything was just so fucked up, I knew somewhere deep down that it would never entirely get better.

There was certain situations that I tried to avoid because it triggered things. For instance, I avoided situations where I didn't know the time because it reminded me of a dark closet where I hid from my brothers suicide. Similarly, I avoided situations where I can't escape, like confined or enclosed spaces, because it reminded me of how utterly hopeless I was, how I wasn't able to get out of this. Places like that car left me alone in my thoughts, which is probably the most dangerous place for someone with a mind like mine to be.

And there I was, confessing the deepest parts of me that I can hardly face myself to what? Myself? God? Some physic who plans to use my thoughts to write a story and post it on some obscure corner of the internet? Ha, I wish my life was interesting enough for someone to want to write about me. Sadly, I'm just like every other fucked up kid out there.

I could already tell as we drove through the outskirts of Monroeville that this was going to be yet another non descript town. The population couldn't have been more than ten thousand, and that was a stretch. The only thing it had going for it was the maze that was the streets. I decided it'd be nothing short of a miracle if I left that town without managing to get lost at least half a dozen times before we left.

I don't know why I was even bothering thinking about any of that. I guess it would kind have made since if I was actually planning on living my life, but I had no plans to live past twenty. Well, even if I hadn't already made up my mind, it wasn't like I'd even remember the little moments like that. Life is all pain and suffering until you die, nothing more than a forgotten memory after you're gone. What's the point?

The town was mostly just grassland. There were a few trees scattered here and there, but most of them seemed to be clumped around a secluded bridge over Black Creek Falls we passed on the way into town. I wasn't sure exactly how to feel about that. It wasn't exactly ideal not having trees in town, but given the locatin of the bridge it would be a nice place to retreat to. I doubt it got much traffic considering the three other larger bridges in the area.

Before I was prepared to get out and face my father, we pulled up outside a worn down looking house. Two of the window panes looked cracked and yellowed, and the paint was peeling. I wondered if it was actually legal to sell that house, but I shrugged it off, probably not. I wasn't surprised at the conditon of the house, but I was disappointed. Yet again I'd made the mistake of letting myself get my hopes up.

"Come on, the movers should be here soon!" My father called, slamming the car door.

I could see streaks of light rising up from behind the distant hills. Oranges and bright pinks streaked the wispy clouds, but no matter how hard I tried I couldn't find it beautiful. Something about slamming a car door and hurrying to catch up to my father outside the house that was falling apart kind of took away the beauty. I hadn't been able to recognize the beauty in anything besides Mia since I first started getting depressed anyway, so it's not like the ugly scenery was taking away from the sunrise. I was just being overdramatic, as usual.

Despite my better judgement, I slipped away from the house as soon as I found a chance. Shortly after we had shut the front door behind us, I managed to slip out the back when my father went out for a smoke break. I knew I'd have to deal with him later, but I didn't really care in that moment. With no where in particular to go, I followed the cracked path. I wasn't quite sure if the entire town was that worn down, or if we just ended up in an exceptionally bad neighboorhood, most likely the latter.

As I strolled along, I couldn't help but notice how brave that town's squirrels were. On my walk that morning I almost fell flat on my face three seperate times because of squirrels running directly in front of my feet. I assumed other types of wildlife, like birds, were also pretty prevalent, but I couldn't tell because of the music still blarring through my earbuds.

I don't know how long I walked, but the sun was completely over the hills by the time I had wandered into the park. There were a surprising amount of people out for an early Tuesday in July. I don't know if these people don't work or what, but I was really hoping for a quiet place to think and instead I got a bunch of unemployed parents and annoying children. Great.

I plopped down on the nearest bench. Someone was already sitting there, of course. He couldn't have been much older then me, but it was hard to tell because he was bending over a notebook and I couldn't see his face. He was wearing black skinny jeans and a Misfits shirt. I considered commenting on his music taste, but he looked busy and I didn't want to disturb him. Instead I just thrust my hands further in my sweatshirt pockets and starred off at nothing.

I visibly jumped when he raised his head and muttered a "Hey."

"Fuck." I gasped. "I was not expecting that." He laughed in the carefree way I wished I could still achieve.

"Nirvana." He said, gesturing towards the earbud dangling freely between us. Apparently it was loud enough for him to hear.

"Oh, sorry, I'll turn it down if you want?" I suddenly felt very uncomfortable.

"Nah, it's cool. I'm grounded actually, stupid reason that I don't want to get into, but I'd appreciate it if you played it out loud, haven't had music in awhile." His attitude was laid back and generally the kind of person I enjoyed being around.

"I don't want to make anyone mad." I said hesitantly, always the people pleaser.

"Oh come on. If they don't like Nirvana they could leave, but let's be real, who doesn't like Nirvana." I forced myself to laugh, although I did enjoy speaking to him my depression wouldn't allow me to be happy enough to really laugh.

I unplugged my earbuds and ignored the glares people started shooting our way. I did feel slightly guilty for annoying these people, but this boy did have a point.

"Can I get a name?" I asked before the conversation could die.

"Frank Iero. You?"

"Iero?" I laughed. "You felt the need to include your last name?" He shrugged so I said, "Izalia," and extended a hand. I didn't realize how awkward the angle was at first and immediatly regretted the action when I realized we were both sitting on a bench. I pulled my hand away and looked down to hide an embarrassed blush that was forming. I had always been an overactive blusher. It was honestly one of the most annoying things.

"Sorry." I muttered as I noticed he was forcing down a laugh.

"It's fine." He hurried to reassure me. "Are you new in town? I haven't seen you around town before, and most everyone knows everyone around here."

"I just moved here today." I ducked my head as a child's ball came whizzing past.

"Today? It's so early, shouldn't you be unpacking?" It was an innocent enough question, but it was the last thing I wanted to answer right now.

"I, uh..." I gulped for air. I needed a lie, and quickly. "My parents wanted me to get used to the town, they're letting me explore, I guess."

I saw his eyes narrow slightly but he just nodded and didn't say anything. I heard someone call his name and he looked around quickly. He raised his hand in greeting. A bubbly looking girl in neon green and pigtails, who looked to be about my age, hurried over.

"Jamia!" Frank exclaimed. I sunk down into the bench, expecting to be forgotten. I was prepared to sulk off to somewhere else when Frank brought me into the conversation. "This is Izalia, we've been chatting."

"What exactly does 'chatting' entail Frank?" Jamia asked, emphasizing the word chatting. I couldn't tell if she was joking, but I assumed she was because Frank rolled his eyes.

"Don't make her uncomfortable."

"I don't know, she seems like your type, decent music taste and all." Jamia joked, or at least I assume she was joking.

"Decent? I'd call it more than decent, great maybe." Frank said with a dismissive gesture of his hand.

"I'd say great's an understatment." I cut in. I'm not sure exactly why I felt the need to contribute, but I missed having people to talk to.

"What's better than great?" Frank retorted.

"Maybe," Jamia said with an eye roll, "You should expand your vocabulary and you'd know a word stronger than great."

"Ha ha, very funny." Frank said, not sounding all too amused. "What're you doing out here this early?"

"I could ask y'all the same question." I didn't notice it before, but after she used the word y'all I realized Jamia had a slight southern accent.

"You're accent is showing. And I couldn't sleep. Izalia, I'm not quite sure why she's out here. I did ask you first though." Frank's tone came across as annoyed, but I wasn't sure if that was intentional or not.

"I told you, my parents wanted me to get used to the town." Frank shot me a disbelieving look but once again didn't comment. Is that story really so hard to believe?

"I was headed to Mikey's but you were just sitting here so figured I'd stop by." Jamia offered.

"I'd be down with going over there." Frank said suddenly. I'm sure my face fell, I thought I might've actually had something going for me there. "Oh, Izalia, would you like to come? If your parents are alright with it, that is."

The first thing out of my mouth was, "Who's Mikey?"

"My best friend. He's pretty chill. So you wanna come?"

I agreed before I could overthink it. Thinking back, that was both the best and worst decision I have ever made in more ways then one.

Notes

Sorry it's so short, it's like 4 in the morning here. I plan to make future chapters longer but I can't write anymore tonight