Gerard’s POV

My hearing came to me first and I could hear a heart monitor beeping loudly and then I heard a voice which was faint to begin with but the more my hearing tuned into I could that it was Frank, who I guess was reading too me.
”On days like this I need you to run your fingers through my hair and speak softly.” I heard Frank say and he sniffed loudly.
”Please wake up baby, I miss you so much. I’m so sorry for what I said to you.” I heard Frank say and I felt the bed dip and Frank kissing my forehead.
”Please forgive me.” Frank whispered and I felt something wet land on my forehead and I felt him hold my hand and he sniffed loudly.
”How the fuck are you still crying?” I heard Jamie say.
”Because it’s my fault that he is in hospital, it’s my fucking fault that he almost killed himself on a fucking drugs overdose. Now can you fucking understand why I am so upset about this.” Frank snapped.
”Calm down Frank.” Jamie said.
”Don’t fucking tell me to calm down. That will only happen when I know Gee wakes up and if going to be okay.” Frank said.
”Go home and have a shower and a shave Frank.” Jamie said.
”No. Just fuck off and leave us alone.” Frank said seriously and Jamie sighed loudly.
”You’re not on your own Here Frank, you have everyone supporting you and Gee every step of this. Just don’t shut us out and run yourself down.” Jamie said and Frank sniffed but didn’t say anything.
”I’ll bring you some food later.” Jamie said.
”Thanks Jam.” Frank said softly.
”Take it easy.” Jamie said and I heard him walk out the room and the door shutting behind him.
”I love you baby, don’t ever forget that.” Frank whispered and I guessed he sat down but his hand didn’t move from mine and I let my mind rest for a while.

”I’m not leaving him, he could wake up any day now and I want to be here.” Frank said sounding like he was being stubborn about something.
”Frank you have been here for 4 days now, you fucking stink and you are in desperate need of a shave.” A woman said so I was guessing it was his mum.
”I’m not leaving him, I need to make sure that I haven’t fucked us up. I need to know if he will forgive me for what I have done.” Frank said and the woman sighed loudly.
”Sweetheart you need to look after yourself here. Gerard is being looked after so you need to look a frer yourself.” The woman said.
”I’m not fucking moving until I know he is okay.” Frank growled and he squeezed my hand.
There was a moment silence and I squeezed Frank’s hand slightly.
“Mam he just squeezed my hand.” Frank said shocked but happy at the same time.
”You waking up Baby, squeeze my hand again.” Frank said Amd I squeezed his hand a bit harder than before and Frank squeeze his hand back.
”He’s waking up Mam, He’s actually waking up.” Frank said happily.
”I’ll go and get a nurse.” The woman said and I heard her get up and the door opening and shutting and this was when I opened my eyes but shut them quickly since the lights was really bright.
I went to speak but couldn’t which made my eyes go wide open and I looked toward Frank who was smiling at me.
”Calm down baby, you can’t speak at the moment as you have a tube down your throat which has been helping you breath but Mam is getting a nurse to take the tube out.” Frank said softly and he looked at the bed as if he wanted to sit on it.
I let go of Frank’s hand and patted the bed and Frank smiled as he sat on the bed.
”Baby I’m so sorry that I made you do what you did and you ending up in here.” Frank said and I put my hand on his thigh and gave it a squeeze and Frank was about to say something but the door opened and a nurse came in and gave me and Frank a funny look but she went about her business.

The nurse had finished she was doing and the tube was removed but I had something up my nose to help with breathing and I was still on the heart monitor just to make sure nothing happens.
I was on my side watching Frank as he was busy doing something but he had hold of my hand.
I coughed loudly which really hurt my throat and I rolled onto my back and sat up as I coughed.
”Easy baby, Here have some water.” Frank said as he stood up and poured a glass of water out and offered me a drink which I took and had a sip which eased me wanting to cough but not much as I carried on coughing and Frank took the water off me and he started to rub my back.
Once I was finished Frank handed me the cup which I took and had some more water from.
When I has finsihed I hand Frank the cup which he put on the table at the bottom of the bed.
”We need to talk.” I said and looked at Frank and I could see his heart breaking.
”Please don’t finish with me.” Frank said and I smiled and rested my hand on Frank’s cheek.
”What you said to me really fucking hurt Frank. To say that I loved what Eric did to me is something I probably could never forgive you for.” I said as I moved my hand from Frank’s cheek and rested it in front of me as I looked down.
”Baby I regret everything what I said as soon as I said it. My mouth literally just says anything before I can actually speak.” Frank said quickly and I looked at him.
”But I love you. Fuck Frank I should be finishing with you after what you said to me. But it would kill me even more than what ever the fuck I did. Don’t think I will forgive quickly because I won’t. But I can’t finish with you. But you need to understand that it fucking hurt what you said.” I said and Frank nodded.
”I’m surprised your not actually leaving me.” Frank said quietly as he looked down.
I moved over in bed and patted the space next to me which Frank quickly jumped into and he cuddled into my side and rested his head on my shoulder while I rested my head on top of his.
” I can’t leave. You leave and I lose everything and then I wouldn’t have much choice but to make sure I killed myself.” I said quietly.
Frank moved some hair from my face.
”Please don’t kill yourself. “ Frank whispered and he kissed my cheek.
”I wouldn’t have a lot of choice if I didn’t have you.” I said quietly.
Frank moved so he was sat on me.
”I’m not having sex in the hospital, especially since I’m connected to a heart monitor.” I said and Frank chuckled as he lent down and kissed me which I returned.
”I’m so sorry for what I made you do. I can never forgive myself for this. You are not going to lose me I’m here for you.” Frank said quietly and kissed me again.
”Guess the cat is out of the bag about me using heroine then?” I whispered and looked away from Frank.
”It wasn’t your fault you got onto it.” Frank said and made me look at him.
”He put me through hell which is why he made me use drugs. He got me as high as a kite so he could do whatever he wanted with me.” I sobbed and Frank pulled me up and pulled me into his chest where he held me and I wrapped my arms round him and hid my face into his chest.
”Why Don’t you take a nap.” Frank said quietly and move a little and made me look at him.
”Cuddle me?” I sniffed and Frank smiled and kissed me which I returned as he climbed off me and he rolled onto his back and I cuddled into his side and Frank started to mess with my hair.
”I love you so much.” Frank whispered and I kissed his chest and moved closer to him.
”I love you too.” I mumbled as my eyes closed and I fell asleep.

When I woke up there was someone else in the room.
“Hey Gee.” A female voice and I groaned and cuddled into Frank’s side more which made him chuckle.
“Gee, Esme has come to see you.” Frank said and I opened my eyes and lent over Frank and smiled at Esme who returned my smile.
“How you feeling?” I asked and Esme chuckled slightly.
“Better than what I did feel.” Esme said and I smiled as I rested my head on Frank’s chest and Frank pulled the covers over me more.
“Hey Frank, I could really do with a coffee and I’m sure Gee is probably craving a coffee since he probably drinks more than everyone in the house put together.” Esme said and Frank nodded and he kissed the top of my head.
“Love you Baby.” Frank said quietly.
“Love you too.” I whispered and Frank got off the bed and put his shoes on and walked out the room and Esme took Frank’s place on the bed only I didn’t cuddle her like I would if it was Frank.
“I’ll tell you something.” Esme said as I messed with my hand.
“Frank was a right mess after you overdosed.” Esme said.
“If you are going to threaten me on hurting me or doing unforgivable things then don’t brother saying it. I’ve know what it’s like to be hurt and unforgivable happened to me so nothing can top what I’ve been through.” I said quietly.
“I would never do that Gee, I see you as another brother and I love you as if you are my brother. It probably sounds harsh and shit but I’m glad that Frank can see how sensitive you are and how quickly you will turn to go into self destruct mode. Maybe it will teach Frank that he can’t be that hot headed person that speaks before he thinks. He needs to learn to take a breath and think before he speaks.” Esme said and I sighed loudly.
“He made it sound like I actually enjoyed being drugged up and get raped. It wouldn’t be called rape if I enjoyed it.” I said through gritted teeth.
“Frank doesn’t understand. I know it’s shouldn’t be an excuse but he really doesn’t understand. Yeah Frank did the odd lot of coke and he enjoyed sex too much but he had always been in control. Frank is one of those people who has to have that control as you know but at the same time with that control he is really caring. I think it’s because of that Frank doesn’t understand what you have been through.” Esme said and I looked at her and she was looking down.
“Wait, something happened to you didn’t it?” I said softly and Esme looked up and sniffed as she looked at me.
“My family can’t find out, they will literally kill the person.” Esme said with her voice cracking slightly.
“You need to tell someone, I never told anyone when Eric first started and it got out of hand. It’s always better to tell someone.” I said and looked at Esme.
“The girl who beat me up, it was her boyfriend.” Esme whispered.
“You need to say something.” I said and Esme sighed.
“I’m scared to say anything.” Esme said quietly.
“The worse thing which could happen is your family rejecting you. But your family won’t do that because they all love you to bits. I wish my family was like yours when I told my family about what happened to me.” I said and Esme sighed and she rested her head on my shoulder.
“Do you get over it?” Esme asked quietly.
I thought about it and I heard the door open and shut and the smell off coffee filled my senses and I looked and saw Frank which made me smile.
“In time you do. But never take the path I took, always talk to someone.” I whispered so Frank didn’t hear and Esme nodded.
“Stealing my boyfriend now?” Frank asked and Esme chuckled.
“Nope, he’s too boney to cuddle. But he is a good listener so you got someone to talk the ears off too.” Esme said and she moved and got off the bed and went over to Frank and took the drink he got us and she kissed his cheek.
“Esme.” I said and she turned round and looked at me.
“If you need someone to talk to then I’m here.” I said and Esme smiled and she walked over to me and she kissed my cheek.
“Thanks Gee, just focus on yourself and get yourself better and keep Frank in his place.” Esme said and I chuckled and looked at Frank who smiled at me.
Esme walked off and went out the room.

“What was that all about?” Frank asked as he handed me a coffee and he climbed onto the bed.
“When she figures it out she will tell you.” I said and Frank pouted.
“But tell me baby.” Frank whined and I chuckled and put my coffee on the table as it was too hot for me to drink.
“Nope, my lips are sealed and you are not to badger her or me for answers.” I said and Frank sighed loudly and admitted defeat which was a first.
“Babe.” Frank said and I hummed so he knew he had my attention.
“What you took, Does that mean that you now have relapsed?” Frank asked as he looked at me but I looked down and messed with my hands.
“I don’t know.” I whispered.
“Explain to me.” Frank said and I sighed.
“I don’t know because I don’t know if I can get through the pain in my heart on my own. What you said Frank, it makes me rethink everything what Eric did to me. It’s making me think wether I actually did enjoy it or not. I can’t cope with the flashbacks and my medication won’t work.” I said and looked at Frank.
“You can talk to me Gee.” Frank said and he linked his hand with mine.
“How do I know that you won’t fly off the handle and emotional abuse me. Telling me that I liked what Eric did to me.” I spat without meaning to.
“Baby if I did do that then I am so sorry, I didn’t mean to say what I said. As for saying you liked what Eric did to you was completely unforgivable and was so wrong of me.” Frank said and I sighed and looked down.
“I want to be alone.” I said quietly.
“Gee please. I made a fucking huge mistake and I have learnt from it.” Frank said.
“I know, but I want to be alone.” I said and Frank nodded and I looked at him and Frank kissed me which I returned.
“I love you, please don’t do nothing stupid.” Frank said quietly.
“I won’t, I love you too.” I said and Frank smiled and he kissed my forehead and he got off the bed and walked out the room.
I sighed loudly and rolled onto my side so my back was too the door and I felt myself cry and I moved my pillow and put it over my face and screamed loudly hoping the pillow muffled my scream as I just broke down.

I was sat in complete silence the only thing making a noise was the heart monitor but even that was annoying me but I zoned out of it.
The door opened and shut and I heard someone walk over.
“Baby.” I heard Frank say.
“Babe you haven’t touched your dinner.” Frank said.
“Not hungry.” I said quietly but I didn’t turn round.
“You have to eat.” Frank said and I sighed as I rolled over to face Frank.
“You’ve been crying.” Frank cooed as he climbed onto the bed and pulled me into his chest.
“I don’t matter.” I said as I pushed myself away from Frank.
“Yes you do. You do matter Gee.” Frank said and I sat up and hugged my knees.
“No I don’t. Why didn’t you just let me die that way I would of been out of your hair. You could of found someone less fucked up than me. You can do better Frank.” I sobbed and hid my face in my knees.
“I can’t do better Gee, the standard you have set for anyone else is too high. I don’t care if your fucked up, I love you Gerard. Look at me.” Frank said and I refused to look at him and I felt Frank making me look at him.
“I have been a right bastard and I will admit that. I should have never said those things what I said to you. I didn’t let you die because I fucking love you. I never thought I could find someone who could understand me as well as you do, someone who can handle me being hot headed and who can put up with me losing my rag. But you can Gee you can cope with all of me. I can show you all the colors of the rainbow of me and you don’t run. I’m exactly the same towards you, you literally throw fucking everything at me and I won’t run. You let me know when I overstep the line. You aren’t afraid to stand up to me. I don’t think I can ever find anyone like that Gee. You are my world and I don’t want to lose you.” Frank said and he ran his thumb over my cheek bone which made me move my face more into Frank’s hand.
“I love you Gee, I regret everything I have said.” Frank said quietly and I looked at him and moved forward and kissed Frank hard which he returned.
“I’m sorry I scared you so much. I’m sorry I took that overdose. I’m so sorry.” I said and started to cry again and Frank pulled me into his chest and I grabbed hold of his top and cried hard and Frank kissed the top of my head.
“It’s okay. I forgive you.” Frank said quietly and he just held me until I stopped crying and he lead me down facing him and Frank started to mess with my hair.
“Sleep, you need to rest up.” Frank whispered as I struggled to keep my eyes open.
“I love you.” I said quietly and I kissed the end of Frank’s nose as I got comfy.

“I love you too Gee.” Frank said and I let sleep take over my body.

Notes