Me and My Shadow

“Okay,” Gerard took a deep breath. “I trust you. So what’s all this merging with my shadow thing all about?”
“Well, your shadow is supposed to be for all your darkest thoughts, your depression, anger, hatred, envy, you know, all the negative stuff. That’s why it’s so dark. Have you never wondered why a shadow is dark? Or how sometimes some shadows seem lighter than others, or sometimes you have two shadows?”
“Umm, no, not really,” Gerard replied, but now he was. “I just thought it was because the light wasn’t hitting the ground.”

Frank frowned; why did humans always think that? He had read about this in his case studies at college and he had found it hard to believe that they were genuine, but here was his very first human and he was saying exactly that.

“I have to ask,” Frank began. “Do all humans think that?”
“Yeah,” Gerard replied, as if the idea was ridiculous.
Frank grinned, surprised at the idea. “Well, cover me with sprinkles! I had no idea.”
“Okay, so, if shadows aren’t just blocked light, how come objects have them too? Like buildings, or… this bench?”

Frank stared at Gerard with a deeply puzzled expression.

“I just told you,” he replied, wondering if he needed to explain it again.
“You’re telling me this bench has feelings?”

Frank’s eyes opened wide; humans really didn’t understand these things.

“Yes,” Frank replied with a gentle smile. “Everything has feelings Gerard. Have you not heard of Sick Building Syndrome? Or haunted houses? They’re not haunted, they’re just angry.”
“Angry houses?”

Frank took a deep breath; did this really need to be explained?

“Do you question everything?” Frank asked with a sigh.
“Of course, I do, don’t you?” Gerard retorted.
“I don’t question facts,” Frank fluttered up to his face and tapped his nose and chuckled. “These are as plain as this! Okay, look at your shadow, Gerard, don’t you see that it’s much lighter than the bench’s shadow?”

Gerard looked down and raised his eyebrows as he noticed for the first time that his shadow was much lighter than the shadows around him.

“Oh.”

Gerard looked up at the tiny fairy, it was as if he was finally ready to believe him. Frank grinned widely and clapped his hands in excitement. He knew that things had just reached a turning point. But now was not the time to be interrupted.

“Hey!” A voice called in a low gravelly tone.

Frank turned and sighed in frustration as a gang of four young men headed through the park gates as dusk fell. Really? Was he ever going to get anything done?

“You’re in the wrong place,” the lead man sneered at Gerard.
“Do you have a death wish?” Said another.
“Because we can oblige,” laughed another.
Gerard looked up as the lead man drew a knife from a pocket and brandished it menacingly.
“Well?” The man added with a smirk. “You can try to run if you like. We’ll give you a chance…maybe.”
“I told you this park was dangerous!” Gerard stared at the fairy, trying to keep his voice low, but the men were already too close.
“Who are you talking to, fairy?”

Gerard rolled his eyes at the irony.

“Frankie,” Gerard whispered. “Can you help me, please?”
“Thought you’d never ask!” Frank clapped again, gleefully.
“Talking to your invisible friend?” The man laughed. “Do you think we’ll leave you alone if you act crazy?”

Frank turned with a stern glare towards the men who were now approaching Gerard, each with a knife in their hand. Gerard stared in awe as Frank grew in size astonishingly quickly. In moments, he was well over eight or nine feet tall, horns protruding from his head, his wings red and flaming at the edges.

The men stopped dead in their tracks as suddenly the now giant fairy appeared to them as if a devil. Releasing a deep growl that lifted in pitch until it became a screech, Frank flapped his wings forward releasing a torrent of sparks and flame.

Staggering backwards and practically falling over each other in their hurry to retreat from the park, the four men raced out, their terrified screams fading into the distance.

Shrinking back to his normal three and a half inch height, Frank flew a series of loop the loops as he headed back to where Gerard remained seated, open mouthed.

“You liked that?” Frank grinned as he noted the excitement in Gerard’s eyes.
“That was awesome!” Gerard cried in amazement. “I want to draw you!”

Frank bowed gracefully in appreciation of the comment but as he rose again, he pointed to Gerard's shadow.

“Look, Gerard, your shadow darkened slightly.”

Gerard looked at the shadow. Admittedly it was a little darker, but it only occurred to him now that he didn’t understand the significance of the change. What did the different shades mean?

“I’ll explain,” Frank promised.
“Can you please stop doing that?” Gerard frowned.
“What?” Frank asked, taken aback by the sudden change in Gerard’s mood. He sighed as he noted that his shadow lightened again.
“Listening to my thoughts, I don’t like it.”
“I’m not doing it on purpose, Gerard,” Frank appeared sad once more. “You talk quiet and think loud. Sometimes it’s hard for me to work out which is which, especially when I get excited.”

Gerard laughed and shook his head lightly.

“Are you ever not excited?” He smiled in reply.
“Hardly ever,” the fairy tumbled in the air, flapping his wings and showering the bench and Gerard in pink sparkles. “You’ll be excited soon too! I promise.”

Gerard watched the glistening pink sparkles fall around him and found himself smiling without even realising it.

“What is that?” He asked as a gentle feeling of a happy calm settled over him.
“Fairy dust,” Frank replied with an element of surprise in his voice. “You must have heard of that before?”
“Yeah, I guess. I mean I've heard of fairies too, but I never dreamed that they were real.”
“I’m glad you know now,” Frank spoke with deep sincerity in his voice. “You deserve to be happy, Gerard. Like I said before, and I hope I don’t freak you out this time, you’re special.”
“How? I don’t feel special,” Gerard lowered his eyes.
“I know,” Frank replied sadly. “It breaks my heart to tell you the truth but you really have such potential, Gerard. People will look to you, you have so much to give.”
“I have nothing to give,” Gerard sighed. “Nothing anyone wants, anyway.”

Frank looked down and frowned as Gerard's shadow paled still further. He had to get to work before it faded to nothing.

“Your shadow, Gerard, let me tell you about it.”
“Okay,” Gerard’s tone picked up somewhat as he prepared to listen to Frank’s explanation.
“Right, everyone has a mixture of good and bad, happy and sad, excitement and depression and so on. The more negative things belong to the shadow side. There’s usually a reasonable flow of emotions between you and your shadow so you get a mixture, usually a fairly controlled mixture, of emotions over a period of time. Highs, lows and lots in between. The problem is, sometimes, the shadow gets greedy and wants to be in control especially with talented people. You really are very talented, Gerard and unfortunately you have a very greedy shadow. It’s sucking the life from you, taking all your happiness, excitement and belief in yourself. It’s leaving you with all the negative qualities it doesn’t want, like depression and low self-esteem. The reason you can’t get a job isn’t because your art isn’t good enough, in fact it’s exceptional. But your shadow has taken everything that would make people believe in you. You’re practically invisible to some people.”
“Yeah, I've noticed that,” Gerard rolled his eyes. “What has the darkness of it got to do with anything?”
“Ah! That’s a good question. When the shadow is mostly made up of negative qualities it gets darker. When it takes the positive ones, it gets lighter and you get darker.”
“And my shadow is really light,” Gerard observed.
“Well, I’m here to change that.” Frank said confidently. “I’m going to help address the balance and get your greedy shadow back under control. Your shadow should be black as night,” he almost sounded angry now. “I’ve kind of gone out on a limb with you, Gerard. I believe in you so much and I know that right now you don’t, but I have more than enough belief for both of us.”
“I’ve noticed that too,” Gerard smiled. “You really think I’m special?”
“Oh, Gerard,” Frank shook his head. “Special is such an understatement, you have no idea. But you will, I promise. I can’t believe how lucky I was to get you as my first client!”
“You said that I asked for help two weeks ago?”
“That’s right,” Frank nodded. “Don’t you remember?”

Gerard shook his head; he had no idea what ‘asking for help’ would constitute where a fairy godfather was concerned. As he thought the idea, Frank’s heart sank.

“You had just had a call from the last interview telling you the bad news - they will regret it by the way - and you said…”
“Who do I have to sleep with to get a job in this town?”
Frank laughed. “Well, yes, you did say that, but you also said, ‘I’m better than this, why can’t anyone see it?’”
“That’s not really asking for help,” Gerard looked down, almost feeling as if Frank had felt sorry for him.
“You’re wrong, Gerard,” Frank placed his tiny hand on Gerard’s. “I told you, I'm not a genie. I didn’t turn up because you got granted wishes. I'm here because you need help seeing who you really are and making others see it too. Deep down, you know it. The only reason you can’t see it is because of your shadow.”
“So, what happens now?” Gerard asked, still unconvinced by Frank’s insistence that he was special.
“You and your shadow have partially separated,” he began to explain. “It is still attached, but is only using that attachment to siphon off your life force. It truly is very greedy. To be honest, if I could set you up with a new shadow, I would. This one’s always going to be trouble.”
“Always?” Gerard frowned.
“I’m afraid so,” Frank shrugged. “But I’ll always be around too,” he grinned. “You got me as your fairy godfather now. You don’t get rid of me that easily, you know!”

Gerard couldn’t help but laugh at Frank’s exuberance and irrepressible cheerfulness.

“Okay, so will this hurt?” Gerard asked, pulling his jacket closer around him as the night air nipped at his arms.
“Not even a little bit,” Frank replied confidently as he flew to Gerard’s shadow and placed a hand on the point at which Gerard’s heart would be. “I just need to…”

Frank’s eyes flew open in surprise as the shadow seemed to rise several inches from the floor. A great wave of energy seemed to suddenly flow through the shadow and for a moment it expanded until it was almost shapeless. In that moment, both Frank and Gerard were thrown backwards. Gerard toppled over the back of the bench and Frank was knocked sideways against a tree.

Standing and regaining his composure, Gerard watched open mouthed as his shadow rose from the ground, flexing its arms and rolling its head as if waking from a long sleep and needing to stretch its limbs.

“Frankie!” Gerard cried as he saw the tiny fairy lying in the grass unmoving.

The shadow was gaining features now, taking Gerard’s form and looking every inch the confident, even cocky, man that was the exact opposite of how he truly felt.

“Your stupid fairy friend didn’t know what he was dealing with,” the shadow finally spoke, laughing as he saw the unconscious fairy. “I’m much stronger than you and him! He overlooked one major detail - I've been trying to break free of you for years. You’re weak, Gerard. Pathetic, in fact. Now I think it’s time for a change; I think it’s time for you to be the shadow! It’s only a matter of time, Gerard, you can’t stop me and neither can he.”

Dropping to Frank’s side, Gerard used one finger, shaking him to try to wake him but received no response.

“Wait!” Gerard cried as the shadow started to walk away. “Where are you going?”
“To live your life, of course!” It laughed mockingly. “You’re not using it!”

Gerard stared anxiously, not knowing quite what to do, as the shadow walked away.

“Frankie?” He gave him another gentle shake. “Please be okay.”

Notes

Hello!! I hope you're enjoying this. This is where everything really kicks off. What will Gerard's shadow get up to and what will happen to Gerard and Frank?
If you're feeling like it, please leave a comment, I'd love to hear from you.

Thanks for reading,
Sas xo