I've Been Here All Along

Frank had pulled into the driveway and turned off the car. He could tell I was nervous, but he wanted to know more, about me, my life, and what had happened to it. We sat there for what felt like ages and ages and for some reason, I couldn't pull my feet from the floor. It was like there was some kind of force holding me down but, I couldn't feel it.

"Are you sure you want to talk? I can feel your hesitant." Frank said turning in his seat. His hazel eyes had a concerned hue to them. I took a breath and began to think about my actions carefully. It would be hard to go back once I started but, I knew I needed to do this. Not fro Frank, for me.

My family has never given me a chance to talk about what happened since after the funeral. It was one of the reasons we had moved here. They didn't want what happened to Abby to happen to me.

"Yes, I need to do this." I said fiddling with my thumbs. I had tried convincing myself that everything would be okay but it wasn't working. I could feel my stomach turn into knots as I gripped the cold door handle. I sat there mentally gathering myself, I wasn't ready. I was never going to be ready but, it was time. Ready or not.

Frank pulled the door open for me and I hadn't noticed the he had left is seat at all. It was shocking at first but I dropped and let the door be pulled open. I pulled out my red key with fumbling hands. The key kept missing the keyhole because of my shaking hands. I grumbled and dropped my hands.

"I got it." Frank said putting his hand over mine. He grabbed the keys from my hands and unlocked the door. I dropped my bag and immediately pulled the thermos out, making my way to the living room. Frank followed closely behind, sitting on the cushion across from me.

"I had another sister, Abby. She was the oldest, and the funniest out of all of us. She always knew what to say to cheer Claire or me up. She had been through it all herself so she knew just what to say," I took a shaky breath and looked at Frank. He smiled and urged me to continue with a small nod. "It happened after I graduated grade school. I was just going into freshman year and I had no clue what to do. I came home from my last day of school and immediately went to Abby just to find my parents crying in her room. Of course me being a stupid fucking kid I asked what was wrong and asked where was Abby. I was an insensitive little shit. They told me she was in the hospital." A tear slipped down my cheek and I quickly wiped it away with my free hand.

"What did she do?" Frank asked tilting his head to the side.

"They said she was in the hospital recovering from something that had happened. I thought someone had hurt her or something and I immediately asked who did it. The shook their heads and just told me to go to my room. I wouldn't sell for it and said no. She had tried to kill herself. She was heavily bullied at school but she never showed it you know?" I laughed, remembering every good moment that we shared together. " She went to mental institution after institution only to find that it made her even more depressed. I came home one day to find her dead. In the bathtub. She had cut deep and she bled out in the bathtub."

Silence filled the big house. Frank closed his eyes and looked down. I wondered how he didn't know about that. It was a big part of my life.

"What caused her to cut?" Frank asked out of nowhere. I was shocked.

"W-what?" I stuttered looking at him through tears.

"What caused her to cut?" Frank asked seriously. He looked straight into my eyes as he waited for his answer.

"I don't know she was bullied for quite a long time... She was raped." I added whispering. By now both of my sisters have been raped but at least one of them was arrested. Abby was raped by my cousin of all people. All he had was everything taken away from him, He didn't go to prison. He didn't even have to do community service. He was just grounded. More tears flew down my face as I remembered her funeral.

Black was everywhere and we played her favorite music, even though my mom and dad hated her style I stayed true to what she would have wanted. It was in our childhood church and everyone in the family was there. My cousins family wasn't invited due to him being the reason she had killed herself.

After the funeral my whole family went into a deep depression. Nothing made us happy anymore, especially the town. Everyone was always saying that they were sorry for our loss, reminding us of the loss that we wanted to forget. I was pulled from school after it happened due to people talking about it way too much. I couldn't take it anymore, I cried myself to sleep every night. I felt like I wanted to end it as well. I stayed alive for my parents and my sister because they were all I had left.

"I'm sorry." frank said quietly. He moved swiftly from his position across from to me to be sitting next to me, pulling me into his warm embrace. It was the first time someone would be helping me with my problem that actually wanted to help me. Frank wasn't getting paid for this, he was just wanting to help me. I went to many therapists over the years but they didn't help for shit. All they wanted was their money.

But, Frank didn't want that. He wanted to help me and my fucked up life. And, I wanted to let him.

Notes