I've Been Here All Along

When I opened my eyes in the morning, or night I didn't know, I was greeted by darkness. I rummaged for the phone on my bedstand and checked the time.

"4:18," I said quietly. "Guess now is as good as I'm going to get." I said referring to the hours that I had slept. I like to sleep a lot, don't judge me. Even if I did stay up till 5:00 in the morning sometimes, I still liked to sleep. I reluctantly pulled myself from the warm safety of my sheets and stretched my back. The crack echoed in my ears and I silently cringed, I hated cracked body parts. I just found it disgusting.

All thoughts were pushed aside as I made my way downstairs. I was on a mission, a mission that included a dark liquid and a mug. Yes, if you've already guessed coffee you'd be correct. Like I said, I can't stay awake without the stuff. My routine consisted of getting coffee, taking a shower, makeup, clothes, and more coffee. I usually wake up by myself since I'm so used to it by now but it didn't mean that I liked it.

I was surprised to find Claire sitting on the island enjoying a cup of the liquid goodness herself. She looked absolutely exhausted and bruises littered her face and neck. The pit in my stomach began to grow and I found myself holding back tears. Crying around Claire after it happened always made both of us feel terrible.

"Hey Olive," She said smiling, despite her wrecked appearance. "How've you been?" She added sloshing the contents in her mug.

"I've been doing great. What about you?" I asked being polite and asked the question back.

"Good, good." She said but I knew she was lying. She was never okay. Fucking Travis, the bastard is weighing her down. But I knew not to bring him up. We were free for the next few days until he sobered up and came back for more. "First day of school huh?" She asked smirking as she saw me roll my eyes.

"I'm already to die and I haven't even stepped foot in school yet." I said pouring my coffee in my favorite mug. I had painted it in like 8th grade but I still loved it, band logos and saying littered it's surface making it an interesting read in the morning.

"Who knows maybe you'll meet some cute boys." She said passing me her mug seeing as she was empty, I swear this whole house was obsessed with the stuff.

"You and mom are more alike than you care to admit. She said the exact same fucking thing yesterday." I said grabbing the creamer to flavor both of our hot drinks. Claire never minded that I swore even though my mother did, she was the cool sister of the family and the only one for that matter.

"Oh whatever. What outfit are you going to wear?" She asked before thanking me as I handed her back her mug.

"I don't know. Wanna help me pick?" I said heading back up the stairs.

"How could I say no?" She asked pushing herself off the stool that sat at the island. We walked into my room and I turned on the light. The artificial yellow color filtered in the room and made it complete. I was never a fan of the sun, I was more of a cloudy girl. Always have been. Claire opened my closet and scoffed at my choices of clothing, it all being mainly one color. Black. "You should really update your wardrobe." She said setting her mug on the dresser next to her. She pulled out a black Gun's and Roses shirt and some burgundy pants to match.

"Good choice." I said pulling things out for a shower.

"Well, I am your sister and most of these were mine," She said smiling and setting the outfit on the bed. "Now go get in the shower while I find your shoes in this mess." She said pointing to the bottom of my closet, it was littered with black boots, black converse, and black vans. What can I say I'm a morbid person.

"Are you giving me a ride to school?" I asked hopefully, because when I was in the car she always let me blast any kind of music I wanted.

"Of course." She said settling on my floor pulling on shoes that she thought would look good. I walked to the bathroom towel and brush in hand. Yes, I brushed my hair in the shower. That's like the only way my hair will cooperate with me like, ever. I set the towel on the rack and set my brush in the shower while turning the silver knob to hot. The tap squeaked as I turned it on and I cringed again. This house was old and I hated every old sound it made. I stripped of my clothes and looked in the mirror, reminding myself of my flaws before smiling at myself and hopping in the shower. The hot water burned my back slightly and I sighed in content, almost scolding was just the way I liked it. It almost warmws my cold soul.

"Good one Olivia." I said to myself as I thought of the joke. I popped open the 'fresh rain' scented shampoo and put and nice dollop in my palm. The smell littered around me as I instantly felt relaxed, not worried of how many dirty looks I'd get as I walked into school. I rinsed and put conditioner in my hair, letting it sit in my hair before going back under the water with a the brush in my hand. I ran the brush stopping every few seconds letting my scalp stop screaming before I continued. I did it in a loose braid and let it hang over my shoulder while I quickly washed myself.

The fuzzy towel embraced me as I got out of the shower. The air outside the shower was freezing and I thanked God that the towel covered most of my body. I dried off my body before wrapping my braided hair in the towel. As I pushed up my underwear it rolled and stuck to my skin causing me to groan,the same thing happened with my bra before I left the bathroom. walking into my room.

Yellow light shown distantly through my back sheet and I knew that the sun was up and that it was time to hurry. School started at 7:30 and it was 5:45. I still needed to get my schedule and find my classes. Which could take all day but I don't know. Maybe they aren't dicks and provided me with a tour guide. Let's just hope they didn't, because I guarantee, in a small town like this, everyone thought they were the fucking best. And suddenly I wished that they just let me struggle. I pulled on my jeans and shirt seeing that Claire picked some simple black combat boots. I smiled and started packing up my bag, including my sketchbook, plenty of pencils and a big notebook. Of course I hadn't gotten my books yet so I didn't have to worry about those just yet. I picked up the combat boots by the rim and grabbed my coffee mug in the other, downing it seeing as it wasn't as hot anymore.

I was ecstatic to see the Claire already had a thermos of coffee waiting for me on the counter, a muffin sitting right next to it. Do you see why I didn't understand what Travis did now? She was so sweet and has been all her life, she'll get you things even though you didn't even ask, she'll just know what you need and she'll get it for you. What did she do to get stuck with that piece of shit? And more importantly, how did he even end up with her, they are nothing alike?

"Finally, dude I've been waiting for like 90 million years." She said chuckling as she grabbed her keys.

"Oh yeah whatever." I chuckled, grabbing my muffin, thermos, and shoes as I ran out the door. One thing about me is that I never put my shoes on until I was in the car. I don't know where I got it from but it was probably from all those days back in grade school where I had to run out the door, which usually ended up with me forgetting something and a detention. What can I say except I love sleep.

Claire put the key into ignition and turned it. Music began to fill the car playing Twenty One Pilots. 'Tear in my Heart' was Claire's favorite while I couldn't even pick mine. They all meant so much and I feel like picking one wouldn't do me any justice. She turned the dial to the right letting the volume get louder before back out of the driveway. I bobbed my head along to the beat while watching the old houses pass by. Students walking to school blurred by and I laughed because I was in a nice warm car while they were freezing their ass' off in the September morning chill. The school appeared after a wall of trees disappeared in the rear view. It wasn't big but it wasn't small, and it looked so old. Like 1870's kind of old, you know?

"Well have a good day. If you need me, you can call me." Claire said pulling me in for a hug. I hugged back and took a short breath in.

"Same to you." I said softly. She knew I was referring to Travis and she nodded. I stuck the thermos in my bag and threw it over my shoulder. "I'm serious." I said before getting out of the car slipping my phone in the back pocket of my jeans.

"Yeah, yeah. Now get to class and make friends." She said before I shut the door. I smiled and waved to her. She smiled and flipped me the bird before driving off. I smiled and shook my head at her childish antics, but that's exactly why I love her so much. I couldn't tell which doors to do in so I just followed everyone else discreetly. Lucky for me, the front office was right in the front so i didn't have to go searching for it. Another thing about me. I'm lazy as hell.

"Um, excuse me?" I asked in a polite voice.

"Yes, how can I help you?" The secretary said folding her hands over some papers on her desk. She looked to be about 20 or so and she seemed super nice. Her blond hair was pulled back into a bun and small framed glasses were pushed against the bridge of her nose.

"Um, I just need my schedule." I said placing my hands on the front of the desk.

"Of course! And your name is?" She asked turning slightly to look into her files.

"Olivia Walsh." I said taking my hands off the desk, rubbing them on my jeans. Her office was nice and cozy with pictures and schedules hung up on the walls. I looked around smiling at all of her personal artifacts which included: a fan, an expensive looking bag, and photos. It looked like she tried to make it her own, but miserably failed due to paperwork overfilling every drawer and table in the office.

"Here you are," She said smiling up at me. "First time at this school huh?" She asked looking at my file.

"Yup." I said smiling as I took my schedule from her outstretched arm.

"Do you need help finding things?" She asked smiling up from her comfy desk chair.

"Yes, please . I really don't know anybody so I don't know who I should ask." I said blushing at my apparent lack of friends.

"Oh, of course! I know the perfect person to help," She asked standing up from her chair adjusting her pencil skirt. "If you'll excuse me." She said stepping out from behind her desk. I nodded and she left into the next room connected to the office. I looked around at more of her things as she went to do whatever she needed. Distant voices were having a conversation that I couldn't make out, but at the moment I didn't seem to care. Footsteps came closer to the door but it wasn't just one. There were two.

"Sure I'll do it." A male voice said from the door. It was a little high but I knew it was a male.

"Olivia this is Ray. He's got a very similar schedule and he's willing to show you around before and while school is going on." The secretary said before going back behind her desk. The black leather chair squeaked as she sat down again typing something into her computer.

"Thank you." I said before turning to Ray, offering a tentative smile. He full on beamed at me and I could tell her wasn't fully repulsed by my black eyeshadow.

"Come on. If we finish the tour early I could show you to my friends. They'll love you. I can already tell." He said excitedly. I kept up with him as he looked at my schedule. He smiled and shook his head.

"What?" I asked smiling but concerned.

"When Mrs. Greene said that we had 'similar' schedules she actually meant we have the same schedule. We have all the same classes. Would you just like to follow me around all day?" He asked handing back my schedule.

"Sure." I said following him to a set of lockers. I already knew I wouldn't be using mine. It was just a hassle to go back and forth and we only had 7 minutes between classes to get to our next class.

"Hey guys!" Ray said waving his hand in the air, catching the attention of some people by the lockers. They were all wearing black except for Ray and I instantly felt relief. Although I knew there would still be people that would torment me, I was glad to be starting off the year right.

"Ray you have a shadow." One of them said. He had black quiffed hair and glasses. He wore a black 'David Bowie' sweatshirt that was way to big for him accompanied by a pair of black jeans and converse.

"Of course I do everyone.... Oh." He said when he realized they were talking about me following him. I giggled as I looked at the group laughing. For some reason I felt like I already knew them, and it was a good feeling.

"Does your shadow have a name?" Another one of the guys asked. He had blond hair, scruff, and a lip ring. He too was wearing black but it was just a t-shirt with some logo I couldn't make out on it. He had black jeans and checkered converse.

"Guys this is Olivia." Ray said standing back so they could get a look at me.

"It's only the first day and you already have a girlfriend." The one with the glasses joked.

"She's not my girlfriend. She's new and doesn't know her way around. So she's sticking to me like glue." He said wrapping an arm around me. To me it didn't feel awkward or anything because I knew his intentions were pure. He seemed like a sweet kid.

"Nice shirt!" The last one in the group said. He had on a black leather jacket and under it was a 'Rolling Stones' t-shirt. He too had black jeans and his feet were clad with black combat boots similar to my own.

"Thanks!" I said excitedly. "Nice boots." I said pointing to his feet.

"Why thank you." He said bowing in a posh way. We all laughed as the first bell rang.

"Alright well, see you guys later." Ray said waving to everyone as they went their seperate ways.

"Those guys are super cool!" I said smiling up at Ray.

"Yeah they're the best you can get in a place like this." Ray said shrugging referring to all the popular girl and boys around us. The thing I noticed irritated me the most was all the couples making out int he hallway like it wasn't a public place. I groaned in disgust as some guys hand was up a girls shirt.

"Why do people have to do that? Like, at least think about the other people around you." I said scoffing as we passed another couple.

"You'll get so used to it that you won't even notice anymore. But even knowing grosses the shit out of me." Ray said turning into a doorway. "Here just come sit by be in the back. No one usually messes with me if I'm back there so..." He said leading me to the back before we settled into seats right next to each other.

The rest of the day didn't seem to bad, until lunch came around. The cafeteria was packed with gross teenagers shoving each other and throwing food. I sat with Ray and his friends as we watched the madness go on.

"You never got to know out names. So I'm Mikey." The kid with the glasses and black quiff said holding out his hand. I shook it and smiled.

"I'm Bob. At your service." The guy with the blond hair and scruff said bowing as best as he could in his seat.

"I'm Gerard." The boy with the leather Jacket said offering me a nice smile. His teeth were white and incredibly small which I thought was adorable, and I offered a smile back.

"Well holy shit." I heard a voice say from the end of the table. "I heard there was a new girl in town but I was hoping she was actually hot." The voice said again and I looked up to see a guy with long brown hair, it was straight as a pole totally opposite to Ray's radical curls.

"Um.." I tried to make out words but I couldn't think of the right ones. I just squeezed onto the pen I was flipping around in my hand.

"What's with the make up. You look like an emo." He said laughing at his own stupid joke.

"Just leave her alone Bert." Ray said firmly.

"Calm down Mrs. Frizzle," The Bert dude said referring to Ray's "Frizzy" hair. "Just getting acquainted with the new whore of the town." He said chuckling.

"Dude seriously, just back the fuck off. SHe doesn't want your tiny dick. Take a hike." Bob said raising halfway up in his chair.

"Alright, alright. Don't get your panties in a knot." Bert said walking off to the opposite end of the cafeteria. It wasn't long before he was pointing and laughing in my direction.

"He's just being a dick." Gerard said stabbing his slice of meatloaf. I pulled out my thermos and took a long drag. "Id that coffee?"He asked stopping his actions.

"How'd you know?" I asked taking it away from my lips.

"I can smell it," He said looking at me with longing. "Can I have a drink? I haven't had coffee all day and I'm dying." He said looking at me with pleading eyes.

"Sure, I just want to let you know. It's not straight black. It has a little creamer in it." I said passing the thermos over. The coffee steamed a little bit from not being opened since english class and it made me smile. Gerard sniffed it and his eyes literally rolled into the back of his head. He took a long drink before handing it back with a smile on his lips.

"Oh my gosh thank you so much. I owe you one." He said pulling out his wallet.

"Dude, you don't have to pay me. You took a drink of my coffee." I said chuckling.

"Well, you saved my life. Thought I would give you a token of my appreciation." He said taking out a ten dollar bill.

"You sure?" I said looking at him and then back at the money.

"Yeah, just.. You wanna bring some more tomorrow?" Gerard asked shyly.

"Sure, I bring coffee everyday." I said stuffing the thermos back into my bag.

"Oh my gosh. Thank you so much for finding the delicacy Ray." Gerard said smiling ear to ear.

"Um, you're welcome?" Ray asked smiling at Gerard. We all joked and laughed until the bell rang and U followed Ray to our next class. I pulled out my sketchbook and began to draw 'Random Dream boy' who I still needed to find a name for. I tuned out of the lesson and just drew and it was great. I already knew half the stuff they were teaching so all I had to do was the work. I was pretty much set.

I waved goodbye to the group as I walked out the front doors. Claire had texted me saying that she was here and that she didn't want to wait or she would leave. I hurriedly ran to her car as she pulled up a bit, playing with me.

"So how was your first day?" She asked looking out for kids walking in the parking lot.

"It was fucking awesome. I already have like four friends and they're all as emo as I am!" I said bursting with excitement. "Although I did get called a whore today, but who gives a fuck?" I asked shrugging my shoulders, still hyped that I won't be a loner for the rest of my life.

"Well, mom and I are going shopping so I'm going to drop you off.The door's unlocked but make sure you lock it alright? You never know what kind of fiends live around here." She said squinting her eyes while hiding behind the steering wheel.

"Sometimes I really fear for your sanity." I said after I was done laughing.

"Yeah me too." She sighed contently causing me to giggle again. The kids passed by in a blur and the world melted away as Shinedown played in the back of my ears. I thought about today and how shitty my classes are. About how I was going to become prey for the shitheads tomorrow but for some reason I didn't care about that. I was just excited to see the group again. "Alright get your ass out of my car." Claire said as she parked in the driveway.

"See you tonight." I said before closing the door, hugging my bag to my back. Although she was only joking about it, Claire did have a point about the people around here. They could almost be as crazy as her! Just kidding, they could be worse.

I opened the door before turning around to lock it. I toed off my combat boots and made my way upstairs, the stairs creaked but I didn't care as much when I saw my bedroom door open a crack. Nobody ever goes in my room. Well, except my mom, she probably put laundry on my dresser for me. And then the stairs became annoying again.

"Home sweet ho-" I stopped wide-eyed and in the middle of saying another word as I opened my door. There was no laundry to be found besides the dirty ones on the floor but there was something added to my room. It was a fucking person. "W-who the fuck are you?" I asked the the figure that was rummaging through my things. As the mystery person turned around my blood ran cold. I recognised him.

"Hello." His eyes were warm and inviting, a nice deep hazel color, very close to Gerards. His black hair swooped over his forehead over his tamed eyebrows. He was wearing a plain white tee with black jeans and converse. Tattoo's littered his arms and there were even a few on his neck, I could also see some through his white shirt and he amazed me. He was exactly the same as my drawings minus the tattoos.

"Wha-Wha?" I was at a loss for words as I dropped my bag on the floor in shock.

"I can see that you're upset and confused but please, don't freak out. I'm not here to harm you." He said offering me a warm smile.

"W-who are you?" I asked not ashamed of my stuttering in the moment. Normally I would be but now, it didn't even matter.

"The names Frank."

Notes