I stumbled across Gerard in the Cemetery again, sitting where I sit with his sketchbook in his lap and a cigarette between his lips. I can tell he had been crying before he got here. I turned my head a bit to look at a gash on his neck. There’s no doubt in my mind that, that Bert guy tried give him a hickey, but Gerard tried to turn him down.

Gerard turned around to face me, probably feeling my eyes on him. He blushed a bit and smiled, before looking back down. I was expecting him to be mad at me for staring, but he doesn’t seem like the type to get mad over something so small and pointless.

I cleared my throat and walked over to him, leaning over the seat to see what he was drawing. Like last time I tried to see his drawing he closed it and moved away. I sighed and shook my head, as I sat on the seat next to him.

I pulled out my own pack of cigarettes and lit one, before I opened the book I brought. It’s the book I’ve been reading every day since I got back. It was Jamia’s favorite book. She always carried it around to read, when she was bored or was alone and wanted some time to herself.

I caught Gerard peaking over to see what I was reading and I did what he did. I closed it and moved away. I looked at Gerard’s face when I did it. He’s mouth was open and he had his arms crossed. I chuckled a bit, getting a bit of a smirk on my face.

“If I can’t see your art, then you can’t see what I am reading.” I hummed.

“Fair enough.” He shrugged.

He turned away and continued to draw whatever he was drawing. I couldn’t keep my eyes off of him. He seemed so at ease when he was around me. He blushed a bit when he looked up to meet my gaze.

“Why are you staring?” He asked.

“Why are you sad Gerard?” I didn’t bother to answer his question.

His eyes widened and he looked away.

“W-What? I am not sad.”

I scooted closer to him and turned his head, so he would look at me.

“Yes, you are Gerard. I’ve been thinking of that since I met you and I see dried out tears on your face and your-“ I pointed to his neck not wanting to finish the sentence.

Gerard closed his sketchbook and got up crying. I didn’t mean to upset him! I wanted to know why.

“Gerard!” I called out, his name echoing in the mausoleum.

He stopped, but he didn’t turn around. I got up and walked over to him, putting my hand on his shoulder. He shook under my touch, but then relaxed. He turned around his sad eyes meeting my emotionless ones.

“Please tell me Gerard.” I said in a sincere voice.

He cried more and launched himself at me, hugging me as he cried into my shoulder. I froze in the process of this hug. I didn’t know how to react. He was about to pull off, but I wrapped my arms around him and gently rubbed his back. He seemed to quiet down a bit, from me doing this. I don’t think anyone ever comforted him.

“You’re shaking. Let’s get you back to my place.” He nodded against my shoulder and pulled away to grab his sketchbook. I followed to grab my book and we head out.

---

Gerard sat covered up in one of my blankets, sipping the coffee I made him on my couch. I sat on my lounge chair waiting for Gerard to finally say something.

“Take your time, okay?” I said.

He nodded and took another sip from his coffee. Sure, I wanted and answer now, but I didn’t want him to feel unsafe around me. He might be unsafe around me after I tell him who I am. I hope he doesn’t run. He took a deep breath before his lips moved.

“I-I-I am all alone. I have no one in my life besides you and you care so much about me. Why?” He said looking at me.

“I will answer that after you answer my question.” I don’t want to tell him yet.

He sighed and nodded, before he spoke again.

“My parents abandoned me and my brother when we were kids. They didn’t want to take care of us anymore.” He said crying again.

“What happened to your brother?” I asked.

“Mikey is dead….” He looked at me.

I felt bad for asking what happened to his brother. He must’ve been close to his brother that he said it harsh.

“We were poor and I couldn’t supply enough food for us. I stole a lot and always gave Mikey the food, but he managed to die when I was 20. Mikey was 15. When he died I got so depressed, that ended with me meeting Bert. Bert gave me drugs to help me feel better about my brother’s death, but it didn’t help. At the time it did, but it soon got to me and it was hurting me.”

I nodded slowly for him to continue.

“It soon led to me and Bert getting together. I thought I liked him, but it was the drugs and alcohol talking. I had a bit of a drinking problem too. I told Bert I didn’t feel the way he does towards me and he began to hit me. He wouldn’t accept the fact that I didn’t like him, so he would get his friend and hurt me. This is from last night.” He said and moved his hair to show the hickey I pointed out at the Cemetery.

“You deserve better.” I said.

He only scuffed and smiled.

“Luckily it was nothing more than hickey’s, cuts and bruises. He didn’t take advantage of me and I thankful for that.”

“Why do you stay? Why don’t you leave him?” I asked, knowing the answer.

“I have nowhere to run. Even if I do, Bert will find me and make me his and I know the beatings will get worse if I do.” He sniffed.

“I am jealous of those who are dead and are off resting in peace, while I am here going through this hell. It made me suicidal that I attempted suicide after Mikey died, but I failed and Bert helped me. I haven’t attempted since then and I’ve only starved. I soon got better when I met you.” He said looking up at me.

“Don’t say that Gerard. You don’t want to be dead or even know the feeling.” I said without thinking.

“How would you know what it’s like to be dead?” He questioned, with anger in his voice.

“Never mind.” I mumbled.

“Then shut the fuck up.”

I was taken back a bit. I didn’t expect him to say that.

“I’m sorry, i-it’s just I am still suicidal a-a-and-“ He started to cry again.

“Don’t do it Gerard. Please don’t.” I begged, tearing up a bit.

I don’t want him to go. Not this way at least.

“I have no other reason to stay here other than you and I don’t know why. I’ve only known you about 3 months and we barely spoke to each other and here I am rambling to you.”
I stood up and went to sit next to him.

“Gerard listen to me. Nothing is worth killing yourself over.”

He sat his coffee down and hugged me.

“I-It’s just too much.” He cried onto me.

I hugged back, rubbing one of my hands up and down his back to calm him down.

“I know.” I whispered.

“How would you know Frank?!”

“You aren’t in the right state right now to process my stuff, go to sleep Gerard. My bed is down there.” I said getting up and speeding out of the room and into the bathroom.

“Frank!” Gerard called out as I left.

I ignored him as I cried in the tub that I tripped into as I closed the door. I don’t want him to know, but I know I will have to and probably in the morning.

I waited till Gerard stopped banging on the bathroom door for me to get up from the tub and leave. I opened the door and saw Gerard sitting by door asleep. I sighed and picked him up, carrying him to my bed. He got under the covers quickly as he curled up into a ball under the sheets. I smiled a bit, looking at him. He seemed peaceful asleep. Maybe peaceful dead. I cringed from thinking that and just stared at him.

He wouldn’t like being dead. I know I did, because I was away from Zacky, but I was also upset about being dead. I was taken away from Jamia, who must’ve cried her eyes out when I left. I remember the bags under her eyes the last time I saw her. Her eyes were swollen and her nose was red. I hurt her so bad and I don’t want to hurt Gerard. Someone who was literally nothing more to me than someone I helped from being killed to him being my friend.

I can’t shake the feeling of feeling my heart break when he talked about how bad his life sucks. I can’t deny that I am getting feelings for him, but I am still madly in love with Jamia even though I will never be with her. I was pulled out of my thoughts when I realized I was walking over to Gerard, kissing his forehead and pulling hair out of his face.

“Frank?” He groaned opening his eyes.

“Sorry. I am just leaving.” I said a bit panicked.

“Sleep with me please?” He said a bit upset.

“Uh sure.” I said and took off my shoes before getting under the covers.

I jumped a bit when he cuddled close to me.

"Sorry.” He said shyly.

“I just need to cuddle something when I sleep.” He yawned.

“O-Okay.” I stuttered and wrapped my confused arms around him.

I looked at him and he smiled against my chest, blushing a bit.

“Night Gerard.” I said.

“Night Frank.”

With that I drifted off into a confused and awkward sleep.

Notes

Sorry if this triggered any one of you and I would love some feedback!

xojordan