“Please….” I cried out.

I never thought I would be on my knees begging you. I also never imagined you would’ve been the one to sacrifice things for me. It’s a nice gesture, but I love you too much for you to do this for me. I don’t want it to go down this way.

“No, Gerard.” He whispered, not daring to look at me.

I sniffed and got up off the floor and ran towards you, pulling you into the tightest hug. A hug you denied and pushed me away from, causing me to fall onto the floor. I was taken back from this action. You are never violent and especially towards me. I sat up, groaning to look at you. This time you finally made eye contact and I was sick to my stomach to see your face. Your eyes were wide, full of fear and regret.

I looked at your lips. You were biting them harshly. I kept looking at you. Studying your appearance. A few long hard minutes passed and neither one of us spoke a word. I didn’t want to talk at the moment and I didn’t want to hear what you had to say. I was hurt by what you did and want to do. I know from the look on your face you felt bad doing it and you should. I have done all I can for you to be happy and safe and how you are treating me now is brutal. It’s brutal to fucking see my brother starve himself to pay back the things I’ve done for him.

I finally broke the silence I dreaded for it to be broken and stood up. My brother looked at me terrified. Anger was coursing through me, instead of the sickening feeling of sadness. My anger drifted away, because I love you so much kid brother and it pains me to be angry with you. I sighed and walked towards you, hugging you once again. You didn’t push me away this time, and instead wrapped your arms around me, returning the hug as you cried onto me.

“I-I-I’m s-sorry G!” He cried.

I shushed him as I ran a hand up and down his back. I don’t like my kid brother crying and especially because of me. I stood there holding you, until you quieted down. I assumed you fell asleep, but when began to talk I knew you weren’t.

“I’ll eat Gerard…” He whispered.

I smiled and kissed the top of his head.

“Want to come with and get food with me?” I asked.

He nodded and pulled away.

“Come on.” I quietly responded with.

---

Mikey seemed to have been eating and it was pleasing for me. I was happy to see my brother not starving himself. You might have not been eating a lot but you still put some of it in your mouth. I finished the bread slice I was eating and turned my body to face you, since we were on the floor in an abandon starter home, that had a bit of furniture which was good enough for us.

The place wasn’t much though. It was dark and there was never any light in here unless it was morning, but we were never here in the mornings. Mikey was always roaming the park, while I either was getting us food, was with him in the park or was in the Cemetery. I was always attracted to that Cemetery since I was a kid. Something about pulls me towards it.

I waited for you to finish what you were chewing on, before I can start talking. Once you did you sat your slice of bread down on your lap and took a sip of a dirty water bottle we had, since I haven’t been stealing water or anything to drink since I was busy trying to find something to eat.

“Mikey…” I asked.

He furrowed his brow and nodded.

“What made you feel like you needed to starve?”

Mikey froze, shuddering at my question. I know I was blatant about it, but I needed to know. I know as much as he felt the need to owe me and to give me his food, but I didn’t know he was starving until he was falling down a lot.

Mikey looked down and began to play with his fingers. He seemed afraid to tell me the reason, thinking I would get angry at him. Although I do get angry at him, my anger quickly goes, because I don’t like being mad at the only thing I have in my life that isn’t shit.

“Mikey?” I whispered, setting my hand on his shoulder.

He turned to look at me, tears beginning to form with only a few escaping. I wiped away his tears and pulled him into a hug.

“Take your time, kid brother.” I said.

He nodded against me, holding on tighter. After what felt like an hour Mikey finally began to speak up. I was shocked at the words coming out of his mouth. I hugged him tighter as he continued to talk. I am sorry, Mikey.

“I am tired of living Gerard.” Was the first thing he said that made my heart break.

“I am also tired of you putting me first.” He said harshly.

“I know I am just 15, but I don’t need you to constantly worry about me and make me feel like a kid who needs his older brother to constantly be there to save them.” He sniffed looking directly at me.

“I for once wanted to be like you and take care of you. I wanted to be there for you like you are for me, by giving you my food, by making you think I went and stole it myself even though they were my left overs. I-I am sorry G.” He finally said, turning away as he cried quietly.

“If you continued starving you won’t be there anymore and I won’t be able to live if I lost you Mikey.” I cried.

“Don’t say that Gerard.” He said.

“You are strong and if I do go I know you will be okay. It will be easier on you if I am dead.”

“Mikey, no…” I whispered.

“I don’t have much time left anyways. I’ve been starving for far too long that my stomach has shrunk.” He whispered looking down.

“I love you Mikey! Please don’t leave me!” I yelled at this point.

“I love you too Gerard, but I am sorry! I am just giving you a heads up…” He said crying.

---

Mikey died not long after due to his stomach being shrunk so much. I was devastated when he passed and when I had to pick him up to go and bury him. I wanted to throw everything and break my own limbs to how much I wanted my brother back. I blame myself for losing him, but I also blame our parents and I also blame him. I argued with myself a long time if I should just blame people or just move on and hope for the best for my brother. There is no point on blaming anyone. I hope Mikey is up there in Heaven looking down at me.

I sighed and left the shit hole of a house we were living in and went to the Cemetery. The one I was always at and the one where I decided to bury my brother. Once I got there I skimmed past the beauty of the Cemetery and the deceased and went straight to my brother’s grave. I like the place where I buried him. He was right in front of the mausoleum and right in front of the angel above. The angel makes me think that she watches him for me when I am not here.

I did find out that the angel’s name was Lindsey and the stories that lie around the Cemetery when I ran into someone who was mourning their friend at the same time I was visiting Mikey. He told me how he lost his buddy and then I told him how I lost Mikey. He gave me a friendly hug, before he offered if I wanted to live with him. I decided against it and continued to stay in the abandoned starter. He said that I can come over any time I want if I needed to. I soon became best friends with him. He was so nice and after a few months I was getting feelings for him.

Not only did he and his appearance make me go crazy for him, but also did his name. Bert. It was a nice name. He soon asked me out and I was happy. I was happy for the first time in so long. Last time I was happy was when Mikey was brought into this world. God, I hope he can see me being happy and hope that Mikey is okay.

I had 2 wonderful years with Bert, before he started going insane. It all started when I didn’t want to intimate with him. He kept pressuring me and kept trying to force himself on me. I was thankful enough that I was able to stay strong, the way Mikey told me to be. I ran back to the Cemetery more and more just so I can be with Mikey and way from Bert’s abuse.

I always told Mikey what was going on, even though he can see what’s happening, but it always felt good to vent to Mikes. It was hard for me to hide there if I am running from Bert, because that’s how we met and he knows about Mikes and my abandoned starter. I have nowhere else to run besides the inside of the mausoleum. Bert doesn’t know much about it. There’s a small closet in the back of the mausoleum and I always hide there if Bert is after me.

Bert memorized my schedule and its frightens me. He knows I am always at the Cemetery around midnight and during the day. He knows I am quite close to the Cemetery and Mikey. He also knows where I live so I am doomed from running away and if I do try I would be dead. It’s either he kills me or I kill myself…

---

I woke up with Frank snoring quietly next to me. I smiled and pecked his cheek. He looked peaceful and relaxed. I smiled wide before I pulled away from him and his one arm cuddling and rolled onto my side so I can check his phone and see what time it is. The bright light burned my vision a bit, causing me to his quietly. Once my vision got comfortable to the light I checked to see and noted that it was 6 am. I sighed and rolled over so I am facing my beautiful Frankie. I wanted to see something that doesn’t burn my corneas. I smiled as soon as I was looking at his sleepy face. He looks a whole lot better than he did a few days ago. He doesn’t look so pale and his scars don’t look so bad.

I raised my hand and cupped his face, before I leaned in and pressed a gentle kiss on his nose, before I pulled away, to get out of our bed. I stretched my back and arms before I went and grabbed my sketch book, I leave here in our room. Since I technically live here now I keep it here along a few pieces of my clothing. Once I had my journal in my hands, I sat back down on the bed before I flipped through the pages. I stopped when I saw a picture of Mikey. I wanted to cry looking at my brother. God, I forgot when I drew this. I looked at the bottom of the page and saw it said 1997. Mikey was 13 at the time.

I took in how I drew him. He had a huge smile on his face and was holding his stuffed unicorn, I stole for him. I chuckled quietly remembering how excited he was when he first saw it. I remember he pulled on my sleeve and jumped as he pointed to the unicorn. I smiled at him and said I was going to get it for him. I think that was the first time I taught Mikey how to steal.

I smiled when I skimmed through it again and saw a few drawings Mikey made. It was mostly unicorns and us. I began to feel tears streaming down my face as I looked at all of the things my kid brother made. I wiped away my tears and smiled wide. I flipped through a few more pages and saw Lindsey. The angel. I whispered a ‘thank you’ because I know that she is watching Mikey when I’m not there. Speaking of which. I should visit Mikey. I haven’t seen him in a while. A few days ago, when Frank and I were fighting I ran past his grave, but I don’t count that as visiting. I flipped to an empty page and looked for my pencil that I have on Frank’s nightstand. I quickly wrote a message for him, in case he woke up and I am not back from the Cemetery.

I’ll be back Frankie. I am just visiting the Cemetery for a bit. I’ll be back soon!

-Love Gerard. <3

I left my journal open to that page, trusting Frank to not go through it and left it on his nightstand. I then headed to slip my own shoes on before I went to the living room, in search of his keys, because I don’t have my own key to the apartment. I shortly found them on the coffee table and put them in my pocket before leaving the apartment. I headed down the stairs instead of taking the elevator, thinking it will be quicker to get to the Cemetery than waiting in the elevator. When I got to the lobby my pace started to get faster. I was walking rather fast since I was excited to see my brother for the first time in a while.

I was practically hoping my way to the Cemetery, from how much I was shaking from excitement. Mikey always makes me excited, because he was always so positive and cheerful about things, before his death…I don’t think of that day because of how awful it was for us. I just think of the memories of him being happy and playing with his unicorn toy…
I stopped in my tracks. How could I forget about his favorite toy? Mikey loved his unicorn. God, It’s back in my abandon starter, I want to bring it to him, but the starter is 15 minutes away. It’s for Mikey I don’t care how far it is; I am doing this for Mikey. I quickly turned around and started to run, so I can make the trip in about 10 minutes to get his toy. I did almost fall a couple of times running back there since the road to the house is destroyed. When the starter came into view I began to pick up pace since I was eager! I did stop for a few minutes to catch my breath, before I went up the broken steps to the starter.

I opened the door and I was blasted with all the memories of me being here with Mikey. I know it was rough with just the two of us, but Mikey made things better, by smiling every day. Mikey didn’t care how shitty we had it. He was just happy I was here for him. When he told me, he was done living I was guessing it was because he was probably done with stealing and wanted to be a normal kid. God, Mikey. If you had hung around for a few more years, you would be happy with me and Frank. I am sure Frank would’ve helped you and maybe helped you get into school. That is if I did meet Frank…

I didn’t want to think of not meeting Frank because I either would’ve still be with Bert or Mikey would’ve still be alive and I would’ve been the one who died. I winced at the pain coursing through my body thinking of Mikey alone in this world. All I know is that he is not alone in heaven. I am sure the angels are watching over him. I hope he is happy and not worrying about me. I sighed and fully walked into the starter and skimmed through the living room. I didn’t find the unicorn there, so I am guessing it’s in our bedroom. There was only one room and one bed. Tragic thinking how my brother died next to me and sadly in his sleep.

When I walked into the room I was relieved to see our old belongings. It’s not much, it’s just a few articles of our clothing and Mikey’s unicorn. I walked towards our dusty bed and picked up the dirty toy that was covered in dirt and dried saliva. Mikey liked to chew on it. I smiled, chuckling too as I sat down on the bed carefully and played with the toy. I felt like I was there with Mikey, as if his spirit roams the starter or that he is somehow living through the unicorn.If he’s actually living through the unicorn, then I would gladly keep it. I chuckled and got off the bug infested mattress and left the room. I walked pass the living room and excited the starter. I didn’t want to be in there any longer. I wanted to visit Mikey. I turned around and took in the starter. I smiled over the good memories and shuddered over the bad ones. I sighed, smiling before I started to head to the Cemetery again.

I actually do believe Mikey roams that place. I never been the one to think things like that, but after meeting Frank, I think it’s possible. I began to hum as I headed towards the Cemetery, thinking the trip was rather boring if I wasn’t listening to anything, so I listened to myself humming. The sun started to rise by the time I got to the Cemetery. I am guessing it had to be 7 am if the sun was now starting to rise. I entered the Cemetery, getting a breeze as soon as I entered. It was a bit creepy, but I liked it. I began to slowly walk to Mikey’s grave, trying not to disturb the dead. As I got to Mikey’s grave I knelt and placed the unicorn toy against his tombstone.

“Hey Mikes.” I whispered.

“How are you?” I asked, chuckling.

“I know you can’t respond to me, but I hope you are feeling great today.” I smiled, adjusting my sitting position to a crisscross position.

“I brought you your unicorn.” I shyly smiled.

“I hope you have one with you in heaven and hopefully its clean.” I said chuckled weakly.

“I miss you Mikes.” I sniffed.

The wind started to blow again. I took that as Mikey saying he misses me too.

“If you stuck around a bit longer Mikes, you probably would’ve met Frank.” I said tearing up.

“I know you two would’ve gotten along and I am sure he would’ve helped you go to school.”

“I sometimes think, I should’ve been the one to die instead of you.” I said looking down.

The wind blew harder this time. Mikey probably wasn’t happy with that statement.

“I’m sorry.” I whispered.

I talked to my brother a bit more after that, telling about Frank and how much I love him and how things are shaping up for me and hopefully Mikey is happy playing with all the unicorn toys in heaven. Once I was done talking, I stood up and dusted my pants off, from the dirt that got on them and began to head to the front of the Cemetery. I was caught off guard when I ran into someone entering the Cemetery.

“Oh, sorry.” I said, shaking my head before looking up.

I shouldn’t have looked up. The person I made contact with, made me sick to my stomach.

“Hey, baby.” His disgusting voice said.

My eyes widened to who I saw making me step back, but Bert reached out and caught my arm.

“Let go of me!” I yelped.

“Now, now Gerard. That’s not how you talk to me.” He growled before he smacked my face.

“What happened to you killing yourself?” He smirked.

“I-I-I d-didn’t do it.” I stuttered horribly trying to escape his grasp.

“Ah, so you don’t like being with me then?” He said pulling up against his chest.

“N-No, I hate you!” I retorted.

“Love you too.” He said before he sealed his lips to mine.

I quickly kneed him in the crotch, causing him to bite my lip, but it got him off me. I didn't want that disgusting monster on me or near me. He groaned and cupped himself, from the pain.

“You’re going to pay for that soon.” He said, shoving past me hard making his way down the street.

I am terrified to what he might do. I began to cry hard thinking of all the things he could do to me. I shook my head and felt something wet fall down my chin. I raised my hand and touched it and saw I was bleeding. I wiped away the blood and began to run to Frank as I cried even harder, feeling as if I cheated even though I didn’t. I began to shake as I was running and by the time I got to the apartment I wiped away my tears and made sure it didn’t seem like I was crying or anything. When I got up the stairs, I felt around my pockets in search of Frank’s keys. I found them by the time I got to the door. I unlocked the door and quickly felt better when I saw Frank laying down on the couch watching tv.

My heart started to race when Frank looked over to me and smiled. He got up off the couch and walked over to me, wrapping his arms around my waist and pulling me inside. I giggled and kicked the door closed. I wrapped my arms around his neck and buried my face into the crook of his neck. I felt relaxed holding him. I felt like the whole thing with Bert never happened. Frank let go of me with one of his hands and pulled my face out of his neck, so he can see my face. I did wince a little since my face still stung from where Bert hit me.

“So beautiful.” He whispered, before kissing me.

I eagerly kissed back, pulling him closer to me. Unfortunately, the kiss didn’t last long, but I was satisfied enough, because I was holding the man I love. Frank pulled away and lead me to the couch and cuddled me as he continued to watch TV.

“So, what took you long Gerard?” He asked, leaning his head against mine.

“Oh, just went to the Cemetery and hung out there a bit. I must’ve gotten carried away.” I liednot wanting to mention Mikey or Bert.

“Okay.” He hummed.

I sighed and closed my eyes as I leaned against him.

“I love you Frankie.”

Frank squeezed me a little before responding.

“I know you do Gerard. I know you do.”

I opened my eyes and looked at him, smiling wide as his face was turning red. I blushed and pecked his lips. I love you Frankie…

"As lead rains on your bullets, can lead to your gun being loaded. Unload your gun, what's next can't be undone.”

Notes

Updates will be slowing down fyi and this story is like 2 chapters away from ending so get prepared. Go and buy some tissues for the ending. By the way the slanted words mean they are flashbacks

xojordan