All the things you say are nothing but a string of bullets. Your mouth is the gun and your words are the bullets. Just like all guns. They can either miss you or kill you. With your bullets, they always killed me. They never killed me before, but soon after many breakdowns you shot me. The pain it makes me feel. How you can easily shoot me, makes me feel useless.

It brings me down lower than any depressed human should be. Your bullets are nothing but, spiteful and full of lies. I want to die the second I hear them, but I could never pull the trigger myself. It makes me cry that I know that I will be hurting you. The one who has no gun or bullets. It soothes me knowing you would never shoot me.

I know when I am with you I know what can happen. As lead rains on your bullets can lead to your gun being loaded. Unload your gun, what’s next can’t be undone. There are many views on what it could mean and what it means to me. I ponder what it actually means, but I have no clue. As I wait for him in the Cemetery at times, I think of what it means to me and how did my mind come across it.

A few days ago, it popped into my head and ever since I have been wondering what it means. I personally don’t want to know what it is. I have a feeling he might know, but I refuse to bother him. He already stresses enough over me when I am not around; I don’t want him to panic when I question him about this.

“Faggot listen to me!” Bert hissed.

I snapped up with anger in my eyes. I wasn’t mad at the word faggot. I don’t find it offensive; I find it funny. I only am angry, because I know he is going to say some stupid shit and hit me later.

“What?” I replied.

“I come back after being out of town and I don’t get a fucking hug? Or your fucking attention?” He spits

“Why would I ever hug you?” I spit.

I shouldn’t have talked back to Bert. I am getting terrified on what’s coming now.

“Don’t talk back to me!” He yells, back-handing my face.

I cried from the pain. It was more painful than before, due to not being hit for a few days and well. He was wearing many rings.

“I’m sorry.” I choked out.

“Hug me if you’re truly sorry!”

I sniffed and walked over to him. I didn’t want to be hit again. I wiped away my tears and loosely hugged him. I don’t hug him the way I hug Frank.

“Good Gerard. Listen to me and you won’t get hurt.”

I nodded against his shoulder, as I accidently buried it there when I walked up to him. He kissed the side of my head and pushed me off.

“Since I was away from you for a few days I need all of you.” He smirked.

My eyes widened and my heart began to race. No, no, no, no, no! I felt my blood rush and my skin go pale. I felt like I had just died. I want to be dead at this very moment.

“You shit! Be grateful that someone wants to fuck you.” He said, crossing his arms.

I began to walk backwards. I am terrified and I most certainly don’t want to be fucked by this psycho.

“You’re not escaping this Gerard.” He growled walking towards me.

I gulped and continued to back away. I jumped when my back touched the wall. I looked around for an exit, but Bert’s basement only has a door that takes a long time to unlock. I sank to the floor, putting my face on my knees as I cried. I heard Bert scuff and walked faster towards me, practically running. He grabbed my hair harsh and pulled me up, not letting go of me hair.

I cried even more, feeling useless and can’t do anything to stop this. Bert brutally turned my neck and bit down on it. I tried to push him off, but he pinned me against the wall. I kept biting everywhere on my neck, leaving nasty bruises and my blood dripping onto our clothing. I studied how this lunatic had my blood dripping out of his mouth and how much he was enjoying this.

I couldn’t stand this anymore. Not mentally, but physically as well. My knees were shaking and I couldn’t keep my vision clear. My head was hurting and I thought I was going to die at the moment. I hope I die right now. I don’t want to live anymore if this monster is still chained around me. I want to leave, but I could never do that to Frank. I would be selfish to kill myself and leave Frank alone and broken once again. I wouldn’t live with my dead self if I did that to him. Maybe if I actually do, Frank and I can be together-

Everything went dark.

---

I woke up with an aching pain in my neck. I winced as I tried to move. I felt the floor that I was laying on; wet. I groaned, trying to open my eyes. I adjusted my eyes so I can see my surroundings. I began to cry again, realizing I am still in Bert’s basement. I closed my eyes again, sobbing quietly. I want to be dead dammit!

I opened my eyes up again and tried to get up. I glanced at what I was laying on, wanting to throw up at the view. It was a pool of blood coming from my legs the side of my stomach. I looked at them closely and saw they were made by a knife. He tried to cut through my clothes and hurt me that way it appears. I tried to stand up, but failing miserably. I collapsed back onto the floor screaming from the top of my lungs.

I shouldn’t have yelled. Now Bert is going to come back and hurt me more. Speak of the devil. The locks turned and Bert walked in anger written all over his face.

“The fucking bitch finally woke up from her beauty sleep. Oh wait. There’s nothing pretty about you.” He hissed.

I looked down, crying more as his bullets killed me.

“Get the fuck out of my house and go kill yourself. You are becoming too useless for my liking.” He growled, throwing a gun at me.

My eyes widened as I look at the gun. I felt my throat clench along with the rest of my body. Here’s my chance to be dead. Here’s my chance to be happy. I thought. I slowly got up, flinching a bit. I picked up the gun and held it in my hands.

“Good boy. Now go somewhere else and do that. Your blood is a hassle to clean.”

I slowly nodded and clenched the gun as I limped out of the room. I went up the stairs, coming across and scared Bob. He glanced at the gun in my hands and knew what I was going to do. I looked at his eyes, seeing guilt and sadness in them. He opened his mouth to say something, but he quickly closed it as Bert came up behind me.

“Carry on Gerard! You’re disgusting me.”

I turned around and sniffed. His bullets killed me again and soon the bullets in my hand is going to kill me. I nodded, before walking out of his house. I couldn’t walk fast or far, but luckily the Cemetery is not that far for me to not walk to.

My heart began to race thinking of how Frank would react if I run into him there or even worse; when he sees my corpse laid on top of his grave. I would do it on his grave, so I can be with him forever in the after-life. Frank would die for me, I can see it in his eyes. I know he will leave Earth again to be with me.

The amount of blood I have lost and how busted my head is I am not thinking straight. I need help. I need Frank. I got to the Cemetery, limping my way to the back of the Cemetery. As I see Frank's grave come into view, I feel guilt, anger, sadness and disgust going through my body. I am selfish for doing this, but I have no choice. I looked down at the busted grave, tears streaming down my face.

Goodbye world. You weren’t the kindest to me. You took my brother from me and left me in the hands of an abusive asshole. I went through hell and I now want to go through heaven. I don’t want Bert’s bullets shooting me anymore. I deserve better and so does Frank. He doesn’t deserve to be around me. Someone who hurts him so much. If things were better I wouldn’t be holding this gun to my head and I would be with Frank in his bed, cuddling. I hope Frank and I would be together in the after-life after I shoot myself. I want to be with the man I love.

I picked up my hand that had the gun and pointed it to my head. As lead rains on your bullets, can lead to your gun being loaded. Unload your gun, what’s next can’t be undone.

I love you Frank.

Notes

Sorry if its triggering and sorry its extremely sad. I wasn't in the best of mood writing this and I wasn't typing the chapter to begin with, with the first paragraph. It blended in well with the story so I used it. I didn't want Gerard to do this and I didn't want to have a chapter of Gerard's pov. This originally was Frank's, but transferred into Gerard. This chapter was originally was suppose to be part 2 for "Lilies" but my depression was creeping up on me and fucked it up. My depression is no excuse for why I did this to Gerard, but don't worry about Gerard. I have something planned for him. Feedback please. I accept triggered comments.

xojordan