The Blind Leading The Blind

Mikey gently shook me awake, calling to me. “Frank, we’ve got pancakes, wake up!”
I groaned and batted his hands away. “God, you're loud.”
He laughed and pushed my legs down as I sat up, then took the seat next to me quickly. “Hah. Now you have to get up.”
I rolled my eyes and grinned at him, leaning my head on his shoulder like I always did.
“Gerard wanted to spend some time with you to make up for yesterday or something. Would you be okay with that?”
I frowned slightly. “Depends on what he wants to do.”
“He said he'd take you out for lunch.”
I shrugged and glanced at Mikey. “I guess that's okay. Is it like a date?” I joked, giggling.
Mikey didn't laugh. “He's four years older than you, Frank. He's 21, you weirdo.”
“But you said he's cute,” I teased, hugging my friend’s arm.
“Mhm. Sure. I don't think you'd like him like that, Frank,” Mikey mumbled, heaving a sigh. I frowned and poked his cheek lightly. “I'll stop teasing you. Sorry.”
Mikey hugged me carefully. “Don't be sorry. Just...you know that I worry about you, Frank.”
I smiled as I pulled away. “I've had guys before,” I said quietly. Mikey rubbed my forearm gently. “I know you have, but Gerard is different.”
I tilted my head to the side. “How so?”
He sighed again. “I can't tell you, but I don't think...I don't think you'd like him, Frank. Okay?”
I nodded slightly and carefully felt the side of Mikey's face before leaning in and kissing his cheek softly. “Okay. I'm hungry, though, and pancakes were mentioned?”
Mikey smiled and got up. “Okay, but you need to take a shower first.”
I pulled a face and he stroked my hair lightly. “I know your hot water hasn't been working, Frank.”
I sighed and grabbed at his hand gently. “But you don't have handrails.”
“Yes we do. I can go show you if you like.”
I nodded slightly and Mikey helped me up, walking me down the hall slowly. “Do you want to borrow some clean clothes?”
I bit my lip harshly. “Mikey, I don't wanna impose..”
“It's fine, really. I think some of my stuff should fit you.”
I sighed and rubbed one eye. “If it's not too much trouble.”
“Of course not,” Mikey hummed, walking me into the bathroom and over to the tub. He took one of my hands, pressing it against the side of the tub. “Here, are you okay to check it out yourself if I go grab those clothes?”
I nodded and felt around as Mikey hurried off. I managed to find the handrails and smiled to myself. They were in almost the same place as the ones in my shower, so they wouldn't be too hard to find.
Mikey touched my back lightly, making me jump. “Sorry, Frank. I'm gonna set these clothes by the door, the towel rack is behind you, yeah? There's four bottles on the shelf, the one on the right is the shampoo, the one on the very left is body wash. Leave the door unlocked and shout if you need anything. Be careful.”
I nodded and heard the door click behind him. I undressed quickly and turned the shower on, stepping in under the spray. It felt amazing, the hot water coursing down my back and washing everything away. I felt like I could finally get clean again, and by the time I toweled off, I was grinning to myself. I managed to find the clean clothes and figure them out, slipping them on carefully. “Fuck..” I mumbled, fiddling with the button of the jeans shakily. My wrist still hurt, and my fingers were a little stiff, but I managed to get the button and the fly done up eventually. I lifted the shirt off the floor and found the label to make sure it was the right way round before slipping it on over my head. It didn't smell right. I buried my face in the fabric, taking a deep breath. The shirt didn't smell of Mikey.
That was one thing that the loss of my sight had given me. New senses, or at least new depth to the senses I already had. I had realized that every person had a smell of their own, a mixture of laundry detergent and the smell of their house, of course with the addition of some bodily odours. Mikey always smelled sharp and clean, but with undertones of warmth. This shirt had the warmth to it, but less sharp and with a hint of what I figured to be lavender. It smelled good.
I gathered up my dirty clothes and managed to shove them into my bag before standing up and stepping out of the bathroom. “Mikey?”
“In the living room!” He called back. I shuffled slowly, a little uncertain without the help of my cane.
“Hey,” Mikey said as I stepped from the carpeted corridor onto the wood floor. I stepped sideways, back onto carpet again and into the living room. I felt for the couch and sat down next to Mikey, smiling as he rubbed my back.
“Feel better?”
I nodded quickly. “Yes, thanks. A lot. Um...whose shirt is this?”
Mikey paused, tugging at the hem of it lightly. “It was in my closet, but I think it's Gerard’s. I don't think he’ll mind, it's an old one.”
I blinked. “You said he was grumpy but he seems nice to me.”
“Yeah, he can be sweet, I just think the stress of uni gets on top of him a lot. I was just warning you in case he did something mean or stupid.”
I chuckled and leaned my head on Mikey's shoulder. “What's the time?”
“It's ten, do you want those pancakes?”
I nodded quickly and Mikey got up, squeezing my shoulder as he left.

Gerard steered me to his car carefully, one hand on my shoulder. “I promise not to kidnap you.”
“Oh, that's good news,” I giggled, almost tripping over something, but getting caught by Gerard.
“I'm sorry...I'm sorry if I come off as ignorant or unhelpful or anything today...I'm just not really used to having blind people around, I-”
I shook my head quickly, holding onto his arm. “No, it's okay, Gerard. I'm used to it and I understand. No one gets everything right on the first try.”
Gerard sighed quietly and I heard a car door open near me. “Here, let me help you in..”
I let Gerard steer me, slightly embarrassed. “I guess I should apologize in advance as well,” I mumbled as he buckled my seatbelt for me. “I can be a huge nuisance.”
Gerard chuckled softly and I felt his warm fingers against my cheek briefly. “Don't worry, I really don't mind.”
He shut the door for me and got in behind the wheel. “Mikey told me you were a veggie, so I thought I'd take you to this really nice place I know that does amazing salads, would you like that?”
I nodded enthusiastically, looking across the car towards Gerard's voice. “That sounds awesome, but I'm honestly kind of confused why you wanted to take me out anyway.”
Gerard sighed again and started the car. “Well. I was kind of a jerk yesterday evening and I wanted to apologize.”
“You already did,” I pointed out, leaning back in my seat.
“I know...but I didn't feel like it was enough. Besides...you seem really cool and I'd like to get to know you a little better.”
I felt the blush creep up my neck and smiled. “Thanks.”
“So what does your world look like?”
I cleared my throat, smiling slightly. “Uh. Black?”
Gerard chuckled, turning the car down a side road. “Okay, stupid question. But I mean, you seem fairly confident and stuff.”
I took a deep breath, staring straight ahead. “Well, a better question would be what does my world feel like. When you get to know people, you understand when they're smiling, you pick up cues in their voice. I can feel changes in the air, like when I go from a small corridor to a big open room, I can usually feel it. I can smell things a lot better, and things taste...more. See, I wasn't born blind, so I experienced the world long enough to know what, say, the color red looks like. I can picture it. I know how it feels. So when Mikey tells me something is red, I understand.”
“I get it. So you're more in tune with other things?”
I smiled to myself, running a hand through my hair. “I like to think so.”
Gerard laughed quietly. “Y’know, I used to think that about myself. That I was in tune with the world.”
I chuckled and wriggled back into my seat, stretching my arms. “Mhm. Maybe you are, more than other people. But probably not as much as me.”
“I love the smell of spring rain, and I love pouring milk into coffee and watching the effect. I don't know, maybe it's stupid..” Gerard trailed off, sounding lost.
“It's not,” I hummed, settling back. “Some people are more in tune. Some people pay more attention to the world. I'm not sure I'd notice things like I do without being blind. I don't think I'd care.”
“That's kind of sad.”
“Yes, I think so too. That you have to destroy something to bring out something beautiful. Mind you, it's not all roses.”
Gerard laughed again and I felt the car slow. “I guess not. I don't think I could stand it.”
“It takes some getting used to.”
“A lot of things do. We’re here, would you like to go in?”
I nodded quickly. “Yeah, I'm kinda hungry.”
Gerard smiled. “Okay, you wait there, I'll come help you out.”
I ignored him, unbuckling my seatbelt and jumping out of the car before he could come and hold the door for me. He touched my shoulder lightly and I grinned. “I don't need a Prince Charming,” I joked, looking towards where I assumed him to be.
“No, I suppose not,” Gerard murmured, his voice quiet and a little sad. “Would you want a prince or a princess?”
I grinned and touched his hand, running my fingers down to find his arm and take it. “Hmm. Prince, definitely. You?”
“Either,” Gerard chuckled, walking me up a path. “I'm not picky. There's a step here, be careful.”
I nodded, testing the height with one foot before stepping up. “I wish I wasn't so picky, it would make things a lot easier.”
“At least looks wouldn't matter so much,” Gerard joked, steadying me carefully before walking on.
I grinned and shook my head. “I dunno about that. I'm still kinda picky. I like long hair and I don't really like big muscles. I suppose that's still more about feel, though. Like your skin is very soft, not rough and dry. I prefer soft.”
Gerard hesitated before speaking again. “So not manly men?”
I giggled and shook my head again. “I guess not.”
He hummed softly and let go of my arm, putting a hand on the small of my back. “Here, just take a couple steps, I'm holding the door.”
I walked into the lobby, waiting patiently as Gerard came back to my side and took my arm again. He walked me a few more steps forward. “We have a table in the name of Way,” he said quietly and I heard the hostess reply.
“Sure, it's that one right over there, menus are on the table.”
I tightened my grip on Gerard’s arm slightly, nervous. “Do you have a Braille menu?” I asked shakily, and felt Gerard tense slightly.
“I'm afraid not, I'm very sorry.”
“It's okay,” I smiled, glancing up at Gerard. “Let's head over, you can read it to me.”
Gerard walked me to the table and helped me sit down, then took the chair across from me. “You can read Braille? That's pretty cool.”
I shrugged, a little embarrassed by the whole thing. “I guess. It's the only way I can really get through school.”
Gerard shifted, his chair creaking. “Sorry, that was kind of a stupid thing to say, huh?”
I smiled slightly, noticing how uncomfortable he sounded. “Not really. It's just that I don't find things I'm really used to very cool, I guess.”
“Makes sense,” Gerard answered, clearing his throat. “So what do you like to do when you're not at school?”
I shrugged again and looked down, dragging a finger down the laminated surface of the menu. “Well, I listen to audiobooks a lot, cause I like stories and things like that. I used to play guitar a lot, but I haven't in a while.”
“Oh, why's that?” Gerard asked and I didn't lift my head, taking a deep breath. It was an innocent question that deserved a calm and simple answer.
“My dad taught me how, and um...he died a couple years ago, I haven't really had the heart to pick it back up since.”
Gerard shifted again and I heard him take a deep breath as well. “My dad passed away when I was a kid, too,” he said softly. “I understand what you mean.”
I lifted my head quickly, blinking a couple times. “Really?”
Gerard chuckled humorlessly, and I heard his jacket rustle as he moved. “Yeah, um. He actually killed himself when I was fourteen. So seven years ago now.”
“Oh..” I mumbled, rubbing my eyes and looking down again. “I'm sorry.”
“How did um…how did your dad pass?” Gerard asked a little awkwardly, sounding uncomfortable again.
“He had cancer,” I sighed, resting my forehead on my hand and my elbow on the table. “He was sick for a couple years.”
“I'm very sorry, Frankie.”
I took another shaky breath and sat back. “It was a while ago now. So what looks good on the menu?”

Gerard was fairly quiet while we ate, but as soon as our plates were cleared, he quickly became chatty again. “So how’d you meet Mikey? He doesn't talk about you much. Well, he doesn't talk to me that much anyway..”
I smiled to myself and shrugged. “We met in class, before I lost my sight, so I met him when I was about nine, I think. We were kind of friends for a while, and then really hit it off again in high school, when we had another class together. We had a deal where he got to use the notes I got written for me in English if he helped me with my math homework.”
Gerard chuckled and leaned back in his chair. “Sounds like Mikey. He tricked me into writing an essay for him once.”
I tilted my head slightly. “But you haven't always lived together, right?”
“No, you're right. I moved back in after my father passed, and I was there for a few years, but I had some problems with bullying in high school, so I switched schools and went to live with my grandmother for a while. I had a gap year before university cause I was kind of off the rails for a while, drugs and alcohol and stuff, but I got on track after that year and got myself to uni, and I've been living on campus or with Mum since.”
I put my elbows on the table and leaned my chin on my hands, smiling slightly. “Off the rails, huh? Mikey never said anything about that.”
Gerard shifted again, and I could feel how uneasy he was. He was dancing around something, something he didn't want me to know. “Yeah. It started with parties and drinking too much and smoking weed and kinda ended in heroin.”
Well, he was open about his drug habits, so what could it be? What was so much worse than heroin?
I blinked. “Did you go through rehab?”
Gerard sighed. “No, Mum couldn't afford it, cause the hospital bill after my overdose was huge. But my grandmother was actually a doctor when she was working, so she kept an eye on me through withdrawals and stuff. I still go to NA meetings, and I got my three year chip a few weeks ago.”
I nodded, smiling at him in what I hoped was an encouraging way. “Congrats, that's awesome. I don't think I could do that by myself.”
Gerard chuckled softly. “Well, I had a lot of incentive and the reason I started drinking in the first place kinda...resolved itself.”
There it was. The elephant in the room, the reason Gerard started drinking.
“So why did you end up so bad? What was it that you were running away from?”
Gerard hesitated and then sighed again. He shifted and the chair creaked as he leaned forward, touching one of my hands lightly. “I like you, Frank. You're very kind and sweet and cute, but I don't talk about it much, and certainly not to people I've just met. I'm sorry.”
I smiled slightly and reached out, my fingertips brushing his cheek. “That's okay. I understand, Gerard.”
He leaned back suddenly and I blinked, feeling like something had vanished. “I'll take you home now, yeah? I think Mikey's expecting you back soon.”
I nodded, standing up carefully. “Thank you so much for this, it's been really nice,” I said, smiling up at him. I knew he was taller than me, I could tell by the angle at which he held my arm to guide me.
By the time we got back to the car, Gerard seemed to have relaxed, helping me in and buckling my seatbelt for me before getting in himself.
“Can I see your phone?”
I blinked, tugging it out of my pocket. “Yeah, why?”
He chuckled softly. “Because I want to put my number in it. Can you unlock it please?”
I did so carefully, smiling to myself as he took the phone out of my hand.
“I know you have Mikey and I know he's a great friend to you, but if you ever need to talk or just want a chat, I'm here for you, okay? I'm fairly busy so it might take me a while to reply, but I will eventually.”
Gerard put the phone back in my hand. “I put my number down as Gee because if you say ‘call Gerard’ it gets confused. At least, Mikey’s does.”
I giggled softly. “I suppose it's an unusual name.”
He started the car as I put my phone away. “It's French, I think? I don't know, I don't really care.”
I smiled, letting my head fall back against the headrest. “It's cute. I like it.”
Gerard hesitated. “Are you flirting with me, Frank?” He sounded stern, but I could also hear the smile.
“I have been this whole time,” I laughed, running a hand through my hair. “First because it was fun, and now more because I think you're a really nice guy.”
“Well, I'm not always that nice,” Gerard hummed, then went quiet.
I leaned over, rolling the window down and sticking my hand out.
“What’re you doing?” He laughed, reaching over and squeezing my shoulder.
“I like to know how fast we’re going and I just like the feeling,” I smiled. “It's like the air is hugging my hand.”
“You're weird,” Gerard grinned, letting his hand slip from my shoulder. “But fair enough.”
I smiled and pulled my hand back into the car, rolling the window up again.
The car slowed to a stop and Gerard's seatbelt clicked as the engine turned off. “We’re back. Are you staying for a while?”
I sighed and nodded. “Yeah, Mikey wants me to help him with some work. We have finals coming up...y’know. It sucks.”
“I'm sorry, Frank, I've already been through mine, thank god. I'm sure you’ll do just fine.”
I got out of the car, starting to walk up the steps to the house. Gerard hurried up to me, supporting me as I slipped through the front door. He pulled me back gently before I could walk off. “Hey. I have to go to work, so I'll see you another time, okay?”
I bit my lip and smiled quickly. “Okay. Thanks for lunch.”
“No problem,” he chuckled, leaning in and kissing my cheek briefly. “Have a good day.”
I listened to him walk off, then slipped inside and shut the door behind me quietly.

Mrs. Way took me home after dinner, dropping me off at the end of the driveway. “Are you okay going in?”
I smiled and nodded. “I'll be okay. Thanks so much.”
She ruffled my hair. “Okay. Sleep well, hon.”
I got out of the car, waving before heading up the driveway to the front door. It took me a while to unlock the door, but I managed it, walking inside and humming to myself as I went upstairs, dumping my backpack on the floor. I unzipped it and took out a box, opening it. Mikey had packed it with tons of food, crisps, sandwiches, and even a couple pastries. I tugged one of the crisp packets out and set it aside before crawling half under the bed. I opened the little mini fridge I’d hidden there and tucked the sandwiches inside, then put the lid back on the box and left it next to the fridge. I got up carefully, zipping my backpack back up before starting to get changed for bed. My phone buzzed and I grabbed it from my jean pocket, pressing the button to play the text message out loud. “Mikey: Gerard said he gave you his number, what the fuck?”
I smiled and rolled my eyes. “Text Mikey, I don't know, he just gave it to me. He said in case I needed him, I kind of told him about my dad and stuff.”
I put my phone on my desk and walked downstairs again, grabbing the remote for the tv and turning it on. There were a couple shows I could watch without Mikey’s help, so I put an episode from one of them on, sitting down on the couch happily. I liked lazy moments like this, just time for me to relax and unwind, without having to focus as much. Conversations were exhausting to me, trying to interpret all the cues in someone’s voice and figure out what nonverbal cues they were giving. Mikey wasn't so bad, not anymore. But people like Gerard, that I barely knew, were much more uncomfortable for me. I hated missing things.
I heard the door open and quickly turned the tv off. “Hi Mom,” I called out quietly, folding my hands in my lap. Her footsteps came closer and she was standing over me, I could feel it. “Come here.” I got up, my fingers trembling as I walked around the couch to stand in front of her. The slap came out of nowhere and almost spun me. I grabbed at my cheek, taking deep breaths and trying to ignore the stinging pain.
“I came back here last night to get something I’d forgotten and you weren’t home. Where the fuck were you?”
I swallowed hard, taking a shaky step back. “I was at Mikey’s, he let me stay over.”
“Of course he did. Did you fuck him?”
I wanted to run, but knew I’d probably slip or trip or run into a wall. “No. He’s straight, he’s not-”
“I don’t care what he is, I know you’re a fag.”
She was dismissive now, and I heard her walking away. “Go to bed, Frank.”

Notes