Someone was holding my hand when I woke up again. Someone else was crying in the corner. I whined softly as I shifted, then gasped in pain.
“It's okay, Frankie,” Gerard murmured, but his voice was cracked and shaky. “I'll turn your meds up.”
I tried to grab at him, but he batted my hands away gently, starting to stroke my chest rhythmically. “Shh, Frankie. I've got you.”
“Who's crying? What's going on?”
Gerard sighed quietly. “You're so panicky, sweetie. It's Mikey...we've um...we've had some bad news, Frankie.”
I sniffed, terror taking a hold on my heart, its fingers freezing cold as it squeezed. “Wh-what kind of bad news?”
Gerard took a deep, shaky breath. “Frank...baby, you have stomach cancer. Apparently your family has a history, and with the really bad diet you've had the last couple years...it's not very late stage, and they think the surgery should be effective...but we’re all worried about you.”
I blinked, surprised that no tears were coming. I let my mind drift away, busying itself with the smells in the room and the feel of the sheets against my skin, even with the sound of Mikey trying to hold back tears. I couldn't think about the word, that one damn word. Cancer.

Gerard was laying next to me, running his hand down my chest over and over. “Shh. Close your eyes, Frankie. Try and get some sleep, please?”
I shook my head slightly, shivering. “No.”
“Frank...I...how about I show you those presents?”
“You can't show me anything,” I snapped bitterly. Gerard sighed and sat up, a plastic bag rustling overhead. “Here.”
He handed me something plush and soft, and I ran my hands over it, frowning. “It's a plush puppy...you like dogs, right?”
I sniffed, hugging it tightly. “Mhm.”
Gerard ran his hand over my side, kissing my forehead. “I won't always be able to be here, so I thought he could be your friend. And I um..” He pressed a small, cold oblong of metal into my hand. “I bought you an MP3 player. It's designed for blind people, so it has Braille and stuff on the buttons...I dunno...but I loaded it with some of my favorite playlists and some audiobooks, and all your music. I was gonna give it to you for the end of the school year, but I thought you might like it to keep busy.”
I shifted, hugging him carefully. “Thank you. Thank you so so much.”
Gerard buried his face in my neck, clinging to me. “I'm not gonna let anyone take you from me, Frankie. If cancer tries to, I'm gonna kick its fucking ass and tell it to go fuck itself. Cancer’s a cunt and it's not gonna do this to you. I'm not gonna let it.”
I squeezed him as tightly as I could, sniffling. “I-okay, Gee. I...I love you.”
The surge was there again, making me want to laugh and cry at the same time, just because he was holding me. Just because he wanted to fight for me. Because he was there.
“I love you too, Frank. I don't care that this is all fast or whatever, I know that I love you.”
“I d-don't know why..” I mumbled. Gerard stroked my hair slowly, still clinging to me.
“What d’you mean?”
I sniffed, trembling slightly. “You're really handsome and amazing and brave. And you have a career ahead of you, you're 21, you're like an adult and stuff...and I'm just some pathetic blind kid with a fucked up life. And now I'm gonna be throwing up and shit for months, cause of the fucking chemo. Why the fuck would anyone love me?”
Gerard sighed and nuzzled my cheek gently, kissing my jaw softly. “Frank. You're nearly an adult, for a start. And you're stunning, you're handsome and hot and really really kind and sweet, as well as really fucking funny sometimes. You're amazing, you don't let anything slow you down. You get yourself to school, and you excel at school. You took what, four APs this year? I could barely manage one without flunking. I forget you're blind all the time, because you're so confident and on the ball, and I look at you and I just wanna kiss you and laugh and cry and cuddle you, because you're everything to me. You accepted me for who I am without even the tiniest hesitation, and you have the biggest heart. I look up to you, Frankie. I admire you. Nothing is going to change that.”

---

Gerard was holding my hand tightly. “I'm going to be with you the whole time. I'm in all my scrubs and I'm going to be there for the whole surgery. I'm not going to leave you.”
I sniffed, starting to feel woozy already. “I'm scared, Gee..”
“I know, but this surgeon is really good, Frankie. You're gonna be just fine and you're gonna wake up in a few hours and be a little sore. And then we’re gonna curl up together and watch some tv, yeah? Sound good?”
I nodded slightly, but I couldn't keep my eyes open any longer, my fingers feeling heavy as I tried to squeeze his hand.

I woke up and slapped the alarm clock on my bedside table. “It is five forty six.”
The metallic and fake-sounding voice was irritating, but better than staring at a clock and pretending I could read it. My surgery had been scheduled for one, so I figured about four hours on the table. I called out softly. “Gerard?”
I heard a shifting noise and then a quiet snore. I giggled and grabbed my headphones, careful not to move too much. I was just about to start an audiobook off when Mikey burst into the room. “I brought dinner!”
Gerard groaned as he woke up, and I put the headphones aside. “Gee?”
I heard his chair bang against the wall as he jumped up and ran to me, kissing my forehead. “Hey baby. Do you feel okay?”
“Groggy and sore,” I smiled sadly, letting him stroke my hair and cheek.
“Fuck, I missed you,” he mumbled. “I was so worried. Even though I knew it was okay, I was worried. You're gonna have a scan tomorrow and they're gonna figure out what to do next. Okay?”
I nodded, touching his arm gently. “Slow down, Geebear. Too much info too quickly.”
He chuckled and repeated it a little slower, holding my hands tightly. “The surgeon is really happy with how things went, though. He said you won't have any complications and you shouldn't have to do a long round of chemo.”
I sighed softly. “And when can I eat next?”
Gerard went quiet, kissing my forehead softly. “Not for another forty eight hours. That's what the drip’s for..”
I nodded, letting my head fall back on the pillow. “Then stop bringing in takeout,” I giggled. “It smells too good.”
“We just love to torture you,” Mikey chuckled, then seemed to turn to Gerard. “Can't he have a tiny bite of something?”
Gerard shook his head. “I wish, but I'm inclined to stick to doctor’s orders here. I'm sorry guys.”
I smiled and reached for his hand shakily. “Gee.”
He took my hand quickly. “Yeah, baby? What's wrong?”
I shifted slightly and gently pulled on his hand. “I want cuddles, Geebear.”
He chuckled softly and kissed my forehead gently. “Is it okay if I have something to eat first, just quickly? Visitor hours are over at six, but one of us can stay overnight, so..”
I nodded, biting my lip. “Hurry up then,” I half-joked, letting go of his hand.
Gerard turned the tv on for background noise and went over to Mikey. I dozed for a little while, exhausted still. As soon as Mikey kissed my cheek and left, Gerard scooted me over carefully and got into bed with me, holding me tightly as I snuggled up to his chest. “Is that better?”
I nodded, nuzzling his jaw. “Mhm. Much.”
Gerard shifted, running his hand down my back slowly. “Baby, can we talk about some stuff?”
I grunted, grabbing onto his scrubs and holding on tightly. “Like what?”
“Well...you're doing really well, baby, but I feel like you need to talk about stuff. Like your mom and this...you bottle stuff up and it's not good for you..”
I sighed, nuzzling him again, trying to get him to touch me more. Having conversations without touch for me was like talking to someone through a door. It made it almost impossible to tell how they were feeling or reacting to anything.
Gerard stroked my cheek, kissing my forehead softly. “Please, baby?”
“Okay...what do you want me to say?”
“How are you feeling?” Gerard murmured, tightening his grip on me carefully.
I sighed and rested my forehead on his chest, feeling his heartbeat. “I'm exhausted, mentally and physically. I don't think I really feel much other than tired. I'm angry that my mom hasn't come to see me. I'm angry that this is happening to me. I'm scared, because people keep coming and going in here and they fiddle with things and never talk to me.”
“Do you miss your mom?” Gerard asked softly, kissing the top of my head.
“Not day to day. I just get on with stuff and don't think about it. My life is better now and although it wasn't a very nice way to make it better, I appreciate that it is better.”
“But you miss her now?”
I nodded slightly, lifting my head to face him. “Mhm. I miss the woman she used to be, I guess. And I miss my dad.”
Gerard stiffened. “Shit. I didn't think about your dad.”
I smiled sadly. “That doesn't really help with the fear. Being stuck in hospital for cancer when your dad died of it.”
Gerard squeezed me gently. “Your dad didn't have me,” he said firmly, stroking my hair. “And I'm not letting anything touch you.”
I rubbed my eyes with the back of my hand. “Too late, Gee.”
He sighed and kissed my cheek softly. “It's not too late. Did you really mean what you said before? About...love?”
I nodded quickly, smiling. “Of course. I'm new to it, but I think I love you. I certainly love you as a friend, but I'm almost sure I love you romantically.”
“Almost sure?” Gerard chuckled, rubbing my back slowly. “I am sure, baby.”
“Then kiss me,” I grinned, reaching up to place my hand on his cheek. He leaned into my touch briefly, then tilted my chin up and kissed me softly, pulling me closer to him. I kissed back eagerly, clinging to him as he held me close.

Notes

Sorry for the kind of sad chapter...