The world is ugly

Jadie*)

It was currently 3 am.

I was wandering around downstairs.

This is the third night in a row that I 'went to sleep' only to sneak out of my room after my brother had fallen asleep. Going on 72 hours with no sleep.

Sighing to myself I started up yet another cup of coffee. I walked around the housed once more, going over things I already cleaned at least twice.

All except one room. My eyes locked on the closed door. As thoughts passed my mind.

Taking tentative steps I shakily brought my hand to the knob. Should I?

I had nothing better to do...

I looked around the room that had been vacant for at least a week now... Dirty clothes lay messily around her room.

"Now I feel like the mom" I laughed bitterly to myself picking everything up and placing int in the empty basket.

I straightened out the sheets on her bed and the nicknacks on her dresser. I cleaned down her mirror and her en-suite bathroom.

Once that was done I walked out, closing the door behind me. I heard soft whimpering coming from down the hall, In my brother's room.

I placed the basket of dirty clothes down on the floor by my bedroom and wandered down the hall til' I was right out front of Franks door. I cracked the door open slightly to see Frank hunched over on his bed shaking "Fr-Frank?" I asked, opening his door more.

He sat up quickly, nose sniffling as he took in a deep breath "Jadie... Why are you up its four in the morning?" He asked standing up from his bed and walking over to me "I uh, I actually haven't been to sleep yet" He frowned "You should get some sleep" I shook my head "I'm really busy right now" I said, "Anyway, what's wrong?" I asked looking at him, He shrugged "It's just a lot right now" I nodded fully understanding. He sniffled again "You need sleep, Jai" He pulled lightly on my arm. Shaking my head I slipped my arm from his grip "Like I said I'm busy. I uh, Gotta clean" I mumbled before walking back to the laundry basket on the floor.

"Tho-Those ar-are mom's clothes?" Frank choked "Her room was messy." I frowned "Momma never keeps a messy room, Or house. Always keeps the clothes clean... I nedda keep her happy" I stated, avoiding the stair of my brother and making my way downstairs and to the laundry room.

That's when I let the tears fall... I couldn't break down in front of Frank any more than I already had. I need to be the strong one. I need to get a job and take care of Frank and the house.

I took in a breath through my nose and composed myself. "No more tears. Mamma didn't raise a wimp" I demanded towards myself as I threw the clothes into the washer and started it.

Walking back out into the kitchen I moved onto my fourth cup of coffee. The I made my way into the living room, and almost jumped out of my skin when I saw Frank sitting there "Jesus, Frank you scared the shit out of me" He chuckled slightly and took the cup from my hands "Thanks, sis" My mouth fell open "That has milk in it" I pointed out. He scrunched his nose and handed it back "Black is better" He wandered into the kitchen, To probably make himself a cup of just black coffee.

I plopped myself down on the couch and took a sip from my drink "So, how long have you really been awake for?" Frank called from the kitchen "What do you mean, I said I haven't been to bed yet" He made a humming noise "I know that But how many days? I know it hasn't just been tonight" I frowned "So?" I spat and he sighed, sitting back down next to me "So, How many days?" His eyes burned into me "Going on my third night" I whispered, he started choking "Jadie!" I just shrugged "I haven't been tired" He placed his mug down, then took mine out of my hands and turned me to look at him "Jadie, I can tell by the dark circles under your eyes that you need sleep" I shook my head "I'm fine" I laughed "What time does the employment office close at?" Frank frowned "Why?" I narrowed my eyes at him "I'll be going, after school today" His face fell "You're going to school like this?" I nodded and he frowned "So what time?" He sighed "If you're going to school like this you are taking a nap when you get home" I laughed "I'll be fine" I stated. Standing up and going to get dressed.

Here I was again. The whole school talking about us. Sympathetic looks, the 'I hope you feel better' statements. Rolling my eyes I made my way to the office to explain why I had missed nearly a week of school, and if there was anything I could do to earn extra credit.

"Ah, Miss. Iero. Glad to finally see you back" I rolled my eyes "There was a death in my family. Sorry, I couldn't just suck it up and get through the day" I snapped. Fully feeling the effects of not sleeping for three days."Oh, I'm so sorry to hear that, Are you and your brother okay?" Her fake sympathy made me sick "Would you be okay if your mother just died" her face fell "no, I uh, I suppose not. What can I do for you?" I rolled my eyes "Is there anything I can do to get extra credit?" She smiled at me "You don't need to worry about that" I sighed "Don't pass me just because my mom died. Don't give me special treatment" She shook her head "God no, You are in 80's in all your classes, a week off won't change anything. Just get caught up on your homework"

I made my way to the coffee stand like I did on the first day I was here.

"Hey, What can I get for you?" The same girl with yellow hair smiled "A coffee with one milk please" My voice was raw "Sure thing" She smiled and turned to make it, "Names Hayley by the way " She smiled "Jadie" I replied taking the cup from her "Thank you by the way" I smiled "You're welcome, Oh and I'm sorry, everyone talking about you and you probably have gotten this a lot today but, I'm here if you want to talk" I nodded "I actually haven't heard that one yet today, Thak you"

I made my way to where I saw Mikey, Ashley, Brendon, Melanie, Ryan, and Dallon was.

"Sweetie, You look terrible" Melanie commented and I sighed "yeah," I said slumping down on the bench "Are you getting any sleep at all?" Mikey asked "Not for three days" I laughed, taking a sip from my coffee. All their faces fell "You're joking right?" Ryan questioned, I said nothing "Tell us you're joking" Brendon demanded. Still, I said nothing "Jai, You need sleep" Ashley frowned "I haven't been tired" I tried brushing it off as if it were nothing "Then why do you look so tired?" Dallon questioned, "Why do you guys care so much!" I snapped but instantly regretted it "Fuck... I'm sorry. I'm just gonna go to class. I'll see you guys at lunch"

I heard them all say bye as I left.

Rubbing my eyes I looked at the daily schedule. And found I had art first.

Making my way there I passed Gerard's locker "Jadie he- Are you okay?" Concern written all over his face "I'm Fine" I laughed. But I wasn't... My eyes were burning and I was over tired. But I couldn't sleep, I have too much to do and I'll get thrown into nightmares. and well that takes time away from everyone else sleeping and I don't wanna do that, it's annoying to them.

"You don't look fine, Babe are you sleeping enough" I again laughed at his question and he frowned placing his hands on either side of my face "You look exhausted, why arent you sleeping, and none of that I'm not tired crap either" sighing I leaned into him "I can't, Nightmares" I mumbled into his chest, the exhaustion was making me feel sick but I had to carry on through the day.

____

Once school was over, I had a bit more energy and I made Gerard walk me to the employment office "After this, we're going back to my house and you are taking a nap, got it?" He demanded, I froze "G-Gerard I can't" My heart thumped in my chest "Jadie, Baby, It looks like you got punched in both your eyes, You need sleep." I shook my head, an amused smirk crossing my lips "I'll be fine" he frowned at my comment. Why is everyone frowning at me today?

Walking into the office I sat through a 30-minute interview type thing, and she helped me set up my resume. I thanked her.

As I walked back out I was hit with a wave of virtigo. "Jadie?" Gerard asked walking up beside me, I placed my hand on his arm and slightly swayed, but he stabled me before I fell "Jesus, Are you okay?" I nodded "Yeah, Uh. I guess I forgot to eat today" I chuckled and Gerard sighed before leading me over to the Tim-Hortons across the street.

*Praying yall know what the hell that place is*

"What do you want?" Gerard asked me helping me sit down "Uh, A large coffee with one milk and the BLT with the potato wedges I guess" he smiled slightly and walked up to the counter.

When he came back I greedily chugged back half of the coffee, in hopes, it would wake me the fuck up "Thirsty?" Gerard mused I shook m head "I need it to wake me up" I laughed, taking a bite from the sandwich he just nodded.

The coffee did virtually nothing, and I was hit with yet another wave of vertigo, It getting worse with each passing second "Jadie, what's wrong?" Gerard's voice was getting quieter "I think I'm over exhausted" I mumbled, "Can you hear me?" Panic was in his voice "I think I'm gonna pass out now" I said just before everything went black.

*Side note personal experience with this, happened a school LOLOLOLOL*

And like predicted I was thrown into a nightmare, I couldn't pinpoint anything, It was just violent imiges, flashbacks from my dad, my mom, boyfriends. demons death.

"Shhh, It's okay, Just sleep. I'm here, Whatever is there isn't real" Gerard's voice cut through the violence in my mind. It eas then that I realized I was held against his chest. But I trusted him, and with him talking everything cesed "Don't stop using your voice, it's helping" I mumbled sleepily and I heard him start talking again, about his day, how glad he is that I said yes everything, and when he ran out of ideas he started singing, I was sleeping peacfully, and everytime I would freak out I would remeber he was there, And I was finally able to sleep

Notes

HEY HI HELLO IM BACK