Jadie*)

The morning when I woke up. The pull out couch was empty. I heard soft talking coming from the kitchen, But I didn't move.

I focused on looking out the window into the blue sky. The sun was already high up so it's probably around eleven... The birds chirped a happy tune... What the fuck do they have to be happy about? I sighed closing my eyes again trying to will myself to sleep more.

"But should we tell her now or later?" I heard my brother question, Gerard sighed "Give it some time" Gerard said quietly "We don't have much time, Gerard... The arrangements have been made for Tonight! Frank in four hours!" tears flooded my eyes. and I rolled over to look at the both of them "Tell her later, not right now" Gerard argued "Tell me what" My voice cracked and they turned their heads towards me "Nothing, I'll tell you later Jai" My brother smiled. I rolled my eyes "What time is it?" I questioned while rolling onto my back "Uh, Almost three" Gerard laughed slightly. This causes me to sit up "Why didn't any of you wake me!?" I almost yelled "You had a rough night. Figured you needed the sleep" My brother shrugged "And what about school? Frank I'm gonna fail" I didn't actually care but still.... He shrugged "You'll get caught up" I sighed flopping back down again.

Another hour passed and I was waking up again... This time to My brother and Gerard sitting on the side of the couch "So I have some news..." Frank said somberly. I sat up, scared of what he was going to say "What?...." He sighed "Things got rushed and shit, So the uh...." My heart thudded in my chest as he searched for the words to use "The funeral is tonight, in like two hours" I felt bile rise in my throat before I was running to the bathroom and throwing up. Nothing except stomach acid.

The sudden hand on my back made me jump but I soon relaxed when I realized it was only Gerard. "It's okay, Just breathe" But I didn't want to...

---

I got dressed in a black dress and did my makeup lightly. I made my way down the hall to where My Brother and Boyfriend stood "You ready?" My face contorted into pain and I shook my head "No, not really" I looked up again "But not Like I have a choice..." They frowned at me.

The drive there was silent. No one spoke. No music was playing.

The church was a small one. It smelled of old people and looked like someone was about to get murdered... You know like in those movies? Real sketchy.

We had people flying down from everywhere. Cousins and shit saying how sorry they are when they don't even care to send a card on Christmas or drop a line on a birthday. A whole bunch of these fake mother fuckers.

"Oh sweeties, I'm so sorry for your loss" Some lady with a 'can I speak to your manager, NOW' hair cut hugged my brother and I.

I couldn't take it anymore.

Anger was building up inside of me.

Family that only seem to care when a will is involved because they could be in it.

It was too much.

And I snapped.

"ALL OF YOU JUST FUCK OFF!" I sobbed, which caught everyone's attention "NONE OF YOU ACTUALLY CARE!" My voice was almost giving out, "Okay, Jadie, let's go outside" Frank tried to get me to stop but I threw his hand off me "WHY DON'T YOU JUST GO BACK HOME AND CONTINUE TO ACT LIKE WE NEVER EXISTED BECAUSE I CAN GARUNTEE NON OF YOU ARE IN HER WILL!" I screamed before running out the doors and off to where ever. Ignoring Gerard and Franks calls for me to stop.

The wind whipped my hair and stung my tear stained cheeks. I almost slipped numerous times on the icy ground. But I never stopped. I didn't stop until I saw the bridge right in front of me.

Sliding to a stop, I gripped the poles and let out an ugly sob. "FUCK!" I screamed, Throwing my fist into the concrete. Tring to alleviate the pain in my chest. But to no avail.

"Why did you FUCKING LEAVE" I sobbed.

I wiped my eyes fiercely standing up on wobbly legs. I stepped onto the railing that was to 'protect' people from falling in. Hah. Funny.

I didn't care. I didn't want to be breathing... I wanted to stop it. I wanted all the pain to stop. I just wanted my mother again.

I looked out onto the horizon. The lights form the main part of the city reflecting off the water, the stars dancing in the sky. It was beautiful. To beautiful. I hated it.

I could have sworn I heard my name being called but then again probably not....

I looked all the way up as my breath left in little puffs.

"JADYNE!" I closed my eyes tight, knowing that was Gerard.... He had found me. I took a step down off the bar, fully on the other side, barely standing on the little ledge.

Praying that I was down low enough t-

"Jadie?" A shaky voice calls out from behind me, I don't dare lift my head. The urge to jump intensifying with each passing second. "Jadie!" The voice called out again, The voice, that if I looked at the face it belonged to, would have the power to make me change my mind. "Is that you?"

"Leave" My voice broke as I spoke, my body shaking, He has to leave, I need to do this. If he doesn't leave I'll still be here. "Go away, Gerard."

"Get down, Please" Gerard pleads, desperately. Despite everything in my body telling me not to, I turn to look at him. He stands a few feet away from me with his eyes wide. He looks at me utterly terrified. "Leave me alone" I demand in a loud shriek. My grip tightening on the bars in anger. "Go. Away."

"I can't do that" His voice quiet. "Please get down" The way his voice quivered makes my heart ache. I screw my eyes shut for a moment, focusing on not breaking down.

"It's my choice, Gerard" My voice was harsh, just like the wind that whipped fiercely around us. I avert my gaze back to the rapidly rushing water below me. I shift slightly causing Gerard to let out a sob.

"Who said it's the right one!" He tried to reason, his voice cutting out. "Please... Jadie don't."

"Get down, Jadyne!" Gerard screams. At this point, I didn't even care he was using my full name. The thought of suicide heavy in my mind.

"You can't leave me" He begs, Taking a small step towards me. The sudden movement causes me to jump slightly. Resulting in me almost losing my balance. Gerard let out another sob his hand flying over his mouth. I grab the pole next to me for balance which in this case is redundant because don't I want to die?

"Fuck, Please Jai!" His voice held urgency, that I only ever hear once before when he and my brother were cleaning me up after I had cut.

" I can't keep living like this" I choked out, My motivation to do this wavering slightly.
"I'm Here for you" His voice dry as tears rolled down his cheeks. "Please. Just get down. Or I swear I'm going in right after you!" I made eye contact and that's when I broke. I saw the desperate pleading look in his eyes.

I regained composure though "Leave me alone. I want to do this. I need to do this." I looked back out at the frozen water beneath me "Well I need you here. With me!" his voice broke my heart. It was in that moment that a strong gust of wind came and nearly knocked me down. Gerard let a strangled yelp from behind me "JADYNE PLEASE!" His voice was a mixture of a scream and sob, He sounded utterly terrified. I turned slightly his face was red and tear stained, his fingers were weaved into his hair and he tugged violently on the ruby red strands. Fear and anguish written all over his face as he let out guttural sobs "Just come back over, I need you. I need you. I FUCKING NEED YOU GET DOWN" His voice stuttered as he, the man I'm slowly falling in love with, Brakes down because of me.

He looked at me with a broken expression and the next thing I knew he was pulling me over the barrier and into his arms. As I openly sobbed. He let out painful sobs, holding onto me as if I were going to vanish if his grip loosened. "I'm never leaving you. Never. So you're not allowed to leave me" he whispered harshly. I just continued to shake in his hold. repeating 'please' over and over again. Not sure what I was pleading for...

The only time both his arms were not wrapped around me was when his phone started ringing.

'Please tell me you found her!' I heard my brothers defeated and broken voice on the other end "I did, I'm with her right now" Gerard's voice rasped 'Oh thank fuck. Where are you? I'll come pick you up, Everyone left' Franks voice was choppy, Had he been crying too? Probably. "We're on the bridge" Gerard forced out, painfully, not wanting to think about the reason we were here.

After that, he hung up "He's on his way" I nodded into Gerard's neck "Figured..." I sighed sleepily.

A few moments later and blinding headlights pulled up. I was then lifted and placed in the back seat.

The moment we got home, Frank pulled me into a tight hug "Don't you EVER do that to me again" He sobbed "I am not gonna lose you too. Jadie. I'm not" I cried into his chest "I'm sorry" I held onto him with all my strength. He walked me to my bedroom "Just get some sleep" He kissed my forehead before walking out, kindly leaving my door open in case I needed one of them.

I closed my eyes, Falling into another restless sleep.

Notes