I slump down in the seat opposite Mikey in the restaurant and try to force another fake smile.
He rests his chin onto his hands and looks at me neutrally. Damn he's so cool, my little brother. He always has such a cool exterior about him and fuck, I wish I was more like him. But I'm not. I'm the older brother no one really likes, the failure, the fag, the quiet one.
Mikey notices something is up, he reaches out for a menu in attempt to break the ice and the awkward tension between us.
"You still gonna get that spaghetti?" He suggests, eyes scanning the plasticy menu.
"Hells yeah I am, Mikes!" I say a little too enthusiastically, trying to seem fun.
He smirks and puts down the menu, "Heh, well so am I." He says, a broad grin forming across his face.
There's another silence before Mikey speaks, "You got up to anything recently then? How's those illustrations coming on?"
I scratch my nose and look down at the table in front of me before leaking out a heavy sigh. "Uh. They are um.." suddenly I feel at loss for words, I feel like a blabbing idiot just saying a bunch of "Ums" and "Ahs".
"They uh... they.." I smack my head feeling like I can't speak, I'm embarrassed. Mikey looks at me weirdly and scratches the back of his neck.
In what feels like forever I finally muster up, "They errr, they're going well."
Mikey chuckles indifferently, "That's good to hear, I guess." He says.
"How about that new job you have then?" I ask, "What is it exactly?"
"Well I uh, I.. I'm a pizza delivery guy." Mikey blushes. "And I think it's pretty fun."
"Oh Mikes! That's great!" I gush, "I'm so proud of my baby brother."
Mikey blushes again, looking down, and at that the waitress comes along, a pretty girl in her early 20s I'm guessing.
"Hey what can I get you two to order then?" She smiles, taking out a note pad and pen from her apron.
"We will have two spaghettis and.. Gerard what drink?" Mikey averts his gaze into my direction.
"Diet Coke."
"Okay so that's two spaghettis and two diet coke's please" Mikey tells the waitress.
She quickly jots down the order and let's out a toothy grin before departing back into the kitchen.
"So Gerard.." Mikey begins, "Is there something up with you at the moment?"
I try to concentrate on what Mikey is saying but, there's something stopping me, my mind is elsewhere.
"Gerard." A ghoulish voice whispers. I quickly turn around trying to detect the source of this. "Gerard!" It calls again, but this time with a more aggressive whisper. I gasp, "Mikey, do you hear that? Who is that calling my name?" I ask him.
Mikey looks puzzled and furrows his brows.
"I don't hear anything." He frowns.
I nod and try to ignore it. It's nothing right?
"Well err, Mikey anyway to answer your question..."
I begin to trail on, already becoming lost again, Mikey crosses his arms and nods his head at me.
"To.. answer your question.. Well Mikey to answer your question I... Will have to know what it is first..." I giggle, already forgotten what it was. Mikey laughs and asks the question again, "Is there anything bothering you at the moment, Gerard? Because you know I'm always here to help..."
I shake my head and smile, "No Mikey, everything is fine. I guess I just haven't seen you in a while so you have forgotten what I am like!" I laugh, slightly hysterically, he begins to chuckle too but a frown starts to build onto his face as I do not stop laughing.
"Gerard stop, people are looking." He grumbles at me, looking around.
I slap my hands onto the table and guffaw. He grimaces at me and sighs.
The waitress comes out with our food and drink and Mikey flashes a small grin at her as I carry on laughing, she looks at me bemused and proceeds to eyeflirt with Mikey.
"Thanks Ma'am." Mikey says.
"No prob honey." The waitress winks at Mikey, ignoring me still in a hysterical fit of laughter. She walks away and Mikey brings his gaze back at me.
"Gerard, stop fucking laughing right now, it wasn't that funny!" Mikey whispers at me, immediately I stop and flush pink in my cheeks.
"Sorry bro I don't know what came over me." I say in a quiet, croaky voice.
We begin to eat our dinner and watch the outside world go by us through the ice capped window. I keep a close eye on that mini store, still. Trying not to make it to obvious, I take the occasional break to look over at Mikey.

When we finish both our meals Mikey suggest desert, I say no so we take the bill.
It's freezing on the way back, and dark. The roads look slippery and I worry about Mikey driving back on his own. As we reach the stairs to my apartment Mikey begins to tell me goodbye, "Call me if you need me bro you know I'm always here." He begins.
"Mikey wait, no, I'm worried about you driving back alone the roads are real slippy!"
"Don't worry Gerard, I'll be alright." He smiles, patting my shoulder, making me jolt slightly. I smile back and reach out to give him a bear hug. It's a nice hug, I wish it would last forever, but he soon breaks away.
"Mikey why don't you stay at my place tonight, I'll sleep on the couch?" I suggest to him.
"Nah, I gotta get up pretty early for college tomorrow! Maybe some other time though, we can have a guys night, right?" He says, looking at me kindly.
"Okay." I fake smile once again. He then turns around and gives one last wave before getting into his sliver mini to drive back to home. I wave as he drives off, and as he drives off it seems he's taken all of my happiness with him again as all of my problems pile over me like an avalanche to suffocate me once again.

I walk back to my lonely apartment, slam the door and start to cry.

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