Behind The Counter

One word to describe my life, dry.
Dry as in not much going on. But, hey, maybe I like that.
Too much going on can be a little overwhelming, don't you think?
I like to stick to a routine, yeah I'm that kinda guy. Boring.
But do you ever feel that when there is just too much, it's almost like you can't get everything done in time and then you get stressed and sick and it feels a little like you are drowning and you need some air but stopping for air would mean you would have to use up more time and you just don't have enough!
I've felt like that before. Definetally.
Sometimes you just have to stop and look up at the sky. Watch it, look at the clouds drifting by and become one yourself. A cloud, a big fluffy irrelevantly relevant cloud.
Changing without thought, naturally and just drifting through life. Some people may watch you as you pass, they may find your dullness to be quite interesting. Some people.
I think Frank is my cloud.
Most people don't give some punk kid working afternoon shifts in a mini store any second thought as they buy their eggs or whatnot, but I think about him all of the time. I love to watch him, I love watching him float through each of the days, slowly. I feel as though when you are truly crazy about somebody, even the most mundane tasks they do can seem like the most fascinating thing on earth.
I could watch him float and drift all day.

12:00pm
Feeling slightly more confident today for no apparent reason, as I walk into the mini store at 12o'clock on the dot, I make a small grin into Frank's general direction as I go over to the sandwich isle to buy some lunch. But he isn't there, and my face turns from a bright smile, to a faded face of disappointment as soon as I see that he isn't there.
I feel as though I could be sick, there's a choking feeling in my throat. I waddle over and grab just any random sandwich and place it on the counter.
"$5 please, sir." The unfamiliar woman says bemused. I give her the money and take my sandwich with me back to my lonely apparentment.
~
The next day, I return, 12o'clock on the dot.
I look over to that oh-so-important counter and, he's not there again today.
Maybe he's sick or something?
I return the next day and the day after that but there's still no sign of him what so ever.
Feeling an embarrassing pang of saddness and worry, tears well up in my eyes as I start to think of possible reasons why he couldn't be here again today, maybe he's got a new job? Maybe he's really sick? Maybe he's got a new boyfriend, who is abusive? Maybe he thinks I'm a creep and he wants rid of me? Maybe he hates me and he never wants to see me again so he moved far away and he's never coming back?!
I slap the back of my head to try and knock some sense into it. I need to rationalise this situation. Whatever I think is going on, probably isn't. He might just be sick.. But how sick? Oh my god, I hope he is okay!
Feeling all sorts of painful emotions I bring myself to the woman at the desk to ask her where he is.
I slowly and shyly walk over to her.
"Er, are you okay there, sir?" She tries to smile, awkwardly.
"Where is the boy that usually works here? Is he okay?" I say with genuine concern.
"Oh, Frank?"
"Yeah, Frank."
"He called in sick this week, said he's pretty bad, but I'm sure he will be fine. Is that okay?" The woman said in confusion.
"Yeah, yeah. Okay." I say very awkwardly. I quickly realise I am in a store and not a mothers meeting and grab the nearest object to me to pay for and get out as soon as possible.
As soon as I leave the store, panic starts building inside of me.
An indescribable pain takes over my body and mind and suddenly I feel nauseous and uneasy.
It feels as though I am choking and like my heart is beating out of my chest, I can't explain it. I rest my hand against the side of the stores wall and begin panting heavily, tears streaming down my face. I let out a few small shrieks and try to disguise them with my hand. It feels as though I am dying, the mental pain is unbearable, I clutch the hair on my head and pull at it whilst sobbing. I don't know what's happening it's as if the world is caving in on me and I can't escape, the emotions become too overwhelming, I dart over back to my apartment and lock myself in, still shaken up after the ordeal.
There's nothing to do but sit and feel sorry for myself now, and feel sorry for Frank. Where is he? I pray and pray that he is okay.
Wiping tears off my cheeks, I head over straight to bed and hide under the duvet, bringing my knees up to my chest and hugging them tightly whilst feeling sheer terror and the final realisation that I am one and truly forever alone.

Notes