I struggled against the grip on my arm, tugging, begging, crying. Paul laughed, jerking me back, making me fall against his chest. He grabbed my ass, purring. “Fresh out of the shower, just for me.” I screamed, but there was no one to hear me and no one to help me.
I woke up sometime later to my phone ringing. It was Gerard, so I just got up and got dressed, ignoring the shooting pains and the red and raw patches of skin. By the time I got to Gerard's, he was sobbing in the middle of his living room, the only clear patch of carpet in the sea of destruction around him. I crouched down and pulled him into a hug, running my fingers through his greasy hair slowly.
My ringtone sounded again, breaking the silence.

I jolted awake, grabbing my phone off the bedside table and answering it immediately, sitting up and swinging my legs over the edge of the bed.
“Hey..” Gerard's voice was rough and he sounded exhausted. “I need you.”
“Gee, I'm kind of in the middle of something,” I murmured as I felt Mikey's hand run over my back. “Frankie, I c-can't,” he whined, his voice shaky. “Jerry is downstairs.”
I jumped up and started rummaging through my drawers, struggling to slip a clean pair of boxers on with only one hand spare. “Okay. I'll come and tell him to leave, Gee. You just sit tight, I'll be over as soon as I can. Call me if he comes upstairs, yeah?”
Gerard and I had a code, and it worked for the most part. Sometimes he'd forget the right words and would try and piece it together, but I usually got the idea. I tossed my phone onto the bed, tugging my jeans on. “Frank, what's going on? Who's Jerry?”
I sighed and shuffled over to the bed, kissing Mikey quickly. “Gerard is really upset and he really needs me right now.”
“Can he not wait like ten minutes? I could go with you then.”
I hesitated and sighed. “No, Mikey, and no offense, but I don't think he'd want you there right now. But you should get up and shower anyway, okay? I'll call you if I need you.”
Mikey nodded, looking confused and tired.
“You're the best,” I murmured, kissing him again before grabbing my hoodie and my keys.
I took the steps two at a time as I zipped the hoodie over my bare chest. It would take me five minutes to get to Gerard's, if I ran. Driving would probably take ten, if parking time was included. I ran.

It always reminded me of the first time I'd found Gerard in his adoptive mom’s house, the first time he'd ever hallucinated. He had been a complete wreck, threatening to kill himself and even pointing the knife at me a couple times. It had taken me less than ten minutes to talk him down, and he had been perfectly fine after about an hour, but I had known it had rattled him, and I had known it would be back.
That had been almost eleven years ago.
Now, he was crouching in his bathtub, fully clothed, the tub filled up to the rim with icy cold water. Tear tracks were drying on his cheeks, his gaze blank as he stared at nothing. I crouched down slowly, gently slapping his cheek. “Hey.”
He grabbed my wrist so quickly I barely saw him move, but didn't look at me.
“Gee, sweetie, it's me,” I said calmly. “It's Frankie. Your Frankie.”
His whole body slumped and he almost fell back, but I caught him with the ease of practice and kissed his forehead. “It's okay. I've got you.”
The sleeves of his shirt were wet with blood and cold water, so I carefully pulled him out of the tub and peeled the shirt off. He'd been scratching again, enough to make himself bleed. I laid him down on the floor calmly, dabbing the blood away and cleaning the wounds with antiseptic. “Geebear,” I murmured occasionally, stroking his chest or cheek. He was conscious, but not quite with me. “You're safe,” I crooned, wrapping his arms in gauze. “Frankie will protect you. Should I call Mikey?”
The thought was apparently enough to put him back in control and he gasped as if coming up for air after minutes underwater. “No!”
“Okay, okay,” I soothed, helping him sit up. “I won't call Mikey. But we need to get you into some dry clothes, do you think you can manage it?”
Gerard nodded slightly and I helped him onto his feet and supported him as he staggered into his bedroom.
“You should have called me earlier,” I said sadly, tucking his horribly greasy hair behind his ears. “And you should have taken a shower,” I chuckled, trying to lighten the mood. Gerard shot me an evil look and peeled his jeans off, groaning softly. “I'm so fucking cold.”
“Well why the fuck did you fill a bath with cold water, then?” I joked, rubbing his back and handing him a pair of clean boxers. He rolled his eyes and I turned away while he changed, then handed him a pair of sweatpants and a t shirt. “You should go shower, though, it'll warm you up,” I suggested quietly.
Gerard nodded slightly and looked away. “They're getting worse, Frankie.”
“Again?” I murmured, stroking his cheek as he shuffled closer to me. He sniffed and I hugged him, letting him bury his face in my neck. “I'm so sorry, Gee. And I'm not gonna say it, I promise. Now go have that shower and I'll make you a hot chocolate or something.”

I stirred the contents of the mug absentmindedly, staring into the sink. I should have noticed he was getting bad again, it was usually easy for me to see his episodes coming on. I should have been there for him, but I was too wrapped up in my own problems to see it, and I felt awful. Gerard had told me what he’d seen before, he'd even drawn pictures of some of the things that haunted him, but I shut it out and brushed it aside because he was my friend, and I had ‘bigger’ problems.
Gerard touched my back lightly, making me jump.
“You're moping,” he said softly, smiling at me as I half turned to face him. “Don't beat yourself up, this isn't your fault. You've had Mikey and Paul to deal with and neither has been fun. I should have told you earlier, it's on me. And that hot chocolate looks amazing.”
I blinked and smiled sadly, handing the mug over. “I feel bad, though.”
“Well, don't. It's not your fault, Frankie.”
My phone rang again and I groaned. “It's probably Mikey, what do you want me to say?”
He sighed and looked down. “I don't really want him to know that his brother is a psychotic asshole.”
“You're not an asshole,” I interrupted gently.
Gerard sighed. “But I'm not really a pretty sight right now, am I?”
“He's your brother and he loves you. What should I tell him? He wanted to come see you when I left.”
“Tell him whatever you want, Frankie. You make the best decisions around here,” Gerard mumbled, leaving the room quietly. I rolled my eyes and picked up the phone.
“Hey baby.”
“Is everything okay? Who the fuck is Jerry?”
I took a deep breath. “Jerry is a code, okay? It means Gerard is having...mental problems and he needs me. It's from this movie, don't worry about it. He's all sorted now if you wanna come over.”
“I'd love to, but are you sure he's okay with it?”
I rubbed my eyes, glancing towards the living room. “I think so. He's just scared, Mikey.”

I sat down with Gerard, holding his hand as the door opened and Mikey slipped in, flashing his brother a smile.
“Hey.”
Gerard shifted, looking away sullenly. I put a hand on his forearm and he winced, pulling it away.
“Mikey, come sit down,” I said quietly, jerking my head to the armchair across the room. I rubbed Gerard's upper arm, watching him worriedly. “Mikey loves you, Gee. It's okay.”
He lifted a hand to push me away, but his sleeve slipped down, showing a flash of white.
“Fuck, are those bandages?” Mikey exclaimed, leaning forward in his chair. Gerard flinched and I felt him slipping away again, back into himself.
“Gee, look at me,” I murmured quickly, turning his head gently. “Look at me. It's okay. Frankie’s here..” I stroked his cheek as the tears dripped off his chin, looking over at Mikey.
“He's okay, he just scratched up his arms a little, it's not bad-”
“It's not fucking bad?” Mikey shouted. “What is fucking bad, then? Huh? What do you consider to be bad, Frank, because I generally assume people hurting themselves to be fucking bad!”
Gerard whimpered and I clenched my jaw. “Mikey, I know this is hard, but Gerard can't handle you shouting right now.”
“Then tell me what the fuck is going on!” Mikey stood up, glaring at me, his fists tight at his sides. Gerard grabbed onto me and I hugged him carefully, rocking him slowly. “Calm down and I'll tell you,” I murmured, staring at Mikey. “You need to calm down, otherwise he won't. Please.”
Mikey heaved a sigh and collapsed back into the chair, watching bitterly as I stroked Gerard’s damp hair and talked to him softly. It took a few minutes, but Gerard eventually lifted his head and rubbed his eyes, getting up slowly. I watched in concern as he made his way out of the room unsteadily, shaking slightly.
“Fuck,” I mumbled, getting up to follow him.
“Frank, please give me something,” Mikey said quietly, and I looked over at him. He was leaning forward in his chair again, his eyes full of tears. I hurried over and crouched down slightly, kissing him softly. “I will, I promise. Gerard is fine, he's just going through something. I've seen him a lot worse and he’ll be normal in a few hours, it's just that right now he can't handle much. I've got to go and talk to him, and then I'll bring him back in here when I think he's ready, okay? Why don't you watch some tv for a bit, the noise soothes him. I swear to you that I have this under control and we’ll tell you what's going on.”
Mikey sighed and rubbed his eyes. “I trust you, Frankie.”
“Thank you,” I smiled, kissing his cheek. “I'll be back.”

I leaned in Gerard's doorway, watching him. He was sitting on the edge of the bed, hugging himself and rocking back and forth. He looked up at me suddenly. “He hates me.”
I rolled my eyes and folded my arms over my chest. “He doesn't hate you, he loves you, and he's frustrated because he has to watch you hurting without knowing what's happening. It's scary, for him. Can you imagine seeing him the way you are now and not knowing why?”
Gerard sniffed, shifting his gaze to the floor.
I walked over, sitting next to him and wrapping an arm around his shoulders. “I really think you should tell him, Geebear. He’ll love you no matter what.”
He shifted and leaned his head on my shoulder, trembling subtly. “I'm scared.”
“I know,” I soothed, combing my fingers through his hair and kissing his forehead. “Do you want me to tell him?”
“I can't,” Gerard moaned, grabbing at one of my hands. I sighed and stood up carefully. “You sit tight, Gee. I'll be back.”
I wandered back to the living room, feeling sick and exhausted. I stood in the doorway, shaking slightly. Mikey jumped up and hurried over to me, pulling me against his chest. “You look horrible, baby, what's wrong?”
I gently wriggled away and folded my arms over my chest again, biting my lip. “I'm so tired,” I whispered, my nose stinging as my eyes started to tear up.
“Oh no, don't cry, sweetie,” Mikey soothed, stroking my cheeks and kissing my forehead softly. “It's alright. I'm here, baby. I'm here for you.”
I sniffed and rubbed one eye. “Gerard has episodes of psychosis,” I mumbled, one tear escaping, but getting caught halfway down my cheek by Mikey's thumb. “I can usually see them coming and prevent them, but he sees and hears things and sometimes he hurts himself, because they're really scary. And...he's been having this since he was eighteen, so it's almost eleven years I've been helping him with it.”
Mikey sighed, gently pulling me a little closer to him. I rested my forehead on his chest.
“I can't make it stop,” I moaned softly, grabbing onto the sides of his shirt. “I can't help him.”
I started to sob quietly and Mikey scooped me up, holding me on his hip like a toddler as he carried me over to the couch and set me down carefully. He crouched down so his face was level with mine, his hands on my knees. “Frank, listen to me. Do not blame this on yourself. You have done all you can for Gerard and you've done such an amazing job, I'm so proud of you. But it's okay to say you need help. This isn't an easy job. I'm gonna help you from here, okay? You're gonna teach me how to handle this, and we’re gonna do it together. I promise.”
I sniffed, wiping my cheeks and trying to stop shaking. “Thanks..”
Mikey smiled sadly. “It's my job as his brother, and as your boyfriend. I think we should go talk to him, and then when everything’s calmed down and we have some breathing space, I wanna talk a little more about it. Okay?”
I nodded, letting him help me up. He held my hand tightly, leading me back into Gerard's room. Gerard seemed to have calmed down a little, but as soon as he saw me, he jumped up and scurried over, tugging me into a hug. “I'm so sorry, Frankie!”
I gently pushed him away, smiling slightly. “It's okay. I'm okay. I had a little cry and I'm okay now, I promise. I told Mikey about your episodes, he's gonna start helping me with you. We’re gonna be a team.”
Gerard sniffed and grabbed at my spare hand. “I never meant to hurt you.”
“You didn't hurt him, Gee, it's okay. He's just a little tired,” Mikey interrupted diplomatically, rubbing Gerard’s shoulder. “I'm gonna stay with you for a while, so Frankie can go home and get some rest.”
I opened my mouth to protest, but Mikey beat me to it. “You look exhausted, you didn't sleep properly last night, and you need to rest. Go home. I can hold down the fort for a few hours, okay? I'll call you if I need anything.”
I nodded reluctantly, glancing at Gerard, who smiled and waved slightly. “Thank you, Frankie.”

---

Mikey walked up to me, looking worried. I couldn't take him seriously with only his sequined American flag briefs on. “What's up?”
“You look upset. I came over to check on you,” Mikey said relatively quietly, leaning over the bar. The music was so loud that it made a shout seem like a whisper.
“I'm okay, just thinking about the other day. Was Gee alright? I haven't heard from him.”
Mikey blinked. “You haven't? He's okay, I think. When I left him, he was falling asleep to SpongeBob reruns.”
I smiled to myself and shrugged. “I'll call him tomorrow. He's probably just caught up in his own world again.”
Mikey nodded and practically climbed over the bar to kiss me, grinning. “Okay. I gotta get back to work, I'll see you in bed later.” He winked at me and I rolled my eyes, watching him walk off.

---

I felt the bed dip.
“Mikey?”
He rubbed my arm slowly. “I'm sorry I'm late, sweetie, my car broke down. How're you feeling?”
I sat up, rubbing my forehead. “Headache.”
Mikey smiled sadly and kissed my cheek softly. “I'm sorry, sweetie. Do you feel ok otherwise?”
I nodded slightly and glanced down, confused. “What's that mark on your arm?” I murmured, running a finger over the little red dot on the inside of his elbow. I'd seen one or two on him before, but had never thought to ask.
“Bug bite,” Mikey answered softly, brushing the backs of his fingers over my cheek. “Come on, baby, I could really use a kiss.”
He gently pushed me back on the bed, leaning over me as he kissed me slow and deep, his hands slipping under my shirt to run over my chest, making me forget all about those little red dots.

Notes

bug bites...
also bonus points if you guess what movie 'Jerry' is from