Is it love or is it hate

Gerard's POV;

I wake up to a strange feeling. I'm in a bed that's not my own, in a room that's not my own. I look down to see my clothes thrown on the floor. Thank god I still have my boxers on. Someone was lying next to me because the blankets are peeled back. The room has a strange yet soothing door of coffee, cigarettes and mint. I push myself out of bed and put my clothes back on. I can't remember how I got here and who I was with. I can't remember anything from yesterday. That's normal. I mean I was probably getting the shit get beaten out of me again from that asshole Frank.

I start to wander around aimlessly until I smell coffee. I peak through the kitchen door to see a group of people with their backs facing me. There are 7 of them. I wait until I hear one of them talk. SHIT! It's my tormentors. That's who is here! I quickly back out but I end up falling on my ass with a loud echoing thump. I hear them run towards the door, towards me. Why am I here? They are all staring down at me. I slide backwards and hit a wall. I begin shaking uncontrollably and I manage to whimper out, "W-w-where a-am I? W-w-why a-am I h-here? P-p-please d-don't k-kill m-me."

"Guys, Gerard has morning memory loss. It only happens sometimes but he tends to forget the day before for anywhere from ten minutes to four hours." I hear my dickwad of a brother say.

I manage to hoist myself off of the floor without them noticing and I make a break for it to the washrooms. I suddenly hear them all running behind me. I slip in and close and lick the door in time. I can't let them do this. I want to die in peace. I need to find a blade of some sort. I start to rummage around the bathroom and I hear a soft knock on the door.

"Gerard, please let us in. If you are looking for what I think you are looking for please stop. Can you remember our promise? I need to be here for you. Let me in please." I hear a voice say from the other side of the door.

"What, let you all in so you can all fucking beat me and laugh at me? Do you think I'm stupid? I haven't made any promises since my and my fucking asshole brother made one years ago and he ripped it to shreds. I know you can hear this Mike! I'm not letting assholes like you all in. I'd rather die in peace. I suggest you all fuck off!" I scream through the door as I see a box with exacto knife blades in it. I grab one out of the box and examine it.

"Move over." I hear a muffled voice from the other side of the door say. I can hear banging and a pressure being applied on the door. I can tell it won't last much longer. The door snaps open. I turn quickly to face them and place the blade just centimetres away from my throat.

"Stay away. I said I want to die in peace. Can you just grant my last wish or are you all just fucking monsterous beasts that want to tear me apart piece by piece? I am not afraid to slit my throats right now." I say. They are all standing in the door shaking.

"Gerard, please don't. Please remember our promise. We aren't here to hurt you. Please give me the blades. We are here for you Gerard." The asshole says. Why should I fucking believe him? All he's wanted to do is harm me.

"Why the fuck should I believe you? Four years of me being beaten and you expect me to believe you?! Ha! Fucking bullshit! Like you all said, it's better if I kill myself." I say. They all start to tear up. Good. They should feel terrible. They all tried to kill me at a point!

"No, Gerard. Please don't. Please Gerard, our promise. I am here to help you, we are here to help you. We care about you." He says. I snarl and swiftly pull my sleeve up and press the blade down against my wrist. Blood starts pouring out. Not extremely deep but still enough to cause pain. I hear a scream from the boy infront of me as he falls to his knees. I hear them all weeping and crying. It's good to know that they now know how they made me feel. "Gee, you promised me. Please stop. I stopped for you." He sobs.

"Why should I trust a fucking homophobe like you?" I spit out at him as I press the blade down in another spot. He doesn't understand.

"Gee, you are my boyfriend. We've kissed, we've cuddled and we've talked about thing only each other know. Please remember. It hurts to see you like this again babe. I need you and I want to help you." He says and I freeze. Is he being serious? I drop the knife and it shatters on the floor. I sink to the floor after it and sit there.

"No, I need to talk to Guitar. He knows what to do, he always does. He won't hurt me. He's my only friend..." I trail off. I need to ask him what to do.

"You are his only true friend. Shy, remember, I'm Guitar. Remember? Please remember." He says as he moves closer to me and pulls me into a small hug. I tense up but then it all comes flooding back and I hug him.

"Oh my god, Frankie, I'm so sorry. I couldn't remember. I broke the promise. Fuck, why am I so stupid? I nearly killed my self again. Fuck, I'm so sorry." I say. He rubs my back as tears start to stream down my face.

"Its not your fault babe. You couldn't remember. You aren't stupid, you are amazing and I'm so proud that you made it through this. I'll be here for you all the time. You are never alone." He says and pulls away from the hug just to hold my hands. I don't see Mikey, I'm gussing he had a panic attack when I tried to kill myself.

"I'm going to bandage myself up, then I owe all of you an explanation. I'm sorry you saw that." I say as I turn to the sink. I turn the water on and start to clean myself up. I see a tattooed hand wrap around my waist and feel a small kiss being placed on the back of my neck.

"I will bandage you up. I wish you didn't have to go through that Gee. I care too much about you." He says quietly.

"Thank you Frankie. It's normal for me. Nothing new. I care too much for you too Frank." I say. I realize at this point. I'm in love with Frank.

Notes