One Year

December 31st

Makayla’s hands were a little shaky as she applied her makeup. She knew it was her anxiety’s way of showing itself, making her nervous and wondering if she was ready for the evening’s shenanigans, and the emotional toll that would come with it. Christmas at home had been a quiet event, and now was the time to be a social butterfly, which she rarely was.

It had been just over a week since she had gone to the cabin, and decided it was time to move on from the heartbreak. It hadn’t been healthy, holding onto the pain for so long. She had pushed it aside for the couple of days she was at the cabin, but things weren’t automatically back to normal between her and Gerard. They had been texting every day, trying to get back to the old friendship they had. It was nice, in one way, being able to text him about the little things, like her random thoughts on the newest show she was binge watching. It was difficult in other ways; she found herself doubting what she should say, what was appropriate, what would be too much. Where certain things out of bounds now? Could they really just ignore everything that had happened? Gerard also had Frank, who was his priority now, and she wasn’t ready to hear all the details of their relationship yet. Sure, she was letting go, but it was still painful to see how happy he was, all loved up with Frank, while she was still alone. Granted, that was her own fault, but it still hurt to be alone, yet again, when everyone else in their group was shacked up with someone. She felt like the forever alone meme was beginning to be an accurate depiction of her rather pathetic life.

Out of nowhere, Mikey popped into her head, unbidden, as she put the finishing touches to her eye makeup. She remembered the almost shy way he had asked her if she was going to the party. He’d been...she shook her head. For a few brief moments on the way home from the cabin, she had let herself wonder if Mikey liked her, like Ray and Sandra were insinuating. She quickly put any of those notions out of her mind. He was younger than her, by a few years, and that was the least of the multiple issues that would come with letting her imagination run away with her. He was too like Gerard. It wasn’t a negative thing in itself; Makayla loved everything about Gerard, from his crooked smile, his flamboyant nature and his unique way of expressing himself. She was still trying to move away from the feelings she had held for so long, and being around a person who would only remind her of the person she had wanted for years and had pinned her future hopes and plans on, well, it wasn’t a good idea. Not while she was still healing. It was hard enough learning to be herself around Gerard again, without letting the hurt get in the way. She was probably blowing Mikey’s actions out of proportion anyway. He was probably just being friendly, trying to make friends with the person who had been Gerard’s best friend for so long. They had lots in common, which was to be expected. It didn’t mean anything. Even if he was stunningly handsome.

She put the makeup brush down, and examined the mediocre job she did. She wasn’t one of those girls who were able to do amazing things with a few beauty products. No, she was barely able to keep her hands straight when applying eye liner. She wasn’t skilled in that area. She was passable though, so it would do. Her outfit was just a pair of skin tight jeans and a loose fitting blouse. Dressy casual at it’s very finest. The pumps were comfortable, considering that there would be plenty of alcohol flowing and she was clumsy enough as it was without wearing high heels. Overall, she scrubbed up okay, and that was enough.

Her eyes flicked over to the clock on her bedroom wall, telling her it was just about time to leave. She ignored the part of her brain that was telling her staying at home was the better option. Things would never get better if she didn’t put the effort in to right the wrongs. She checked her bag, found a warm jacket to wear, and forced herself out the door.

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She could hear the music thumping the second she got out of the elevator. She couldn’t help but smile as she wondered how the neighbours would react. She expected Frank would have a lot of complaining neighbours at his doors the next day. She searched for the door marked ‘20’, which wasn’t too difficult a task. She knocked the door loudly, hoping it would be heard over the noise.

She didn’t have to wait long for the door to open, revealing a smiling Frank.

“Hey! So glad you could make it!” he exclaimed, before pulling her into a hug.

It took a second for Makayla to respond. It was unexpected, and if she were honest, a little uncomfortable. She didn’t know Frank very well; she didn’t count a couple of days spent in each other’s company as enough time to get into ‘hugs’ territory. Frank ignored how stiff she seemed, and the hug lasted no more than a few seconds.

“Come in!” he exclaimed, his voice going high pitched with excitement.

The apartment was small, and opened straight into the living room. Her eyes automatically scanned for other people she knew. Gerard was sitting on the large couch, sitting next to some girl she had never seen before. She found Ray, standing beside double glass doors that led to a balcony, where people were smoking. Sandra was next to him, in conversation with a guy Makayla recognised but couldn’t place where she knew him from.

Gerard spotted her, and waved her over before patting the vacant space on his left. Makayla forced the smile on her face, ignoring how her heart still thumped when she saw him. He was still breathtaking every time she saw him. She wondered if that feeling of instant attraction would ever go away.

“Hey! Did you have a good Christmas” Gerard asked as she sat down. His smile was easy going as always, there was no awkwardness or animosity in his body language or tone. Makayla wondered how he was able to just brush over everything like that, act as though they hadn’t spent a year not talking, like he hadn’t broken her heart and she had’t acted like a bitch in return.

“Yeah, it was good. How was yours?” she continued to force the smile, decided to take Gerard’s lead and act like nothing had changed a year ago. She didn’t feel it, but she figured if she pretended enough, it would begin to be true.

“Same. Ma made too much food as always, trying to fatten Mikey up. Speaking of which, he was asking if you were still coming.”

There was a glint in his eyes. Trust Gerard to get straight to the point. She flushed at the mention of Mikey’s name, remembering the way he had asked if she would be coming to the party, before she drove away.

“That’s nice,” she tried to say as nonchalantly as she could. Which was not at all.

“He’s just in the kitchen getting a beer, you should go talk to him.”

That glint was still there, and knowing smirk on his lips. She ignored it, and his last statement.

“There’s a good crowd here” she said, looking around her to avoid the intense stare Gerard was fixing on her.

“Yeah, Frank’s a popular guy” Gerard said with a stupid smile on his face, his eyes diverting immediately to Frank, who was at the entrance to the kitchen area, deep in conversation with some guy. It made stung her a little to see it; he was happy in love, that much was obvious. The streak of jealousy was sharp, mixed in with happiness that Gerard had someone to love. It led to an uncomfortable feeling in the pit of her stomach, looking at Gerard looking at Frank the way she had always wanted him to see her.

“I’m going to get a drink” She excused herself, causing Gerard to focus on her again, surprised at her sudden movement off the couch that didn’t give him a chance to say anything to Makayla.

Makayla went straight for the fridge, hoping a beer would be a good enough distraction until she found her way to Ray and Sandra, or anyone else who wasn’t Gerard or Frank.

“Hey” a deep voice came softly behind her while she poked around the fridge, frightening her with a jolt that made the glas bottles in the fridge clink. She spun around instantly, to find Mikey behind her.

His smile was still shy, but less so than when she last saw him. She’s forgotten how tall he was, how angular his jaw was, and how his brown eyes stood out even from behind his glasses. She was a little breathless, looking at him, but that was from the shock. It had to be. She swallowed, suddenly feeling self conscience.

“Hey” she hated how breathless she sounded, causing a blush to rise to her cheeks.

“How was your Christmas?” Mikey asked, sounded so casual in comparison to how rattled Makayla felt in that moment. It seemed a bit unfair, and it frustrated her that she needed a few seconds to collect herself.

“Eh...it was...it was fine, I guess. Same as every other Christmas. How was yours?”

She sounded somewhat normal, as she took a beer from the fridge and forced her hands to remain steady as he held it tightly while closing the door.

“Nothing special really, it was nice to spend some time at home before I move.”

Makayla looked for a bottle opener while he spoke, a good excuse to not make eye contact.

“It’s a twisty cap” he told her, spotting what she was searching for.

“Oh” her cheeks flushed again in embarrassment.

Her grip didn’t seem to co-ordinate with her need for a beer. She twisted once, then twice, and on the third attempt she felt something touch her hand gently.

“Let me try” Mikey laughed, taking the bottle from her with the brush of his hand.

“I can do it myself” she protested hotly, her cheeks growing redder by the second.

“I’m sure you can” he said smoothly, raising a condescending eyebrow at her as he twisted the metal cap off without so much as a strain of effort. Makayla glared at him, and grabbed the opened beer from him without a thank you.

“You’re welcome” he smirked, clearly enjoying getting such a reaction from her. Just like Gerard would have done.

There was a moment of silence, both of them just gazing at each other. He was so like Gerard in a lot of ways. Same eyes, similar shape face (though Gerard’s jaw was rounder, while Mikey’s was sharp). Even his smile was familiar. It brought her back to reality, focusing on that. She mentally checked herself, taking a deep breath a remembering who exactly he was.

“You said you were moving, where are you going?” She asked smoothly, feeling more in control.

“I’m moving here, actually. Got offered a job in a new start up, decided to take it.”

“Congratulations. You looking forward to city life?” She tried to steer the conversation, ignoring the intense way Mikey was gazing at her. She had his full attention in that moment, which was a strange feeling when she it dawned on her that it was a long time since she had felt like what she said mattered.

“I am, actually. Don’t think I’ll be missing much by leaving Jersey.”

“New York is great, you’ll enjoy it.”

“I’m sure I will. You’ll have to show me around, if you have time.”

She felt her cheeks grow warm, like she was a teenager again. She fought the urge to bite her lip, a nervous habit she was learning to control. She cleared her throat, then took a sip of her beer to avoid giving an answer. Her instincts told her she was threading some kind of dangerous line, that she needed to nip it in the bud, whatever this might be. Mikey would be a complication, if his intentions were for something more than friendship. She knew she was probably being presumptuous. He hadn’t actually done or said anything to indicate he wanted more. She reminded herself that it was only little more than a week ago that he had brought her to tears with the harshest words that had ever been thrown at her. She still felt a little sick when she remembered that particular incident, having to face up to her flaws and accept that she wasn’t a nice person.

She was saved from needing to say anything more by Sandra, who had finally spotted her. Makayla took the opportunity to mumble ‘I should say hello’ before quickly making an exit from Mikey’s company. Sure, it was probably a bit rude to walk away from him like that, but it was just too uncomfortable to stay there, dragging out a conversation that couldn’t lead to anything good. She met Sandra in the middle of the sitting room.

“You made it!” Sandra squealed, pulling Makayla into a tight hug.

“Don’t think I had much a choice” Makayla laughed, somewhat awkwardly. They really didn’t expect her to come, which didn’t help Makayla feel any better in the slightest. It just reinforced her shame over her behaviour.

“Of course not. And don’t think I didn’t notice you talking to Mikey” Sandra cut straight to the case, as was her usual style. It was one of the things Makayla admired about her. She was so sweet, kind, and yet she didn’t take crap from anyone. She somehow manage to get the balance right without offending people, a skill Makayla was jealous of.

“Well, the point of a party is to talk to people, or so I’ve been led to believe” Makayla replied tartly, not in the mood for the interrogation Sandra, and Ray, were planning. It wasn’t fun being under the spotlight, not when she was already feeling out of place and unsure of just how she should behave. She knew she should act like normal, but it was hard when she was still figuring out how she was supposed to navigate how to be around Gerard, and Frank...and Mikey.

“You two seemed awfully cosy, though. I could feel the tension of the other side of the room, and I’m not the only one” Sandra cocked an eyebrow, a sly smile on her face as she turned her head to Gerard’s direction who was still sitting on the couch, only now he wasn’t in conversation.

Of course she looked too, and saw Gerard’s sly smirk, the one she knew meant ‘I have a mission’ and ‘There’s nothing you can do to change my mind about it.’ She had seen him trying to match people up a million times before, and knew the lengths he could go to when he as determined. He probably hoped that by throwing her and Mikey together, he could make things right, that everyone would end up with a happily ever after. She groaned with frustration and sighed, turning back to Sandra and narrowing her eyes at her. She was already annoyed, and the evening was probably nowhere near over yet.

“Look, if and when I plan on dating, I’ll do it by myself. I don’t need you guys matchmaking to make you all feel better about the fact that I’m not in a relationship when you are. Just leave it alone.”

With that, she turned away from Sandra and walked off while giving Gerard her evilest glare, going in the direction of the small balcony people were using as a smoking area. There weren’t many outside at that moment, which Makayla was thankful for. There was one couple, the guy with a cigarette in his hand while his clearly adoring girlfriend was cuddled into him.

She stared out at the city lights, neon colours and flashing streetlights everywhere she looked. The streets were noisy too, with a mix of sober people just beginning their New Year’s celebrations, and people who had clearly started hours beforehand finding another bar to continue the festivities. It was an amusing sight, watching people as they talked about who knows what. There was too much noise to make out any of the conversations of the people who walked past, but their body language was more than enough to give her ideas, letting her create her own stories about the lives of the strangers who just happened to walk by. She loved people watching, always had. It was one of the few things that she could get herself lost in, spending hours in a cafe watching the crowds as the passed by unknowingly becoming part of a made up fiction in Makayla’s head. It somehow made her feel better to imagine what other people were doing, then to have to think about her own life, which was far from exciting.

“We meet again”

She jumped, spinning her her heel in the direction of the voice. Of course it was Mikey, a cigarette hanging from his mouth as he lit it with a lighter while holding a beer in the other hand.

“It seems so.”

She didn’t add anything else. She turned back to continue her admittedly creepy habit and leaned against the metal barriers of the balcony, hoping he wouldn’t try to talk to her again. Then she felt someone occupy the space to her right, and knew it wouldn’t be that easy.

“Are you still hiding from Gerard?” He asked before taking a pull from the cigarette.

“No, I just wanted fresh air,” she lied, keeping her eyes on the streets below them.

“I’m glad you two are talking again. He’s been much happier the last week. He really did miss you, you know.”

The words made her heart. She’s missed him too, but just not in the same way. She wondered if that pain would ever completely disappear, or would it just be something she got used to and learned to live with.

“Me too.”

“So, after all our time in the cabin together, I never asked you the most important question of all.” He suddenly changed the conversation, perhaps noting her tone of voice, his own voice serious.

“And what would that be?”

“What Hogwarts house are you in?”

She finally looked at him. His face was serious, his gaze intense, making him look absolutely adorable. She couldn’t fight the smile and little giggle that came out at the sight.

The conversation just flowed from there. She forgot where she was, that she should be socialising with other people and show her face. Mikey had gotten her attention, the conversation ranging from Harry Potter theories, to the prequel star wars trilogy and if they even added anything to the Star Wars stories. He didn’t make her feel silly for ranting about how she felt the prequel was given too much hate, or that Hufflepuffs were discriminated against and they were in fact, the most moral people seen in the books. In fact, he actively participated and engaged with her, sometimes even disagreeing, which would send on her a five minute spiel about how he was wrong.

It wasn’t until Frank came out, and shouted ‘Guys, the countdown is about to start”, that they realised how long they’d be talking for. Maykayla blushed, the moment broken, and made her way back inside with Mikey right behind her. The TV was on, with everyone standing around it as they watched the seconds start to count down.

“Ten...nine...eight...seven” everyone shouted along with the presenter on the TV, most people in pairs waiting for thte midnight kiss. She was too aware of Mikey standing beside her, his arm touching hers. She looked at him, and wasn’t surprised to see he’d been watching her.

“Three, Two, One!”

There were cheers and loud ‘Happy New Years’, but Makayla wasn’t paying attention to it, because at that moment Mikey’s lips were on hers.

“Happy New Year” he whispered when they broke apart.

That was moment Makayla realised Mikey wasn’t going to so easy to forget about.

Notes

This will hopefully be updated regularly.

Hope you enjoy, and please rate, subscribe and comment,.

Lyra xx