Bad News From The Zones, Tumbleweeds

OC POV
It’s been three months since Jet died. I’m still having nightmares every night. I try to brush them away but they are tormenting me. Poison and Ghoul try to make things light and fun during the days but the nights bring dreams of Jet yelling hatred at me and Korse whispering sweet things that make my skin crawl and now Kid has joined them. He tells me that if he and Jet were together, they’d be alive and happy. It hurts so much because I know he’s right. I can’t bring Jet back. But I want to – this baby isn’t going to be a replacement for the man I love. I don’t know if I like the idea of being a mother. I don’t know what that means, my mother was loving and caring but I’m so broken I don’t know if I can give this baby the love it deserves.

Ghoul’s POV
Today is four months since the boys died. Poison is doing well. He has returned to his art and is much happier. He can talk about Mikey and Ray without crying now. I miss them. I miss talking to Ray about stupid stuff. The pain is still there but I guess I’m getting used to it. Star is not handling things well. The pregnancy and the nightmares plus the grief, I worry that she is going to crack. She seems so stressed and closed off. She won’t talk about anything.

Poison’s POV
Five months, it’s been five months since my brothers were murdered in a stupid incident of bad luck. I’m not okay with it all but I’ve been trying to be more of myself for Ghoul. And I guess somehow playing the part of normal me has helped bring me closer to being normal. Ghoul and I are back to a normal schedule of bedroom activities. At least I’m not jumping his bones 3 times a day anymore but we’ve always been into each other and have sex daily. What can I say? I love his body. I think he’s dealing with things; he doesn’t talk about them much. I catch him standing by the shrine every now and then. Looking a little lost but he doesn’t talk about it. Star is in a bad place. I’m worried about her. Ghoul is always worried about her and I can see it now. She is eating more and starting to show a baby bump. I would think she’d be excited about bringing Jet’s baby into the world and being a mother and creating a new life. But she seems so distant; she has dark circles under her eyes and is always sad. Ghoul and I have heard her crying and screaming at night. Nightmares. She won’t go into much detail but she’s obviously disturbed by them. Some seem worse than others, she has told us about Jet trying to kill her in the dreams but I think that’s just grief. She still blames herself for their deaths. I think it’s ridiculous, Ghoul agrees but he can see how she can feel that way.

Six months after the incident on Route Guano…
Everyone is in the living room, Ghoul strumming his guitar, Poison sketching and you are sitting on the couch watching them.
OC I don’t think I can do this.
Everyone stops and looks at her.
PP Do what?
FG What do you mean?
OC I don’t know if I can have this baby, be a mother. I don’t know the first thing about this. How can I be a mother? What if I hurt the baby? What if it cries? We don’t have any clothes or baby food? What the hell are we doing? I’m not prepared. I, I just can’t do this. Let’s not, okay? I mean, I –
Ghoul puts his guitar down and kneels by you.
FG Hey, it’s alright. It’ll be fine. We will work through it okay?
PP Yeah, the baby is gonna cry. That’s what they do but you will know how to soothe it. You will love the baby and the baby will love you. People use to have babies all the time. Back in the day, before all this technology and stuff.
FG You are just freaking out a little and I’m sure that’s normal. The papers say it’s normal to be scared.
OC Scared? I’m panicked. I’m absolutely freaking out! I wish Jet was here, how can I do his without him?
You start to cry. Ghoul sits next to you and takes you in his arms. Poison sits on your other side and rubs you back gently.
PP I know you miss him. It’s normal to want him here with you.
FG This baby was created by the two of you, out of your love. Wherever he is, he’s gotta know about the baby and I’m sure he’s beyond happy that you have a piece of him here with you.
PP Yeah, we all have a piece of Jet. We will be here with you, for you Star.
FG You aren’t alone, we miss them too. But we will be okay here without them.
OC OW!
FG I’m sorry am I hugging you too tight?
OC OW! No wait.
They both back off of you and you sit up and wait for it to happen again.
PP What is it? What’s wrong?
OC I – I think the baby kicked me.
FG What?
OC Here, feel here.
Ghoul and Poison place their hands on your stomach and the baby kicks again.
PP Oh my God, did you feel that? Ghoul?
FG Yeah, that’s, that’s amazing. Does it hurt?
OC it’s not pleasant, but no. Now that I know what it is, it feels strange though.
PP Well the baby obviously wanted in on the conversation.
Ghoul laughs.
FG Yeah the little Killjoy, making its presence known.
PP Jet always had perfect timing; looks like the baby inherited that.
You all chuckle.
FG I think I know where we can find some baby clothes out in the zones. How about we go out tomorrow and scavenge?
PP Would that make you feel better?
OC Yeah, I think it might. I just feel so unprepared.
FG Everything will be fine.

Original Character’s POV
Seven months pregnant, its Ghoul’s birthday in a few weeks. In our last trip out to gather supplies I found a few guitar strings for him. He loves his guitar and he was just saying the other day that if a string breaks he’s out of luck. Jet’s guitar sits in the corner of our room, untouched. As far as I know, no one has gone into Kid’s room since he died. I still miss Jet. I’m still having nightmares. Most of the time it’s Korse and something to do with Cleric. I’m not sure how I’m going to handle being a mother. It still bothers me. The boys are very reassuring but the truth is I think they will be great parents. I hope my feelings change when the baby comes. Right now, I’m just not feeling like a mother. We found some baby clothes in an abandoned orphanage. Even some formula that wasn’t out of date. I guess we are prepared, just a few more months to go. I find myself talking to my stomach at night when I can’t go back to sleep. I tell the baby about Jet and how beautiful he was. His full lips and his wild hair, his eyes and how they sparkled in the light. I miss him so much. I can’t seem to find the joy in life anymore. It’s like I almost hate him for bringing me to life then leaving me alone. Before I wasn’t happy but I didn’t know what I was missing. Now that I have had it, I hate that it’s gone. The pain he left behind is worse than the numbness I had before him. The world got dimmer when he left. It’s not black and white anymore, or bright and colorful, it’s like washed out. Faded.

Ghoul’s POV
My birthday was good. We met Doctor Death Defying and Show Pony earlier in the day, had a good visit. We came home, had dinner and I got presents. Some guitar strings from Star, I don’t know how she found them. A beautiful portrait of the five of us from Poison. Poison also gave me a wonderful strip tease with a private lap dance and he is currently snoring beside me. A good day for sure. The only thing missing was Mikey and Ray. As Star’s pregnancy progresses, I can sometimes hear Ray’s comments coming out of my mouth. Things like, you shouldn’t be doing that in your condition, be careful, and you need to take a nap. It’s odd how we’ve morphed into these positions. Poison is the other side, it’s what the papers call nesting. He’s obsessed with making everything in the house ready for the baby. We found a cradle and he repainted it. His dream of a nursery is a problem. Star doesn’t want to change Jet’s room and Poison won’t touch Mikey’s room. So no room for the baby. We’ve decided to let the baby stay in Jet’s room with Star and as it grows up we will most likely change Mikey’s room. Poison isn’t ready to deal with that yet so we just avoid the topic. Star is adjusting to the idea of being a mom I think. I think it’s just nerves and hormones that have her freaked out. At least I hope that’s all it is.

Poison’s POV
Eight and a half months; the baby should be here in a few weeks. I’m so excited I could bust. We have everything in place. We are going to have a water birth. We have found enough stuff to keep the kid in formula and clothes till they are a toddler. Only thing we don’t know if the baby is a boy or girl so it will just have to wear whatever fits. I’m no seamstress but maybe I can paint some of the clothes. I don’t know. Maybe that’s stupid. I am so happy to see the baby. I know it’s gonna be a lot of sleepless nights but it’ll be so worth it. A baby Killjoy. A little Jet-Star. How fitting, the baby will need a handle. Something original, something special. Ghoul and I have talked about names but Star never seems interested. I don’t think she’s in denial that the baby is coming but it doesn’t quite seem real to her. Which is odd because the baby kicks a lot and gets the hiccups; you can see her tummy shake when the baby hiccups. It’s so cute. How can’t that make it real?

January 4, 2020
You three are sitting at the table eating breakfast. You stand to put your plate in the sink when a pain grips you and grab the counter as water runs down your legs.
OC I think my water just broke.
FG OH GOD
PP Okay don’t panic we’ve got this, we have a plan. Remember?
FG Yeah a plan. What was the plan?
OC OWW, oh my GOD this hurts.
PP Plan! I’m going to run the water in the tub.
FG Wait, it’s too soon! The water will be cold by the time she is ready. We have to wait till it’s time to push.
PP How long is that?
OC I don’t know, we need to time the contractions. I need to walk around.
PP Once the contractions are regular, that’s when you get in the tub. Come on Ghoul, get it together. You are the one who studied the stuff.
FG I’m sorry, I’m panicked.
OC Just remain calm, this could last days.
FG No if your water broke it shouldn’t be forever, it could hurt the baby to wait too long after your water breaks.
OC Then tell that to the baby, it’s not like I’m holding it in. OOOOO; that hurts.
PP Breathe.
OC I’m breathing, Dammit!
PP You know what I mean, come on.
FG breath through the contraction, you can do it.
OC I feel like an idiot.
PP Do you want to lie down?
OC No I don’t think so. It’s my back that hurts, is that normal?
FG Yeah the stuff said it can feel like the contractions are like back spasms for some.
OC I’m gonna die.
PP Come on, maybe the tub will help.

Six hours later….
OC More hot water, the water is getting cold.
PP Okay I got this.
FG The contractions are two minutes apart; you should be close to ready to push.
OC I’m so tired. Can’t we do this tomorrow?
PP You are doing so well, just a little longer and we will have that precious baby here with us.
FG Come on Star. Push with the next contraction.

Forty minutes later….
FG That’s it, just one more push for the shoulders. Poison grab that towel.
OC OOOOWWWWWW
PP It’s a girl!
FG We’ve gotta get her to breathe and get the stuff out of her lungs.
OC Can I hold her?
Poison rubs the baby with the towel, drying her off and stimulating her senses. Ghoul smacks her bottom and she cries out and breathes for the first time. The boys are crying as they hand you the baby. You hold her close and see her long dark brown curly hair and you cry.

You are now sitting up in bed, all cleaned up and exhausted. Ghoul and Poison sit next to you and pass the baby around.
FG She’s beautiful Star.
PP She looks so much like Ray. Look at all this hair.
OC I need a nap.
FG We can take her in the other room and feed her if you want to rest.
OC Please. Just a small nap.
You are already drifting off as the boys leave the room with the baby.

Poison is holding the baby while Ghoul fixes a few ounces in a bottle.
PP What are we gonna call her?
FG I don’t know. I kinda like Missile Kid.
PP Yeah, I get it. Jet-Star, Star Child, Missile Kid…it could work. Has Star said anything about a name she likes?
FG No she has shot down every name I’ve come up with. How about you?
PP Same, here let me feed her.
FG She’s so small. Did you ever think we’d be here in this position? With a baby?
Poison smiles at Ghoul and leans in for a kiss.
PP Never but I think I like it.
FG Me too.
Ghoul reaches over Poison and kisses the baby on the head as she sucks the bottle.
FG Welcome to the world little Killjoy, we love you and we are glad you are here.
Poison smiles at Ghoul and they share another chaste kiss.
PP It’s nice, she looks like Jet. I can see Star in there too.

Notes