I hopped in the front seat of my 2010 Honda Civic coupe, the black leather blazing hot beneath my skin. Having a black on black car with leather interior was something you never got used to in the summer, but I wouldn't trade it for anything in the world. This car took me everywhere, anywhere and sitting in the drivers seat was where I felt most at home.

I turned the key in the ignition and my car began to shake at the immediate loud bass and low treble that blasted through the stereo. I put my car in reverse, backing out of the parking space of Frank and I's apartment building. I turned the stereo up a few notches more and began to tap my thumbs on the steering wheel.

I was my true raw self cruising down the busy highway, sunroof down and singing at the top of my lungs. No one else in the world saw me like this, not even Frank. I didn't have the prettiest singing voice, and sometimes I sang too loud over the blaring music. None of that mattered though when I was singing along to the music I felt deep in my heart and soul. I was always alone with my thoughts and my favorite album, the one that reminded me of Gerard.

AM by the Arctic Monkeys is an album that means more to me than anyone would ever know. This album was on repeat every day of my life two years ago. The lyrics and songs related to my life in ways I never knew music could. Two years ago I met Gerard for the first time. Every song reminded me of him, and I believe that's why I was so attached to the album.

Gerard was sketchy to say the least, but I was so enamored by him that I chose to ignore it. Other than on the weekends he would completely disappear and I wouldn't hear from him, we texted each other 24/7. I chalked that up to him being busy with friends, and went along with it. Like I said, he was sketchy. I couldn't wait until Monday morning when I knew he was finally sitting at his work desk and I could text him, knowing he'd respond. He worked in an office building for a line of comics that I forget the name of.

In the week we were texting, we caught up and not much has changed in his life much to my pleasure. I was hoping when we saw each other tonight, we would just be picking up where we left off (even though I was in a relationship with Frank now).

We texted each other for three years before finally meeting in person. If he really cared about me the way I cared for him he would have made time to see me. But what can I say, the man had such a way with words to keep me hooked. I was drawn to him. Even though he never put any effort in perusing the relationship any further, I knew deep down he was drawn to me too.
I couldn't shake the fact that somewhere, something deep down told me he had something to hide. And that's why he never wanted to see me.

When his unsaved number popped back up on my phone, every strong feeling and deep sensation he made me feel all those years ago flooded my veins. I couldn't shake the feeling since. I needed to see him. Our relationship never had closure. I did the right thing and completely ended all contact with him once Frank and I became more serious.

I knew I was letting my curiosity get the best of me now. I knew I shouldn't be going to see him again when I was in a serious committed relationship. And I sure as hell knew by the way he made me feel, it was definitely a bad idea.

But in this moment, driving down the highway with all the windows down and the music blasting, I told myself I'd have every once of self control when I see him tonight.

"You were a stranger in my phone book I was acting like I knew, 'cause I had nothing to lose." I sang, tapping my thumbs on the steering wheel. My red curls were flying everywhere from the wind, but I didn't care.

The open highway and sunshine always called my name. Summer was my favorite season. Everyone lived fast in the summer, always going somewhere new and meeting new people. I lived fast. My lifestyle was fast and I wouldn't change it for the world.

"Aw, damnit." I groaned as I realized I was fast approaching traffic that plagued Newark every Saturday afternoon. I reached for my phone and checked my GPS. The screen was red, indicating traffic for miles. "Shit." I muttered, realizing it was a 30 minute back up. "I'm gonna be late for work."

I began to call the band I was meeting in the city to let them know, when my phone began to ring. I swiped to answer and swiftly put the phone to my ear. "Hey Bob!" I said as the sounds of drums banging and guitars tuning filled my ears.

"Hey Becca," he started. I heard static come through the phone as the noise of soundcheck disappeared. I could tell he was walking to someplace more quiet. "Hey listen, I just got to work and I found your case of memory cards in the sound booth. You must have left them here last night. Did you need that?"

"Uh, hold on." I said as I pressed my shoulder into my cheek to hold my phone in place. I looked ahead and was still in bumper to bumper traffic, so I kept my foot on the break and leaned over the passenger seat to grab my camera. I opened the SD card slot and much to my dismay, it was empty. "Shit, yeah." I said rather annoyed. "You at the venue?"

"Yeah yeah." Bob said just before the sound of a car horn blared angrily behind me. I realized the car in front of me was now moving, and the car behind me was rather impatient. "How far out are you?"

"I'm near exit eleven on the highway, so I'll be there in the next ten minutes or so." I said, thanking my luck I haven't passed Bobs venue yet.

"Alright, call me when you get here. I'll keep my phone on me."

I thanked Bob before I hung up and proceeded to call the band I was on the way to meet. Much to my luck they were sitting in the same traffic but a few miles further from where I was. That gave me enough time to swing by the venue to pick up my memory cards and get back on the road.

I made it to the venue in less than ten minutes and took the first parking spot I saw behind a tour bus. I dialed Bobs number as I rushed toward the venues doors. The phone kept ringing and ringing until the sound of his voicemail met my ears. "Of course." I groaned. Bob never answered his phone when he was at work.

I tossed my phone in my bag and approached the will call booth. There were a few kids in line waiting to pick up tickets and I didn't have time to wait. I jumped the line, and began speaking before anyone in the line could contest.

"Hey, I'm here to see Bob Bryar." I simply said, hoping the girl behind the dirty glass knew who he was. She just waved her hand to the side as she chewed her gum. "You know, the sound guy?" I said, becoming agitated.

"Hey, why don't you wait in line like everyone else!" A voice called out from the front doors. I looked over and there stood Frank, holding the front door open slightly. He had a big smirk plastered on his face.

"Babe!" I exclaimed and ran over to him. "I thought you were at a different venue downtown tonight."

"Change of plans." He chuckled as he held the door open for me. We both walked through the venue lobby, making our way to the sound booth.

"There's this awesome two man band playing here tonight." He said, holding up finger quotes when he said two man. "They're from Belleville and their music has the potential to blow up. They haven't been signed yet and do you know what this means for my record label if they sign to Skeleton Crew?" He rambled on, full of excitement and all over the place. "I feel I have a good chance since they're locals here."

I smiled at Franks excitement as we entered the venue floor. I quickly realized what he meant by using his fingers as quotes.

On stage stood a tall lanky man with glasses and a beautiful girl with a guitar slung over her shoulder. She was looking down, fiddling with the strings as we approached them. "Do you have time?" Frank asked as he lead me toward the stage. "I want you to meet them real quick."

"Uh, sure!" He was walking toward the stage before I could respond. I smiled and followed suit, I've never seen Frank so excited to sign a band before.

"Hey Mikey, Jess." He hopped on stage swiftly, something I've never seen him do with such short legs. He held out his arm and helped me on stage. I was wearing a dress after all. "This is my girlfriend, Becca." Frank started as I adjusted my dress. "Becca, this is Mikey, and Jess of Best Coast." He said, laying a friendly hand on Jess' back.

Mikey reached his hand out to shake mine. "Hey Becca." I shook his hand and smiled. I then turned to Jess and shook hers. She smiled without saying a word.

"Well I'll leave you guys to it," Frank spoke up. "She's got to get to work and I guess you guys have to as well." Frank chuckled nervously. We said our goodbyes and hopped back off the stage so they could continue sound check.

"Can you stay for one song?" Frank asked as we walked back to the sound booth. "I really wish you could stay for the whole set."

I checked the time and realized it hadn't even been ten minutes yet, so I agreed. We went back to the sound booth where Bob was and I grabbed what I came here for. Bob held up a thumb, signaling to the two that he was ready.

A haunting melody began to fill the room as Jess began to strum the strings of her guitar. And when she opened her mouth so sing, chills went shivering to my spine. Frank grinned so widely and looked at me to see my reaction. I gave him a small smile and turned my attention back to the stage. "Isn't she amazing?" Frank said as he crossed his arms. Mikey was now strumming his base, moving to the music.

"Yeah, fuckin' amazing dude." Bob spoke. He never spoke during sound check.

"Never heard a voice like that." Frank added. He might as well been standing there with his jaw dropped.

I'll admit, it pained me to see Frank gawking over another girl. Jess was beautiful. The way she confidently stood under the stage lights and how they illuminated her ombré brown hair that faded into blonde... I found myself feeling a pang of jealousy. She made it look so easy, the way she sang and played the guitar so effortlessly. I was broken out of the trance I was in when I felt a nudge on my shoulder. "So?" Frank asked eagerly.

I flashed him a quick sheepish smile. "Uh yeah, they're good." I stuttered, trying not to crush his excitement. His smile fell when my excitement didn't match his and cocked his head to the side a bit, obviously confused. I knew I shouldn't be feeling this way. If that was two men on stage Frank would be just as excited, I thought to myself. I shook my head of those thoughts and gave him a real smile. "I mean, really really good."

Frank smiled but didn't lose his confused look beneath it all. "Babe I have to go now, thanks bob." I said, quickly giving Frank a hug and kiss. Bob didn't say a word, and I turned to leave the booth.

"I might be home late tonight." Frank said as he put a hand on his neck. He always did that out of nervous habit. He could sense my jealousy. He knew me all too well.

"That's ok babe." I smiled. "I might be too, with this late start to this photo shoot and all." I lied, knowing the photo shoot wouldn't take longer than an hour. He gave me another quick kiss before I turned to leave the venue.

I drove to the shoot location with thoughts heavy on my mind. I did not feel one ounce of guilt lying to Frank on my whereabouts tonight. I knew he'd be at the venue all night with Jess and something about that just didn't sit right with me. Jess and Mikey were very talented, but not talented enough to be swooning over. Maybe I was missing something.

I convinced myself I was being childish and remembered that jealousy was one hell of a feeling.

---

Gerard Eire
7:34pm 4700 Medford Drive is the address. I'll meet you outside gorgeous.

The photoshoot was now over and I was sitting in my car staring at the text on my phone. I agreed to meet Gerard in less than thirty minutes at a bar that wasn't too far from the shoot location. I shifted my car into drive and made my way to meet the man that has had my nerves in a bunch for the past week.

I pulled into a parking spot that was a city block away from the bar. I quickly glanced in my rear view mirror and took a deep breath. My hair and makeup still looked flawless. "Thank god." I smirked at my reflection.

I couldn't contain my nervous excitement as I hopped out of my car an adjusted my dress. I pulled out my phone and quickly typed a message.

8:04pm I'm walking down Medford. See you in a minute :)

Gerard Eire
8:04pm Ok, I'm here :)

My heart skipped a beat at the immediate response. I took a deep breath and tossed my phone into my purse, continuing my way down the sidewalk.

The bright city street lights made it hard to decipher the bodies that crowded around the busy sidewalk in front of the bar. I couldn't control my nerves as I slowly approached the crowd, knowing that one of those bodies were Gerard.

There were a few small groups of people standing around, enjoying a beer and smoking cigarettes. I quickly glanced over everyone, feeing sick to my stomach out of nervousness when I heard someone call out my name. I glanced over the crowd of unfamiliar faces once more until my eyes laid on a familiar figure leaning against the brick. Gerard smiled as my eyes met his, and I felt another rush of nervousness flow through my veins. I felt like I was meeting him for the first time all over again. As if I was meeting the rockstar of my dreams who was made up too perfect in my mind to exist, that "rockstar" being Gerard.

"Hey you." He smirked as he flicked his cigarette to the side. He stood up from the brick wall and took a step closer. I didn't realize I was standing there, completely frozen at the sight of him until he chuckled. The sound of his sweet laugh broke my gaze, and I smiled at him nervously.

"Hey!" I said as he embraced me into a tight hug. The warmth of his body wrapped around me as I squeezed him softly. I breathed in deeply, taking in his familiar scent of cigarettes and cologne as I realized this wasn't a dream.

He stood back and smiled, taking in every inch of my body with his eyes. "You look beautiful. Even more beautiful from the last time I saw you, if that was even possible." His smile never fell as I blushed.

"Your hair-your hair is red." I stuttered, so obviously nervous. I was visibly shaking at his presence. I couldn't believe someone could do so much to me.

"Oh, yeah." He laughed as he ran his hand through his bright hair. "I actually dyed it not too long ago."

"It looks good!" I beamed.

He looked so unbelievably hot. The fiery red hair brought out his piercing hazel eyes, his adorable little pixie nose and his sharp jaw line like no other... and the suit. The suit he was wearing was navy blue with a red tie that hung loosely around his neck, as if he had a long work day and couldn't bare to have it tightened around his neck any longer.

Gerard smiled softly and giggled. "Becca, don't be nervous." He said with such confidence, as if that could settle my nerves.

"I feel like we're meeting for the first time all over again." I admitted. "Remember you could feel me shaking when you first held me?"

"I could feel it this time too." He said as he brushed a piece of hair out of my face. "Don't be nervous. It's just me."

"It's just you?" I scoffed sarcastically. "I don't know if you've noticed but you have no idea what you do to me."

"I've gotten a little idea." He smirked as he bit his bottom lip. Conversation fell silent as the crowd around us became louder.

"Should we go inside?" I said, peering over his shoulder at the door.

"Ah, it's a little too crowded in there." He said as he looked around. "I was thinking maybe we could go for a walk? Down the quiet city streets?"

"Sure!" I said, thinking that was a much better idea. I knew a drink would calm my nerves, but the thought of being in such a wild environment with Gerard right now wouldn't satisfy my desire of fully taking in his presence. Peace, quiet and nothing but our own little existence was the only thing that could satisfy me. I wanted to be in our own little world and block everything else out. That's exactly what we did.

Gerard took my hand and led me out of the loud obnoxious crowd. "This way." He simply said as we walked down a dark alley. "You familiar with this neighborhood?"

"Not really." I said, taking in the quiet suburban streets that were so close to the chaos of the city. I naturally let my hand fall from his. As much as I wanted to hold his hand, I couldn't let myself. I didn't want to do anything to hurt Frank. But simply being with Gerard and lying about where I was would be enough to hurt him.

"I work not too far from here." He said as he shoved his hands in his pants pockets loosely.

"Is that where you're coming from, work?"

"Yeah." He laughed as he looked down at his suit. "We had our monthly weekend conference tonight. I won't get into much detail, it'll bore you." He shrugged.

"I bet it wouldn't!" I protested, but he didn't continue on.

"So what about you?" He bumped into me slightly. "What have you been up to?"

"I'm actually coming from work too." I began, finally relaxing from all our small talk. "I photographed a local band downtown. Nothing special." I giggled.

"I bet it was." He said as we continued walking through the calm neighborhood. "I'd love to see your work one day."

"And I'd love to see yours." I smiled.

"Maybe one day." He said and flashed me a smirk. "You know, my brother is actually in a band."

"Oh really? I might have photographed him!" I said with a giggle.

"You might have!" He joked before falling silent. "You know Becca, I've missed you."

"I've missed you too, Gerard." I said with a slight sigh, realizing that we both had stopped walking. We stood beneath a street light bright enough for me to take in every detail of his angelic face. It was exactly as I remembered, so pure and gorgeous.

"I understand why you had to stop talking to me." He began as he placed a warm hand on my cheek. "But just know, I never forgot you."

I blushed and looked down, feeling the strongest urge to kiss his thin lips. I wondered if they were as soft as I remembered and I ached deeply for a reminder. "I could never forget you." I barely whispered as he gently stroked my cheek with his thumb.

"And I know I have no one to blame but myself." He said as my eyes locked his. "I shouldn't have expected you to wait for me as long as you did. And that's my fault for letting someone like you go."

I tried to hold back my smile by biting my bottom lip but failed miserably. He let out a nervous laugh as I grabbed his wrist and turned away. I could not stare into his eyes a moment longer, or else I would have done something I deeply regretted. "It's ok Mister Eire." I smiled. "We're here now and that's all that matters."

"Yeah." He sighed as his hand fell from my cheek, causing a sudden chill to wash over my skin. His gaze was now focused on the cracked sidewalk beneath our feet.

"C'mon." I said. "Let's keep walking." He nodded silently as we made our way down the dark street.

We must have walked twenty circles around the neighborhood before we realized it was nearing one in the morning. "I should be getting home," Gerard sighed as he looked at the time. "If my brother gets home before me he tends to lock me out." He laughed.

"Same here." I said, thinking of Frank. He must be wondering where I was.

"I'll walk you to your car." Gerard smiled as we headed toward the busy city streets.

Reality sunk in as we approached my car, I didn't want the night to end. I could carelessly walk around the dim lonely streets listening to Gerard's voice all night.

"I had a really good time tonight, even though we never made it to the bar." He smiled softly as I leaned against my car. He took a long drag of his cigarette, squinting his eyes as the smoke filled his lungs.

"I did too." I smiled. My cheeks hurt from smiling the entire night. Gerard must have noticed me massage my cheek and laughed.

"My face hurts too." He flicked his cigarette to the side as he took a step closer. "You are just so goddamn adorable Becca."

"Gerard." I blushed. "You can't say things like that to me."

"Why?" He asked slyly as he pressed his body against mine. The familiar warmth of his body caused me to shudder.

"Because." I simply said, hoping he'd understand. I didn't want to mention Franks name. That would make this all too real. I didn't want the true reality to sink in. Not yet. Gerard and I were in our own little world. A world where just the two of us existed and we didn't have another thought or care in our mind.

He pressed his palm against the car behind me, pinning my body against the cold metal with his. I felt so safe as he towered over my small body. We stared into each other's eyes for what felt like eternity, until I noticed his lips coming closer to mine. "Gerard." I sighed and sharply turned my face away. He took a step back and stared at the ground.

"I want to kiss you." I admitted. "But I can't."

"I understand." He sighed sadly. "I'm sorry."

"It's okay." I said softly and embraced him into a tight hug. He squeezed my body against his tighter and I squeezed back, not wanting to let him go.

"We should go." He barely whispered. I pulled away a nodded in agreement.

And with that, we said our goodbyes and I hopped in my car. I sat in silence as I watched Gerard walk down the now empty city sidewalk. The silence was broken as my phone began to ring. I took a deep breath before answering.

"Hello?" I answered after multiple rings.

"Babe! I'm home with Bob, Mikey and Jess." He yelled over loud music and laughter. "Where are you?"

The strongest feeling of guilt shot through me the instant I heard his voice. I looked back up at the sidewalk. Gerard had already disappeared into the distance.

Notes

This chapter didn't turn out as good as I hoped it would. On St. Patrick's day I fell down a steep hill and landed on pavement, cut my face up badly and sprained my knee. I guess drunk walking is almost as dangerous as drunk driving! So needless to say, I couldn't fully focus. Anyways, let me know what you think! I'd love to hear feedback :)