In Love and Lust

I leaned against the bathroom counter, peering into my reflection in the streaky mirror. The wand of my mascara gently coating each and every lash with a slight flick of my wrist. Makeup was something I took pride in. It was also where I found the most relaxation before I started my work day.

I never left the house unkempt or looking disheveled. My mom always taught me to look presentable before going out in public, for you never know who'd you run into. Frank never understood why I would change out of a sweatshirt and into a cute leather jacket just to go to the closest convenience store to get us a midnight snack. He'd always joke and say "Who are you trying to impress other than me?" I'd retaliate by saying, "myself. That's who!"

I always felt more comfortable in my own skin if I knew I looked pretty and presentable. Frank and I have been together for over two years. He's seen me looking my worst and my absolute best. I missed the thrill and excitement of getting all dolled up and ready to go out on a date with him. But I guess that comes with being in a relationship with someone for so long. You get comfortable knowing that they do think you're beautiful no matter what, even if you are wearing their oversized sweatshirt and have your hair in a big sloppy bun on the top of your head.

My natural red hair was always beautifully curled and long. I was now finishing up curling the last straight strand as I heard Frank call out to me.

"Alright, I'm leaving!" He said as he made his way into the bathroom. "-have to be at the studio in ten, I'm running late."

I put my curling iron down on the counter and chuckled at his disheveled state. He shoved the granola bar he was holding into his mouth and proceeded to unzip his pants to relieve himself in the toilet.

"Babe, you could have asked me to leave. I'm finished getting ready now." I laughed as he flushed the toilet. He turned around and lathered his hands with soap and water quickly, barely getting a full cleanse of his hands before all the soap was washed away. He looked at me as he dried his hands on his jeans and finished chewing the last of his granola bar that was still hanging from his lips.

"You're lucky I only had to piss." He said, proceeding to kiss my forehead.

"You are so romantic." I stated with a playful eye roll. "Is Bob still here?"

Frank nodded yes, "I'll see you tonight babe. Have a good day-love you." He rushed to get his words out as he disappeared from the bathroom.

"Love you too!" I called out as I heard the front door slam behind him.

I turned the curling iron off and walked out into the living room to find Bob sitting there all alone with his nose in a phone. "What time are you leaving?" He said, not even bothering to break his gaze away from the screen.

I looked over at the clock in the kitchen. "Not for another 40 minutes or so-" I said. "Hey, have you seen my phone?" I picked up a pillow on the love seat and checked the cushions, knowing there's no reason my phone would be there.

"Yeah," Bob said, finally looking up at me. "It's right here."

Bob waved the phone his eyes were glued to in the air slightly. "Bob!" I exclaimed, "What were you doing looking at my phone?"

"You aren't going to see him, right?"

I snatched my phone from his hands and looked at the screen. The unsaved number that first appeared on my phone a week before flashed before my eyes. I sighed, knowing Bob has now seen it all. I fell silent, not knowing what to say as I made my way into the kitchen. "You want breakfast?" I simply stated.

"Becca." Bob said as he stood from the couch. "If you love Frank you wouldn't do this."

"Do what?" I said rather sharply, "It won't go any further than meeting just to catch up."

"Becca, we both know that isn't true." He said as he sat on a stool at the bar in the middle of the kitchen. Bob was never fond of Gerard. He knew I deserved better. "I'm just saying, he isn't worth fucking up your perfect relationship with Frank. Remember what happened when you first met Gerard?"

I looked down silently, remembering my history with Gerard perfectly well.

"How long were you talking to him before you two finally met in person four years ago?" Bob continued. "Like a year or two?"

"It was two years." I stated, pulling eggs out of the fridge and placing them on the counter. "It only took that long to finally meet because he was always busy. Plus he lives an hour away."

"If you really want to see someone you'll take the time to see them, no matter what. No one is too busy to take the time to do something they truly want to do." Bob was saying things I already knew. I wanted to agree, but I was hard headed. "What's an hour anyway? My parents live an hour away and I see them once every week."

I pulled out a pan and placed it on the stove, turning on the heat. "Would you like some eggs?"

"Becca, you need to listen to me." Bob sighed. I turned to face him and he took that as a chance to continue on. "When you first met Gerard, what did he do?"

I took a deep breath, my mind flooded with memories of the first night I met Gerard.

I met Gerard online through a silly dating app that I never took seriously. He and I clicked almost instantly, and it quickly escalated into texting all day, every day; 24/7. I fell head over heals for this man. Though we never spoke on a deeper level on how we felt for each other, I always figured it was just an unspoken mutual understanding. I was young and dumb. He was young and horny.

There were many times I tried to meet up with him. I would tell him "I'm only an hour away. I don't mind driving out to meet you." But he would say he was busy. He was always busy. Much to my surprise one day, out of the blue, he said he was free. And what did I do? I dropped everything I was doing that night to finally meet the man I was totally enamored by.

Little did I know, that would be the first and only time I met him in person.

"Becca." Bob stated calmly, breaking me away from my thoughts. "He fucked you and you never saw him again."

It stung hearing the words spoken out loud. "Yeah, but-"

"But what?" He cut me off. "I know what you're about to say, that you two still talked and tried to make more plans. Of course, he was busy each and every time. Doesn't that say something about him as a person? He never cared about you Becca. But you were too blinded by your lust for him to see that. And you were too young to know the difference between love and lust. You thought you loved him, and that's ok. But what I'm saying now is he's absolutely no good for you. Especially now that you are happy with Frank."

He rambled on, not taking a moment to let me speak. Not that I wanted to speak anyway, everything Bob was saying was true. I hated how smart and understanding he was. I also hated how despite everything he was saying about my bad history with Gerard, there was still a little curious part in me that wanted to see him again. I liked Gerard as much as I had lust for him.

Our "relationship" never had closure. It had become months since we met and I was getting tired of all the unsuccessful attempts to see him again. I began opening my heart and mind, trying my hardest to diminish any thoughts of Gerard. And that's when I met Frank.

"Look," Bob said as he leaned into the counter and placed his hands together. "I saw all the texts, I can tell you're still slightly interested in him."

"I told him about Frank." I simply stated, turning back around. I took an egg and cracked it against the pan a little too roughly, shells spilling into the clear liquid that was now turning white.

"I saw that. He doesn't care." He said with a long drawn out sigh. "And that alone should tell you a lot about how he feels about you." Bob stood up with a slight stretch.

I didn't say a word.

"I know you're a smart girl, I know you love Frank. Just please don't fuck anything up for a guy that could not give two fucks about you." He stated ever so bluntly before walking over to the front door. "I'm heading over the the venue. You gonna be there tonight?"

"Yeah." I said softly. "I have a photoshoot to do first, then I'll be there with the band."

Bob simply nodded and disappeared through the front door Frank just rushed through moments before. And almost as if it were like clockwork, my phone alerted me that I had a new text. I walked over to the bar where Bob was just sitting, and picked up my phone.

From: 973-844-9408
1:12pm I'd love to see you tonight.

I closed my eyes and sighed. What harm could seeing him just to catch up do? Bob just cared about me a little too much, he doesn't want to see me hurt again. Besides, I do have Frank now.

My heart dropped at the thought of Frank.

I quickly tapped my thumb against the glass screen to reply.

To: 973-844-9408
1:14pm I'd love to see you too, Mr. Eire :)

I hit send quickly before second guessing my actions. I knew that if I couldn't be fully honest with Frank on my whereabouts tonight, then that in itself should scream problem.

Notes

Cheers to the second chapter! It's just giving you a little back story and history behind Becca's relationship with Gerard. Let me know if you like the direction this story is going in, I'd love to hear your thoughts!

And three subscribers already?! That's awesome! Thanks guys!