The End

SELF HARM TRIGGER WARNING!!

Time: 2:32

I lay in my bed in silence, letting everything that happened today float through my brain on repeat. I couldn’t stop the words that my mother screamed at me earlier out of mind. “Just do what you do best Eden! Shut down and just ignore everything I say.” “You’re fucking useless Eden, you know that!” Just get the fuck out of my sight.” After years of having her say these words to me you would think that they wouldn’t hurt, that they wouldn’t continuously burn my heart and soul as I spent hours hearing them replay in my throbbing head. I couldn’t take it anymore, I’ve been battling all day to not cut, to not tear into my skin and release these hurtful words from burning me any longer. I have lost this battle, and it will be shown on my skin, my battle wounds, my quick and sudden defeat. I pulled the razor out from by bedside table and make slow long cuts on the top of my wrist. I have cut on the same spot since I was 12, I couldn’t change it, I didn’t like change. I cut and cut until I couldn’t feel anything, not pain nor happiness, just numbness. Sometimes this numbness would subside long enough to cry, but most nights it just allowed me to stare off into the distance, until sleep takes over my body. This night happened to be the latter, as sleep took over my broken, bloodied body.

Time: 7:14

Beep, Beep, Beep! I awoke to the sound of my alarm going off, screaming at me to get out of bed, I hit the silencer and stumbled out of bed to the bathroom. This day cannot be over sooner, I thought to myself while deciding what I wanted to wear today. I almost went for a black short sleeve shirt, until I remembered the battle I lost last night. Sighing, I went for my blue and black flannel, dark jeans, and a pair of vans. I hurriedly put on the basic makeup, foundation for the dark bags under my eyes and eyeliner to look like I at least tried to look decent. Running my hands through my straight red hair I quietly walked down stares not to wake my mother as I left the house. Silently waiting for the bus a block away from my house I blasted music from my IPod, currently I was listening intensely to Nirvana, a band that doesn’t need any words to explain its greatness.

Time: 7:45

I sat in homeroom, waiting for the teacher to take attendance and the day to get closer to being finished. I sat in my normal seat, next to a kid named Gerard, who had dark hair that tangled slightly in front of his face, not seeming to bother him as he continuously doodled in his book. I have known Gerard since freshman year, with his last name is Way and mine being Vontre we had homeroom together every year. I haven’t really spoken to him at all, other than the casual thank you’s for handing the paper stack to me as we passed them along. Though not really talking to each other, I found it quite peaceful sitting next to this guy. His style, though more intense than mine, still blended well together, and his quiet, almost peaceful demeanor helped sooth my apathetic outlook. Sitting there observing him for a second longer than usual, since our teacher seemed be running late, I noticed his arms, and how a fresh cut was coming out of his leather jacket. My breath hitched in my mouth, which seemed to catch Gerard’s attention. He looked at me with those deep hazel brown eyes until he realized what I was looking at. He quickly pulled down his jacket as he looked back to his notebook, but didn’t start drawing yet, seemingly not in the mood for it anymore. Out of embarrassment and not knowing what to say, I put my head down on the desk hoping this time would pass quickly. I sat there like this until I heard steps approaching towards me. I opened my eyes to see three guys standing around Gerard’s desk. I knew Gerard got bullied, but never in our homeroom class, or really around me. I looked around trying to see if our homeroom teacher was here to tell them to knock it the fuck off, but she was nowhere to be found. Fine, I thought, I’ll do something about it if need be. I stared at the jockey boys who were surrounding Gerard, all of them royal douches. They begin to make fun of him; his clothes, his hair, basically his everything. I was quickly getting annoyed as these guys tried to get him to change himself just because he was unique, unlike these douches. There next action made me snap, they grabbed his notebook, the notebook he has been storing his drawing in since I have known him. Quickly, I stand up from my desk and grab the notebook that the lead bully, Dan, held in his hand behind his back. All three of them turn towards me, looking bewildered. “Hey, what the fuck do you think you’re doing huh?” said Dan glaring at me. I then lost it on him, using my words as a weapon to these dimwitted assholes. “I am taking back something that wasn’t fucking yours to touch. All three of you are so fucking annoying I wouldn’t be surprised if you guys acted like this because you hate what little personalities you have. Now why don’t you sit back the fuck down so I don’t have to continue wasting my breath on you worthless individuals.” I stood there staring into Dan’s vomit green eyes not backing down as he glared at me. As soon as he was about to respond, Ms. Stasst walked into the room frantically looking around. Dan and his gang quickly made their way back to their seats, but not without sending cold glares my way. I sat down slowly as Ms. Stasst was quickly going on about how she is sorry she is late and so on and so on. I get comfortable in my seat and turn my gaze towards Gerard, realizing I’m still grasping onto his notebook. He is staring at me, wide eyes, and mouth agape, until he sees me looking back at him. His pale face that was once showed surprise, was changing. His mouth slowly formed a small smirk, and his eyes seemed to glow in a way I didn’t understand. This, this look he had on his face caught me by surprise that I didn’t know how to react, so I just slowly handed him his notebook and looked back at the teacher. “Thanks, I appreciate you.” He mumbled in my direction. I looked back at him with wide eyes for a moment before responding, “No problem, it would’ve been a shame if those drawings were destroyed, had to do something.” His smirk faltered and was soon replaced with a genuine small smile, before he could say anything else, homeroom was done and I left the room in silence.

Notes

If anyone is reading this, thank you. I think it will be good for me to continue writing, whether people read it or not. If you are reading this, and think something can be improved please let me know!