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All We Need is Daylight

Ups/Downs

Frank stands, staring at Gerard for a few moments, not sure what to make of him, or what to say to him. Frank’s honestly on a bit of a high. He’s sure it’s not long to last, but it’s nice anyway. Frank’s not used to feeling this way though. He’s not used to feeling hopeful. He’s got hope he’s got a lot of it, he always has, but he’s never allowed himself the feeling of actually feeling truly hopeful not until now. Pete is hope to him now.

“So how did you wind up here of all places?” Gerard asks, leading Frank back to his office, without much protest as Frank doesn’t have much else to do right now. He knows he should keep studying, but he swears he’ll either keel over or implode if he reads one more sentence from a textbook right now. He needs a break, even though he probably isn’t going to find another time to study today. He still has a whole weekend though.

“I just, I don’t know, did?” Frank says.

“All roads lead to Rome?” Gerard asks.

“Sort of,” Frank shrugs.

“Well now that you’re here you might as well look over what I’ve been working on,” Gerard says, opening the door for him, and Frank steps in, feeling a little awkward. It feels kind of weird being in the office of someone who’s technically an authority figure. It’s hard to see Gerard that way, given his personality, and the way he acts, but that’s still technically what he is.

Coach is sitting at her desk when Frank walks in and she looks up at him, giving him an animated welcome before she says that she’s really got to get back to her work. Frank nods, and allows Gerard to walk him over to his desk, which looks kind of sad compared to hers. There’s not a lot of space in this place though, honestly, they’re probably lucky that they have an office this big.

Gerard whispers, not wanting to disrupt Coach, “So, I’ve been working on some offensive strategies that we can use as a starting point for practice games. Not much, and they’re a little juvenile, but I based some of these off of what I could find online.”

“Yeah?” Frank asks, taking the papers that Gerard hands him. He wishes he could recognize them, but Frank doesn’t have a very technical brain. He’s always had trouble translating what a paper says to what you’re supposed to do on the ice.

Gerard leads Frank back out of the office so as not to disrupt Coach, and they make their way over to one of the benches outside, to talk, all the while Gerard trying to explain what the papers he’s showing Frank actually mean.

“So, we usually have a 2-1-2 plan of attack,” Gerard says, “’Cause, in general, I think it works out best, but for the opposing team, I thought we could tryout 1-4, to see if having a more defensive opposition makes any difference. We can always adapt based on whatever we find out.”

“Oh, man, you’re speaking fucking Cantonese to me, Gerard,” Frank says, shaking his head.

“Oh, sorry,” Gerard replies, blushing. “It’ll make more sense on the ice, I’ll show you later.”

“Alright, sounds good.”

“Yeah, so anyway, I think we should be able to surprise the team if we throw things like this at them,” Gerard says, “probably a stupid thing to hope for, but you know. I’m a wishful thinker at heart.”

“Yeah,” Frank says, and decides to ask Gerard the questions he actually cares about, no offense to Gerard’s planning and technicalities, he just doesn’t really care that much. “So, what’s the game going to be like tonight? I’ve never seen you guys play before, or at least, never a full game. Only ever highlights and what I could find on YouTube. Where do you usually go wrong?”

“Oh, the other teams are always one step ahead of us,” Gerard says. “We’ve got a good bunch of guys. We’ve got great goal scorers, a good defense, some great forwards, but it just isn’t enough. Not when the other guys can predict everything you do. We’re pretty basic. We’re easy to catch off guard because the guys are never thinking ahead of the game. We rely way too much on the dump and chase tactic, you know? But when you send the puck going one way and then have to chase after it, it’s inevitable that the other teams going to take control of it half the time.”

“Yeah, that makes sense. So, we need our guys to like, be ahead of the game. Know where the pucks going to be before it ever even goes anywhere. Sounds good. Who’s usually the best on the ice?” Frank asks.

“Oh, Morgan, without a doubt. Morgan’s our resident right winger, our best goal scorer too. He and Pete work pretty well together, Pete’s center, but Morgan’s been having trouble with whoever we try to put on the left wing.”

“I’m left wing,” Frank says, and Gerard nods.

“Yeah, and hopefully sometime after tomorrow we’ll do a practice game and see how you two work together. Hopefully you’ll be able to set aside your differences for the sake of the game.”

“I’d never let how I feel about someone off the ice effect the way I play,” Frank says.

“Well, that’s the goal, but Morgan is a dick, you can never predict how you’ll react when he’s out there with you until you’re in that position. Still though, I am hoping to put you on Pete and Morgan’s line. You’ll be our dream team if you guys can work together.”

In hockey, there are six players from each team on the ice, unless one team has a penalty, in which case that team plays with one fewer players until the penalty time runs up. Typically, there are three forward players, two defensemen, and a goaltender. The three forward players are the offensive, and they’re the primary goal scorers, with the defensemen of each team trying to prevent the other team from scoring, and ultimately trying to get the puck out of the defensive zone entirely. Typically, the three forwards try to stay in one particular zone on the ice, hence the need for the forwards to divide themselves as a center, right, and left wing. The three forwards are part of a line, and so are the two defensemen.

The players who make up a line almost always play together, and usually leave and enter the ice as a unit. Lines, though not absolutely required, are standard. The objective of a line is to have a triangular attack, wherein the three forwards have fairly consistent accessibility to each other, with the main goal of a defensemen to interfere with the lines offense, thus preventing a goal. First-liners are the best line on the team, and so on. Frank’s likely going to be a first-liner, making up a complete line with Pete and Morgan. No matter how many lines the team has, they usually have different purposes, a mainly offensive line of forwards, or a mainly defensive line of forwards. When all players in a line are taken off the ice, this is called a line change.

“That makes sense. But Morgan and Pete actually work well together? Somehow I find that hard to believe given how much bad blood there is there.”

“They’ve been playing together for two years now, and they’re good at it. Morgan works well with less greedy players. Pete’s a good player, but he’s not a showoff, which is why Morgan and him work well together. Morgan is a showoff. Pete compensates for that.”

“So, what are your biggest strengths, would you say?” Frank asks.

“Well, Pete, honestly. Pete’s probably our most valuable player, not necessarily our best, but the one who we need the most anyway. Pete can pass the puck to anybody, and it’ll always be their fault if they lose control of it. Pete can get you the puck from wherever the hell you are, and since it’ll likely be you and Morgan out there with him, you need to always try to make yourself in a position to score, because Pete’s got your back like nobody else. No matter where you are, Pete can give you the puck. Pete is the best teammate, no matter what the situation. Not necessarily the best player, but the best asset.”

Frank is an overwhelmingly offensive player, who rarely ever even ventures past the blue line into the defensive zone, which separates his side of the rink from the center. The attacking zone is anything past the blue line of the opposing team’s side of the rink. The center is the space between the two blue lines, and it’s neutral. There are some restrictions that penalize a puck being passed and crossing too many lines, which will result in a face-off in the defending zone.

Frank has the most shots in history for his high school’s team, as well as the most goals. A shot is any attempt to make a goal, a goal of course being a puck that passes into the net. A goal is considered a goal if it so much as crosses the goal line, so even if it ricochets out of the net, it’s still a goal.

From what Frank has seen, Pete is not a shot taker, but is more likely to instead pass the puck to either wing, which is why it’s important to have a strong wing. Pete is good at interception as well, stealing the puck from opposing players. Whenever the pucks control is lost by one team, it’s called a turnover.

Morgan, unsurprisingly, is best at physically violent techniques, which is called checking. Checking, in general, refers to contact with a player of the opposing team, and checking is always illegal if the player being checked is not in possession of the puck. Only players in possession of the puck, or who were the last to be in possession of the puck, can be legally checked. Checking is the most physical way to steal the puck, and is the most likely to cause injury, which is why some checking is illegal, such as cross checking. There are many different ways to check, most of which involve contact with either the hip, shoulder, or stick. Almost all stick to body checking is illegal, but a shoulder check to another person’s body, or a stick to another player’s stick is not illegal, so long as the player being checked is in possession of the puck. Illegal forms of checking result in penalties, which vary in length, and are usually longer if injury is caused.

Morgan doesn’t have any trouble practicing his checking on his teammates even in practice. He’s usually nonviolent, but Frank’s seen him give a teammate or two a full-on body check into the wall. Frank would not want to be on the reciprocating end of that, so he’s glad Morgan’s his teammate and not his opposition. Morgan must be a cause of several people’s injuries, but that doesn’t mean it’s entirely ineffective. It makes Frank wonder how Lance got injured.

Frank is best at scoring goals, that’s probably his number one strength. He’s also a master of the decoy, usually referred to as a deke, which is when you feint one way, but go the other. Frank spends a lot of time watching and mimicking other famous hockey players to get a handle on his own strengths, with Sidney Crosby as a particular inspiration, though not necessarily someone Frank actually roots for. He’s not bad at checking either, but he’s not quite as violent about it as Morgan. Frank’s sure that he’s going to see a fight or two break out between Morgan and other teams because Morgan has some dirty tactics up his sleeve, that aren’t strictly speaking illegal, but not exactly kind either.

Despite how aggressive Morgan can be, from what Frank’s observed, the only line where he would make any sense is in that one with him and Pete. Pete’s a really good player, and it can’t be said that Morgan isn’t. The team has a lot of potential, a lot of really good guys on their team, but for some reason, they don’t mesh well.

“So, the game tonight,” Frank says, “what should I expect?”

“Well, it’ll be a rough one. We’re playing Penn State, and they’ve been having a pretty good season so far,” Gerard says, “they’ve won both of their games. We’ve only played one, to be fair, but we lost pretty badly. We lost three to nothing.”

“Yeesh,” Frank says, flinching at the mere thought of it.

“Yeah,” Gerard says, “but next week we’ll be playing Wisconsin, and we tend to be worse during away games than we are in our own rink. But, they lost their first game, and they’re playing tonight as well, so hopefully we’ll see another lose.”

“When are we gonna be playing Boston, do you know?” Frank asks.

“That’ll be way later in the season,” Gerard says, “I think January. It’d be great if we could beat them, obviously. Show them what they’re missing out on now.”

Frank blushes, because of course he fucking does. Gerard could insult him and Frank would probably be flattered that Gerard so much as paid attention to him. Frank’s got it so fucking bad. He loses his breath sometimes just looking at this boy, he’s that pretty. He’s in some serious trouble if this keeps up.

“You nervous?” Frank asks.

“Yeah,” Gerard says, “it’s hard to pick up if you start a season off poorly. No one has faith in you, least of all yourselves, when you can’t win even one measly game.”

“We’re going to win one. We’re going to win a bunch of them. I can feel it.”

“You have an awful lot of faith in a team that’s shown you nothing but mediocrity.”

“I’m a hopeful person,” Frank says, with a shrug, even though that’s not really the truth. “And, hey, I’ve got a good track record for this sort of thing. Maybe it won’t be this year, Gerard, but I’ll see to it that you win. We win.”

Frank’s never felt the need to win as much as he has since meeting Gerard. Gerard’s own hunger is contagious. The need that Gerard feels for a championship can be felt by the whole team, he’s sure of it. Gerard wants it more than anyone has ever wanted anything. Frank wants to see Gerard’s face when it happens, because there will be a when No ifs are involved.

Frank also wants to see a win for himself, he’s not going to lie. Hockey’s not about winning, certainly not. It’s about the love of the game. But a championship win surely doesn’t hurt.

“That’s awful sweet of you to say,” Gerard replies, and Frank would swear by the fact that he actually makes Gerard blush. Frank made Gerard blush. Surely, they hand out trophies for that. Not necessarily for making Gerard blush in particular, but for making the guy you like actually blush, there’s just gotta be an award ceremony for that.

Frank looks up when he can hear the sound of feet coming towards them and he looks up to see that the girls are starting to exit their locker room, having presumably just finished practice. Frank watches them go by, and he can’t tell that Gerard’s eyes are knives at the back of his head. Gerard actually thinks he’s fucking looking at the girls, too blind to understand that Frank can’t look at anyone but him.

Gerard still thinks that Frank’s in love with a girl who Frank can’t possibly be in love with. Gerard still thinks Frank’s straight. If only there were a way to make Gerard’s feelings go away. He doesn’t think he would want that though. Gerard likes the way he feels. It hurts, longing, it’s one of the worst kinds of pains. There’s nothing quite as bad as wanting something you can’t have. But at the same time, it’s something to feel And when you’ve had your head stuck in something for so long, something as helpless as a championship that it looks like you’re never going to win, feeling something, anything at all, it’s exciting.

Frank then turns back to see an odd expression on Gerard’s face. He doesn’t understand much of anything about Gerard. Maybe that’s why he likes him so much.

“Well anyway,” Gerard says, trying to change the subject when he sees Frank looking at him all funny. “I read the article Patrick wrote about you. It was really good.” Gerard also had to stop himself from cutting it out and putting it on his wall underneath the ones about his dad, but he decides that information is best saved for himself. Coach was really excited about it too, though. She says people might start to take the team seriously if they think that Frank might be able to turn it around.

Everyone is getting a little carried away with how much pressure they’re putting on Frank, but luckily, he’s not starting to feel the grunt of it. Yet.

“Oh, right. I don’t know, he made me out to be a lot more than I am,” Frank shrugs.

“Patrick calls it the way he sees it. I tend to agree with him on most accounts.”

“Really?” Frank asks, feeling honored beyond words, so he doesn’t have anything more to say other than his voice of astonishment.

“Yeah,” Gerard says, “you’re good. You’re something special. You’ve probably heard that a lot in your life. Player like you, you probably never cease to hear it. But that doesn’t make it untrue. Actually, however much you’ve heard it probably only makes the message stronger. The skies the limit for you, Frank, you know that, don’t you?”

“It’s been said,” Frank says, which is a bit of an understatement. It’s quite a hindrance to be told at every turn that you’re one of the best. You would expect it to be a propellant, to make one strive for more because you know you can reach it. It’s more of a weight than it is a motivator, though. When everyone believes so much of you, all the weight in the entire world is on your shoulders to live up to that. Living up to infinite praise is not only hard, but when it keeps on being layered upon, it becomes impossible. You can’t live up to an endless amount of expectations.

Still, Frank has a lot of confidence in himself. He knows that he can only ever be the best that he can be, anymore isn’t possible when you give something your all. And Frank intends to give his all, because it’s all he’s got to give. Hopefully, he’ll be able to live up to what everyone expects of him, but if he doesn’t, at least he did his best, and really, that’s what matters.

“Who’s your favorite hockey player? And don’t say Gretzky.”

“Um, well, I mean, I’d be lying if I didn’t at least include him, but probably Ovechkin.”

“Ovechkin?” Gerard asks, “he’s not even a Jersey player?”

“No,” Frank says, shaking his head. “I’ll be honest with you, I first liked him because I thought his name was funny. I used to call him Oven Chicken. My mom still does, just to pick on me, she calls him that.”

“That’s kind of adorable, and also makes me want to punch you in the face?”

“Yeah,” Frank nods, “Well, I mean that was why I originally liked him. Then I actually saw the Capitals play the Devils, and I dunno he just kind of blew me away. He was new back then, so this was about ten years ago, I was probably eight, if that. There’s something about him you know? And it’s not just because he’s like the best fucking goal scorer who’s still active. He’s just fucking good, ya know? Fucking amazing. There’s something about watching him play, oh my god. It’s like watching Jesus walk on water.”

Gerard bites his lip, because sometimes Frank is too irresistible. He has to bite his lip to remind himself that this boy isn’t his. He doesn’t just get to kiss the shit out of him when he’s being cute, though he wishes with all of his heart he could. To be fair, if Gerard were to kiss Frank every time he’s being cute, he’d literally never stop.

“You’re left wing too, I guess it makes sense why you’d admire him,” Gerard shrugs, trying to be cool. Internally, all he’s thinking about is how much he’d like it if Frank weren’t wearing clothes, but he’s trying to get past that. Gerard is not as strong as he would like to believe he is, however.

“What were you, when you played?” Frank asks.

“Defenseman,” Gerard says. “Not a very good one, though.”

“That’s not what I hear,” Frank says, shaking his head.

“Well, you’ve heard wrong.”

“You’re just being modest,” Frank says, and seriously, Frank better fucking stop with that or Gerard’s going to fall into a hole and die there. He wants to make out with the boy, but he also wants to punch him in the face half of the time because of the fact that he’s so perfect and yet Gerard can’t have him. He wouldn’t, obviously, because he doesn’t want to damage that beautiful fucking face of his, but it’s a real problem he’s been having.

“Well, you’ll never be able to prove otherwise,” Gerard says. Frank sighs. He would really love to see Gerard on the ice someday. He can’t even picture it, Gerard’s just so awkward and kind of bumbles around everywhere he goes, which makes it hard to imagine that he was ever a hockey player, let alone one as good as people have been telling him.

“Alright, whatever you say,” Frank says, teasing him. Frank turns to look at him, after having stared for a little too long at the wall behind him. He can’t help himself from looking at Gerard’s lips for a couple of seconds before realizing what he’s doing. “So, who was your hockey hero growing up?”

“Oh, Scott Stevens. No question,” Gerard says.

“I couldn’t put my finger on why, but that makes a lot of sense,” Frank says, in response. Scott Stevens was probably the best player to have ever played for the New Jersey Devils, and they haven’t actually won it since he left.

“Mikey and I always liked him,” Gerard says, “and you know how it is, whoever your childhood hero is, it’s hard to move on.”

“That would probably explain why I never could get past my Mickey Mouse obsession,” Frank says, and Gerard snorts. Frank wants to die he’s so attracted to this man.

He wishes with all of his heart that Gerard was the gay one, and not Pete. Not that he has anything against Pete, it’s just that Pete’s not Gerard. Also, Pete’s got a boyfriend, so he really shouldn’t be attracted to the guy anyway, but even if he didn’t, Frank still likes Gerard. Gerard is still Gerard, and no matter how much he may will himself not to, it’s always going to be Gerard that he likes.

He’s not even a week into this school year and he’s already sold his soul to this boy.

The front doors open a moment later, and standing there is Pete, looking frazzled, and worried and very confused. Frank is surprised to see him, as he’d thought that Pete would hide away in his room until the game tonight, but since he’s standing right there, that’s obviously not the case.

“Frank!” Pete exclaims when he sets eyes on Frank, who looks to have been his ultimate target in the first place. Frank feels wary, not looking forward to this, even though he knew a conversation like this was inevitable, given what he witnessed not an hour earlier.

“H-hey Pete,” Frank says, feeling uncomfortable. He’s excited to tell Pete his own secret, but he’s also terrified.

“Can we… talk?” Pete asks, and Frank gets even more nervous by his words than he’d originally expected to feel. Pete’s probably going to guilt Frank into something, probably nothing bad, but Frank’s going to feel like an even bigger asshole than he’d already felt.

“If it’s about what I think it’s about, there’s no need,” Frank says, choosing his words carefully because Gerard is sitting right there beside him, and Gerard cannot know what it is they’re talking about. Frank gave Pete his word, and he intends to keep it.

“Frank please,” Pete asks, and Frank has trouble saying no to anyone, let alone someone who looks the way Pete does right now. Pete looks like a puppy that’s been left out in the rain. Frank half expects him to start whimpering, or purring or something equally as soul crushing.

“Alright fine,” Frank says standing up. He turns to look at Gerard who looks confused as all hell, and explains, “this is kind of a private matter. I’ll talk to you later, okay, Gerard?”

“Okay, whatever guys,” Gerard says, shrugging. Gerard’s not jealous. Not at all. That’s why it feels like lead is pumping through his veins and his fingernails are leaving half-moon shaped marks into the palm of his hand. Because he’s not jealous.

Pete guides them away from Gerard, and then out of the building which is not where Frank would be in an ideal world, but there’s nothing to be done of it now. He’s just an easily cold, tiny little man who wants to date Gerard.

Frank’s opening sentence is, “Pete, I’ve already forgotten about it, you don’t need to worry.” He stuffs his hands into his pockets, having forgotten how cold it actually was outside until he stepped into it.

Pete hesitates for a long moment, not saying or doing anything. He just looks around them to see if anyone is near. They’re standing just outside the hockey rink, in the cold air, but there’s no one else around them right now, probably because it’s not a transition time, when people are going every which way to get to their classes. The campus is just quiet and still right now, because even the people who don’t have classes right now are all inside taking advantage of the warmth.

“That’s not exactly what I wanted to talk about. It’s just that… well, I was just… nobody else knows. In the world, no one knows. Not my parents, not anyone. Just you, and Patrick.”

“Oh,” Frank says. That’s two more people than know Frank’s secret though. He’s almost jealous. He wishes he had a boyfriend, he’d give anything for that. Preferably Gerard. He tells himself not to be jealous of Pete, though, because there’s nothing more aggravating than being jealous of someone for being in relationship. It’s a corrosive, overwhelming feeling, not dissimilar to that feeling you get right before you can tell you’re about to fall out of a chair.

“I just… how uncomfortable with this are you?” Pete asks him.

“With what part?” Frank asks. There are many things he’s uncomfortable with. He doesn’t like being the person who barged in on Pete kissing Patrick. He’s doesn’t like being the only other person in the world who knows. He doesn’t like this conversation. He’s just uncomfortable.

“The whole… gay thing?” Pete asks.

“Oh,” Frank says, and he prefers that question to the others, because that’s the one thing he’s not uncomfortable with. “Not at all.”

“What? Really?”

“Yeah, no, not at all. The gay thing I’m cool with. Totally embarrassing myself by walking in on you two, that’s what I’m uncomfortable with. Being the only one who knows is the other part I’m not so crazy about.”

“So, you don’t mind?” Pete asks. “Sharing a locker room with… with a gay guy?”

“Not really,” Frank shrugs, and it’s the truth. That doesn’t bother him almost at all. Frank’s gay too, but he doesn’t make a habit of checking out half naked guys in the locker room. That’s a total invasion of their privacy and Frank being gay doesn’t automatically make him a pervert as well.

“You’re serious?” Pete asks, looking completely dumbfounded.

“Well, is Patrick your boyfriend?” Frank asks, and Pete looks around, worriedly, but there’s no one around to listen in.

“Y-yeah,” Pete nods, “for over two years.”

Two years?” Frank asks, aghast. That’s a long time to keep a relationship a secret. Frank’s never had any relationships to even keep secret, but that just seems unbelievable. Pete nods, though and Frank has to let that sink in. Pete’s been in a gay relationship for two whole fucking years. And he’s a hockey player. Maybe Frank could have something like that. With who, he doesn’t know, though he’s definitely got an idea, but having a relationship at all, while being a hockey player, that sounds amazing. Not the secretive part, but having any relationship at all is tantalizing. And two whole fucking years.

“Yeah, since like, the first month of college, really,” Pete says.

“Well,” Frank says, “if he’s your boyfriend than I don’t feel uncomfortable sharing a locker room with you.”

“Really?” Pete asks.

“Yeah,” Frank nods, “and, like, if you didn’t have a boyfriend, I still don’t think I’d be too uncomfortable. I mean, you’ve gotta change too, why should it matter if there are guys there?”

“That’s-” Pete starts, but he can’t find the words to finish his sentence, so instead what he does is just grab Frank and start hugging him, tightly. Frank doesn’t even know how to react, he just goes limp, and lets Pete hug him and he’s never done this before. He’s never hugged anyone besides his parents or relatives. It’s weird. It’s kind of nice though, being hugged by a friend.

Pete lets go a few moments later and then says, “that’s the best thing I’ve ever heard. I, do you think… do you think that the team would understand if I… if I came out?”

“I don’t know…” Frank says, because that he’s not too sure about. Frank is fine with Pete being gay, considering Frank is himself gay, but he wouldn’t tell his teammates that. Frank’s own sexuality is hidden almost solely because of his teammates, though he can’t tell Pete that without letting the cat out of the bag. For some reason, he doesn’t feel up to it yet. He needs to prepare himself a little bit more before he can tell Pete. He does think that he will eventually tell him, he just doesn’t want to do it right now, that’s all.

“You don’t think they’d understand?” Pete asks.

“I think some of them would,” Frank says, “definitely some of them. But not all of them. Can you just imagine Morgan knowing? You can’t get a perfect bingo. Some of them wouldn’t understand, and then the team would, well, it would fracture. Sides would be made. It would be a bomb thrown into the team.”

Frank’s considered this topic many times himself. He never really stops, come to think of it. There’s definitely no way that the entire team would be okay with it, no way that could ever happen ever. Some of them wouldn’t care, Frank’s sure, he’d probably have at least one or two, but one or two is not enough to make telling them worth it. It’s just not. He can’t pick and choose either, because then, what if he chooses the wrong person to tell and they end up revealing Frank’s secret to everyone? No, the only person he can tell for certain is Pete. Patrick as well, but Patrick’s not a part of the team.

“Really?” Pete asks.

“I mean, that’s what I would guess,” Frank shrugs, “sorry, I know it’s not what you want to hear, but that’s probably what would happen. I just don’t want, well, I don’t want you to ruin your hockey career over something like this. I get that it’s a big deal, believe me I do, but I don’t think you need to do that yet, not unless you were already considering quitting hockey.”

Pete nods, looking saddened by this, but he can’t deny that Frank makes a point. He’s probably right. What he doesn’t know is that Frank has considered this entire dilemma on countless occasions.

“I don’t want to quit hockey,” Pete says, shaking his head. “But I think you might be right. I just… well, I got my hopes up when you didn’t have a problem with it.”

“I’m not everyone,” Frank says, “I’m only me. You can’t make any bets that the rest of the team would understand.”

“Yeah,” Pete nods, and Frank can tell that he’s still super bummed, which sucks, because he wants to help him out but there’s nothing that he can actually do about it. He wishes he could change the way the world works. Completely fix all the problems that society has. If he could, he’d do it in a heartbeat. Sadly, though, the world is cruel and there’s not much that can be done about it.

“But Pete, like, I just don’t want you to think the world hates you, okay? Cause like, I don’t, and a lot of people don’t, and just because you can’t tell people, that doesn’t mean you’re wrong or anything,” Frank says.

Frank’s had several years to contemplate this internally, but he’s come to the conclusion that being gay isn’t wrong. Some people don’t like it, and they don’t understand it, but that doesn’t make it wrong Frank had to unlearn his own stigmas about being gay, but he’s finally comfortable with being gay as a fact about himself. He’s just not comfortable enough to share it with other people.

“Yeah,” Pete replies, looking like he’s on the verge of tears. Probably because of so many different things. “You’re a really good friend, Frank.”

“I…” Frank starts, but he doesn’t know how to respond to that. No one’s said that to him before, probably because he’s never actually had a real, honest to god, friend before. Pete would probably be the first official one he’s ever had, and that means a lot to him in more ways than one.

“It’s okay if that’s weird,” Pete says. “We’ve only known each other a few days. But you’re the only one in the world who knows my secret now, so, like, the fact that I actually feel like I can trust you with it, that’s more than I could ask for from someone I’ve known my entire life.”

“Pete, thanks,” Frank says. He neglects to include the part where Pete’s the only person who’s ever called Frank a friend before, because he feels like that might weird the guy out a little bit. Nevertheless, it means a lot to him.

Frank is really starting to warm up to this school.

Notes

Please leave a comment if you can, it means a lot, and thank you so much for reading!

Comments

life is too short to not read every single frerard fanfic you can find

trashcore trashcore
4/8/19

@Helena Hathaway
sorry, i may have phrased that wrong. i love the story and i can't wait for the next update.

@kobra-poison-ghoul
there was literally an update a week ago

best fic I've ever read! is there ever going to be an update?

This is one of the only fics I read anymore! I can’t wait for the update :)

Zero percentile Zero percentile
5/22/18