I'll let you go

Chapter 10
Franks p.o.v

I gasp for breath as I sit up in bed, my mind racing and my heart thumoning. I know this feeling; I’ve felt it all too often, almost every day for four years. I was having a panic attack, and I knew I couldn’t stop it.
I look frantically around the room, searching for Gerard. Then I finally remember him kissing me goodbye before he went to work, which sends me into more of a panic. I fumble to get up from the bed, having trouble standing on my jello legs.
I look around for my phone, finding it setting beside my bed, on it's charger. I fumble to get it, trying hard to get the passcode to it right.
Finally I open it and rush to click on Gerards number.
Ring.
Why am I calling him? He probably doesn’t care.
Ring.
Hang up. He’s working, you're not important.
Ring.
He doesn’t want to talk to you! Hang-
“Hello?” A confused voice asks me. My breathing is so heavy I’m sure he can hear it.
“G-Gerard, I can’t b-breathe.” I say, fumbling quite a bit with my words.
“What? Frank where are you? Why can't you breathe baby?” He asks, trying to stay calm. My breath gets faster, making it impossible to respond.
“Frank?! Babe, talk to me!” He says, his voice now panicked. I hear my door creak open to find Cherry standing in the doorway. My breathing gets even faster, making me focus on everything and anything at all time. Everything overwhelms me and just as I hear Gerard yell more into the phone, the floor rushes toward my face.
Then I’m not focusing on anything at all.
*
*
*
“Frank, Baby, please wake up!” I heard a scared, alarmed voice yell. I felt hands on my shoulders, shaking me as I leaned against this person's chest.
“Baby, wake up!” They continued to yell. I feel hair being swept out of my face and a soft kiss being pressed to my forehead. I groggily open my eyes, finding the brightness of my room a little too harsh. I then recognize the worried, angelic voice as Gee.
“Gerard?” I croak out, looking behind me. His worried creased face softens a I look at him, but not all the way.
“Oh baby, you scared me!” He says, relief clear in his voice.
“Sorry.” I say, slowly turning around to face him. He kisses my cheek softly, smiling worriedly at me.
“Don’t be baby. It's not your fault.” He says, reaching out to me and wrapping me into his arms. “Has your anxiety always been this bad?”
“Yeah.” I respond, my voice muffled because my head was dug into his neck.
“We should get you some medication….” He said thoughtfully making me frown.
“Where’s Cherry?” I ask, looking up at him.
“In the living room with Mikey.” He says picking me up bridal style, making me squeal.
“Gee! Put me down.” I say, squirming in his arms. He smirks and shakes his head, kissing my cheek lightly. I sigh, but smile a little. God, I love him.
“Why is Mikey here?” I ask, looking up at him.
“Oh, uh, I got really worried when you didn't answer me, so I called him, and he come straight over. He tried waking you up, but you wouldn’t, so I sent him in there with Cherry so I could try to wake you. Took a while.” He states, making me down. Fuck anxiety.
He carries me into the living room, setting me next to Mikey and Cherry.
“Daddy,” Cherry sobs, crawling over to me. “You scared me!” She sobs, wrapping her arms around me. I hold her tightly as I felt a pang of guilt go through me. Poor baby. I fucking would have been crying to, watching my dad pass out while shaking and hyperventilating.
“I’m sorry baby girl, I’m so sorry.” I say, rocking her back and forth in my arms. Mikey watches us sympathetically, his poker face forgotten.
I hated that look. I didn’t want any body’s sympathy, dammit. I didn’t want to be looked at like a wounded puppy, I wanted to be strong and self reliant.
Eventually her sobs calm and she falls asleep in my arms, tears still on her face.
“We're getting you an appointment with a psychiatrist so they can prescribe you anxiety pills.” Gerard says quietly, making me look over at him.
“I don’t want to be on pills.” I answer, making him sigh.
“I need you to be okay.” He whispers back, looking at his hands. I look up at him, surprised by his response.
“Why?” I ask, setting Cherry gently next to me and scooting by Gerard, taking his hands on mine.
“So I can be okay to.”
*
*
*
I fought it for a long time now
While drowning in a river of denial
I washed up, fixed up, picked up all my broken things
'Cause you left me, police tape, chalk line
Tequila shots in the dark scene of the crime
Suburban living with a feeling that I'm giving up
Everything for you

Notes

Hello my loves!
Hope you all had a good Christmas, beauties <3
xoxMay<3